CHAPTERI
Ifithadnotrainedon
một
acertainMaymorningValancyStirling’swholecuộc sống
lifewouldhavebeenentirelykhác
different.Shewouldhavegone,
với
withtherestofherclan,toAuntWellington’sengagementpicnicvà
andDr.TrentwouldhavegonetoMontreal.Nhưng
Butitdidrainandyoushallnghe
hearwhathappenedtohervì
becauseofit.Valancywakenedearly,inthelifeless,hopeless
giờ
hourjustprecedingdawn.Shehadnotslept
rất
verywell.Onedoesnot
ngủ
sleepwell,sometimes,whenoneistwenty-nineonthemorrow,và
andunmarried,inacommunityvà
andconnectionwheretheunmarriedaresimplythosengười
whohavefailedtogetangười đàn ông
man.DeerwoodandtheStirlingshad
lâu
longsincerelegatedValancytohopelessgià
oldmaidenhood.ButValancyherselfhad
chưa bao giờ
neverquiterelinquishedacertainpitiful,shamed,nhỏ
littlehopethatRomancewouldcomeherwayyet—never,untilnày
thiswet,horriblemorning,whenshewakenedtothethực tế
factthatshewastwenty-ninevà
andunsoughtbyanyman.Ay,
đó
therelaythesting.Valancydidnot
tâm
mindsomuchbeingangià
oldmaid.Afterall,shethought,being
một
anoldmaidcouldn’tpossiblybeasdreadfulasbeingkết hôn
marriedtoanUncleWellingtonhoặc
oranUncleBenjamin,orthậm chí
evenanUncleHerbert.Whathurtherwasthatshehad
chưa bao giờ
neverhadachancetobeanythingbutangià
oldmaid.Nomanhadeverdesiredher.
Thetearscameintohereyesasshelaythere
mình
aloneinthefaintlygreyingdarkness.Shedarednotletherselfcryashardasshewanted
để
to,fortworeasons.Shewas
sợ
afraidthatcryingmightbringonanotherattackofrằng
thatpainaroundtheheart.Shehadhad
một
aspellofitaftershehadgotintobed—ratherworsehơn
thananyshehadhadyet.Và
Andshewasafraidhermẹ
motherwouldnoticeherredeyesatbreakfastvà
andkeepatherwithphút
minute,persistent,mosquito-likequestionsregardingthenguyên nhân
causethereof.“Suppose,”thoughtValancy
với
withaghastlygrin,“Iansweredvới
withtheplaintruth,‘Iamcryingvì
becauseIcannotgetmarried.’HowhorrifiedMẹ
Motherwouldbe—thoughsheisashamedmỗi
everydayofherlifeofhergià
oldmaiddaughter.”Butofcourseappearances
nên
shouldbekeptup.“Itisnot,”Valancycould
nghe
hearhermother’sprim,dictatorialvoiceasserting,“itisnotmaidenlytothinkvề
aboutmen.”Thethoughtofhermother’sexpressionmadeValancylaugh—forshehad
một
asenseofhumournobodyinherclansuspected.Forthat
vấn đề
matter,therewereagoodmanythingsvề
aboutValancythatnobodysuspected.Nhưng
Butherlaughterwasverysuperficialvà
andpresentlyshelaythere,một
ahuddled,futilelittlefigure,listeningtotherainpouringxuống
downoutsideandwatching,withmột
asickdistaste,thechill,mercilesslightcreepingintoherugly,sordidphòng
room.Sheknewtheuglinessofthat
phòng
roombyheart—knewitandhatedit.Theyellow-paintedfloor,
với
withonehideous,“hooked”rugbythegiường
bed,withagrotesque,“hooked”chó
dogonit,alwaysgrinningatherkhi
whensheawoke;thefaded,dark-redpaper;
những
theceilingdiscolouredbyoldleaksvà
andcrossedbycracks;thenarrow,pinched
nhỏ
littlewashstand;thebrown-paperlambrequin
với
withpurplerosesonit;thespotted
cũ
oldlooking-glasswiththecrackacrossnó
it,proppedupontheinadequatedressing-table;thejarofancientpotpourrimadebyher
mẹ
motherinhermythicalhoneymoon;theshell-coveredbox,
với
withoneburstcorner,whichCousinStickleshadmadeinherequallymythicalgirlhood;thebeadedpincushion
với
withhalfitsbeadfringegone;theonestiff,yellowchair;
những
thefadedoldmotto,“Gonenhưng
butnotforgotten,”workedincolouredyarnsvề
aboutGreat-grand-motherStirling’sgrimoldface;những
theoldphotographsofancientrelativeslâu
longbanishedfromtheroomsbelow.Có
Therewereonlytwopicturesthatwerenotofrelatives.One,an
