CHAPTERI
Ifithadnotrainedonacertain
Травня
MaymorningValancyStirling’swholeжиття
lifewouldhavebeenentirelydifferent.Shewouldhavegone,with
на
therestofherclan,toТітки
AuntWellington’sengagementpicnicandDr.TrentwouldhavegonetoMontreal.Але
Butitdidrainandyoushallhearwhathappenedtoherbecauseofце
it.Valancywakenedearly,inthelifeless,hopelesshourjustpreceding
світанку
dawn.Shehadnotslept
дуже
verywell.Onedoesnot
спати
sleepwell,sometimes,whenoneistwenty-nineonthemorrow,і
andunmarried,inacommunityі
andconnectionwheretheunmarriedareпросто
simplythosewhohavefailedtogetaman.Deerwood
і
andtheStirlingshadlongsincerelegatedValancytohopelessстарого
oldmaidenhood.ButValancyherselfhad
ніколи не
neverquiterelinquishedacertainpitiful,shamed,littleнадії
hopethatRomancewouldcomeherwayyet—never,untilthiswet,horribleранку
morning,whenshewakenedtothefactщо
thatshewastwenty-nineandunsoughtbyanyman.Ay,
там
therelaythesting.Valancydidnotmindsomuchbeingan
старий
oldmaid.Afterall,shethought,beinganoldmaidcouldn’tpossiblybeasdreadfulasbeingmarriedtoanUncleWellington
або
oranUncleBenjamin,orнавіть
evenanUncleHerbert.What
боляче
hurtherwasthatshehadніколи не
neverhadachancetobeanythingbutanoldmaid.Не
Nomanhadeverdesiredнеї
her.Thetearscameintohereyesasshelay
там
therealoneinthefaintlygreyingdarkness.Shedarednotletherself
плакати
cryashardasshewantedto,forдвох
tworeasons.Shewasafraid
що
thatcryingmightbringonще один
anotherattackofthatpainнавколо
aroundtheheart.Shehadhada
заклинання
spellofitaftershehadgotintobed—ratherгірше
worsethananyshehadhadще
yet.Andshewasafraidher
мати
motherwouldnoticeherredeyesatbreakfastі
andkeepatherwithminute,persistent,mosquito-likequestionsregardingthecausethereof.“Suppose,”thoughtValancywithaghastlygrin,“Iansweredwiththeplaintruth,‘Iamcrying
тому
becauseIcannotgetmarried.’Як
HowhorrifiedMotherwouldbe—thoughsheisashamedкожен
everydayofherlifeofheroldmaiddaughter.”Але
Butofcourseappearancesshouldbekeptup.“Itisnot,”Valancycouldhearhermother’sprim,dictatorial
голос
voiceasserting,“itisnotmaidenlytoдумати
thinkaboutmen.”Thethoughtofhermother’s
вираз
expressionmadeValancylaugh—forshehadaпочуття
senseofhumournobodyinherclansuspected.For
які
thatmatter,therewereagoodбагато
manythingsaboutValancythatніхто не
nobodysuspected.Butherlaughterwas
дуже
verysuperficialandpresentlyshelayтам
there,ahuddled,futilelittleфігура
figure,listeningtotherainpouringdownoutsideі
andwatching,withasickdistaste,thechill,mercilessсвітло
lightcreepingintoherugly,sordidroom.Sheknewtheuglinessofthatroombyheart—knewit
і
andhatedit.Theyellow-paintedfloor,
з
withonehideous,“hooked”rugbytheліжка
bed,withagrotesque,“hooked”dogonit,завжди
alwaysgrinningatherwhensheawoke;thefaded,dark-red
папір
paper;theceilingdiscolouredby
старі
oldleaksandcrossedbycracks;thenarrow,pinched
маленький
littlewashstand;thebrown-paperlambrequin
з
withpurplerosesonit;thespotted
старий
oldlooking-glasswiththecrackчерез
acrossit,proppedupontheinadequatedressing-table;thejarofancientpotpourrimadebyher
матір'ю
motherinhermythicalhoneymoon;theshell-coveredbox,
з
withoneburstcorner,whichCousinStickleshadmadeinherequallymythicalgirlhood;thebeadedpincushion
з
withhalfitsbeadfringegone;the
один
onestiff,yellowchair;thefadedoldmotto,“Gone
але
butnotforgotten,”workedincolouredyarnsпро
aboutGreat-grand-motherStirling’sgrimoldface;the
старі
oldphotographsofancientrelativeslongbanishedfromtheroomsнижче
below.Therewereonlytwopictures
які
thatwerenotofrelatives.One,an
