CHAPTERI
IfithadnotrainedonacertainMaymorningValancyStirling’swhole
življenje
lifewouldhavebeenentirelydifferent.Shewouldhavegone,
z
withtherestofherclan,toAuntWellington’szaročni
engagementpicnicandDr.TrentwouldhavegonetoMontreal.Toda
Butitdidrainandyoushallhearwhathappenedtoherbecauseofit.Valancywakened
zgodaj
early,inthelifeless,hopelesshourjustprecedingzoro
dawn.Shehadnotsleptvery
dobro
well.Onedoesnotsleep
dobro
well,sometimes,whenoneistwenty-nineonthemorrow,in
andunmarried,inacommunityin
andconnectionwheretheunmarriedarepreprosto
simplythosewhohavefailedtogetaman.Deerwood
in
andtheStirlingshadlongsincerelegatedValancytobrezupno
hopelessoldmaidenhood.ButValancyherselfhad
nikoli
neverquiterelinquishedacertainpitiful,shamed,littlehopethatRomancewouldcomeherpot
wayyet—never,untilthiswet,horriblemorning,ko
whenshewakenedtothefactthatshewastwenty-ninein
andunsoughtbyanyman.Ay,
tam
therelaythesting.Valancydidnotmindsomuchbeing
je
anoldmaid.Afterall,shethought,being
je
anoldmaidcouldn’tpossiblybeasdreadfulasbeingmarriedtoje
anUncleWellingtonoranUncleBenjamin,ali
orevenanUncleHerbert.Whathurtherwasthatshehad
nikoli
neverhadachancetobeanythingbutanstara
oldmaid.Nomanhadeverdesiredher.
Je
Thetearscameintohereyesasshelaytheresama
aloneinthefaintlygreyingtemi
darkness.Shedarednotletherself
jokala
cryashardasshewantedda
to,fortworeasons.Shewasafraid
da
thatcryingmightbringonše en
anotherattackofthatpainokrog
aroundtheheart.Shehadhad
je
aspellofitaftershehadgotintobed—ratherworsethananyshehadhadše
yet.Andshewasafraidher
mama
motherwouldnoticeherredeyesatbreakfastin
andkeepatherwithminute,persistent,mosquito-likequestionsregardingje
thecausethereof.“Suppose,”thoughtValancywithaghastlygrin,“Iansweredwiththeplaintruth,‘Iamcrying
ker
becauseIcannotgetmarried.’Kako
HowhorrifiedMotherwouldbe—thoughsheissramuje
ashamedeverydayofherlifeofherstare
oldmaiddaughter.”Butof
seveda
courseappearancesshouldbekeptup.“Itisnot,”Valancycouldhearhermother’sprim,dictatorialvoiceasserting,“itisnotmaidenlyto
razmišljati
thinkaboutmen.”Thethoughtofhermother’s
izraz
expressionmadeValancylaugh—forshehadasenseofhumournobodyinherclansuspected.For
ki
thatmatter,therewereagoodveliko
manythingsaboutValancythatnobodysuspected.Toda
Butherlaughterwasverysuperficialin
andpresentlyshelaythere,ahuddled,futilelittlefigure,listeningtothedež
rainpouringdownoutsideandwatching,z
withasickdistaste,thechill,neusmiljeno
mercilesslightcreepingintohergrdo
ugly,sordidroom.Sheknew
je
theuglinessofthatroombyheart—knewitin
andhatedit.Theyellow-painted
tla
floor,withonehideous,“hooked”preprogo
rugbythebed,withagrotesque,“hooked”pes
dogonit,alwaysgrinningatherko
whensheawoke;thefaded,dark-red
papir
paper;theceilingdiscolouredbyoldleaks
in
andcrossedbycracks;the
ozko
narrow,pinchedlittlewashstand;thebrown-paperlambrequin
z
withpurplerosesonit;thespotted
staro
oldlooking-glasswiththecrackčez
acrossit,proppedupontheinadequatedressing-table;je
thejarofancientpotpourrimadebyhermati
motherinhermythicalhoneymoon;je
theshell-coveredbox,withoneburstcorner,ki
whichCousinStickleshadmadeinherprav tako
equallymythicalgirlhood;thebeadedpincushion
z
withhalfitsbeadfringegone;the
en
onestiff,yellowchair;thefaded
staro
oldmotto,“Gonebutnotforgotten,”workedincolouredyarnso
aboutGreat-grand-motherStirling’sgrimoldface;the
stare
oldphotographsofancientrelativesdolgo
longbanishedfromtheroomsbelow.Therewere
samo
onlytwopicturesthatwerenotofrelatives.Ena
One,anoldchromoofakužka
puppysittingonarainypragu
doorstep.ThatpicturealwaysmadeValancyunhappy.