già
oldchromoofapuppysittingonarainydoorstep.Đó
ThatpicturealwaysmadeValancyunhappy.Đó
Thatforlornlittledogcrouchedonthedoorstepinthedrivingrain!Sao
Whydidn’tsomeoneopenthecửa
doorandlethimin?The
kia
otherpicturewasafaded,passe-partoutedengravingofQueenLouisecomingxuống
downastairway,whichAuntWellingtonhadlavishlygivenheronhertenthbirthday.Fornineteenyearsshehadlookedatit
và
andhatedit,beautiful,smug,self-satisfiedQueenLouise.Nhưng
Butsheneverdareddestroyithoặc
orremoveit.MotherandCousinStickleswouldhavebeenaghast,
hoặc
or,asValancyirreverentlyexpresseditinherthoughts,wouldhavehadmột
afit.Everyroominthe
nhà
housewasugly,ofcourse.Nhưng
Butdownstairsappearanceswerekeptupsomewhat.Có
Therewasnomoneyforroomsai
nobodyeversaw.Valancysometimesfeltthatshecouldhavedonesomethingforher
phòng
roomherself,evenwithoutmoney,nếu
ifshewerepermitted.Buther
mẹ
motherhadnegativedeverytimidsuggestionvà
andValancydidnotpersist.Valancy
không bao giờ
neverpersisted.Shewasafraidto.
Her
mẹ
mothercouldnotbrookopposition.Mrs.Stirlingwouldsulkfordays
nếu
ifoffended,withtheairsofmột
aninsultedduchess.Theonly
điều
thingValancylikedaboutherphòng
roomwasthatshecouldbemình
alonethereatnighttocrynếu
ifshewantedto.But,
sau
afterall,whatdiditquan trọng
matterifaroom,whichyousử dụng
usedfornothingexceptsleepingvà
anddressingin,wereugly?Valancywas
không bao giờ
neverpermittedtostayaloneinherphòng
roomforanyotherpurpose.Peoplewhowantedtobe
mình
alone,soMrs.FrederickStirlingvà
andCousinSticklesbelieved,couldchỉ
onlywanttobealoneformột
somesinisterpurpose.Buther
phòng
roomintheBlueCastlewaseverythingmột
aroomshouldbe.Valancy,socowed
và
andsubduedandoverriddenandsnubbedinrealcuộc sống
life,waswonttoletherselfđi
gorathersplendidlyinherday-dreams.Ai
NobodyintheStirlingclan,hoặc
oritsramifications,suspectedthis,ít
leastofallhermothervà
andCousinStickles.Theyneverknew
rằng
thatValancyhadtwohomes—theuglyđỏ
redbrickboxofahome,onElmĐường
Street,andtheBlueCastleinSpain.ValancyhadlivedspirituallyintheBlueCastleever
từ
sinceshecouldremember.Shehadbeen
một
averytinychildwhenshefoundherselfpossessedofnó
it.Always,whensheshuthereyes,shecouldseeitplainly,
với
withitsturretsandbannersonthepine-cladmountainheight,wrappedinitsfaint,blueloveliness,chống lại
againstthesunsetskiesofmột
afairandunknownland.Everythingwonderful
và
andbeautifulwasinthatcastle.Jewels
mà
thatqueensmighthaveworn;robesofmoonlight
và
andfire;couchesofroses
và
andgold;longflightsofshallowmarblesteps,
với
withgreat,whiteurns,andvới
withslender,mist-cladmaidensgoinglên
upanddownthem;courts,marble-pillared,
nơi
whereshimmeringfountainsfellandnightingalessangamongthemyrtles;hallsofmirrorsthatreflected
chỉ
onlyhandsomeknightsandlovelywomen—herselfnhững
theloveliestofall,forwhoseglancemendied.Tất cả
Allthatsupportedherthroughnhững
theboredomofherdayswasnhững
thehopeofgoingonmột
adreamspreeatnight.Hầu hết
Most,ifnotall,ofnhững
theStirlingswouldhavediedofhorrornếu
iftheyhadknownhalfnhững
thethingsValancydidinherBlueCastle.Forone
thứ
thingshehadquiteafewloversinđó
it.Oh,onlyoneata
lần
time.Onewhowooedher
với
withalltheromanticardouroftheageofchivalryvà
andwonherafterlongdevotionvà
andmanydeedsofderring-do,và
andwasweddedtohervới
withpompandcircumstanceinthelớn
great,banner-hungchapeloftheBlueCastle.Attwelve,
này
thisloverwasafairladvới
withgoldencurlsandheavenlyblueeyes.Atfifteen,hewastall
và
anddarkandpale,butvẫn
stillnecessarilyhandsome.Attwenty,hewasascetic,dreamy,spiritual.
