CHAPTERI
Ifithadnotrainedonacertain
Травня
MaymorningValancyStirling’swholeжиття
lifewouldhavebeenentirelydifferent.Shewouldhavegone,with
на
therestofherclan,toAuntWellington’sengagementpicnicа
andDr.TrentwouldhavegonetoMontreal.Але
Butitdidrainandyoushallhearwhathappenedtoherbecauseofце
it.Valancywakenedearly,inthelifeless,hopelesshourjustprecedingdawn.
Shehadnotslept
дуже
verywell.Onedoesnot
спати
sleepwell,sometimes,whenoneistwenty-nineonthemorrow,і
andunmarried,inacommunityі
andconnectionwheretheunmarriedaresimplyті
thosewhohavefailedtogetaman.Deerwood
і
andtheStirlingshadlongsincerelegatedValancytohopelessстарого
oldmaidenhood.ButValancyherselfhad
ніколи не
neverquiterelinquishedacertainpitiful,shamed,littleнадії
hopethatRomancewouldcomeherwayyet—never,untilthiswet,horribleранку
morning,whenshewakenedtothefactщо
thatshewastwenty-nineandunsoughtbyanyman.Ay,
там
therelaythesting.Valancydidnotmindsomuchbeingan
старий
oldmaid.Afterall,shethought,beinganoldmaidcouldn’tpossiblybeasdreadfulasbeingmarriedtoanUncleWellington
або
oranUncleBenjamin,orнавіть
evenanUncleHerbert.What
боляче
hurtherwasthatshehadніколи не
neverhadachancetobeanythingbutanoldmaid.Не
Nomanhadeverdesiredнеї
her.Thetearscameintohereyesasshelay
там
therealoneinthefaintlygreyingdarkness.Shedarednotletherselfcryashardasshewantedto,for
двох
tworeasons.Shewasafraid
що
thatcryingmightbringonще один
anotherattackofthatpainнавколо
aroundtheheart.Shehadhadaspellofit
після
aftershehadgotintobed—ratherworseніж
thananyshehadhadще
yet.Andshewasafraidher
мати
motherwouldnoticeherredeyesatbreakfastі
andkeepatherwithminute,persistent,mosquito-likequestionsregardingthecausethereof.“Suppose,”thoughtValancywithaghastlygrin,“Iansweredwiththeplaintruth,‘Iamcrying
тому
becauseIcannotgetmarried.’Як
HowhorrifiedMotherwouldbe—thoughsheisashamedкожен
everydayofherlifeofheroldmaiddaughter.”Але
Butofcourseappearancesshouldbekeptup.“Itisnot,”Valancycouldhearhermother’sprim,dictatorialvoiceasserting,“itisnotmaidenlyto
думати
thinkaboutmen.”Thethoughtofhermother’sexpressionmadeValancylaugh—forshehadasenseofhumournobodyinherclansuspected.
For
які
thatmatter,therewereagoodбагато
manythingsaboutValancythatніхто не
nobodysuspected.Butherlaughterwas
дуже
verysuperficialandpresentlyshelayтам
there,ahuddled,futilelittlefigure,listeningtotherainpouringdownoutsideі
andwatching,withasickdistaste,thechill,mercilessсвітло
lightcreepingintoherugly,sordidroom.Sheknewtheuglinessofthatroombyheart—knewit
і
andhatedit.Theyellow-paintedfloor,
з
withonehideous,“hooked”rugbytheліжка
bed,withagrotesque,“hooked”dogonit,завжди
alwaysgrinningatherwhensheawoke;thefaded,dark-redpaper;
theceilingdiscolouredby
старі
oldleaksandcrossedbycracks;thenarrow,pinched
маленький
littlewashstand;thebrown-paperlambrequin
з
withpurplerosesonit;thespotted
старий
oldlooking-glasswiththecrackacrossit,proppedupontheinadequatedressing-table;thejarofancientpotpourrimadebyher
матір'ю
motherinhermythicalhoneymoon;theshell-coveredbox,
з
withoneburstcorner,whichCousinStickleshadmadeinherequallymythicalgirlhood;thebeadedpincushion
з
withhalfitsbeadfringegone;the
один
onestiff,yellowchair;thefadedoldmotto,“Gone
але
butnotforgotten,”workedincolouredyarnsпро
aboutGreat-grand-motherStirling’sgrimoldface;the
старі
oldphotographsofancientrelativeslongbanishedfromtheroomsbelow.Therewere
тільки
onlytwopicturesthatwerenotofrelatives.One,an
старий
oldchromoofapuppysittingonarainydoorstep.Thatpicture
завжди
alwaysmadeValancyunhappy.Thatforlorn
маленький
littledogcrouchedonthedoorstepinthedrivingrain!Чому
Whydidn’tsomeoneopentheдвері
doorandlethimin?Theotherpicturewasafaded,passe-partoutedengravingofQueenLouisecomingdownastairway,whichAuntWellingtonhadlavishlygivenheronhertenthbirthday.
