CHAPTERI
IfithadnotrainedonacertainMaymorningValancyStirling’swhole
življenje
lifewouldhavebeenentirelydifferent.Shewouldhavegone,
z
withtherestofherclan,toAuntWellington’sengagementpicnicandDr.TrentwouldhavegonetoMontreal.Toda
Butitdidrainandyoushallhearwhathappenedtoherbecauseofit.Valancywakenedearly,in
je
thelifeless,hopelesshourjustprecedingdawn.Shehadnotsleptvery
dobro
well.Onedoesnotsleep
dobro
well,sometimes,whenoneistwenty-nineonthemorrow,in
andunmarried,inacommunityin
andconnectionwheretheunmarriedaresimplythoseki
whohavefailedtogetaman.Deerwood
in
andtheStirlingshadlongsincerelegatedValancytohopelessstaro
oldmaidenhood.ButValancyherselfhad
nikoli
neverquiterelinquishedacertainpitiful,shamed,littlehopethatRomancewouldcomeherpot
wayyet—never,untilthiswet,horriblemorning,ko
whenshewakenedtothefactthatshewastwenty-ninein
andunsoughtbyanyman.Ay,
tam
therelaythesting.Valancydidnotmindsomuchbeing
je
anoldmaid.Afterall,shethought,being
je
anoldmaidcouldn’tpossiblybeasdreadfulasbeingmarriedtoje
anUncleWellingtonoranUncleBenjamin,ali
orevenanUncleHerbert.Whathurtherwasthatshehad
nikoli
neverhadachancetobeanythingbutanstara
oldmaid.Nomanhadeverdesiredher.
Je
Thetearscameintohereyesasshelaytheresama
aloneinthefaintlygreyingdarkness.Shedarednotletherselfcryashardasshewanted
da
to,fortworeasons.Shewasafraid
da
thatcryingmightbringonše en
anotherattackofthatpainokrog
aroundtheheart.Shehadhad
je
aspellofitaftershehadgotintobed—ratherworsethananyshehadhadše
yet.Andshewasafraidher
mama
motherwouldnoticeherredeyesatbreakfastin
andkeepatherwithminute,persistent,mosquito-likequestionsregardingje
thecausethereof.“Suppose,”thoughtValancywithaghastlygrin,“Iansweredwiththeplaintruth,‘Iamcrying
ker
becauseIcannotgetmarried.’Kako
HowhorrifiedMotherwouldbe—thoughsheisashamedvsak
everydayofherlifeofherstare
oldmaiddaughter.”Butof
seveda
courseappearancesshouldbekeptup.“Itisnot,”Valancycouldhearhermother’sprim,dictatorialvoiceasserting,“itisnotmaidenlyto
razmišljati
thinkaboutmen.”Thethoughtofhermother’sexpressionmadeValancylaugh—forshehadasenseofhumournobodyinherclansuspected.