старий
oldchromoofapuppysittingonarainydoorstep.Thatpicture
завжди
alwaysmadeValancyunhappy.Thatforlorn
маленький
littledogcrouchedonthedoorstepinthedrivingдощем
rain!Whydidn’tsomeoneopenthe
двері
doorandlethimin?Theother
картина
picturewasafaded,passe-partoutedengravingofQueenLouisecomingdownastairway,whichТітка
AuntWellingtonhadlavishlygivenheronhertenthдень народження
birthday.Fornineteenyearsshehadlookedatit
і
andhatedit,beautiful,smug,self-satisfiedQueenLouise.Але
Butsheneverdareddestroyitабо
orremoveit.Motherand
Двоюрідний брат
CousinStickleswouldhavebeenaghast,або
or,asValancyirreverentlyexpresseditinherthoughts,wouldhavehadafit.Кожна
Everyroominthehousewasugly,ofзвичайно
course.Butdownstairsappearanceswerekeptupsomewhat.
Therewas
не
nomoneyforroomsnobodyeversaw.Valancy
іноді
sometimesfeltthatshecouldhavedoneщось
somethingforherroomherself,навіть
evenwithoutmoney,ifshewerepermitted.Але
Buthermotherhadnegativedкожну
everytimidsuggestionandValancydidnotpersist.Valancy
ніколи не
neverpersisted.Shewasafraidto.
Her
мати
mothercouldnotbrookopposition.Mrs.Stirlingwouldsulkfordaysifoffended,withtheairsofaninsultedduchess.
TheonlythingValancylikedabouther
кімнаті
roomwasthatshecouldbealoneтам
thereatnighttocryякщо
ifshewantedto.But,afterall,whatdiditmatter
якщо
ifaroom,whichyouusedfornothingexceptsleepingі
anddressingin,wereugly?Valancywas
ніколи не
neverpermittedtostayaloneinherкімнаті
roomforanyotherpurpose.Люди
Peoplewhowantedtobeнаодинці
alone,soMrs.FrederickStirlingі
andCousinSticklesbelieved,couldлише
onlywanttobealoneforsomesinisterмети
purpose.ButherroomintheBlue
Замку
Castlewaseverythingaroomshouldbe.Valancy,socowedandsubduedandoverriddenandsnubbedinreal
житті
life,waswonttoletherselfgorathersplendidlyinherday-dreams.NobodyintheStirlingclan,oritsramifications,suspected
цього
this,leastofallherмати
motherandCousinStickles.They
ніколи не
neverknewthatValancyhadдва
twohomes—theuglyredbrickboxofahome,onElmСтріт
Street,andtheBlueCastleinSpain.ValancyhadlivedspirituallyintheBlue
Замку
Castleeversinceshecouldremember.Shehadbeena
дуже
verytinychildwhenshefoundherselfpossessedofit.Always,
коли
whensheshuthereyes,shecouldseeitplainly,withitsturretsі
andbannersonthepine-cladmountainheight,wrappedinitsfaint,blueloveliness,againstthesunsetskiesofafairі
andunknownland.Everythingwonderful
і
andbeautifulwasinthatзамку
castle.Jewelsthatqueensmighthaveworn;
robesofmoonlight
і
andfire;couchesofroses
і
andgold;longflightsofshallowmarblesteps,withgreat,whiteurns,
і
andwithslender,mist-cladmaidensgoingupі
anddownthem;courts,marble-pillared,
куди
whereshimmeringfountainsfellandnightingalessangсеред
amongthemyrtles;hallsofmirrors
які
thatreflectedonlyhandsomeknightsі
andlovelywomen—herselftheloveliestofусіх
all,forwhoseglancemendied.Все
Allthatsupportedherthroughtheboredomofherdayswastheнадія
hopeofgoingonadreamspreeatвночі
night.Most,ifnotall,oftheStirlingswouldhavediedof
жаху
horroriftheyhadknownhalfthethingsValancydidinherBlueЗамку
Castle.Foronethingshehad
досить
quiteafewloversinit.Oh,
тільки
onlyoneatatime.One
хто
whowooedherwithalltheromanticardouroftheвіку
ageofchivalryandwonherпісля
afterlongdevotionandmanydeedsofderring-do,і
andwasweddedtoherwithpompі
andcircumstanceinthegreat,banner-hungchapeloftheBlueЗамку
Castle.Attwelve,thisloverwasafairlad
з
withgoldencurlsandheavenlyblueeyes.Atfifteen,hewastall
і
anddarkandpale,butвсе одно
stillnecessarilyhandsome.Attwenty,hewasascetic,dreamy,spiritual.