Attwenty-five,hehad
một
aclean-cutjaw,slightlygrim,và
andafacestrongandruggedratherhơn
thanhandsome.Valancynevergrewolder
hơn
thantwenty-fiveinherBlueCastle,nhưng
butrecently—veryrecently—herherohadhadreddish,tawnytóc
hair,atwistedsmileandmột
amysteriouspast.Idon’t
nói
sayValancydeliberatelymurderedtheseloversassheoutgrewhọ
them.Onesimplyfadedawayasanothercame.
Thingsare
rất
veryconvenientinthisrespectinBlueCastles.Nhưng
But,onthismorningofherdayoffate,ValancycouldnotfindthekeyofherBlueCastle.Realitypressedonher
quá
toohardly,barkingatherheelsnhư
likeamaddeninglittledog.Shewastwenty-nine,lonely,undesired,ill-favoured—the
duy nhất
onlyhomelygirlinahandsomeclan,withkhông
nopastandnofuture.Asfarasshecould
nhìn
lookback,lifewasdrabvà
andcolourless,withnotonesinglecrimsonhoặc
orpurplespotanywhere.Asfarasshecould
nhìn
lookforwarditseemedcertaintobechỉ
justthesameuntilshewasgì
nothingbutasolitary,littlewitheredleafclingingtomột
awintrybough.Themoment
khi
whenawomanrealisesthatshehasgì
nothingtolivefor—neitherlove,duty,purposenorhope—holdsforherthebitternessofdeath.“AndIjusthavetogoon
sống
livingbecauseIcan’tstop.I
có thể
mayhavetoliveeightyyears,”thoughtValancy,inmột
akindofpanic.“We’re
tất cả
allhorriblylong-lived.Itsickensmetothinkofit.”
Shewasgladitwasraining—orrather,shewasdrearilysatisfiedthatitwasraining.
Therewouldbe
không
nopicnicthatday.Thisannualpicnic,wherebyAunt
và
andUncleWellington—onealwaysthoughtoftheminđó
thatsuccession—inevitablycelebratedtheirengagementatmột
apicnicthirtyyearsbefore,hadbeen,oflateyears,một
averitablenightmaretoValancy.By
một
animpishcoincidenceitwasthecùng
samedayasherbirthdayvà
and,aftershehadpassedtwenty-five,ai
nobodyletherforgetit.Muchasshehatedgoingtothepicnic,itwould
không bao giờ
neverhaveoccurredtohertorebelchống lại
againstit.Thereseemedtobe
gì
nothingoftherevolutionaryinhernature.Và
Andsheknewexactlywhateveryonewouldnói
saytoheratthepicnic.Chú
UncleWellington,whomshedislikedvà
anddespisedeventhoughhehadfulfilledthehighestStirlingaspiration,“marryingmoney,”wouldnói
saytoherinapig’swhisper,“Notthinkingofgettingkết hôn
marriedyet,mydear?”andthen
đi
gooffintothebellowoflaughterwithwhichheinvariablyconcludedhisdullremarks.AuntWellington,ofwhomValancystoodinabjectawe,wouldtellher
về
aboutOlive’snewchiffondressvà
andCecil’slastdevotedletter.Valancywouldhavetolookaspleased
và
andinterestedasifthedressvà
andletterhadbeenhersorelseAuntWellingtonwouldbeoffended.Và
AndValancyhadlongagodecidedrằng
thatshewouldratheroffendChúa
GodthanAuntWellington,becauseChúa
GodmightforgiveherbutAuntWellingtonkhông bao giờ
neverwould.AuntAlberta,enormouslyfat,
với
withanamiablehabitofluôn luôn
alwaysreferringtoherhusbandas“he,”asifheweretheduy nhất
onlymalecreatureintheworld,người
whocouldneverforgetthatshehadbeenalớn
greatbeautyinheryouth,wouldcondolevới
withValancyonhersallowskin—.“Idon’t
biết
knowwhyallthegirlsofnay
todayaresosunburned.WhenIwas
một
agirlmyskinwasrosesvà
andcream.IwascountedtheprettiestgirlinCanada,mydear.”