For
ki
thatmatter,therewereagoodveliko
manythingsaboutValancythatnobodysuspected.Toda
Butherlaughterwasverysuperficialin
andpresentlyshelaythere,ahuddled,futilelittlefigure,listeningtotherainpouringdownzunaj
outsideandwatching,withasickdistaste,thechill,mercilesslightcreepingintoherugly,sordidsobo
room.Sheknewtheuglinessofthatroombyheart—knewit
in
andhatedit.Theyellow-paintedfloor,with
eno
onehideous,“hooked”rugbythebed,withagrotesque,“hooked”pes
dogonit,alwaysgrinningatherko
whensheawoke;thefaded,dark-redpaper;
je
theceilingdiscolouredbyoldleaksin
andcrossedbycracks;thenarrow,pinchedlittlewashstand;
thebrown-paperlambrequin
z
withpurplerosesonit;thespotted
staro
oldlooking-glasswiththecrackacrossit,proppedupontheinadequatedressing-table;je
thejarofancientpotpourrimadebyhermati
motherinhermythicalhoneymoon;je
theshell-coveredbox,withoneburstcorner,ki
whichCousinStickleshadmadeinherequallymythicalgirlhood;thebeadedpincushion
z
withhalfitsbeadfringegone;the
en
onestiff,yellowchair;thefaded
staro
oldmotto,“Gonebutnotforgotten,”workedincolouredyarnso
aboutGreat-grand-motherStirling’sgrimoldface;the
stare
oldphotographsofancientrelativesdolgo
longbanishedfromtheroomsbelow.Therewere
samo
onlytwopicturesthatwerenotofrelatives.Ena
One,anoldchromoofapuppysittingonarainydoorstep.Thatpicture
vedno
alwaysmadeValancyunhappy.Thatforlorn
mali
littledogcrouchedonthedoorstepinje
thedrivingrain!Whydidn’tsomeoneopenthe
vrat
doorandlethimin?The
druga
otherpicturewasafaded,passe-partoutedengravingofQueenLouisecomingdownastairway,ki
whichAuntWellingtonhadlavishlygivenheronhertenthbirthday.Fornineteenyearsshehadlookedatit
in
andhatedit,beautiful,smug,self-satisfiedQueenLouise.Toda
Butsheneverdareddestroyitali
orremoveit.MotherandCousinStickleswouldhavebeenaghast,
ali
or,asValancyirreverentlyexpresseditinherthoughts,wouldhavehadje
afit.Everyroomin
je
thehousewasugly,ofseveda
course.Butdownstairsappearanceswerekeptupsomewhat.
Therewasnomoneyforroomsnobodyeversaw.
Valancy
včasih
sometimesfeltthatshecouldhavedonenekaj
somethingforherroomherself,tudi
evenwithoutmoney,ifshewerepermitted.Toda
Buthermotherhadnegativedvsak
everytimidsuggestionandValancydidnotpersist.Valancy
nikoli
neverpersisted.Shewasafraidto.
Her
mati
mothercouldnotbrookopposition.Mrs.Stirlingwouldsulkfordays
če
ifoffended,withtheairsofaninsultedduchess.Je
TheonlythingValancylikedabouthersobi
roomwasthatshecouldbesama
alonethereatnighttocryče
ifshewantedto.But,afterall,whatdiditmatter
če
ifaroom,whichyouusedfornothingexceptsleepingin
anddressingin,wereugly?Valancywas
nikoli
neverpermittedtostayaloneinhersobi
roomforanyotherpurpose.People
ki
whowantedtobealone,soMrs.FrederickStirlingin
andCousinSticklesbelieved,couldsamo
onlywanttobealoneforsomesinisterpurpose.Toda
ButherroomintheBlueCastlewasvse
everythingaroomshouldbe.Valancy,socowed
in
andsubduedandoverriddenandsnubbedinreallife,waswonttoletherselfgorathersplendidlyinherday-dreams.NobodyintheStirlingclan,
ali
oritsramifications,suspectedthis,leastofallhermama
motherandCousinStickles.They
nikoli
neverknewthatValancyhaddva
twohomes—theuglyredbrickboxofadoma
home,onElmStreet,andtheBlueCastleinSpain.Valancyhadlivedspirituallyin
je
theBlueCastleeversinceshecouldremember.Shehadbeen
je
averytinychildwhenshefoundherselfpossessedofit.Vedno
Always,whensheshuthereyes,shecouldseeitplainly,z
withitsturretsandbannersonthepine-cladmountainheight,wrappedinitsfaint,blueloveliness,proti
againstthesunsetskiesofafairin
andunknownland.Everythingwonderful
in
andbeautifulwasinthatcastle.Jewels
ki
thatqueensmighthaveworn;robesofmoonlight
in
andfire;couchesofroses
in
andgold;longflightsofshallowmarblesteps,
z
withgreat,whiteurns,andz
withslender,mist-cladmaidensgoinggor
upanddownthem;courts,marble-pillared,
kjer
whereshimmeringfountainsfellandnightingalessangamongthemyrtles;hallsofmirrors
ki
thatreflectedonlyhandsomeknightsin
andlovelywomen—herselftheloveliestofvseh
all,forwhoseglancemendied.Vse
Allthatsupportedherthroughtheboredomofherdayswastheupanje
hopeofgoingonasanje
dreamspreeatnight.Most,
če
ifnotall,oftheStirlingswouldhavediedofhorrorče
iftheyhadknownhalfje
thethingsValancydidinherBlueCastle.Foronethingshehadquite
je
afewloversinit.Oh,
samo
onlyoneatatime.One
ki
whowooedherwithallje
theromanticardouroftheageofchivalryin
andwonherafterlongdevotionin
andmanydeedsofderring-do,in
andwasweddedtoherwithpompin
andcircumstanceinthegreat,banner-hungchapelofje
theBlueCastle.Attwelve,
ta
thisloverwasafairladz
withgoldencurlsandheavenlyblueeyes.Atfifteen,hewastall
in
anddarkandpale,butstillnecessarilyhandsome.Attwenty,hewasascetic,dreamy,spiritual.