Thatforlorn
mali
littledogcrouchedonthedoorstepinje
thedrivingrain!Whydidn’tsomeoneopenthe
vrat
doorandlethimin?The
druga
otherpicturewasafaded,passe-partoutedengravingofQueenLouisecomingdownastairway,ki
whichAuntWellingtonhadlavishlygivenheronherdeseti
tenthbirthday.Fornineteenyearsshehadlookedatit
in
andhatedit,beautiful,smug,self-satisfiedQueenLouise.Toda
Butsheneverdareddestroyitali
orremoveit.Motherand
Bratranec
CousinStickleswouldhavebeenaghast,ali
or,asValancyirreverentlyexpresseditinherthoughts,wouldhavehadje
afit.Everyroomin
je
thehousewasugly,ofseveda
course.Butdownstairsappearanceswerekeptupsomewhat.
Therewasnomoneyforroomsnobodyeversaw.
Valancy
včasih
sometimesfeltthatshecouldhavedonenekaj
somethingforherroomherself,tudi
evenwithoutmoney,ifshewerepermitted.Toda
Buthermotherhadnegativedvsak
everytimidsuggestionandValancydidnotpersist.Valancy
nikoli
neverpersisted.Shewasafraidto.
Her
mati
mothercouldnotbrookopposition.Mrs.Stirlingwouldsulkfordays
če
ifoffended,withtheairsofaninsultedduchess.Je
TheonlythingValancylikedabouthersobi
roomwasthatshecouldbesama
alonethereatnighttojokala
cryifshewantedto.Toda
But,afterall,whatdiditmatterče
ifaroom,whichyouusedfornothingexceptsleepingin
anddressingin,wereugly?Valancywas
nikoli
neverpermittedtostayaloneinhersobi
roomforanyotherpurpose.People
ki
whowantedtobealone,soMrs.FrederickStirlingin
andCousinSticklesbelieved,couldsamo
onlywanttobealoneforsomesinisterpurpose.Toda
ButherroomintheBlueGradu
Castlewaseverythingaroommora
shouldbe.Valancy,socowed
in
andsubduedandoverriddenandsnubbedinreallife,waswonttoletherselfgoprecej
rathersplendidlyinherday-dreams.NobodyintheStirlingclan,
ali
oritsramifications,suspectedthis,leastofallhermama
motherandCousinStickles.They
nikoli
neverknewthatValancyhaddva
twohomes—theuglyredbrickboxofadoma
home,onElmStreet,andtheModri
BlueCastleinSpain.Valancyhadlivedspirituallyin
je
theBlueCastleeversinceshecouldremember.Shehadbeen
je
averytinychildwhenshefoundherselfpossessedofit.Vedno
Always,whensheshuthereyes,shecouldseeitplainly,z
withitsturretsandbannersonthepine-cladmountainheight,wrappedinitsfaint,modro
blueloveliness,againstthesunsetskiesofafairin
andunknownland.Everythingwonderful
in
andbeautifulwasinthatgradu
castle.Jewelsthatqueensmight
so
haveworn;robesofmoonlight
in
andfire;couchesofroses
in
andgold;longflightsofshallowmarblesteps,
z
withgreat,whiteurns,andz
withslender,mist-cladmaidensgoinggor
upanddownthem;courts,marble-pillared,
kjer
whereshimmeringfountainsfellandnightingalessangmed
amongthemyrtles;hallsofmirrors
ki
thatreflectedonlyhandsomeknightsin
andlovelywomen—herselftheloveliestofvseh
all,forwhoseglancemendied.Vse
Allthatsupportedherthroughtheboredomofherdayswastheupanje
hopeofgoingonasanje
dreamspreeatnight.Most,
če
ifnotall,oftheStirlingswouldhavediedofgroze
horroriftheyhadknownpolovico
halfthethingsValancydidinherBlueGradu
Castle.Foronethingshehadquite
je
afewloversinit.Oh,
samo
onlyoneatatime.One
ki
whowooedherwithallje
theromanticardouroftheageofchivalryin
andwonherafterlongdevotionin
andmanydeedsofderring-do,in
andwasweddedtoherwithpompin
andcircumstanceinthegreat,banner-hungchapelofje
theBlueCastle.Attwelve,
ta
thisloverwasafairfant
ladwithgoldencurlsandheavenlyblueeyes.Atfifteen,hewas
visok
tallanddarkandpale,vendar
butstillnecessarilyhandsome.Attwenty,hewasascetic,dreamy,spiritual.
