CHAPTERI
Ifithadnotrainedon
в
acertainMaymorningValancyStirling’sвся
wholelifewouldhavebeenсовершенно
entirelydifferent.Shewouldhavegone,
с
withtherestofherclan,toAuntWellington’sengagementpicnicа
andDr.TrentwouldhavegonetoMontreal.Но
Butitdidrainandyoushallhearwhathappenedtoherbecauseofit.Valancywakened
рано
early,inthelifeless,hopelessчас
hourjustprecedingdawn.Shehadnotslept
очень
verywell.Onedoesnotsleepwell,
иногда
sometimes,whenoneistwenty-nineonthemorrow,и
andunmarried,inacommunityи
andconnectionwheretheunmarriedareпросто
simplythosewhohavefailedtogetaчеловек
man.DeerwoodandtheStirlingshadlongsincerelegatedValancytohopelessoldmaidenhood.
Но
ButValancyherselfhadneverquiterelinquishedacertainpitiful,shamed,littlehopeчто
thatRomancewouldcomeherwayyet—never,untilthiswet,horriblemorning,когда
whenshewakenedtothefactчто
thatshewastwenty-nineandunsoughtbyanyмужчина
man.Ay,therelaythesting.
Valancydidnotmindsomuchbeinganoldmaid.
Afterall,shethought,beinganoldmaidcouldn’tpossiblybeas
ужасно
dreadfulasbeingmarriedtoanUncleWellingtonили
oranUncleBenjamin,orдаже
evenanUncleHerbert.Whathurtherwasthatshehadneverhadachancetobeanythingbutanoldmaid.
Не
Nomanhadeverdesiredее
her.Thetearscameintohereyesasshelay
там
therealoneinthefaintlygreyingтемноте
darkness.Shedarednotletherself
плакать
cryashardasshewantedto,fortworeasons.Shewasafraid
что
thatcryingmightbringonanotherприступ
attackofthatpainaroundtheheart.Shehadhad
в
aspellofitaftershehadgotintobed—ratherхуже
worsethananyshehadhadеще
yet.Andshewasafraidher
мать
motherwouldnoticeherredeyesatbreakfastи
andkeepatherwithminute,persistent,mosquito-likequestionsregardingthecausethereof.“Suppose,”thoughtValancy
с
withaghastlygrin,“Iansweredс
withtheplaintruth,‘Iamcryingпотому что
becauseIcannotgetmarried.’Как
HowhorrifiedMotherwouldbe—thoughsheisashamedкаждый
everydayofherlifeofheroldmaiddaughter.”Но
Butofcourseappearancesshouldbekeptup.“Itisnot,”Valancycouldhearhermother’sprim,dictatorial
голос
voiceasserting,“itisnotmaidenlytothinkо
aboutmen.”Thethoughtofhermother’sexpressionmadeValancylaugh—forshehada
чувство
senseofhumournobodyinherclansuspected.Forthatmatter,therewereagood
много
manythingsaboutValancythatникто
nobodysuspected.Butherlaughterwas
очень
verysuperficialandpresentlyshelayтам
there,ahuddled,futilelittlefigure,listeningtotheдождь
rainpouringdownoutsideandwatching,с
withasickdistaste,thechill,mercilessсвет
lightcreepingintoherugly,sordidroom.Sheknewtheuglinessofthatroombyheart—knewit
и
andhatedit.Theyellow-painted
пол
floor,withonehideous,“hooked”rugbythebed,с
withagrotesque,“hooked”dogonit,всегда
alwaysgrinningatherwhensheawoke;thefaded,dark-red
бумага
paper;theceilingdiscolouredbyoldleaks
и
andcrossedbycracks;the
узкий
narrow,pinchedlittlewashstand;thebrown-paperlambrequin
с
withpurplerosesonit;thespottedoldlooking-glass
с
withthecrackacrossit,proppedupontheinadequatedressing-table;the
кувшин
jarofancientpotpourrimadebyhermotherinhermythicalмедовый месяц
honeymoon;theshell-coveredbox,withoneburstcorner,whichCousinStickleshadmadeinher
столь же
equallymythicalgirlhood;thebeadedpincushion
с
withhalfitsbeadfringegone;the
один
onestiff,yellowchair;thefaded
старый
oldmotto,“Gonebutnotforgotten,”workedincolouredyarnsо
aboutGreat-grand-motherStirling’sgrimoldface;theoldphotographsof
древних
ancientrelativeslongbanishedfromtheroomsниже
below.Therewereonlytwopictures
которые
thatwerenotofrelatives.One,an
старый