Attwenty-five,hehadaclean-cutjaw,slightlygrim,
in
andafacestrongandruggedratherthanhandsome.Valancy
nikoli
nevergrewolderthantwenty-fiveinherBlueCastle,vendar
butrecently—veryrecently—herherohadhadreddish,tawnylase
hair,atwistedsmileandje
amysteriouspast.Idon’t
rečem
sayValancydeliberatelymurderedtheseloversassheoutgrewjih
them.Onesimplyfadedawayas
druga
anothercame.Thingsareveryconvenientin
tem
thisrespectinBlueCastles.Toda
But,onthismorningofherdayoffate,Valancycouldnotnajti
findthekeyofherBlueCastle.Realitypressedonher
preveč
toohardly,barkingatherheelskot
likeamaddeninglittledog.Shewastwenty-nine,lonely,undesired,ill-favoured—theonlyhomely
dekle
girlinahandsomeclan,withbrez
nopastandnofuture.Asfarasshecouldlook
nazaj
back,lifewasdrabandcolourless,withnotonesinglecrimsonali
orpurplespotanywhere.Asfarasshecouldlookforwarditseemedcertaintobejustthe
enako
sameuntilshewasnothingbutasolitary,littlewitheredleafclingingtoawintrybough.The
trenutek
momentwhenawomanrealisesthatshehasničesar
nothingtolivefor—neitherlove,duty,purposenorhope—holdsforherthebitternessofsmrti
death.“AndIjusthavetogoonliving
ker
becauseIcan’tstop.I
morda
mayhavetoliveeightyyears,”thoughtValancy,inje
akindofpanic.“We’re
vsi
allhorriblylong-lived.Itsickensmetothinkofit.”
Shewasgladitwasraining—orrather,shewasdrearilysatisfied
da
thatitwasraining.Therewouldbenopicnicthatday.
Thisannualpicnic,wherebyAunt
in
andUncleWellington—onealwaysthoughtoftheminthatsuccession—inevitablycelebratedtheirengagementatje
apicnicthirtyyearsbefore,hadbeen,oflateyears,je
averitablenightmaretoValancy.Byanimpishcoincidenceitwasthe
isti
samedayasherbirthdayin
and,aftershehadpassedtwenty-five,nobodyletherforgetto
it.Muchasshehatedgoingto
je
thepicnic,itwouldneverhaveoccurredtohertorebelagainstit.Ni
Thereseemedtobenothingofje
therevolutionaryinhernature.In
Andsheknewexactlywhatvsak
everyonewouldsaytoheratje
thepicnic.UncleWellington,whomshedisliked
in
anddespisedeventhoughhehadfulfilledthehighestStirlingaspiration,“marryingmoney,”wouldrekel
saytoherinapig’swhisper,“Notthinkingofgettingmarriedyet,mydear?”in
andthengooffintothebellowoflaughters
withwhichheinvariablyconcludedhisdullremarks.AuntWellington,ofwhomValancystoodinabjectawe,wouldtellher
o
aboutOlive’snewchiffondressin
andCecil’slastdevotedletter.Valancywouldhavetolookaspleased
in
andinterestedasifthedressin
andletterhadbeenhersorelseAuntWellingtonwouldbeoffended.In
AndValancyhadlongagodecidedda
thatshewouldratheroffendGodkot
thanAuntWellington,becauseGodmightforgiveherbutAuntWellingtonnikoli
neverwould.AuntAlberta,enormouslyfat,
z
withanamiablehabitofvedno
alwaysreferringtoherhusbandas“he,”asifheweretheonlymalecreatureinthesvetu
world,whocouldneverforgetthatshehadbeenagreatbeautyinheryouth,wouldcondolez
withValancyonhersallowskin—.“Idon’t
vem
knowwhyallthegirlsoftodayaresosunburned.Ko
WhenIwasagirlmyskinwasrosesin
andcream.Iwascountedtheprettiest
dekle