Fornineteenyearsshehadlookedatit
і
andhatedit,beautiful,smug,self-satisfiedQueenLouise.Але
Butsheneverdareddestroyitабо
orremoveit.MotherandCousinStickleswouldhavebeenaghast,
або
or,asValancyirreverentlyexpresseditinherthoughts,wouldhavehadafit.Кожна
Everyroominthehousewasugly,ofзвичайно
course.Butdownstairsappearanceswerekeptupsomewhat.
Therewas
не
nomoneyforroomsnobodyeversaw.Valancy
іноді
sometimesfeltthatshecouldhavedoneщось
somethingforherroomherself,навіть
evenwithoutmoney,ifshewerepermitted.Але
Buthermotherhadnegativedкожну
everytimidsuggestionandValancydidnotpersist.Valancy
ніколи не
neverpersisted.Shewasafraidto.
Her
мати
mothercouldnotbrookopposition.Mrs.Stirlingwouldsulkfordaysifoffended,withtheairsofaninsultedduchess.
TheonlythingValancylikedabouther
кімнаті
roomwasthatshecouldbealoneтам
thereatnighttocryякщо
ifshewantedto.But,afterall,whatdiditmatter
якщо
ifaroom,whichyouusedfornothingexceptsleepingі
anddressingin,wereugly?Valancywas
ніколи не
neverpermittedtostayaloneinherкімнаті
roomforanyotherpurpose.Люди
Peoplewhowantedtobeнаодинці
alone,soMrs.FrederickStirlingі
andCousinSticklesbelieved,couldлише
onlywanttobealoneforsomesinisterpurpose.Але
ButherroomintheBlueCastlewaseverythingaroomshouldbe.Valancy,socowedandsubduedandoverriddenandsnubbedinreal
житті
life,waswonttoletherselfgorathersplendidlyinherday-dreams.NobodyintheStirlingclan,oritsramifications,suspected
цього
this,leastofallherмати
motherandCousinStickles.They
ніколи не
neverknewthatValancyhadдва
twohomes—theuglyredbrickboxofahome,onElmСтріт
Street,andtheBlueCastleinSpain.ValancyhadlivedspirituallyintheBlueCastleever
з
sinceshecouldremember.Shehadbeena
дуже
verytinychildwhenshefoundherselfpossessedofit.Always,
коли
whensheshuthereyes,shecouldseeitplainly,withitsturretsі
andbannersonthepine-cladmountainheight,wrappedinitsfaint,blueloveliness,againstthesunsetskiesofafairі
andunknownland.Everythingwonderful
і
andbeautifulwasinthatcastle.Jewels
які
thatqueensmighthaveworn;robesofmoonlight
і
andfire;couchesofroses
і
andgold;longflightsofshallowmarblesteps,withgreat,whiteurns,
і
andwithslender,mist-cladmaidensgoingupі
anddownthem;courts,marble-pillared,
куди
whereshimmeringfountainsfellandnightingalessangamongthemyrtles;hallsofmirrors
які
thatreflectedonlyhandsomeknightsі
andlovelywomen—herselftheloveliestofусіх
all,forwhoseglancemendied.Все
Allthatsupportedherthroughtheboredomofherdayswastheнадія
hopeofgoingonadreamspreeatвночі
night.Most,ifnotall,oftheStirlingswouldhavediedofhorror
якщо
iftheyhadknownhalfthethingsValancydidinherBlueCastle.Foronethingshehad
досить
quiteafewloversinit.Oh,
тільки
onlyoneatatime.One
хто
whowooedherwithalltheromanticardouroftheageofchivalryі
andwonherafterlongdevotionі
andmanydeedsofderring-do,і
andwasweddedtoherwithpompі
andcircumstanceinthegreat,banner-hungchapeloftheBlueCastle.Attwelve,
цей
thisloverwasafairladз
withgoldencurlsandheavenlyblueeyes.Atfifteen,hewastall
і
anddarkandpale,butвсе одно
stillnecessarilyhandsome.Attwenty,hewasascetic,dreamy,spiritual.