oldchromoofapuppysittingonarainyпороге
doorstep.ThatpicturealwaysmadeValancy
несчастным
unhappy.Thatforlornlittledogcrouchedonthe
пороге
doorstepinthedrivingrain!Почему
Whydidn’tsomeoneopentheдверь
doorandlethimin?Theotherpicturewasafaded,passe-partoutedengravingofQueenLouisecomingdownastairway,which
Тетя
AuntWellingtonhadlavishlygivenheronherдесятый
tenthbirthday.Fornineteenyearsshehadlookedatit
и
andhatedit,beautiful,smug,self-satisfiedQueenLouise.Но
Butsheneverdareddestroyitили
orremoveit.Motherand
Кузен
CousinStickleswouldhavebeenaghast,или
or,asValancyirreverentlyexpresseditinherthoughts,wouldу
havehadafit.Every
комната
roominthehousewasugly,ofконечно
course.Butdownstairsappearanceswerekeptupsomewhat.
Therewas
не
nomoneyforroomsnobodyeversaw.Valancy
иногда
sometimesfeltthatshecouldhavedoneто
somethingforherroomherself,даже
evenwithoutmoney,ifshewerepermitted.Но
Buthermotherhadnegativedeverytimidпредложение
suggestionandValancydidnotpersist.Valancyneverpersisted.
Shewasafraidto.
Her
мать
mothercouldnotbrookopposition.Mrs.Stirlingwouldsulkfordays
если
ifoffended,withtheairsofaninsultedduchess.TheonlythingValancylikedaboutherroomwasthatshecouldbe
одна
alonethereatnighttoплакать
cryifshewantedto.Но
But,afterall,whatdiditmatterесли
ifaroom,whichyouusedfornothingexceptsleepingи
anddressingin,wereugly?Valancywasneverpermittedto
оставаться
stayaloneinherroomforanyдругих
otherpurpose.Peoplewhowantedtobealone,soMrs.FrederickStirling
и
andCousinSticklesbelieved,couldonlywanttobealoneforsomesinisterpurpose.Но
ButherroomintheBlueCastlewaseverythingaкомната
roomshouldbe.Valancy,socowed
и
andsubduedandoverriddenandsnubbedinrealжизни
life,waswonttoletherselfgoдовольно
rathersplendidlyinherday-dreams.Никто
NobodyintheStirlingclan,или
oritsramifications,suspectedthis,leastofallherмать
motherandCousinStickles.Theyneverknew
что
thatValancyhadtwohomes—theuglyкрасный
redbrickboxofaдома
home,onElmStreet,andtheГолубой
BlueCastleinSpain.ValancyhadlivedspirituallyintheBlueCastleever
с
sinceshecouldremember.Shehadbeena
очень
verytinychildwhenshefoundherselfpossessedofit.Всегда
Always,whensheshuthereyes,shecouldвидеть
seeitplainly,withitsturretsи
andbannersonthepine-cladгоры
mountainheight,wrappedinitsfaint,голубой
blueloveliness,againstthesunsetskiesofafairи
andunknownland.Everythingwonderful
и
andbeautifulwasinthatcastle.Jewels
которые
thatqueensmighthaveworn;robesofmoonlight
и
andfire;couchesofroses
и
andgold;longflightsofshallowmarblesteps,
с
withgreat,whiteurns,andс
withslender,mist-cladmaidensgoingвверх
upanddownthem;courts,marble-pillared,
где
whereshimmeringfountainsfellandnightingalessangсреди
amongthemyrtles;hallsofmirrorsthatreflected
только
onlyhandsomeknightsandlovelywomen—herselfв
theloveliestofall,forwhoseвзгляд
glancemendied.Allthatsupportedherthroughtheboredomofherdayswasthe
надежда
hopeofgoingonadreamspreeatnight.Большинство
Most,ifnotall,oftheStirlingswouldhavediedofhorrorесли
iftheyhadknownhalfthethingsValancydidinherBlueCastle.Foronethingshehad
довольно
quiteafewloversinit.Oh,
только
onlyoneatatime.One
кто
whowooedherwithalltheromanticardouroftheageofchivalryи
andwonherafterlongdevotionи
andmanydeedsofderring-do,и
andwasweddedtoherwithpompи
andcircumstanceinthegreat,banner-hungchapeloftheBlueCastle.Attwelve,
этот
thisloverwasafairladс
withgoldencurlsandheavenlyblueeyes.Atfifteen,hewastall
и
anddarkandpale,butвсе равно
stillnecessarilyhandsome.Attwenty,hewasascetic,dreamy,spiritual.
