Notes from the Underground | Gradually Hardening Swedish B2 Books

Notes from the Underground | Gradually Hardening Swedish B2 Books

Experience the benefits of this forward-thinking translation strategy that tailors language learning to your specific needs. You have control over the difficulty, which ensures that the content is neither too easy nor overly challenging. This method enhances your ability to understand new words through context, reducing reliance on direct translations. While the translations are subtly obscured to foster learning, you can still look up unclear terms. This balanced approach makes language acquisition smoother and more enjoyable. Delve into these translated literary works and discover the satisfaction of mastering a language through reading.

I
Iamasickman....
Iamaspitefulman.
Iamanunattractiveman.
Ibelievemy
lever
liver
isdiseased.
However,Iknownothingatallaboutmydisease,anddonotknowforcertainwhatailsme.
Idon’t
konsulterar
consult
adoctorforit,andneverhave,thoughIhavearespectformedicineanddoctors.
Besides,Iamextremely
vidskeplig
superstitious
,sufficientlysotorespectmedicine,anyway(Iamwell-educatedenoughnottobe
vidskeplig
superstitious
,butIamsuperstitious).
No,Irefuseto
konsultera
consult
adoctorfromspite.
Thatyouprobablywillnotunderstand.
Well,Iunderstandit,though.
Ofcourse,Ican’texplainwhoitis
precis
precisely
thatIammortifyinginthiscasebymyspite:
IamperfectlywellawarethatIcannot“payout”thedoctorsbynot
konsultera
consulting
them;
IknowbetterthananyonethatbyallthisIamonly
skadar
injuring
myselfandnooneelse.
Butstill,ifIdon’t
konsulterar
consult
adoctoritisfromspite.
My
lever
liver
isbad,well—letitgetworse!
Ihavebeengoingonlikethatforalongtime—twentyyears.
NowIamforty.
Iusedtobeinthegovernmentservice,butamnolonger.
Iwasaspitefulofficial.
Iwasrudeandtookpleasureinbeingso.
Ididnottakebribes,yousee,soIwasboundtofindarecompenseinthat,atleast.
(Apoorjest,butIwillnotscratchitout.
Iwroteitthinkingitwouldsoundverywitty;
butnowthatIhaveseenmyselfthatIonlywantedtoshowoffinadespicableway,Iwillnotscratchitoutonpurpose!)
WhenpetitionersusedtocomeforinformationtothetableatwhichIsat,Iusedtogrindmyteethatthem,andfelt
intensiv
intense
enjoymentwhenIsucceededinmakinganybodyunhappy.
Ialmostdid
lyckades
succeed
.
Forthemostparttheywereall
blyga
timid
people—ofcourse,theywerepetitioners.
ButoftheuppishonestherewasoneofficerinparticularIcouldnot
uthärda
endure
.
Hesimplywouldnotbe
ödmjuk
humble
,andclankedhisswordinadisgustingway.
Icarriedonafeudwithhimforeighteenmonthsoverthatsword.
AtlastIgotthebetterofhim.
Heleftoffclankingit.
Thathappenedinmyyouth,though.
Butdoyouknow,gentlemen,whatwasthechiefpointaboutmyspite?
Why,thewholepoint,therealstingofitlayinthefactthat
ständigt
continually
,eveninthemomentoftheacutestspleen,Iwasinwardly
medveten
conscious
withshamethatIwasnotonlynotaspitefulbutnotevenanembitteredman,thatIwassimplyscaringsparrowsatrandomandamusingmyselfbyit.
Imight
skum
foam
atthemouth,butbringmeadolltoplaywith,givemeacupofteawithsugarinit,andmaybeIshouldbeappeased.
Imightevenbe
uppriktigt
genuinely
touched,thoughprobablyIshouldgrindmyteethatmyselfafterwardsandlieawakeatnightwithshameformonthsafter.
Thatwasmyway.
IwaslyingwhenIsaidjustnowthatIwasaspitefulofficial.
Iwaslyingfromspite.
Iwassimplyamusingmyselfwiththepetitionersandwiththeofficer,andinrealityInevercouldbecomespiteful.
Iwas
medveten
conscious
everymomentinmyselfofmany,verymanyelementsabsolutelyoppositetothat.
Ifeltthempositively
svärma
swarming
inme,theseoppositeelements.
Iknewthattheyhadbeenswarminginmeallmylifeandcravingsome
utlopp
outlet
fromme,butIwouldnotletthem,wouldnotletthem,
avsiktligt
purposely
wouldnotletthemcomeout.
TheytormentedmetillIwasashamed:
theydrovemetoconvulsionsand—sickenedme,atlast,howtheysickenedme!