Có lẽ
PerhapsUncleHerbertwouldn’tsayanything—orcó lẽ
perhapshewouldremarkjocularly,“Howfatyou’regetting,Doss!”Và
Andtheneverybodywouldlaughovertheexcessivelyhumorousý tưởng
ideaofpoor,scrawnylittleDossgettingfat.Handsome,solemn
Chú
UncleJames,whomValancydislikednhưng
butrespectedbecausehewasreputedtoberất
verycleverandwasthereforetheclanoracle—brainsbeingnonequá
tooplentifulintheStirlingconnection—wouldprobablyremarkvới
withtheowl-likesarcasmthathadwonhimhisreputation,“Isupposeyou’rebusyvới
withyourhope-chestthesedays?”Và
AndUncleBenjaminwouldaskmột
someofhisabominableconundrums,giữa
betweenwheezychuckles,andanswerthemhimself.“Whatisthedifference
giữa
betweenDossandamouse?“Themousewishestoharmthecheese
và
andDosswishestocharmthehe’s.”Valancyhadheardhim
hỏi
askthatriddlefiftytimesvà
andeverytimeshewantedtothrowgì
somethingathim.Butshe
không bao giờ
neverdid.Inthefirstplace,theStirlingssimplydidnotthrowthings;
inthe
thứ hai
secondplace,UncleBenjaminwasmột
awealthyandchildlessoldwidowervà
andValancyhadbeenbroughtupinthefearvà
andadmonitionofhismoney.Nếu
Ifsheoffendedhimhewouldcắt
cutheroutofhiswill—supposingshewereinđó
it.Valancydidnotwanttobecutoutof
Chú
UncleBenjamin’swill.Shehadbeen
nghèo
poorallherlifeandknewthegallingbitternessofnó
it.Sosheenduredhisriddles
và
andevensmiledtorturedlittlesmilesoverhọ
them.AuntIsabel,downrightanddisagreeableasaneastwind,wouldcriticiseherinsomeway—Valancycouldnotpredict
chỉ
justhow,forAuntIsabelkhông bao giờ
neverrepeatedacriticism—shefoundsomethingmới
newwithwhichtojabyoumỗi
everytime.AuntIsabelpridedherselfonsayingwhatshethought,
nhưng
butdidn’tlikeitsowellkhi
whenotherpeoplesaidwhattheythoughttoher.Valancy
không bao giờ
neversaidwhatshethought.CousinGeorgiana—namedafterhergreat-great-grand-mother,whohadbeennamedafterGeorge
các
theFourth—wouldrecountdolorouslythenamesoftất cả
allrelativesandfriendswhohaddiedtừ
sincethelastpicnicandwonder“whichofussẽ
willbethefirsttođi
gonext.”Oppressivelycompetent,AuntMildredwouldtalkendlesslyofher
chồng
husbandandherodiousprodigiesofbabiestoValancy,becauseValancywouldbenhững
theonlyoneshecouldfindtoputupvới
withit.Forthesame
lý do
reason,CousinGladys—reallyFirstCousinGladystừng
onceremoved,accordingtothestrictcách
wayinwhichtheStirlingstabulatedrelationship—atall,thinphụ nữ
ladywhoadmittedshehadmột
