CHAPTERI
Ifithadnotrainedon
в
acertainMaymorningValancyStirling’sвся
wholelifewouldhavebeenentirelyдругой
different.Shewouldhavegone,
с
withtherestofherclan,toAuntWellington’sengagementpicnicа
andDr.TrentwouldhavegonetoMontreal.Но
Butitdidrainandyoushallhearwhathappenedtoherbecauseofit.Valancywakenedearly,inthelifeless,hopeless
час
hourjustprecedingdawn.Shehadnotslept
очень
verywell.Onedoesnotsleepwell,
иногда
sometimes,whenoneistwenty-nineonthemorrow,и
andunmarried,inacommunityи
andconnectionwheretheunmarriedaresimplyте
thosewhohavefailedtogetaчеловек
man.DeerwoodandtheStirlingshadlongsincerelegatedValancytohopelessoldmaidenhood.
Но
ButValancyherselfhadneverquiterelinquishedacertainpitiful,shamed,littlehopeчто
thatRomancewouldcomeherwayyet—never,untilthiswet,horriblemorning,когда
whenshewakenedtothefactчто
thatshewastwenty-nineandunsoughtbyanyмужчина
man.Ay,therelaythesting.
Valancydidnotmindsomuchbeinganoldmaid.
Afterall,shethought,beinganoldmaidcouldn’tpossiblybeasdreadfulasbeing
замужем
marriedtoanUncleWellingtonили
oranUncleBenjamin,orдаже
evenanUncleHerbert.Whathurtherwasthatshehadneverhadachancetobeanythingbutanoldmaid.
Не
Nomanhadeverdesiredее
her.Thetearscameintohereyesasshelay
там
therealoneinthefaintlygreyingdarkness.Shedarednotletherselfcryashardasshewantedto,fortworeasons.
Shewasafraid
что
thatcryingmightbringonanotherattackofчто
thatpainaroundtheheart.Shehadhad
в
aspellofitaftershehadgotintobed—ratherworseчем
thananyshehadhadеще
yet.Andshewasafraidher
мать
motherwouldnoticeherredeyesatbreakfastи
andkeepatherwithminute,persistent,mosquito-likequestionsregardingthecausethereof.“Suppose,”thoughtValancy
с
withaghastlygrin,“Iansweredс
withtheplaintruth,‘Iamcryingпотому что
becauseIcannotgetmarried.’Как
HowhorrifiedMotherwouldbe—thoughsheisashamedкаждый
everydayofherlifeofheroldmaiddaughter.”Но
Butofcourseappearancesshouldbekeptup.“Itisnot,”Valancycouldhearhermother’sprim,dictatorialvoiceasserting,“itisnotmaidenlytothink
о
aboutmen.”Thethoughtofhermother’sexpressionmadeValancylaugh—forshehadasenseofhumour
никто
nobodyinherclansuspected.Forthatmatter,therewereagood
много
manythingsaboutValancythatникто
nobodysuspected.Butherlaughterwas
очень
verysuperficialandpresentlyshelayтам
there,ahuddled,futilelittlefigure,listeningtotherainpouringdownснаружи
outsideandwatching,withasickdistaste,thechill,mercilessсвет
lightcreepingintoherugly,sordidroom.Sheknewtheuglinessofthatroombyheart—knewit
и
andhatedit.Theyellow-paintedfloor,
с
withonehideous,“hooked”rugbythebed,с
withagrotesque,“hooked”dogonit,всегда
alwaysgrinningatherwhensheawoke;thefaded,dark-redpaper;
theceilingdiscolouredbyoldleaks
и
andcrossedbycracks;thenarrow,pinchedlittlewashstand;
thebrown-paperlambrequin
с
withpurplerosesonit;thespottedoldlooking-glass
с
withthecrackacrossit,proppedupontheinadequatedressing-table;thejarofancientpotpourrimadebyhermotherinhermythicalhoneymoon;
theshell-coveredbox,
с
withoneburstcorner,whichCousinStickleshadmadeinherequallymythicalgirlhood;thebeadedpincushion
с
withhalfitsbeadfringegone;the
один
onestiff,yellowchair;thefaded
старый
oldmotto,“Gonebutnotforgotten,”workedincolouredyarnsо
aboutGreat-grand-motherStirling’sgrimoldface;theoldphotographsofancientrelativeslongbanishedfromtheroomsbelow.