Attwenty-five,hehadaclean-cutjaw,
rahlo
slightlygrim,andafacemočan
strongandruggedratherthančeden
handsome.Valancynevergrewolder
od
thantwenty-fiveinherBlueGradu
Castle,butrecently—veryrecently—herherohadhadreddish,tawnylase
hair,atwistedsmileandje
amysteriouspast.Idon’t
rečem
sayValancydeliberatelymurderedtheseloversassheoutgrewjih
them.Onesimplyfadedawayas
druga
anothercame.Thingsareveryconvenientin
tem
thisrespectinBlueCastles.Toda
But,onthismorningofherdayoffate,Valancycouldnotnajti
findthekeyofherBlueGradu
Castle.Realitypressedonher
preveč
toohardly,barkingatherheelskot
likeamaddeninglittledog.Shewastwenty-nine,lonely,undesired,ill-favoured—theonlyhomely
dekle
girlinahandsomeclan,withbrez
nopastandnofuture.Asfarasshecouldlook
nazaj
back,lifewasdrabandcolourless,withnotonesinglecrimsonali
orpurplespotanywhere.Asfarasshecouldlook
naprej
forwarditseemedcertaintobejusttheenako
sameuntilshewasnothingbutasolitary,littlewitheredleafclingingtoawintrybough.The
trenutek
momentwhenawomanrealisesthatshehasničesar
nothingtolivefor—neitherlove,duty,purposeniti
norhope—holdsforherthebitternessofsmrti
death.“AndIjusthavetogoonliving
ker
becauseIcan’tstop.I
morda
mayhavetoliveeightyyears,”thoughtValancy,inje
akindofpanic.“We’re
vsi
allhorriblylong-lived.Itsickensmetothinkofit.”
Shewasgladitwasraining—orrather,shewasdrearilysatisfied
da
thatitwasraining.Therewouldbenopicnicthatday.
This
vsakoletni
annualpicnic,wherebyAuntandStric
UncleWellington—onealwaysthoughtoftheminthatsuccession—inevitablycelebratedtheirengagementatje
apicnicthirtyyearsbefore,hadbeen,oflateyears,je
averitablenightmaretoValancy.Byanimpishcoincidenceitwasthe
isti
samedayasherbirthdayin
and,aftershehadpassedtwenty-five,nobodyletherforgetto
it.Muchasshehatedgoingto
je
thepicnic,itwouldneverhaveoccurredtohertorebelagainstit.Ni
Thereseemedtobenothingofje
therevolutionaryinhernature.In
Andsheknewexactlywhatvsak
everyonewouldsaytoheratje
thepicnic.UncleWellington,whomshedisliked
in
anddespisedeventhoughhehadfulfilledthehighestStirlingaspiration,“marryingmoney,”wouldrekel
saytoherinapig’swhisper,“Notthinkingofgettingmarriedyet,mydear?”in
andthengooffintothebellowofsmeha
laughterwithwhichheinvariablyconcludedhisdullremarks.Teta
AuntWellington,ofwhomValancystoodinabjectawe,wouldtellhero
aboutOlive’snewchiffondressin
andCecil’slastdevotedletter.Valancywouldhavetolookaspleased
in
andinterestedasifthedressin
andletterhadbeenhersorelseTeta
AuntWellingtonwouldbeoffended.In
AndValancyhadlongagodecidedda
thatshewouldratheroffendGodkot
thanAuntWellington,becauseGodmightforgiveherbutAuntWellingtonnikoli
neverwould.AuntAlberta,enormouslyfat,
z
withanamiablehabitofvedno
alwaysreferringtoherhusbandas“he,”asifheweretheonlymoško
malecreatureintheworld,whocouldnikoli
neverforgetthatshehadbeenagreatbeautyinheryouth,wouldcondolez
withValancyonhersallowkoži
skin—.“Idon’tknowwhy
vse
allthegirlsoftodayaresosunburned.Ko
WhenIwasagirlmykoža
skinwasrosesandcream.Iwascountedtheprettiest
dekle
girlinCanada,mydear.”Morda
PerhapsUncleHerbertwouldn’tsayanything—ormorda