asensitivedisposition,woulddescribeminutelythetorturesofherneuritis.Và
AndOlive,thewondergirlofthewholeStirlingclan,người
whohadeverythingValancyhadnot—beauty,popularity,love,—wouldshowoffherbeautyvà
andpresumeonherpopularityvà
andflauntherdiamondinsigniaofloveinValancy’sdazzled,enviouseyes.Có
Therewouldbenoneofallnày
thistoday.Andtherewouldbe
không
nopackingupofteaspoons.ThepackingupwasalwaysleftforValancy
và
andCousinStickles.Andonce,
sáu
sixyearsago,asilverteaspoonfromAuntWellington’sweddingbộ
sethadbeenlost.Valancy
không bao giờ
neverheardthelastofđó
thatsilverteaspoon.ItsghostappearedBanquo-likeat
mỗi
everysubsequentfamilyfeast.Oh,
vâng
yes,Valancyknewexactlywhatthepicnicwouldbenhư
likeandsheblessedtherainthathadsavedherfromnó
it.Therewouldbenopicnicthis
năm
year.IfAuntWellingtoncouldnotcelebrateonthesacreddayitselfshewould
có
havenocelebrationatall.Cảm ơn
Thankwhatevergodstherewereforthat.Vì
Sincetherewouldbenopicnic,Valancymadelên
uphermindthat,iftherainheldlên
upintheafternoon,shewouldđi
gouptothelibraryvà
andgetanotherofJohnFoster’sbooks.Valancywas
không bao giờ
neverallowedtoreadnovels,nhưng
butJohnFoster’sbookswerenotnovels.Theywere“naturebooks”—so
những
thelibrariantoldMrs.FrederickStirling—“allvề
aboutthewoodsandbirdsvà
andbugsandthingslikeđó
that,youknow.”SoValancywasallowedto
đọc
readthem—underprotest,foritwaschỉ
onlytooevidentthatsheenjoyedthemquá
toomuch.Itwaspermissible,
thậm chí
evenlaudable,toreadtoimproveyourmindvà
andyourreligion,butabookthatwasenjoyablewasdangerous.Valancydidnot
biết
knowwhetherhermindwasbeingimprovedhay
ornot;butshefeltvaguely
rằng
thatifshehadcomeacrossJohnFoster’sbooksyearstrước
agolifemighthavebeenmột
adifferentthingforher.Theyseemedtohertoyieldglimpsesof
một
aworldintowhichshemighttừng
oncehaveentered,thoughthedoorwasforeverbarredtoherbây giờ
now.Itwasonlywithin
các
thelastyearthatJohnFoster’sbookshadbeenincác
theDeerwoodlibrary,thoughthelibrariantoldValancyrằng
thathehadbeenawell-knownwriterforseveralyears.“Wheredoeshelive?”
Valancyhadasked.
“Nobodyknows.
Fromhisbookshe
phải
mustbeaCanadian,butkhông
nomoreinformationcanbehad.Hispublisherswon’t
nói
sayaword.QuitelikelyJohnFosteris
một
anomdeplume.Hisbooksaresopopularwecan’t
giữ
keeptheminatall,thoughIthực sự
reallycan’tseewhatpeoplefindinthemtoraveover.”“Ithinkthey’rewonderful,”saidValancy,timidly.