Attwenty-five,hehadaclean-cutjaw,slightlygrim,anda
обличчя
facestrongandruggedratherthanhandsome.Valancy
ніколи не
nevergrewolderthantwenty-fiveinherBlueCastle,але
butrecently—veryrecently—herherohadhadreddish,tawnyволосся
hair,atwistedsmileandamysteriouspast.Idon’t
кажу
sayValancydeliberatelymurderedtheseloversassheoutgrewїх
them.Onesimplyfadedawayasanothercame.
Thingsare
дуже
veryconvenientinthisrespectinBlueCastles.Але
But,onthismorningofherдень
dayoffate,ValancycouldnotfindthekeyofherBlueCastle.Realitypressedonher
надто
toohardly,barkingatherheelsяк
likeamaddeninglittledog.Shewastwenty-nine,lonely,undesired,ill-favoured—theonlyhomelygirlinahandsomeclan,with
без
nopastandnofuture.Asfarasshecouldlook
назад
back,lifewasdrabandcolourless,withnotonesinglecrimsonабо
orpurplespotanywhere.Asfarasshecould
дивитися
lookforwarditseemedcertaintobejustthesameuntilshewasnothingbutasolitary,маленький
littlewitheredleafclingingtoawintrybough.The
момент
momentwhenawomanrealisesщо
thatshehasnothingtoжити
livefor—neitherlove,duty,purposenorhope—holdsforherthebitternessofсмерті
death.“AndIjusthavetogoonliving
тому
becauseIcan’tstop.Imayhavetoliveeightyyears,”thoughtValancy,inakindofpanic.
“We’re
всі
allhorriblylong-lived.Itsickensmeto
думаю
thinkofit.”Shewasgladitwasraining—orrather,shewasdrearilysatisfied
що
thatitwasraining.Therewouldbe
не
nopicnicthatday.Thisannualpicnic,wherebyAuntandUncleWellington—one
завжди
alwaysthoughtoftheminthatsuccession—inevitablycelebratedtheirengagementatapicnicthirtyyearsbefore,hadbeen,oflateyears,averitablenightmaretoValancy.Byanimpishcoincidenceitwasthe
той же
samedayasherbirthdayі
and,aftershehadpassedtwenty-five,ніхто не
nobodyletherforgetit.Muchasshehatedgoingto
на
thepicnic,itwouldneverhaveoccurredtohertorebelпроти
againstit.Thereseemedtobe
нічого
nothingoftherevolutionaryinhernature.І
Andsheknewexactlywhatкожен
everyonewouldsaytoheratthepicnic.Дядько
UncleWellington,whomshedislikedі
anddespisedeventhoughhehadfulfilledthehighestStirlingaspiration,“marryingmoney,”wouldsaytoherinapig’swhisper,“Notthinkingofgettingmarriedyet,mydear?”а
andthengooffintothebellowoflaughterwithwhichheinvariablyconcludedhisdullremarks.AuntWellington,ofwhomValancystoodinabjectawe,wouldtellher
про
aboutOlive’snewchiffondressта
andCecil’slastdevotedletter.Valancywouldhaveto
виглядати
lookaspleasedandinterestedasifthedressі
andletterhadbeenhersorelseAuntWellingtonwouldbeoffended.AndValancyhadlong
давно
agodecidedthatshewouldratheroffendGodніж
thanAuntWellington,becauseGodmightforgiveherbutAuntWellingtonneverwould.AuntAlberta,enormouslyfat,withanamiablehabitof
завжди
alwaysreferringtoherhusbandas“he,”asifheweretheonlymalecreatureintheсвіті
world,whocouldneverforgetthatshehadbeenagreatbeautyinheryouth,wouldcondolewithValancyonhersallowskin—.“Idon’t
знаю
knowwhyallthegirlsoftodayaresosunburned.Коли
WhenIwasagirlmyskinwasrosesі
andcream.IwascountedtheprettiestgirlinCanada,mydear.”