Attwenty-five,hehadaclean-cutjaw,
слегка
slightlygrim,andafacestrongandruggedratherthanhandsome.Valancynevergrewolderthantwenty-fiveinherBlueCastle,
но
butrecently—veryrecently—herherohadhadreddish,tawnyволосы
hair,atwistedsmileandamysteriouspast.Idon’tsayValancydeliberatelymurderedtheseloversassheoutgrew
их
them.Onesimplyfadedawayas
другой
anothercame.Thingsareveryconvenientinthis
отношении
respectinBlueCastles.But,on
это
thismorningofherdayoffate,Valancycouldnotнайти
findthekeyofherBlueCastle.Реальность
Realitypressedonhertoohardly,barkingatherheelsкак
likeamaddeninglittledog.Shewastwenty-nine,lonely,undesired,ill-favoured—theonlyhomelygirlinahandsomeclan,with
без
nopastandnofuture.Asfarasshecouldlook
назад
back,lifewasdrabandcolourless,withnotoneединого
singlecrimsonorpurplespotanywhere.Asfarasshecould
смотреть
lookforwarditseemedcertaintobejusttheже
sameuntilshewasnothingbutasolitary,littlewitheredleafclingingtoawintrybough.The
момент
momentwhenawomanrealisesчто
thatshehasnothingtoжить
livefor—neitherlove,duty,purposeни
norhope—holdsforherthebitternessofсмерти
death.“AndIjusthavetogoonliving
потому что
becauseIcan’tstop.Imayhaveto
прожить
liveeightyyears,”thoughtValancy,inakindofpanic.“We’re
все
allhorriblylong-lived.Itsickensmeto
думать
thinkofit.”Shewasgladitwasraining—or
скорее
rather,shewasdrearilysatisfiedчто
thatitwasraining.Therewouldbe
не
nopicnicthatday.This
ежегодный
annualpicnic,wherebyAuntandДядя
UncleWellington—onealwaysthoughtoftheminthatsuccession—inevitablycelebratedtheirengagementataпикник
picnicthirtyyearsbefore,hadbeen,oflateyears,averitablenightmaretoValancy.Byanimpishcoincidenceitwasthesame
день
dayasherbirthdayand,после
aftershehadpassedtwenty-five,никто
nobodyletherforgetit.Muchasshehatedgoingtothe
пикник
picnic,itwouldneverhaveoccurredtohertoвосстать
rebelagainstit.Thereseemedtobe
ничего
nothingoftherevolutionaryinhernature.И
Andsheknewexactlywhatвсе
everyonewouldsaytoheratthepicnic.Дядя
UncleWellington,whomshedislikedи
anddespisedeventhoughhehadfulfilledthehighestStirlingaspiration,“marryingmoney,”wouldsaytoherinapig’swhisper,“Notthinkingofgettingmarriedyet,mydear?”и
andthengooffintoв
thebellowoflaughterwithwhichheinvariablyconcludedhisdullremarks.Тетя
AuntWellington,ofwhomValancystoodinabjectawe,wouldtellherо
aboutOlive’snewchiffondressи
andCecil’slastdevotedletter.Valancywouldhaveto
выглядеть
lookaspleasedandinterestedasесли
ifthedressandletterhadbeenhersorelseТетя
AuntWellingtonwouldbeoffended.AndValancyhadlongagodecided
что
thatshewouldratheroffendБог
GodthanAuntWellington,becauseБог
GodmightforgiveherbutТетя
AuntWellingtonneverwould.AuntAlberta,enormouslyfat,
с
withanamiablehabitofвсегда
alwaysreferringtoherhusbandas“he,”asifheweretheonlymalecreatureintheмире
world,whocouldneverforgetчто
thatshehadbeenagreatbeautyinheryouth,wouldcondoleс
withValancyonhersallowskin—.“Idon’t
знаю
knowwhyallthegirlsoftodayaresosunburned.Когда
WhenIwasagirlmyкожа
skinwasrosesandcream.IwascountedtheprettiestgirlinCanada,mydear.”