Now,arenotyoufancying,gentlemen,thatIamexpressing
ånger
remorse
forsomethingnow,thatIamaskingyour
förlåtelse
forgiveness
forsomething?
Iamsureyouarefancyingthat...
However,I
försäkrar
assure
youIdonotcareifyouare....
ItwasnotonlythatIcouldnotbecomespiteful,Ididnotknowhowtobecomeanything;
neitherspitefulnorkind,neitherarascalnoranhonestman,neitheraheronoran
insekt
insect
.
Now,Iamlivingoutmylifeinmycorner,tauntingmyselfwiththespitefulanduselessconsolationthatan
intelligent
intelligent
mancannotbecomeanythingseriously,anditisonlythefoolwhobecomesanything.
Yes,amaninthenineteenthcenturymustand
moraliskt
morally
oughttobepre-eminentlyacharacterlesscreature;
amanofcharacter,an
aktiv
active
manispre-eminentlyalimitedcreature.
Thatismy
övertygelse
conviction
offortyyears.
Iamfortyyearsoldnow,andyouknowfortyyearsisawholelifetime;
youknowitis
extrem
extreme
oldage.
Tolivelongerthanfortyyearsisbadmanners,is
vulgärt
vulgar
,immoral.
Whodoeslivebeyondforty?
Answerthat,sincerelyandhonestlyIwilltellyouwhodo:
foolsand
värdelösa
worthless
fellows.
Itellalloldmenthattotheirface,allthesevenerableoldmen,allthesesilver-hairedand
vördnadsvärda
reverend
seniors!
Itellthewholeworldthattoitsface!
Ihavearighttosayso,forIshallgoonlivingtosixtymyself.
Toseventy!
Toeighty!
Stay,letmetakebreath...
Youimaginenodoubt,gentlemen,thatIwantto
roa
amuse
you.
Youaremistakeninthat,too.
Iambynomeanssuchamirthfulpersonasyouimagine,orasyoumayimagine;
however,irritatedbyallthisbabble(andIfeelthatyouareirritated)youthinkfittoaskmewhoIam—thenmyansweris,Iamacollegiateassessor.
IwasintheservicethatImighthavesomethingtoeat(and
enbart
solely
forthatreason),andwhenlastyeara
avlägsen
distant
relationleftmesixthousandroublesinhiswillIimmediatelyretiredfromtheserviceandsettleddowninmycorner.
Iusedtoliveinthiscornerbefore,butnowIhavesettleddowninit.
Myroomisawretched,horridoneinthe
utkanten
outskirts
ofthetown.
My
tjänare
servant
isanoldcountry-woman,ill-naturedfrom
dumhet
stupidity
,and,moreover,thereisalwaysanastysmellabouther.
IamtoldthatthePetersburgclimateisbadforme,andthatwithmysmallmeansitisveryexpensivetoliveinPetersburg.
Iknowallthatbetterthanallthesesageandexperiencedcounsellorsandmonitors....
ButIamremaininginPetersburg;
IamnotgoingawayfromPetersburg!
Iamnotgoingawaybecause...
ech!
Why,itisabsolutelynomatterwhetherIamgoingawayornotgoingaway.
Butwhatcanadecentmanspeakofwithmostpleasure?
Answer:
Ofhimself.
II
Iwantnowtotellyou,gentlemen,whetheryoucaretohearitornot,whyIcouldnotevenbecomean
insekt
insect
.
Itellyousolemnly,thatIhavemanytimestriedtobecomean
insekt
insect
.
ButIwasnotequaleventothat.
Iswear,gentlemen,thattobetoo
medveten
conscious
isanillness—arealthorough-going
sjukdom
illness
.
Forman’severydayneeds,itwouldhavebeenquiteenoughtohavetheordinaryhumanconsciousness,thatis,halforaquarteroftheamountwhichfallstothelotofacultivatedmanofourunhappynineteenthcentury,especiallyonewhohasthefatalill-lucktoinhabitPetersburg,themost
teoretiska
theoretical
andintentionaltownonthewholeterrestrial
jordklotet
globe
.
(Thereareintentionalandunintentionaltowns.)
Itwouldhavebeenquiteenough,for
exempel
instance
,tohavetheconsciousnessbywhichallso-calleddirectpersonsandmenofactionlive.
IbetyouthinkIamwritingallthisfromaffectation,tobewittyatthe
bekostnad
expense
ofmenofaction;
andwhatismore,thatfromill-bredaffectation,Iamclankingaswordlikemyofficer.
But,gentlemen,whoevercanpridehimselfonhisdiseasesandevenswaggeroverthem?