perhapshewouldremarkjocularly,“Howfatyou’regetting,Doss!”In
Andtheneverybodywouldlaughovertheexcessivelyhumorousideaofubogi
poor,scrawnylittleDossgettingfat.Čedni
Handsome,solemnUncleJames,whomValancydislikedvendar
butrespectedbecausehewasreputedtobezelo
verycleverandwasthereforetheclanoracle—brainsbeingnonepreveč
tooplentifulintheStirlingconnection—wouldverjetno
probablyremarkwiththeowl-likesarcasmthathadwonhimhisugled
reputation,“Isupposeyou’rebusys
withyourhope-chestthesedays?”In
AndUncleBenjaminwouldasknekaj
someofhisabominableconundrums,med
betweenwheezychuckles,andanswerthemhimself.“Whatisthe
razlika
differencebetweenDossandamouse?“Themousewishestoharmthe
sir
cheeseandDosswishestocharmthehe’s.”Valancyhadheardhim
vprašati
askthatriddlefiftytimesin
andeverytimeshewantedtometati
throwsomethingathim.Butshe
nikoli
neverdid.Inthefirstplace,theStirlings
preprosto
simplydidnotthrowthings;inthesecond
mestu
place,UncleBenjaminwasawealthyin
andchildlessoldwidowerandValancyhadbeenbroughtupinthefearin
andadmonitionofhismoney.Če
Ifsheoffendedhimhewouldcutheroutofhiswill—supposingshewereinit.ValancydidnotwanttobecutoutofUncleBenjamin’swill.
Shehadbeenpoor
vse
allherlifeandknewje
thegallingbitternessofit.Sosheenduredhisriddles
in
andevensmiledtorturedlittlesmilesnad
overthem.AuntIsabel,downright
in
anddisagreeableasaneastveter
wind,wouldcriticiseherinsomeway—Valancycouldnotpredvideti
predictjusthow,forAuntIsabelnikoli
neverrepeatedacriticism—shefoundsomethingnovega
newwithwhichtojabyoueverytime.Teta
AuntIsabelpridedherselfonsayingwhatshethought,vendar
butdidn’tlikeitsowellko
whenotherpeoplesaidwhattheythoughttoji
her.Valancyneversaidwhatshethought.
CousinGeorgiana—named
po
afterhergreat-great-grand-mother,whohadbeennamedpo
afterGeorgetheFourth—wouldrecountdolorouslyje
thenamesofallrelativesin
andfriendswhohaddiedsinceje
thelastpicnicandwonder“whichofusbo
willbethefirsttogonext.”Oppressivelycompetent,
Teta
AuntMildredwouldtalkendlesslyofherhusbandin
andherodiousprodigiesofbabiestoValancy,ker
becauseValancywouldbetheedini
onlyoneshecouldfindtoputupwithit.Forthesamereason,
Sestrična
CousinGladys—reallyFirstCousinGladysnekoč
onceremoved,accordingtothestrictwayinwhichtheStirlingstabulatedrelationship—atall,thingospa
ladywhoadmittedshehadasensitivedisposition,woulddescribeminutelythetorturesofherneuritis.In
AndOlive,thewondergirlofje
thewholeStirlingclan,whohadvse
everythingValancyhadnot—beauty,popularity,love,—wouldshowoffherlepoto
beautyandpresumeonherpriljubljenosti
popularityandflauntherdiamondinsigniaofljubezen
loveinValancy’sdazzled,enviouseyes.Therewouldbenoneofall
tega
thistoday.Andtherewouldbe
ne
nopackingupofteaspoons.Je
ThepackingupwasalwaysleftforValancyin
andCousinStickles.Andonce,sixyears
pred
ago,asilverteaspoonfromAuntWellington’sweddingsethadbeenlost.Valancy
nikoli
neverheardthelastofthatsilverteaspoon.Its
duh
ghostappearedBanquo-likeateverysubsequentfamilyfeast.Oh,
ja
yes,Valancyknewexactlywhatje
thepicnicwouldbelikein
andsheblessedtherainki
thathadsavedherfromit.Therewouldbenopicnicthisyear.