Можливо
PerhapsUncleHerbertwouldn’tsayanything—orможливо
perhapshewouldremarkjocularly,“Howfatyou’regetting,Doss!”І
Andtheneverybodywouldlaughнад
overtheexcessivelyhumorousideaofpoor,scrawnyмаленький
littleDossgettingfat.Handsome,solemn
Дядько
UncleJames,whomValancydislikedале
butrespectedbecausehewasreputedtobeverycleverі
andwasthereforetheclanoracle—brainsbeingnonetooplentifulintheStirlingconnection—wouldймовірно
probablyremarkwiththeowl-likesarcasmthathadwonhimhisreputation,“Isupposeyou’rebusywithyourhope-chestthesedays?”І
AndUncleBenjaminwouldaskдеякі
someofhisabominableconundrums,між
betweenwheezychuckles,andanswerthemhimself.“Whatisthedifference
між
betweenDossandamouse?“Themousewishestoharmthecheese
а
andDosswishestocharmthehe’s.”Valancyhadheardhimaskthatriddlefiftytimes
і
andeverytimeshewantedtothrowщось
somethingathim.Butsheneverdid.
Inthe
перше
firstplace,theStirlingssimplydidnotthrowthings;inthe
друге
secondplace,UncleBenjaminwasawealthyandchildlessoldwidowerandValancyhadbeenbroughtupinthefearandadmonitionofhisгрошима
money.Ifsheoffendedhimhewouldcutheroutofhiswill—supposingshewereinit.
ValancydidnotwanttobecutoutofUncleBenjamin’swill.
Shehadbeenpoor
все
allherlifeandknewthegallingbitternessofit.Sosheenduredhisriddles
і
andevensmiledtorturedlittlesmilesнад
overthem.AuntIsabel,downright
і
anddisagreeableasaneastwind,wouldcriticiseherinsomeway—Valancycouldnotpredictjusthow,forAuntIsabelніколи не
neverrepeatedacriticism—shefoundщось
somethingnewwithwhichtojabyoueverytime.AuntIsabelpridedherselfonsayingwhatshethought,
але
butdidn’tlikeitsowellколи
whenotherpeoplesaidwhattheythoughttoїй
her.Valancyneversaidwhatshethought.
CousinGeorgiana—named
після
afterhergreat-great-grand-mother,whohadbeennamedпісля
afterGeorgetheFourth—wouldrecountdolorouslyна
thenamesofallrelativesі
andfriendswhohaddiedsinceна
thelastpicnicandwonder“whichofusбуде
willbethefirsttogonext.”Oppressivelycompetent,AuntMildredwouldtalkendlesslyofherhusband
і
andherodiousprodigiesofbabiestoValancy,тому
becauseValancywouldbetheonlyoneshecouldзнайти
findtoputupwithit.Forthe
ж
samereason,CousinGladys—reallyFirstCousinGladysколись
onceremoved,accordingtothestrictспособом
wayinwhichtheStirlingstabulatedrelationship—atall,thinдама
ladywhoadmittedshehadasensitivedisposition,woulddescribeminutelythetorturesofherneuritis.AndOlive,thewonder
дівчина
girlofthewholeStirlingclan,whohadвсе
everythingValancyhadnot—beauty,popularity,love,—wouldshowoffherbeautyandpresumeonherpopularityandflauntherdiamondinsigniaofкохання
loveinValancy’sdazzled,enviouseyes.Therewouldbenoneofall
цього
thistoday.Andtherewouldbe
не
nopackingupofteaspoons.Thepackingupwas
завжди
alwaysleftforValancyandCousinStickles.А
Andonce,sixyearsago,asilverteaspoonfromAuntWellington’sweddingнабору
sethadbeenlost.Valancy
ніколи не
neverheardthelastofthatsilverteaspoon.ItsghostappearedBanquo-likeateverysubsequentfamilyfeast.