Though,afterall,everyonedoesdothat;
peopledopridethemselvesontheirdiseases,andIdo,maybe,morethananyone.
Wewillnot
bestrida
dispute
it;
mycontentionwas
absurt
absurd
.
ButyetIamfirmlypersuadedthatagreatdealof
medvetande
consciousness
,everysortofconsciousness,infact,isadisease.
Isticktothat.
Letusleavethat,too,foraminute.
Tellmethis:
whydoesithappenthatatthevery,yes,attheverymomentswhenIammostcapableoffeelingeveryrefinementofallthatis“sublimeandbeautiful,”astheyusedtosayatonetime,itwould,asthoughofdesign,happentomenotonlytofeelbuttodosuchuglythings,suchthat...
Well,inshort,actionsthatall,perhaps,commit;
butwhich,asthough
avsiktligt
purposely
,occurredtomeattheverytimewhenIwasmost
medveten
conscious
thattheyoughtnottobecommitted.
Themore
medveten
conscious
Iwasofgoodnessandofallthatwas“sublimeandbeautiful,”themoredeeplyIsankintomymireandthemorereadyIwasto
sjunka
sink
initaltogether.
Butthechiefpointwasthatallthiswas,asitwere,notaccidentalinme,butasthoughitwereboundtobeso.
Itwasasthoughitweremymostnormalcondition,andnotintheleastdiseaseordepravity,sothatatlastalldesireinmetostruggleagainstthisdepravitypassed.
Itendedbymyalmostbelieving(perhapsactuallybelieving)thatthiswasperhapsmynormalcondition.
Butatfirst,inthebeginning,whatagoniesI
uthärdade
endured
inthatstruggle!
Ididnotbelieveitwasthesamewithotherpeople,andallmylifeIhidthisfactaboutmyselfasasecret.
Iwasashamed(evennow,perhaps,Iamashamed):
Igottothepointoffeelingasortofsecret
onormal
abnormal
,despicableenjoymentinreturninghometomycorneronsomedisgustingPetersburgnight,acutely
medveten
conscious
thatthatdayIhadcommittedaloathsomeactionagain,thatwhatwasdonecouldneverbe
ångra
undone
,andsecretly,inwardlygnawing,gnawingatmyselfforit,tearingand
förbrukade
consuming
myselftillatlastthebitternessturnedintoasortofshamefulaccursed
sötma
sweetness
,andatlast—intopositivereal
njutning
enjoyment
!
Yes,intoenjoyment,into
njutning
enjoyment
!
Iinsistuponthat.
IhavespokenofthisbecauseIkeepwantingtoknowforafactwhetherotherpeoplefeelsuch
njutning
enjoyment
?
Iwillexplain;
theenjoymentwasjustfromthetoointenseconsciousnessofone’sowndegradation;
itwasfromfeelingoneselfthatonehadreachedthelastbarrier,thatitwashorrible,butthatitcouldnotbeotherwise;
thattherewasnoescapeforyou;
thatyounevercouldbecomeadifferentman;
thateveniftimeandfaithwerestillleftyoutochangeintosomethingdifferentyouwouldmostlikelynotwishtochange;
orifyoudidwishto,eventhenyouwoulddonothing;
becauseperhapsinrealitytherewasnothingforyoutochangeinto.
Andtheworstofitwas,andthe
roten
root
ofitall,thatitwasallinaccordwiththenormal
grundläggande
fundamental
lawsofover-acuteconsciousness,andwiththeinertiathatwasthedirectresultofthoselaws,andthat
följaktligen
consequently
onewasnotonlyunabletochangebutcoulddoabsolutelynothing.
Thusitwouldfollow,astheresultof
akut
acute
consciousness,thatoneisnottoblameinbeingascoundrel;
asthoughthatwereany
tröst
consolation
tothescoundreloncehehascometo
inse
realise
thatheactuallyisascoundrel.
Butenough....
Ech,Ihavetalkedalotofnonsense,butwhathaveIexplained?
Howis
glädje
enjoyment
inthistobeexplained?
ButIwillexplainit.
Iwillgettothebottomofit!
ThatiswhyIhavetakenupmypen....
I,for
exempel
instance
,haveagreatdealofamourpropre.
Iamas
misstänksam
suspicious
andpronetotakeoffenceasahumpbackora
dvärg
dwarf
.
ButuponmywordIsometimeshavehadmomentswhenifIhadhappenedtobeslappedinthefaceIshould,perhaps,havebeen
positivt
positively
gladofit.