Attwenty-five,hehadaclean-cutjaw,
трохи
slightlygrim,andafacestrongandruggedratherthanhandsome.Valancy
ніколи не
nevergrewolderthantwenty-fiveinherBlueЗамку
Castle,butrecently—veryrecently—herherohadhadreddish,tawnyволосся
hair,atwistedsmileandamysteriouspast.Idon’t
кажу
sayValancydeliberatelymurderedtheseloversassheoutgrewїх
them.Onesimplyfadedawayasanothercame.
Thingsare
дуже
veryconvenientinthisrespectinBlueCastles.Але
But,onthismorningofherдень
dayoffate,Valancycouldnotfindtheключа
keyofherBlueCastle.Реальність
Realitypressedonhertoohardly,barkingatherheelsяк
likeamaddeninglittledog.Shewastwenty-nine,lonely,undesired,ill-favoured—theonlyhomelygirlinahandsomeclan,with
без
nopastandnofuture.Asfarasshecouldlook
назад
back,lifewasdrabandcolourless,withnotonesinglecrimsonабо
orpurplespotanywhere.Asfarasshecould
дивитися
lookforwarditseemedcertaintobejustthesameuntilshewasnothingbutasolitary,маленький
littlewitheredleafclingingtoawintrybough.The
момент
momentwhenawomanrealisesщо
thatshehasnothingtoжити
livefor—neitherlove,duty,purposeні
norhope—holdsforherthebitternessofсмерті
death.“AndIjusthavetogoonliving
тому
becauseIcan’tstop.Imayhavetoliveeightyyears,”thoughtValancy,inakindof
паніці
panic.“We’reallhorriblylong-lived.
Itsickensmeto
думаю
thinkofit.”Shewas
рада
gladitwasraining—orrather,shewasdrearilysatisfiedщо
thatitwasraining.Therewouldbe
не
nopicnicthatday.This
щорічний
annualpicnic,wherebyAuntandUncleWellington—oneзавжди
alwaysthoughtoftheminthatsuccession—inevitablycelebratedtheirengagementatapicnicthirtyyearsbefore,hadbeen,oflateyears,averitablenightmaretoValancy.Byanimpishcoincidenceitwasthe
той же
samedayasherbirthdayі
and,aftershehadpassedtwenty-five,ніхто не
nobodyletherforgetit.Muchasshehatedgoingto
на
thepicnic,itwouldneverhaveoccurredtohertorebelпроти
againstit.Thereseemedtobe
нічого
nothingoftherevolutionaryinhernature.І
Andsheknewexactlywhatкожен
everyonewouldsaytoheratthepicnic.Дядько
UncleWellington,whomshedislikedі
anddespisedeventhoughhehadfulfilledthehighestStirlingaspiration,“marryingmoney,”wouldsaytoherinapig’swhisper,“Notthinkingofgettingmarriedyet,mydear?”а
andthengooffintothebellowoflaughterwithwhichheinvariablyconcludedhisнудні
dullremarks.AuntWellington,ofwhomValancystoodinabjectawe,wouldtellher
про
aboutOlive’snewchiffondressта
andCecil’slastdevotedletter.Valancywouldhaveto
виглядати
lookaspleasedandinterestedasiftheсукня
dressandletterhadbeenhersorelseТітка
AuntWellingtonwouldbeoffended.AndValancyhadlong
давно
agodecidedthatshewouldratheroffendGodніж
thanAuntWellington,becauseGodmightforgiveherbutAuntWellingtonneverwould.Тетя
AuntAlberta,enormouslyfat,withanamiablehabitofзавжди
alwaysreferringtoherhusbandas“he,”asifheweretheonlymalecreatureintheсвіті
world,whocouldneverforgetthatshehadbeenagreatкрасою
beautyinheryouth,wouldcondolewithValancyonhersallowшкірі
skin—.“Idon’tknowwhy
всі
allthegirlsoftodayaresosunburned.Коли
WhenIwasagirlmyшкіра
skinwasrosesandcream.IwascountedtheprettiestgirlinCanada,mydear.”