Oh,
так
yes,Valancyknewexactlywhatthepicnicwouldbeяк
likeandsheblessedtherainthathadsavedherfromit.Therewouldbe
не
nopicnicthisyear.IfAuntWellingtoncouldnotcelebrateonthesacred
день
dayitselfshewouldhaveне
nocelebrationatall.Thank
будь
whatevergodstherewereforthat.Оскільки
Sincetherewouldbenopicnic,Valancymadeuphermindщо
that,iftherainheldupintheafternoon,shewouldgouptothelibraryі
andgetanotherofJohnFoster’sbooks.Valancywas
ніколи не
neverallowedtoreadnovels,але
butJohnFoster’sbookswerenotnovels.Theywere“naturebooks”—sothelibrariantoldMrs.FrederickStirling—“all
про
aboutthewoodsandbirdsі
andbugsandthingslikethat,youknow.”SoValancywasallowedto
прочитати
readthem—underprotest,foritwasonlyнадто
tooevidentthatsheenjoyedthemнадто
toomuch.Itwaspermissible,
навіть
evenlaudable,toreadtoimproveyourрозум
mindandyourreligion,butaкнига
bookthatwasenjoyablewasdangerous.Valancydidnotknowwhetherher
розум
mindwasbeingimprovedornot;але
butshefeltvaguelythatifshehadcomeacrossJohnFoster’sbooksyearsтому
agolifemighthavebeenна
adifferentthingforher.Theyseemedtohertoyieldglimpsesofa
світ
worldintowhichshemightколись
oncehaveentered,thoughtheдвері
doorwasforeverbarredtohernow.Itwas
лише
onlywithinthelastyearщо
thatJohnFoster’sbookshadbeenintheDeerwoodlibrary,хоча
thoughthelibrariantoldValancyщо
thathehadbeenawell-knownwriterforseveralyears.“Wheredoeshelive?”
Valancyhadasked.
“Nobodyknows.
FromhisbookshemustbeaCanadian,
але
butnomoreinformationcanbehad.Hispublisherswon’tsaya
слова
word.QuitelikelyJohnFosterisanomdeplume.
Hisbooksaresopopularwecan’tkeeptheminatall,
хоча
thoughIreallycan’tseewhatлюди
peoplefindinthemtoraveover.”“I
думаю
thinkthey’rewonderful,”saidValancy,timidly.“Oh—well—”
Міс
MissClarksonsmiledinapatronisingfashionthatrelegatedValancy’sopinionstolimbo,“Ican’tсказати
sayIcaremuchforbugsmyself.Але
ButcertainlyFosterseemstoзнати
knowallthereistoзнати
knowaboutthem.”Valancydidn’tknowwhethershecaredmuchforbugseither.
ItwasnotJohnFoster’suncannyknowledgeofwildcreatures
і
andinsectlifethatenthralledїї
her.Shecouldhardlysaywhatitwas—sometantalisinglureof
на
amysteryneverrevealed—somehintofна
agreatsecretjustaтрохи
littlefurtheron—somefaint,elusiveechooflovely,forgottenthings—JohnFoster’smagicwasindefinable.Так
Yes,shewouldgetanewFosterкнигу
book.Itwasamonth
з
sinceshehadThistleHarvest,sosurelyMothercouldnotobject.Valancyhadreadit
чотири
fourtimes—sheknewwholepassagesoffbyheart.And—she
майже
almostthoughtshewouldgoі
andseeDr.Trentaboutщо
thatqueerpainaroundtheсерця
heart.Ithadcomeratheroftenlately,
і
andthepalpitationswerebecomingannoying,nottospeakofanoccasionaldizzymomentі
andaqueershortnessofbreath.Але
Butcouldshegotoseehimwithouttellinganyone?Itwasamostdaringthought.