Isay,in
allvar
earnest
,thatIshouldprobablyhavebeenableto
upptäcka
discover
eveninthatapeculiarsortofenjoyment—the
njutning
enjoyment
,ofcourse,ofdespair;
butin
förtvivlan
despair
therearethemostintenseenjoyments,especiallywhenoneisveryacutely
medveten
conscious
ofthehopelessnessofone’sposition.
Andwhenoneisslappedintheface—whythentheconsciousnessofbeingrubbedintoapulpwould
positivt
positively
overwhelmone.
Theworstofitis,lookatitwhichwayonewill,itstillturnsoutthatIwasalwaysthemosttoblameineverything.
Andwhatismosthumiliatingofall,toblamefornofaultofmyownbut,sotosay,throughthelawsofnature.
Inthefirstplace,toblamebecauseIamclevererthananyofthepeoplesurroundingme.
(Ihavealwaysconsideredmyselfclevererthananyofthepeople
omger
surrounding
me,andsometimes,wouldyoubelieveit,havebeenpositivelyashamedofit.
Atanyrate,Ihaveallmylife,asitwere,turnedmyeyesawayandnevercouldlookpeoplestraightintheface.)
Toblame,finally,becauseevenifIhadhadmagnanimity,Ishouldonlyhavehadmoresufferingfromthesenseofitsuselessness.
Ishouldcertainlyhaveneverbeenabletodoanythingfrombeingmagnanimous—neithertoforgive,formyassailantwouldperhapshaveslappedmefromthelawsofnature,andonecannotforgivethelawsofnature;
nortoforget,forevenifitwereowingtothelawsofnature,itisinsultingallthesame.
Finally,evenifIhadwantedtobeanythingbutmagnanimous,haddesiredonthe
tvärtom
contrary
torevengemyselfonmyassailant,IcouldnothaverevengedmyselfonanyoneforanythingbecauseIshouldcertainlyneverhavemadeupmymindtodoanything,evenifIhadbeenableto.
WhyshouldInothavemadeupmymind?
III
Withpeoplewhoknowhowtorevengethemselvesandtostandupforthemselvesingeneral,howisitdone?
Why,whentheyarepossessed,letussuppose,bythefeelingofrevenge,thenforthetimethereisnothingelsebutthatfeelingleftintheirwholebeing.
Suchagentlemansimplydashesstraightforhisobjectlikeaninfuriatedbullwithitshornsdown,andnothingbutawallwillstophim.
(Bytheway:
facingthewall,suchgentlemen—thatis,the“direct”personsandmenofaction—are
verkligen
genuinely
nonplussed.
Forthemawallisnotanevasion,asforuspeoplewhothinkand
följaktligen
consequently
donothing;
itisnotanexcuseforturningaside,anexcuseforwhichwearealwaysveryglad,thoughwe
knappast
scarcely
believeinitourselves,asarule.
No,theyarenonplussedinall
uppriktighet
sincerity
.
Thewallhasforthemsomethingtranquillising,
moraliskt
morally
soothing,final—maybeevensomethingmysterious...
butofthewalllater.)
Well,suchadirectpersonI
betraktar
regard
astherealnormalman,ashistendermothernaturewishedtoseehimwhenshegraciouslybroughthimintobeingontheearth.
I
avundas
envy
suchamantillIamgreenintheface.
Heisstupid.
Iamnotdisputingthat,butperhapsthenormalmanshouldbestupid,howdoyouknow?
Perhapsitisverybeautiful,infact.
AndIamthemorepersuadedofthat
misstanke
suspicion
,ifonecancallitso,bythefactthatifyoutake,for
exempel
instance
,theantithesisofthenormalman,thatis,themanofacute
medvetande
consciousness
,whohascome,ofcourse,notoutofthe
knä
lap
ofnaturebutoutofaretort(thisisalmostmysticism,gentlemen,butIsuspectthis,too),thisretort-mademanissometimessononplussedinthepresenceofhisantithesisthatwithallhisexaggerated
medvetande
consciousness
hegenuinelythinksofhimselfasamouseandnotaman.
Itmaybeanacutely
medveten
conscious
mouse,yetitisamouse,whiletheotherisaman,andtherefore,etcaetera,etcaetera.
Andtheworstofitis,hehimself,hisveryownself,looksonhimselfasamouse;
nooneaskshimtodoso;
andthatisanimportantpoint.
Nowletuslookatthismouseinaction.
Letussuppose,for
exempel
instance
,thatitfeelsinsulted,too(anditalmostalwaysdoesfeelinsulted),andwantstorevengeitself,too.
Theremayevenbeagreateraccumulationofspiteinitthaninl’hommedelanatureetdelavérité.