Возможно
PerhapsUncleHerbertwouldn’tsayanything—orвозможно
perhapshewouldremarkjocularly,“Howfatyou’regetting,Doss!”И
Andtheneverybodywouldlaughнад
overtheexcessivelyhumorousideaofpoor,scrawnylittleDossgettingfat.Красивый
Handsome,solemnUncleJames,whomValancydislikedно
butrespectedbecausehewasreputedtobeочень
verycleverandwasthereforetheclanoracle—brainsbeingnoneслишком
tooplentifulintheStirlingconnection—wouldвероятно
probablyremarkwiththeowl-likesarcasmчто
thathadwonhimhisрепутацию
reputation,“Isupposeyou’rebusywithyourhope-chestэти
thesedays?”AndUncleBenjaminwouldask
некоторые
someofhisabominableconundrums,между
betweenwheezychuckles,andanswerthemhimself.“Whatisthe
разница
differencebetweenDossandamouse?“The
мышь
mousewishestoharmthecheeseа
andDosswishestocharmthehe’s.”Valancyhadheardhimask
что
thatriddlefiftytimesandкаждый
everytimeshewantedtoбросить
throwsomethingathim.Butsheneverdid.
Inthefirstplace,theStirlings
просто
simplydidnotthrowthings;inthesecondplace,
Дядя
UncleBenjaminwasawealthyи
andchildlessoldwidowerandValancyhadbeenbroughtupinthefearи
andadmonitionofhismoney.Если
Ifsheoffendedhimhewouldcutheroutofhiswill—supposingshewereinit.ValancydidnotwanttobecutoutofUncleBenjamin’swill.
Shehadbeenpoorallher
жизнь
lifeandknewthegallingbitternessofit.Sosheenduredhisriddles
и
andevensmiledtorturedlittlesmilesнад
overthem.AuntIsabel,downright
и
anddisagreeableasaneastветер
wind,wouldcriticiseherinsomeway—Valancycouldnotпредсказать
predictjusthow,forAuntIsabelneverrepeatedacriticism—shefoundто
somethingnewwithwhichtojabyouкаждый
everytime.AuntIsabelpridedherselfonsayingwhatshethought,
но
butdidn’tlikeitsowellкогда
whenotherpeoplesaidwhattheythoughttoей
her.Valancyneversaidwhatshethought.
CousinGeorgiana—named
после
afterhergreat-great-grand-mother,whohadbeennamedпосле
afterGeorgetheFourth—wouldrecountdolorouslythenamesofallrelativesи
andfriendswhohaddiedс
sincethelastpicnicandwonder“whichofusбудет
willbethefirsttogonext.”Oppressivelycompetent,
Тетя
AuntMildredwouldtalkendlesslyofherhusbandи
andherodiousprodigiesofbabiestoValancy,потому что
becauseValancywouldbetheonlyoneshecouldнайти
findtoputupwithit.Forthe
же
samereason,CousinGladys—reallyFirstCousinGladysкогда
onceremoved,accordingtothestrictwayinчто
whichtheStirlingstabulatedrelationship—atall,thinladywhoadmittedshehadaчувствительный
sensitivedisposition,woulddescribeminutelythetorturesofherneuritis.AndOlive,thewonder
девушка
girlofthewholeStirlingclan,whohadвсе
everythingValancyhadnot—beauty,popularity,love,—wouldshowoffherкрасота
beautyandpresumeonherпопулярность
popularityandflauntherdiamondinsigniaofлюбовь
loveinValancy’sdazzled,enviouseyes.Therewouldbenoneofallthis
сегодня
today.Andtherewouldbe
не
nopackingupofteaspoons.Thepackingupwas
всегда
alwaysleftforValancyandCousinStickles.И
Andonce,sixyearsago,asilverteaspoonfromAuntWellington’sweddingsethadbeenlost.Valancyneverheardthelastofthatsilverteaspoon.