Therewere
только
onlytwopicturesthatwerenotofrelatives.One,an
старый
oldchromoofapuppysittingonarainydoorstep.Thatpicture
всегда
alwaysmadeValancyunhappy.Thatforlornlittledogcrouchedonthedoorstepinthedrivingrain!
Почему
Whydidn’tsomeoneopentheдверь
doorandlethimin?Theotherpicturewasafaded,passe-partoutedengravingofQueenLouisecomingdownastairway,whichAuntWellingtonhadlavishlygivenheronhertenthbirthday.
Fornineteenyearsshehadlookedatit
и
andhatedit,beautiful,smug,self-satisfiedQueenLouise.Но
Butsheneverdareddestroyitили
orremoveit.MotherandCousinStickleswould
у
havebeenaghast,or,asValancyirreverentlyexpresseditinherthoughts,wouldу
havehadafit.Every
комната
roominthehousewasugly,ofконечно
course.Butdownstairsappearanceswerekeptupsomewhat.
Therewas
не
nomoneyforroomsnobodyeversaw.Valancy
иногда
sometimesfeltthatshecouldhavedoneто
somethingforherroomherself,даже
evenwithoutmoney,ifshewerepermitted.Но
Buthermotherhadnegativedeverytimidsuggestionи
andValancydidnotpersist.Valancyneverpersisted.
Shewasafraidto.
Her
мать
mothercouldnotbrookopposition.Mrs.Stirlingwouldsulkfordays
если
ifoffended,withtheairsofaninsultedduchess.TheonlythingValancylikedaboutherroomwasthatshecouldbe
одна
alonethereatnighttocryесли
ifshewantedto.But,afterall,whatdiditmatter
если
ifaroom,whichyouusedfornothingexceptsleepingи
anddressingin,wereugly?Valancywasneverpermittedto
оставаться
stayaloneinherroomforanyдругих
otherpurpose.Peoplewhowantedtobealone,soMrs.FrederickStirling
и
andCousinSticklesbelieved,couldonlywanttobealoneforsomesinisterpurpose.Но
ButherroomintheBlueCastlewaseverythingaкомната
roomshouldbe.Valancy,socowed
и
andsubduedandoverriddenandsnubbedinrealжизни
life,waswonttoletherselfgorathersplendidlyinherday-dreams.Никто
NobodyintheStirlingclan,или
oritsramifications,suspectedthis,leastofallherмать
motherandCousinStickles.Theyneverknew
что
thatValancyhadtwohomes—theuglyкрасный
redbrickboxofaдома
home,onElmStreet,andtheBlueCastleinSpain.ValancyhadlivedspirituallyintheBlueCastleever
с
sinceshecouldremember.Shehadbeena
очень
verytinychildwhenshefoundherselfpossessedofit.Всегда
Always,whensheshuthereyes,shecouldвидеть
seeitplainly,withitsturretsи
andbannersonthepine-cladmountainheight,wrappedinitsfaint,blueloveliness,againstthesunsetskiesofafairи
andunknownland.Everythingwonderful
и
andbeautifulwasinthatcastle.Jewels
которые
thatqueensmighthaveworn;robesofmoonlight
и
andfire;couchesofroses
и
andgold;longflightsofshallowmarblesteps,
с
withgreat,whiteurns,andс
withslender,mist-cladmaidensgoingвверх
upanddownthem;courts,marble-pillared,
где
whereshimmeringfountainsfellandnightingalessangamongthemyrtles;hallsofmirrorsthatreflected
только
onlyhandsomeknightsandlovelywomen—herselfв
theloveliestofall,forwhoseglancemendied.Все
Allthatsupportedherthroughtheboredomofherdayswastheнадежда
hopeofgoingonadreamspreeatnight.Большинство
Most,ifnotall,oftheStirlingswouldhavediedofhorrorесли
iftheyhadknownhalfthethingsValancydidinherBlueCastle.Foronethingshehad
довольно
quiteafewloversinit.Oh,
только
onlyoneatatime.One
кто
whowooedherwithalltheromanticardouroftheageofchivalryи
andwonherafterlongdevotionи
andmanydeedsofderring-do,и
andwasweddedtoherwithpompи
andcircumstanceinthegreat,banner-hungchapeloftheBlueCastle.Attwelve,
этот
thisloverwasafairladс
withgoldencurlsandheavenlyblueeyes.Atfifteen,hewastall
и
anddarkandpale,butвсе равно
stillnecessarilyhandsome.Attwenty,hewasascetic,dreamy,spiritual.