Можливо
PerhapsUncleHerbertwouldn’tsayanything—orможливо
perhapshewouldremarkjocularly,“Howfatyou’regetting,Doss!”І
Andtheneverybodywouldlaughнад
overtheexcessivelyhumorousideaofpoor,scrawnyмаленький
littleDossgettingfat.Handsome,solemn
Дядько
UncleJames,whomValancydislikedале
butrespectedbecausehewasreputedtobeverycleverі
andwasthereforetheclanoracle—brainsbeingnonetooplentifulintheStirlingconnection—wouldймовірно
probablyremarkwiththeowl-likesarcasmthathadwonhimhisрепутацію
reputation,“Isupposeyou’rebusywithyourhope-chestthesedays?”І
AndUncleBenjaminwouldaskдеякі
someofhisabominableconundrums,між
betweenwheezychuckles,andanswerthemhimself.“Whatisthe
різниця
differencebetweenDossandamouse?“The
миша
mousewishestoharmtheсиру
cheeseandDosswishestocharmthehe’s.”Valancyhadheardhimaskthatriddlefiftytimes
і
andeverytimeshewantedtoкинути
throwsomethingathim.Butsheneverdid.
Inthe
перше
firstplace,theStirlingssimplydidnotthrowthings;inthe
друге
secondplace,UncleBenjaminwasawealthyandchildlessoldwidowerandValancyhadbeenbroughtupinthefearandadmonitionofhisгрошима
money.Ifsheoffendedhimhewouldcutheroutofhiswill—supposingshewereinit.
ValancydidnotwanttobecutoutofUncleBenjamin’swill.
Shehadbeenpoor
все
allherlifeandknewthegallingbitternessofit.Sosheenduredhisriddles
і
andevensmiledtorturedlittlesmilesнад
overthem.AuntIsabel,downright
і
anddisagreeableasaneastвітер
wind,wouldcriticiseherinsomeway—Valancycouldnotпередбачити
predictjusthow,forAuntIsabelніколи не
neverrepeatedacriticism—shefoundщось
somethingnewwithwhichtojabyoueverytime.Тетя
AuntIsabelpridedherselfonsayingwhatshethought,але
butdidn’tlikeitsowellколи
whenotherpeoplesaidwhattheythoughttoїй
her.Valancyneversaidwhatshethought.
CousinGeorgiana—named
після
afterhergreat-great-grand-mother,whohadbeennamedпісля
afterGeorgetheFourth—wouldrecountdolorouslyна
thenamesofallrelativesі
andfriendswhohaddiedsinceна
thelastpicnicandwonder“whichofusбуде
willbethefirsttogonext.”Oppressivelycompetent,
Тетя
AuntMildredwouldtalkendlesslyofherhusbandі
andherodiousprodigiesofbabiestoValancy,тому
becauseValancywouldbetheonlyoneshecouldзнайти
findtoputupwithit.Forthe
ж
samereason,CousinGladys—reallyFirstCousinGladysколись
onceremoved,accordingtothestrictспособом
wayinwhichtheStirlingstabulatedrelationship—atall,тонка
thinladywhoadmittedshehadasensitivedisposition,woulddescribeminutelythetorturesofherneuritis.AndOlive,thewonder
дівчина
girlofthewholeStirlingclan,whohadвсе
everythingValancyhadnot—beauty,popularity,love,—wouldshowoffherкрасу
beautyandpresumeonherpopularityandflauntherdiamondinsigniaofкохання
loveinValancy’sdazzled,enviouseyes.Therewouldbenoneofall
цього
thistoday.Andtherewouldbe
не
nopackingupofteaspoons.Thepackingupwas
завжди
alwaysleftforValancyandCousinStickles.А
Andonce,sixyearsago,aсрібна
silverteaspoonfromAuntWellington’sweddingнабору
sethadbeenlost.Valancy
ніколи не
neverheardthelastofthatсрібної
silverteaspoon.ItsghostappearedBanquo-likeateverysubsequentfamilyfeast.