Its
призрак
ghostappearedBanquo-likeateverysubsequentfamilyfeast.Oh,
да
yes,Valancyknewexactlywhattheпикник
picnicwouldbelikeandsheblessedtheдождь
rainthathadsavedherfromit.Therewouldbe
не
nopicnicthisyear.If
Тетя
AuntWellingtoncouldnotcelebrateontheсвященный
sacreddayitselfshewouldу
havenocelebrationatall.Слава
Thankwhatevergodstherewereforэто
that.Sincetherewouldbe
не
nopicnic,Valancymadeuphermindчто
that,iftherainheldupintheднем
afternoon,shewouldgouptothelibraryи
andgetanotherofJohnFoster’sbooks.Valancywasneverallowedto
читать
readnovels,butJohnFoster’sbookswerenotnovels.Theywere“naturebooks”—sothe
библиотекарь
librariantoldMrs.FrederickStirling—“allо
aboutthewoodsandbirdsи
andbugsandthingslikethat,youknow.”SoValancywasallowedto
прочитать
readthem—underprotest,foritwasonlyслишком
tooevidentthatsheenjoyedthemслишком
toomuch.Itwaspermissible,
даже
evenlaudable,toreadtoулучшить
improveyourmindandyourreligion,но
butabookthatwasenjoyablewasdangerous.Valancydidnotknow
ли
whetherhermindwasbeingimprovedили
ornot;butshefeltvaguely
что
thatifshehadcomeacrossJohnFoster’sbooksyearsназад
agolifemighthavebeenadifferentthingforнее
her.Theyseemedtohertoyieldglimpsesofa
мире
worldintowhichshemightкогда
oncehaveentered,thoughtheдверь
doorwasforeverbarredtoherтеперь
now.Itwasonlywithinthelast
лет
yearthatJohnFoster’sbookshadbeenintheDeerwoodlibrary,хотя
thoughthelibrariantoldValancyчто
thathehadbeenawell-knownwriterforseveralyears.“Wheredoeshelive?”
Valancyhadasked.
“Nobodyknows.
FromhisbookshemustbeaCanadian,
но
butnomoreinformationcanbehad.Hispublisherswon’tsayaword.
Quite
скорее всего
likelyJohnFosterisanomdeplume.Hisbooksaresopopularwecan’t
держать
keeptheminatall,хотя
thoughIreallycan’tseewhatлюди
peoplefindinthemtoraveover.”“I
думаю
thinkthey’rewonderful,”saidValancy,timidly.“Oh—well—”
Мисс
MissClarksonsmiledinapatronisingfashionчто
thatrelegatedValancy’sopinionstolimbo,“Ican’tсказать
sayIcaremuchforbugsmyself.Но
ButcertainlyFosterseemstoзнать
knowallthereistoзнать
knowaboutthem.”Valancydidn’tknow
ли
whethershecaredmuchforbugseither.ItwasnotJohnFoster’suncanny
знание
knowledgeofwildcreaturesandнасекомых
insectlifethatenthralledher.Shecould
едва
hardlysaywhatitwas—sometantalisingприманка
lureofamysteryneverrevealed—someнамек
hintofagreatsecretjustalittleдальше
furtheron—somefaint,elusiveechooflovely,forgottenthings—JohnFoster’sмагия
magicwasindefinable.Yes,shewouldgetanewFosterbook.
Itwasa
месяц
monthsinceshehadThistleУрожай
Harvest,sosurelyMothercouldnotвозражать
object.Valancyhadreadit
четыре
fourtimes—sheknewwholepassagesoffbyheart.And—she
почти
almostthoughtshewouldgoи
andseeDr.Trentaboutчто
thatqueerpainaroundtheheart.Ithadcome
довольно
ratheroftenlately,andthepalpitationswerebecomingannoying,nottospeakofanoccasionaldizzyмомент
momentandaqueershortnessofbreath.Но
Butcouldshegotoseehimwithouttellinganyone?Itwasamostdaringthought.