NoneoftheStirlingseverconsultedadoctor
без
withoutholdingafamilycouncilі
andgettingUncleJames’approval.Then,theywenttoDr.AmbroseMarshofPortLawrence,
який
whohadmarriedSecondCousinAdelaideStirling.Але
ButValancydislikedDr.AmbroseMarsh.І
And,besides,shecouldnotgettoPortLawrence,fifteenmilesaway,без
withoutbeingtakenthere.Shedidnotwantanyonetoknow
про
aboutherheart.Therewouldbe
такий
suchafussmadeandeverymemberoftheсім'ї
familywouldcomedownandtalkitoverі
andadviseherandcautionherі
andwarnherandtellherhorribletalesofgreat-auntsі
andcousinsfortytimesremovedwhohadbeen“justlikethat”і
and“droppeddeadwithoutamoment’swarning,mydear.”AuntIsabelwouldrememberthatshehad
завжди
alwayssaidDosslookedlikeaдівчина
girlwhowouldhavehearttrouble—“sopinchedі
andpeakedalways”;andUncleWellingtonwouldtakeitasapersonalinsult,
коли
when“noStirlingeverhadheartdiseasebefore”;і
andGeorgianawouldforebodeinperfectlyaudibleasidesщо
that“poor,dearlittleDossisn’tдовго
longforthisworld,I’mafraid”;andCousinGladyswouldsay,“Why,my
серце
hearthasbeenlikethatforyears,”inatonethatimpliedне
nooneelsehadanybusinessнавіть
eventohaveaheart;andOlive—Olivewouldmerelylookbeautifulandsuperioranddisgustinglyhealthy,asiftosay,“Whyall
ця
thisfussoverafadedsuperfluitylikeDossколи
whenyouhaveme?”Valancyfelt
що
thatshecouldn’ttellanybodyunlessshehadto.Shefelt
цілком
quitesuretherewasnothingatallseriouslyпоганого
wrongwithherheartandне
noneedofallthepotherщо
thatwouldensueifshementionedit.Shewould
просто
justslipupquietlyandseeDr.Trentthatveryдень
day.Asforhisbill,shehadthetwohundreddollarsthather
батько
fatherhadputinthebankforhertheдня
dayshewasborn.Shewas
ніколи не
neverallowedtouseeventheinterestofthis,але
butshewouldsecretlytakeoutдостатньо
enoughtopayDr.Trent.Dr.
Trentwasagruff,outspoken,absent-minded
старий
oldfellow,buthewasarecognisedauthorityonheartdisease,навіть
evenifhewereonlyageneralpractitionerinout-of-the-worldDeerwood.Dr.Trentwas
більше
overseventyandtherehadbeenrumoursщо
thathemeanttoretireскоро
soon.NoneoftheStirlingclanhadevergonetohimsincehehadtoldCousinGladys,
десять
tenyearsbefore,thatherneuritiswasallimaginaryі
andthatsheenjoyedit.Youcouldn’tpatroniseadoctorwhoinsultedyourfirst-cousin-once-removedlikethat—nottomentionthathewasaPresbyterian
коли
whenalltheStirlingswenttotheAnglicanchurch.CHAPTERII
Коли
WhenCousinSticklesknockedatherдвері
door,Valancyknewitwashalf-pastsevenandshemustgetup.Aslongasshecouldremember,CousinStickleshadknockedather
двері
doorathalf-pastseven.CousinStickles
і
andMrs.FrederickStirlinghadbeenupsinceseven,але
butValancywasallowedtolieabedhalfanhourlongerбо
becauseofafamilytraditionthatshewasdelicate.Valancygotup,
хоч
thoughshehatedgettingupбільше
morethismorningthanevershehadраніше
before.