girlinCanada,mydear.”Morda
PerhapsUncleHerbertwouldn’tsayanything—ormorda
perhapshewouldremarkjocularly,“Howfatyou’regetting,Doss!”In
Andtheneverybodywouldlaughovertheexcessivelyhumorousideaofubogi
poor,scrawnylittleDossgettingfat.Handsome,solemn
Stric
UncleJames,whomValancydislikedvendar
butrespectedbecausehewasreputedtobezelo
verycleverandwasthereforetheclanoracle—brainsbeingnonepreveč
tooplentifulintheStirlingconnection—wouldverjetno
probablyremarkwiththeowl-likesarcasmthathadwonhimhisreputation,“Isupposeyou’rebusys
withyourhope-chestthesedays?”In
AndUncleBenjaminwouldasknekaj
someofhisabominableconundrums,med
betweenwheezychuckles,andanswerthemhimself.“Whatisthedifference
med
betweenDossandamouse?“ThemousewishestoharmthecheeseandDosswishestocharmthehe’s.”
Valancyhadheardhim
vprašati
askthatriddlefiftytimesin
andeverytimeshewantedtothrownekaj
somethingathim.Butshe
nikoli
neverdid.Inthefirstplace,theStirlingssimplydidnotthrowthings;
inthesecond
mestu
place,UncleBenjaminwasawealthyin
andchildlessoldwidowerandValancyhadbeenbroughtupinthefearin
andadmonitionofhismoney.Če
Ifsheoffendedhimhewouldcutheroutofhiswill—supposingshewereinit.ValancydidnotwanttobecutoutofUncleBenjamin’swill.
Shehadbeenpoor
vse
allherlifeandknewje
thegallingbitternessofit.Sosheenduredhisriddles
in
andevensmiledtorturedlittlesmilesnad
overthem.AuntIsabel,downright
in
anddisagreeableasaneastwind,wouldcriticiseherinsomeway—Valancycouldnotpredictjustkako
how,forAuntIsabelneverrepeatedacriticism—shefoundsomethingnovega
newwithwhichtojabyoueverytime.AuntIsabelpridedherselfonsayingwhatshethought,
vendar
butdidn’tlikeitsowellko
whenotherpeoplesaidwhattheythoughttoji
her.Valancyneversaidwhatshethought.
CousinGeorgiana—named
po
afterhergreat-great-grand-mother,whohadbeennamedpo
afterGeorgetheFourth—wouldrecountdolorouslyje
thenamesofallrelativesin
andfriendswhohaddiedsinceje
thelastpicnicandwonder“whichofusbo
willbethefirsttogonext.”Oppressivelycompetent,AuntMildredwouldtalkendlesslyofherhusband
in
andherodiousprodigiesofbabiestoValancy,ker
becauseValancywouldbetheedini
onlyoneshecouldfindtoputupwithit.Forthesamereason,CousinGladys—really
Prva
FirstCousinGladysonceremoved,accordingtothestrictwayinwhichtheStirlingstabulatedrelationship—atall,thingospa
ladywhoadmittedshehadasensitivedisposition,woulddescribeminutelythetorturesofherneuritis.In
AndOlive,thewondergirlofje
thewholeStirlingclan,whohadvse
everythingValancyhadnot—beauty,popularity,love,—wouldshowoffherbeautyin
andpresumeonherpopularityin
andflauntherdiamondinsigniaofljubezen
loveinValancy’sdazzled,enviouseyes.Therewouldbenoneofall
tega
thistoday.Andtherewouldbe
ne
nopackingupofteaspoons.Je
ThepackingupwasalwaysleftforValancyin
andCousinStickles.Andonce,sixyears
pred
ago,asilverteaspoonfromAuntWellington’sweddingsethadbeenlost.Valancy
nikoli
neverheardthelastofthatsilverteaspoon.ItsghostappearedBanquo-likeateverysubsequentfamilyfeast.