Če
IfAuntWellingtoncouldnotcelebrateonthesveti
sacreddayitselfshewouldhavenocelebrationatall.Hvala
Thankwhatevergodstherewereforthat.Ker
Sincetherewouldbenopicnic,Valancymadeuphermindthat,če
iftherainheldupinje
theafternoon,shewouldgouptoje
thelibraryandgetanotherofJohnFoster’sbooks.Valancywas
nikoli
neverallowedtoreadnovels,toda
butJohnFoster’sbookswerenotnovels.Theywere“naturebooks”—so
je
thelibrariantoldMrs.FrederickStirling—“allo
aboutthewoodsandbirdsin
andbugsandthingsliketo
that,youknow.”SoValancywasallowedtoreadthem—underprotest,foritwas
samo
onlytooevidentthatsheenjoyedthempreveč
toomuch.Itwaspermissible,
celo
evenlaudable,toreadtobi izboljšali
improveyourmindandyourreligion,toda
butabookthatwasenjoyablewasdangerous.Valancydidnotknowwhetherher
um
mindwasbeingimprovedornot;toda
butshefeltvaguelythatče
ifshehadcomeacrossJohnFoster’sbooksyearspred
agolifemighthavebeenje
adifferentthingforher.Theyseemedtohertoyieldglimpsesofa
svet
worldintowhichshemightnekoč
oncehaveentered,thoughthevrata
doorwasforeverbarredtoherzdaj
now.Itwasonlywithinthelast
letu
yearthatJohnFoster’sbookshadbeenintheDeerwoodlibrary,čeprav
thoughthelibrariantoldValancyda
thathehadbeenawell-knownpisatelj
writerforseveralyears.“Wheredoeshelive?”
Valancyhadasked.
“Nobodyknows.
Fromhisbookshe
mora
mustbeaCanadian,butni
nomoreinformationcanbehad.Hispublisherswon’tsayaword.
Zelo
QuitelikelyJohnFosterisanomdeplume.Hisbooksaresopopularwecan’t
obdržati
keeptheminatall,čeprav
thoughIreallycan’tseewhatpeoplefindinthemtoraveover.”“I
mislim
thinkthey’rewonderful,”saidValancy,timidly.“Oh—well—”
MissClarksonsmiledin
je
apatronisingfashionthatrelegatedValancy’sopinionstolimbo,“Ican’treči
sayIcaremuchforbugsmyself.ButcertainlyFosterseemsto
vedeti
knowallthereistovedeti
knowaboutthem.”Valancydidn’tknow
ali
whethershecaredmuchforbugseither.ItwasnotJohnFoster’suncannyknowledgeofwildcreatures
in
andinsectlifethatenthralledher.Shecould
komaj
hardlysaywhatitwas—sometantalisinglureofje
amysteryneverrevealed—somehintofje
agreatsecretjustamalo
littlefurtheron—somefaint,elusiveodmev
echooflovely,forgottenthings—JohnFoster’smagicwasindefinable.Da
Yes,shewouldgetanovo
newFosterbook.Itwas
je
amonthsinceshehadThistleHarvest,sozagotovo
surelyMothercouldnotobject.Valancyhadreaditfourtimes—sheknewwholepassagesoffbyheart.