Ни один
NoneoftheStirlingseverconsultedadoctorбез
withoutholdingafamilycouncilи
andgettingUncleJames’approval.Then,theywenttoDr.AmbroseMarshof
Порт
PortLawrence,whohadmarriedSecondCousinAdelaideStirling.Но
ButValancydislikedDr.AmbroseMarsh.И
And,besides,shecouldnotдобраться
gettoPortLawrence,fifteenmilesaway,без
withoutbeingtakenthere.Shedidnotwantanyonetoknow
о
aboutherheart.Therewouldbesuchafussmade
и
andeverymemberoftheсемьи
familywouldcomedownandtalkitoverи
andadviseherandcautionherи
andwarnherandtellherhorribletalesofgreat-auntsи
andcousinsfortytimesremovedwhohadbeen“justlikethat”и
and“droppeddeadwithoutamoment’swarning,mydear.”Тетя
AuntIsabelwouldrememberthatshehadвсегда
alwayssaidDosslookedlikeaдевушка
girlwhowouldhavehearttrouble—“sopinchedи
andpeakedalways”;andUncleWellingtonwouldtakeitasapersonal
оскорбление
insult,when“noStirlingeverhadheartболезни
diseasebefore”;andGeorgianawouldforebodein
совершенно
perfectlyaudibleasidesthat“poor,дорогой
dearlittleDossisn’tlongforthisworld,I’mafraid”;и
andCousinGladyswouldsay,“Why,myсердце
hearthasbeenlikethatforyears,”inatoneчто
thatimpliednooneelsehadanybusinessдаже
eventohaveaheart;и
andOlive—Olivewouldmerelylookbeautifulи
andsuperioranddisgustinglyhealthy,asiftosay,“Whyallэта
thisfussoverafadedsuperfluitylikeDossкогда
whenyouhaveme?”Valancyfelt
что
thatshecouldn’ttellanybodyесли
unlessshehadto.Shefelt
вполне
quitesuretherewasnothingatallсерьезно
seriouslywrongwithherheartи
andnoneedofallthepotherчто
thatwouldensueifshementionedit.Shewould
просто
justslipupquietlyandseeDr.Trentthatveryдень
day.Asforhisbill,shehadthetwohundreddollarsthather
отец
fatherhadputintheбанк
bankforherthedayshewasрождения
born.Shewasneverallowedto
использовать
useeventheinterestofthis,но
butshewouldsecretlytakeoutдостаточно
enoughtopayDr.Trent.Dr.
Trentwasagruff,outspoken,absent-mindedoldfellow,
но
buthewasarecognisedauthorityonheartdisease,даже
evenifhewereonlyageneralpractitionerinout-of-the-worldDeerwood.Dr.Trentwasoverseventy
и
andtherehadbeenrumoursчто
thathemeanttoretireвскоре
soon.NoneoftheStirlingclanhadevergonetohim
с
sincehehadtoldCousinGladys,десять
tenyearsbefore,thatherneuritiswasallimaginaryи
andthatsheenjoyedit.Youcouldn’tpatroniseadoctor
который
whoinsultedyourfirst-cousin-once-removedlikethat—nottoговоря уже о
mentionthathewasaPresbyterianкогда
whenalltheStirlingswenttotheAnglicanцерковь
church.CHAPTERII
WhenCousinSticklesknockedather
дверь
door,Valancyknewitwashalf-pastsevenи
andshemustgetup.Aslongasshecould
вспомнить
remember,CousinStickleshadknockedatherдверь
doorathalf-pastseven.CousinStickles
и
andMrs.FrederickStirlinghadbeenupс
sinceseven,butValancywasallowedtolieabedhalfanhourlongerbecauseofafamilyтрадиции
traditionthatshewasdelicate.Valancygotup,
хотя
thoughshehatedgettingupбольше
morethismorningthanevershehadраньше
before.