Thebaseandnastydesiretoventthatspiteonitsassailantranklesperhapsevenmorenastilyinitthaninl’hommedelanatureetdelavérité.
Forthroughhisinnate
dumhet
stupidity
thelatterlooksuponhisrevengeasjusticepureandsimple;
whileinconsequenceofhisacute
medvetande
consciousness
themousedoesnotbelieveinthejusticeofit.
Tocomeatlasttothedeeditself,totheveryactofrevenge.
Apartfromtheone
grundläggande
fundamental
nastinessthelucklessmouse
lyckas
succeeds
increatingarounditsomanyothernastinessesintheformofdoubtsandquestions,addstotheonequestionsomanyunsettledquestionsthatthere
oundvikligen
inevitably
worksuparounditasortof
dödlig
fatal
brew,astinkingmess,madeupofitsdoubts,emotions,andofthe
förakt
contempt
spatuponitbythedirectmenofactionwhostand
högtidligt
solemnly
aboutitasjudgesandarbitrators,laughingatittilltheirhealthysides
värker
ache
.
Ofcoursetheonlythingleftforitistodismissallthatwithawaveofits
tass
paw
,and,withasmileofassumed
förakt
contempt
inwhichitdoesnotevenitselfbelieve,
krypa
creep
ignominiouslyintoitsmouse-hole.
Thereinitsnasty,stinking,undergroundhomeour
förolämpade
insulted
,crushedandridiculedmousepromptlybecomesabsorbedincold,malignantand,aboveall,everlastingspite.
Forfortyyearstogetheritwillrememberits
skada
injury
downtothesmallest,mostignominiousdetails,andeverytimewilladd,ofitself,detailsstillmoreignominious,spitefully
retar
teasing
andtormentingitselfwithitsownimagination.
Itwillitselfbeashamedofitsimaginings,butyetitwill
minnas
recall
itall,itwillgooverandoverevery
detalj
detail
,itwillinventunheardofthingsagainstitself,pretendingthatthosethingsmighthappen,andwillforgivenothing.
Maybeitwillbegintorevengeitself,too,but,asitwere,piecemeal,intrivialways,frombehindthestove,incognito,withoutbelievingeitherinitsownrighttovengeance,orinthesuccessofitsrevenge,knowingthatfromallitseffortsatrevengeitwillsufferahundredtimesmorethanheonwhomitrevengesitself,whilehe,Idaresay,willnotevenscratchhimself.
Onitsdeathbeditwill
minnas
recall
italloveragain,withinterestaccumulatedoveralltheyearsand...
Butitisjustinthatcold,
avskyvärda
abominable
halfdespair,halfbelief,inthat
medvetna
conscious
buryingoneselfalivefor
sorg
grief
intheunderworldforfortyyears,inthatacutelyrecognisedandyet
delvis
partly
doubtfulhopelessnessofone’sposition,inthathellofunsatisfieddesiresturnedinward,inthatfeverofoscillations,ofresolutionsdeterminedforeverand
ångrar
repented
ofagainaminutelater—thatthesavourofthatstrange
njutning
enjoyment
ofwhichIhavespokenlies.
Itissosubtle,sodifficultofanalysis,thatpersonswhoarealittle
begränsade
limited
,orevensimplypersonsofstrongnerves,willnotunderstandasingle
atom
atom
ofit.
“Possibly,”youwilladdonyourownaccountwithagrin,“peoplewillnotunderstanditeitherwhohaveneverreceiveda
slap
slap
intheface,”andinthatwayyouwill
artigt
politely
hinttomethatI,too,perhaps,havehadtheexperienceofa
slap
slap
inthefaceinmylife,andsoIspeakasonewhoknows.
Ibetthatyouarethinkingthat.
Butsetyourmindsatrest,gentlemen,Ihavenotreceivedaslapintheface,thoughitisabsolutelyamatterofindifferencetomewhatyoumaythinkaboutit.
Possibly,Ievenregret,myself,thatIhavegivensofewslapsinthefaceduringmylife.
Butenough...
notanotherwordonthatsubjectofsuchextremeinteresttoyou.
Iwillcontinue
lugnt
calmly
concerningpersonswithstrongnerveswhodonotunderstandacertainrefinementof
njutning
enjoyment
.
Thoughincertaincircumstancesthesegentlemenbellowtheirloudestlikebulls,thoughthis,letussuppose,doesthemthegreatestcredit,yet,asIhavesaidalready,
konfronterade
confronted
withtheimpossibletheysubsideatonce.
Theimpossiblemeansthestonewall!
Whatstonewall?
Why,ofcourse,thelawsofnature,thedeductionsofnaturalscience,mathematics.