Oh,
ja
yes,Valancyknewexactlywhatje
thepicnicwouldbelikein
andsheblessedtherainki
thathadsavedherfromit.Therewouldbenopicnicthisyear.
Če
IfAuntWellingtoncouldnotcelebrateonthesacreddan
dayitselfshewouldhavenocelebrationatall.Hvala
Thankwhatevergodstherewereforthat.Ker
Sincetherewouldbenopicnic,Valancymadeuphermindthat,če
iftherainheldupinje
theafternoon,shewouldgouptoje
thelibraryandgetanotherofJohnFoster’sbooks.Valancywas
nikoli
neverallowedtoreadnovels,toda
butJohnFoster’sbookswerenotnovels.Theywere“naturebooks”—so
je
thelibrariantoldMrs.FrederickStirling—“allo
aboutthewoodsandbirdsin
andbugsandthingsliketo
that,youknow.”SoValancywasallowedtoreadthem—underprotest,foritwas
samo
onlytooevidentthatsheenjoyedthempreveč
toomuch.Itwaspermissible,
celo
evenlaudable,toreadtoimproveyourum
mindandyourreligion,butje
abookthatwasenjoyablewasdangerous.Valancydidnotknowwhetherher
um
mindwasbeingimprovedornot;toda
butshefeltvaguelythatče
ifshehadcomeacrossJohnFoster’sbooksyearspred
agolifemighthavebeenje
adifferentthingforher.Theyseemedtohertoyieldglimpsesofa
svet
worldintowhichshemightnekoč
oncehaveentered,thoughthevrata
doorwasforeverbarredtoherzdaj
now.Itwasonlywithinthelast
letu
yearthatJohnFoster’sbookshadbeenintheDeerwoodlibrary,čeprav
thoughthelibrariantoldValancyda
thathehadbeenawell-knownwriterforseveralyears.“Wheredoeshelive?”
Valancyhadasked.
“Nobodyknows.
Fromhisbookshe
mora
mustbeaCanadian,butni
nomoreinformationcanbehad.Hispublisherswon’tsayaword.
Zelo
QuitelikelyJohnFosterisanomdeplume.Hisbooksaresopopularwecan’t
obdržati
keeptheminatall,čeprav
thoughIreallycan’tseewhatpeoplefindinthemtoraveover.”“I
mislim
thinkthey’rewonderful,”saidValancy,timidly.“Oh—well—”
MissClarksonsmiledin
je
apatronisingfashionthatrelegatedValancy’sopinionstolimbo,“Ican’treči
sayIcaremuchforbugsmyself.ButcertainlyFosterseemsto
vedeti
knowallthereistovedeti
knowaboutthem.”Valancydidn’tknowwhethershecaredmuchforbugseither.
ItwasnotJohnFoster’suncannyknowledgeofwildcreatures
in
andinsectlifethatenthralledher.Shecouldhardly
povedati
saywhatitwas—sometantalisinglureofje
amysteryneverrevealed—somehintofje
agreatsecretjustamalo
littlefurtheron—somefaint,elusiveechooflovely,forgottenthings—JohnFoster’smagicwasindefinable.Da
Yes,shewouldgetanovo
newFosterbook.Itwas
je
amonthsinceshehadThistleHarvest,sosurelyMati
Mothercouldnotobject.Valancyhadreaditfourtimes—sheknewwholepassagesoffbyheart.