And—she
skoraj
almostthoughtshewouldgoandseeDr.Trentaboutda
thatqueerpainaroundthesrca
heart.Ithadcomerather
pogosto
oftenlately,andthepalpitationswerebecomingannoying,nottospeakofanoccasionaldizzymomentin
andaqueershortnessofbreath.Ampak
Butcouldshegotoseehimwithouttellinganyone?Itwas
je
amostdaringthought.NoneoftheStirlingseverconsultedadoctorwithoutholdingafamily
svetom
councilandgettingUncleJames’odobritev
approval.Then,theywenttoDr.Ambrose
Marsh
MarshofPortLawrence,whohadporočil
marriedSecondCousinAdelaideStirling.Toda
ButValancydislikedDr.AmbroseMarsh
Marsh.And,besides,shecouldnot
priti
gettoPortLawrence,fifteenmilesstran
away,withoutbeingtakenthere.Shedidnotwantanyonetoknowabouther
srce
heart.Therewouldbesuchafussmade
in
andeverymemberofthefamilywouldprišel
comedownandtalkitoverin
andadviseherandcautionherin
andwarnherandtellherhorribletalesofgreat-auntsin
andcousinsfortytimesremovedwhohadbeen“justkot
likethat”and“droppeddeadbrez
withoutamoment’swarning,mydear.”Teta
AuntIsabelwouldrememberthatshehadvedno
alwayssaidDosslookedlikeje
agirlwhowouldhavehearttrouble—“sopinchedin
andpeakedalways”;andUncleWellingtonwouldtakeitasapersonal
žalitev
insult,when“noStirlingeverhadheartbolezni
diseasebefore”;andGeorgianawouldforebodein
popolnoma
perfectlyaudibleasidesthat“poor,dragi
dearlittleDossisn’tlongfortem
thisworld,I’mafraid”;and
Sestrična
CousinGladyswouldsay,“Why,mysrce
hearthasbeenlikethatforyears,”inje
atonethatimpliednooneelsehadanybusinesseventohaveje
aheart;andOlive—Olivewould
le
merelylookbeautifulandsuperiorin
anddisgustinglyhealthy,asiftosay,“Whyallta
thisfussoverafadedsuperfluitylikeDossko
whenyouhaveme?”Valancyfeltthatshecouldn’ttellanybodyunlessshehadto.
Shefelt
povsem
quitesuretherewasnothingatvseh
allseriouslywrongwithherheartin
andnoneedofallje
thepotherthatwouldensueče
ifshementionedit.Shewouldjustslipup
tiho
quietlyandseeDr.Trentthatveryday.Asforhisbill,shehad
je
thetwohundreddollarsthatheroče
fatherhadputinthebanko
bankforherthedayshewasborn.Shewas
nikoli
neverallowedtouseevenje
theinterestofthis,butshewouldskrivaj
secretlytakeoutenoughtopayDr.Trent.Dr.
Trentwasagruff,outspoken,absent-mindedoldfellow,
vendar
buthewasarecognisedauthorityonheartbolezni
disease,evenifheweresamo
onlyageneralpractitionerinout-of-the-worldDeerwood.Dr.Trentwasoverseventy
in
andtherehadbeenrumoursthathemeanttoretirekmalu
soon.NoneoftheStirlingclanhadevergonetohim
odkar
sincehehadtoldCousinGladys,tenyearspred
before,thatherneuritiswasallimaginaryin
andthatsheenjoyedit.Youcouldn’tpatroniseadoctorwhoinsultedyourfirst-cousin-once-removedlikethat—notto
omenil
mentionthathewasaPresbyterianko
whenalltheStirlingswenttotheAnglicancerkev
church.CHAPTERII
WhenCousinSticklesknockedather
vrata
door,Valancyknewitwashalf-pastsedem
sevenandshemustgetup.Aslongasshecouldremember,
Bratranec
CousinStickleshadknockedathervrata
doorathalf-pastseven.CousinStickles
in
andMrs.FrederickStirlinghadbeenupsinceseven,vendar
butValancywasallowedtolieabedpol
halfanhourlongerbecauseofafamilytraditionthatshewasdelicate.Valancygotup,
čeprav
thoughshehatedgettingupbolj
morethismorningthanevershehadbefore.