Oh,
так
yes,Valancyknewexactlywhatthepicnicwouldbeяк
likeandsheblessedtheдощ
rainthathadsavedherfromit.Therewouldbe
не
nopicnicthisyear.If
Тітка
AuntWellingtoncouldnotcelebrateonthesacredдень
dayitselfshewouldhaveне
nocelebrationatall.Thank
будь
whatevergodstherewereforthat.Оскільки
Sincetherewouldbenopicnic,Valancymadeuphermindщо
that,iftherainheldupintheвдень
afternoon,shewouldgouptothelibraryі
andgetanotherofJohnFoster’sbooks.Valancywas
ніколи не
neverallowedtoreadnovels,але
butJohnFoster’sbookswerenotnovels.Theywere“naturebooks”—sothelibrariantoldMrs.FrederickStirling—“all
про
aboutthewoodsandbirdsі
andbugsandthingslikethat,youknow.”SoValancywasallowedto
прочитати
readthem—underprotest,foritwasonlyнадто
tooevidentthatsheenjoyedthemнадто
toomuch.Itwaspermissible,
навіть
evenlaudable,toreadtoполіпшити
improveyourmindandyourreligion,але
butabookthatwasenjoyablewasdangerous.Valancydidnotknowwhetherher
розум
mindwasbeingimprovedornot;але
butshefeltvaguelythatifshehadcomeacrossJohnFoster’sbooksyearsтому
agolifemighthavebeenна
adifferentthingforher.Theyseemedtohertoyieldglimpsesofa
світ
worldintowhichshemightколись
oncehaveentered,thoughtheдвері
doorwasforeverbarredtohernow.Itwas
лише
onlywithinthelastyearщо
thatJohnFoster’sbookshadbeenintheDeerwoodlibrary,хоча
thoughthelibrariantoldValancyщо
thathehadbeenawell-knownwriterforseveralyears.“Wheredoeshelive?”
Valancyhadasked.
“Nobodyknows.
FromhisbookshemustbeaCanadian,
але
butnomoreinformationcanbehad.Hispublisherswon’tsaya
слова
word.QuitelikelyJohnFosterisanomdeplume.
Hisbooksareso
популярні
popularwecan’tkeeptheminatall,хоча
thoughIreallycan’tseewhatлюди
peoplefindinthemtoraveover.”“I
думаю
thinkthey’rewonderful,”saidValancy,timidly.“Oh—well—”
Міс
MissClarksonsmiledinapatronisingfashionthatrelegatedValancy’sopinionstolimbo,“Ican’tсказати
sayIcaremuchforbugsmyself.Але
ButcertainlyFosterseemstoзнати
knowallthereistoзнати
knowaboutthem.”Valancydidn’tknow
чи
whethershecaredmuchforbugseither.ItwasnotJohnFoster’suncanny
знання
knowledgeofwildcreaturesandкомах
insectlifethatenthralledher.Shecould
навряд
hardlysaywhatitwas—sometantalisinglureofна
amysteryneverrevealed—somehintofна
agreatsecretjustaтрохи
littlefurtheron—somefaint,elusiveechooflovely,forgottenthings—JohnFoster’sмагія
magicwasindefinable.Yes,shewouldgetanewFoster
книгу
book.Itwasamonth
з
sinceshehadThistleHarvest,soнапевно
surelyMothercouldnotobject.Valancyhadreadit
чотири
fourtimes—sheknewwholepassagesoffbyheart.And—she
майже
almostthoughtshewouldgoі
andseeDr.Trentaboutщо
thatqueerpainaroundtheсерця
heart.Ithadcomerather
часто
oftenlately,andthepalpitationswerebecomingannoying,nottospeakofanoccasionaldizzymomentі
andaqueershortnessofbreath.Але
Butcouldshegotoseehimwithouttellinganyone?Itwasamostdaringthought.