And—she
skoraj
almostthoughtshewouldgoandseeDr.Trentaboutda
thatqueerpainaroundthesrca
heart.Ithadcomeratheroftenlately,
in
andthepalpitationswerebecomingannoying,nottospeakofanoccasionaldizzymomentin
andaqueershortnessofbreath.Ampak
Butcouldshegotoseehimwithouttellinganyone?Itwas
je
amostdaringthought.NoneoftheStirlingseverconsultedadoctorwithoutholdingafamilycouncil
in
andgettingUncleJames’approval.Then,theywenttoDr.AmbroseMarshofPortLawrence,
ki
whohadmarriedSecondCousinAdelaideStirling.Toda
ButValancydislikedDr.AmbroseMarsh.And,besides,shecouldnot
priti
gettoPortLawrence,fifteenmilesstran
away,withoutbeingtakenthere.Shedidnotwantanyonetoknowabouther
srce
heart.Therewouldbesuchafussmade
in
andeverymemberofthefamilywouldprišel
comedownandtalkitoverin
andadviseherandcautionherin
andwarnherandtellherhorribletalesofgreat-auntsin
andcousinsfortytimesremovedwhohadbeen“justkot
likethat”and“droppeddeadbrez
withoutamoment’swarning,mydear.”AuntIsabelwouldrememberthatshehad
vedno
alwayssaidDosslookedlikeje
agirlwhowouldhavehearttrouble—“sopinchedin
andpeakedalways”;andUncleWellingtonwouldtakeitasapersonalinsult,
ko
when“noStirlingeverhadheartdiseasebefore”;in
andGeorgianawouldforebodeinperfectlyaudibleasidesda
that“poor,dearlittleDossisn’tdolgo
longforthisworld,I’mafraid”;in
andCousinGladyswouldsay,“Why,mysrce
hearthasbeenlikethatforyears,”inje
atonethatimpliednooneelsehadanybusinesseventohaveje
aheart;andOlive—Olivewouldmerelylook
lepa
beautifulandsuperioranddisgustinglyhealthy,asiftosay,“Whyallta
thisfussoverafadedsuperfluitylikeDossko
whenyouhaveme?”Valancyfeltthatshecouldn’ttellanybodyunlessshehadto.
Shefelt
povsem
quitesuretherewasnothingatvseh
allseriouslywrongwithherheartin
andnoneedofallje
thepotherthatwouldensueče
ifshementionedit.ShewouldjustslipupquietlyandseeDr.Trentthatveryday.
Asforhisbill,shehad
je
thetwohundreddollarsthatheroče
fatherhadputinthebankforherje
thedayshewasborn.Shewas
nikoli
neverallowedtouseevenje
theinterestofthis,butshewouldsecretlytakeoutdovolj
enoughtopayDr.Trent.Dr.
Trentwasagruff,outspoken,absent-mindedoldfellow,
vendar
buthewasarecognisedauthorityonheartdisease,evenifheweresamo
onlyageneralpractitionerinout-of-the-worldDeerwood.Dr.Trentwasoverseventy
in
andtherehadbeenrumoursthathemeanttoretirekmalu
soon.NoneoftheStirlingclanhadevergonetohim
odkar
sincehehadtoldCousinGladys,tenyearspred
before,thatherneuritiswasallimaginaryin
andthatsheenjoyedit.Youcouldn’tpatroniseadoctorwhoinsultedyourfirst-cousin-once-removedlikethat—nottomentionthathewasaPresbyterian
ko
whenalltheStirlingswenttotheAnglicanchurch.CHAPTERII
Ko
WhenCousinSticklesknockedathervrata
door,Valancyknewitwashalf-pastsevenin
andshemustgetup.Aslongasshecouldremember,CousinStickleshadknockedather
vrata
doorathalf-pastseven.CousinStickles
in
andMrs.FrederickStirlinghadbeenupsinceseven,vendar
butValancywasallowedtolieabedpol
halfanhourlongerbecauseofafamilytraditionthatshewasdelicate.Valancygotup,
čeprav
thoughshehatedgettingupbolj
morethismorningthanevershehadbefore.