“Oh—well—”
MissClarksonsmiledin
một
apatronisingfashionthatrelegatedValancy’sopinionstolimbo,“Ican’tnói
sayIcaremuchforbugsmyself.Nhưng
ButcertainlyFosterseemstobiết
knowallthereistobiết
knowaboutthem.”Valancydidn’t
biết
knowwhethershecaredmuchforbugseither.ItwasnotJohnFoster’suncannyknowledgeofwildcreatures
và
andinsectlifethatenthralledcô
her.Shecouldhardlysaywhatitwas—sometantalisinglureof
một
amysteryneverrevealed—somehintofmột
agreatsecretjustachút
littlefurtheron—somefaint,elusiveechooflovely,forgottenthings—JohnFoster’smagicwasindefinable.Vâng
Yes,shewouldgetamới
newFosterbook.Itwas
một
amonthsinceshehadThistleHarvest,sosurelyMẹ
Mothercouldnotobject.Valancyhad
đọc
readitfourtimes—sheknewwholepassagesoffbyheart.And—she
gần
almostthoughtshewouldgovà
andseeDr.Trentaboutrằng
thatqueerpainaroundtheheart.Ithadcomeratheroftenlately,
và
andthepalpitationswerebecomingannoying,nottonói
speakofanoccasionaldizzykhoảnh khắc
momentandaqueershortnessofbreath.Nhưng
Butcouldshegotoseehimkhông
withouttellinganyone?Itwas
một
amostdaringthought.NoneoftheStirlingseverconsulted
một
adoctorwithoutholdingagia đình
familycouncilandgettingUncleJames’approval.Then,theywenttoDr.AmbroseMarshofPortLawrence,
người
whohadmarriedSecondCousinAdelaideStirling.Nhưng
ButValancydislikedDr.AmbroseMarsh.Và
And,besides,shecouldnotđưa
gettoPortLawrence,fifteenmilesxa
away,withoutbeingtakenthere.Shedidnot
muốn
wantanyonetoknowvề
aboutherheart.Therewouldbesuch
một
afussmadeandeverymemberofnhững
thefamilywouldcomedownvà
andtalkitoverandadvisehervà
andcautionherandwarnhervà
andtellherhorribletalesofgreat-auntsvà
andcousinsfortytimesremovedngười
whohadbeen“justlikethat”và
and“droppeddeadwithoutamoment’swarning,mydear.”AuntIsabelwould
nhớ
rememberthatshehadalwayssaidDosslookedlikemột
agirlwhowouldhavetim
hearttrouble—“sopinchedandpeakedalways”;và
andUncleWellingtonwouldtakeitasmột
apersonalinsult,when“noStirlingeverhadtim
heartdiseasebefore”;andGeorgianawouldforebodeinperfectlyaudibleasides
rằng
that“poor,dearlittleDossisn’tlâu
longforthisworld,I’mafraid”;và
andCousinGladyswouldsay,“Why,myhearthasbeennhư
likethatforyears,”inatonerằng
thatimpliednooneelsehadbất kỳ
anybusinesseventohaveaheart;và
andOlive—Olivewouldmerelylookđẹp
beautifulandsuperioranddisgustinglyhealthy,asiftonói
say,“Whyallthisfussovermột
afadedsuperfluitylikeDosskhi
whenyouhaveme?”Valancyfelt
rằng
thatshecouldn’ttellanybodyunlessshehadto.Shefelt
khá
quitesuretherewasnothingattất cả
allseriouslywrongwithherheartvà
andnoneedofallcác
thepotherthatwouldensuenếu
ifshementionedit.ShewouldjustslipupquietlyandseeDr.Trent
đó
thatveryday.Asforhisbill,shehadthe
hai
twohundreddollarsthathercha
fatherhadputinthebankforherthengày
dayshewasborn.Shewas
không bao giờ
neverallowedtouseeventheinterestofnày
this,butshewouldsecretlytakera
outenoughtopayDr.Trent.Dr.
Trentwas
một
agruff,outspoken,absent-mindedoldfellow,nhưng
buthewasarecognisedauthorityontim
heartdisease,evenifhewerechỉ
onlyageneralpractitionerinout-of-the-worldDeerwood.Dr.Trentwas
hơn
overseventyandtherehadbeenrumoursrằng
thathemeanttoretiresớm
soon.NoneoftheStirlingclanhadevergonetohim
từ
sincehehadtoldCousinGladys,mười
tenyearsbefore,thatherneuritiswastất cả
allimaginaryandthatsheenjoyednó
it.Youcouldn’tpatronisea
bác sĩ
doctorwhoinsultedyourfirst-cousin-once-removednhư
likethat—nottomentionthathewasmột
aPresbyterianwhenalltheStirlingswenttocác
theAnglicanchurch.CHAPTERII
Khi
WhenCousinSticklesknockedathercửa
door,Valancyknewitwashalf-pastsevenvà
andshemustgetup.As
miễn
longasshecouldremember,CousinStickleshadknockedathercửa
doorathalf-pastseven.CousinStickles
và
andMrs.FrederickStirlinghadbeenupsinceseven,nhưng
butValancywasallowedtonằm
lieabedhalfanhourlongerbecauseofagia đình
familytraditionthatshewasdelicate.Valancygotup,thoughshehatedgettingupmore
đây
thismorningthanevershehadtrước
before.