Жоден
NoneoftheStirlingseverconsultedadoctorбез
withoutholdingafamilycouncilі
andgettingUncleJames’approval.Then,theywenttoDr.AmbroseMarshof
Порт
PortLawrence,whohadmarriedSecondCousinAdelaideStirling.Але
ButValancydislikedDr.AmbroseMarsh.І
And,besides,shecouldnotgettoПорт
PortLawrence,fifteenmilesaway,без
withoutbeingtakenthere.Shedidnotwantanyonetoknow
про
aboutherheart.Therewouldbe
такий
suchafussmadeandeverymemberoftheсім'ї
familywouldcomedownandtalkitoverі
andadviseherandcautionherі
andwarnherandtellherhorribletalesofgreat-auntsі
andcousinsfortytimesremovedwhohadbeen“justlikethat”і
and“droppeddeadwithoutamoment’sпопередження
warning,mydear.”AuntIsabelwouldrememberthatshehad
завжди
alwayssaidDosslookedlikeaдівчина
girlwhowouldhavehearttrouble—“sopinchedі
andpeakedalways”;andUncleWellingtonwouldtakeitasapersonalinsult,
коли
when“noStirlingeverhadheartdiseasebefore”;і
andGeorgianawouldforebodeinідеально
perfectlyaudibleasidesthat“poor,dearмаленький
littleDossisn’tlongforцьому
thisworld,I’mafraid”;andCousinGladyswouldsay,“Why,my
серце
hearthasbeenlikethatforyears,”inaтоном
tonethatimpliednooneelsehadanybusinessнавіть
eventohaveaheart;andOlive—Olivewould
просто
merelylookbeautifulandsuperioranddisgustinglyhealthy,asiftosay,“Whyallця
thisfussoverafadedsuperfluitylikeDossколи
whenyouhaveme?”Valancyfelt
що
thatshecouldn’ttellanybodyякщо
unlessshehadto.Shefelt
цілком
quitesuretherewasnothingatallсерйозно
seriouslywrongwithherheartі
andnoneedofallthepotherщо
thatwouldensueifshementionedit.Shewould
просто
justslipupquietlyandseeDr.Trentthatveryдень
day.Asforhisbill,shehadthetwohundreddollarsthather
батько
fatherhadputintheбанк
bankforherthedayshewasborn.Shewas
ніколи не
neverallowedtouseeventheinterestofthis,але
butshewouldsecretlytakeoutдостатньо
enoughtopayDr.Trent.Dr.
Trentwasagruff,outspoken,absent-minded
старий
oldfellow,buthewasarecognisedauthorityonheartdisease,навіть
evenifhewereonlyageneralpractitionerinout-of-the-worldDeerwood.Dr.Trentwas
більше
overseventyandtherehadbeenrumoursщо
thathemeanttoretireскоро
soon.NoneoftheStirlingclanhadevergonetohimsincehehadtoldCousinGladys,
десять
tenyearsbefore,thatherneuritiswasallimaginaryі
andthatsheenjoyedit.Youcouldn’tpatroniseadoctorwhoinsultedyourfirst-cousin-once-removedlikethat—nottomentionthathewasaPresbyterian
коли
whenalltheStirlingswenttotheAnglicanцеркви
church.CHAPTERII
WhenCousinSticklesknockedather
двері
door,Valancyknewitwashalf-pastsevenandshemustgetup.Aslongasshecouldremember,
Двоюрідний брат
CousinStickleshadknockedatherдвері
doorathalf-pastseven.CousinStickles
і
andMrs.FrederickStirlinghadbeenupsinceseven,але
butValancywasallowedtolieabedhalfanhourlongerбо
becauseofafamilytraditionthatshewasdelicate.Valancygotup,
хоч
thoughshehatedgettingupбільше
morethismorningthanevershehadраніше
before.