Attwenty-five,hehadaclean-cutjaw,slightlygrim,anda
лицо
facestrongandruggedratherthanhandsome.Valancynevergrewolderthantwenty-fiveinherBlueCastle,
но
butrecently—veryrecently—herherohadhadreddish,tawnyволосы
hair,atwistedsmileandamysteriouspast.Idon’tsayValancydeliberatelymurderedtheseloversassheoutgrew
их
them.Onesimplyfadedawayas
другой
anothercame.ThingsareveryconvenientinthisrespectinBlueCastles.
Но
But,onthismorningofherдень
dayoffate,Valancycouldnotнайти
findthekeyofherBlueCastle.Realitypressedonher
слишком
toohardly,barkingatherheelsкак
likeamaddeninglittledog.Shewastwenty-nine,lonely,undesired,ill-favoured—theonlyhomelygirlinahandsomeclan,with
без
nopastandnofuture.Asfarasshecouldlook
назад
back,lifewasdrabandcolourless,withnotonesinglecrimsonили
orpurplespotanywhere.Asfarasshecould
смотреть
lookforwarditseemedcertaintobejusttheже
sameuntilshewasnothingbutasolitary,littlewitheredleafclingingtoawintrybough.The
момент
momentwhenawomanrealisesчто
thatshehasnothingtoжить
livefor—neitherlove,duty,purposenorhope—holdsforherthebitternessofсмерти
death.“AndIjusthavetogoonliving
потому что
becauseIcan’tstop.Imayhaveto
прожить
liveeightyyears,”thoughtValancy,inakindofpanic.“We’re
все
allhorriblylong-lived.Itsickensmeto
думать
thinkofit.”Shewasgladitwasraining—orrather,shewasdrearilysatisfied
что
thatitwasraining.Therewouldbe
не
nopicnicthatday.Thisannualpicnic,wherebyAunt
и
andUncleWellington—onealwaysthoughtoftheminthatsuccession—inevitablycelebratedtheirengagementatapicnicthirtyyearsbefore,hadbeen,oflateyears,averitablenightmaretoValancy.Byanimpishcoincidenceitwasthesame
день
dayasherbirthdayand,после
aftershehadpassedtwenty-five,никто
nobodyletherforgetit.Muchasshehatedgoingtothepicnic,itwouldneverhaveoccurredtohertorebel
против
againstit.Thereseemedtobe
ничего
nothingoftherevolutionaryinhernature.И
Andsheknewexactlywhatвсе
everyonewouldsaytoheratthepicnic.Дядя
UncleWellington,whomshedislikedи
anddespisedeventhoughhehadfulfilledthehighestStirlingaspiration,“marryingmoney,”wouldsaytoherinapig’swhisper,“Notthinkingofgettingmarriedyet,mydear?”и
andthengooffintoв
thebellowoflaughterwithwhichheinvariablyconcludedhisdullremarks.AuntWellington,ofwhomValancystoodinabjectawe,wouldtellher
о
aboutOlive’snewchiffondressи
andCecil’slastdevotedletter.Valancywouldhaveto
выглядеть
lookaspleasedandinterestedasесли
ifthedressandletterhadbeenhersorelseAuntWellingtonwouldbeoffended.AndValancyhadlongagodecided
что
thatshewouldratheroffendБог
GodthanAuntWellington,becauseБог
GodmightforgiveherbutAuntWellingtonneverwould.AuntAlberta,enormouslyfat,
с
withanamiablehabitofвсегда
alwaysreferringtoherhusbandas“he,”asifheweretheonlymalecreatureintheмире
world,whocouldneverforgetчто
thatshehadbeenagreatbeautyinheryouth,wouldcondoleс
withValancyonhersallowskin—.“Idon’t
знаю
knowwhyallthegirlsoftodayaresosunburned.Когда
WhenIwasagirlmyskinwasrosesи
andcream.IwascountedtheprettiestgirlinCanada,mydear.”
Возможно
PerhapsUncleHerbertwouldn’tsayanything—orвозможно
perhapshewouldremarkjocularly,“Howfatyou’regetting,Doss!”И
Andtheneverybodywouldlaughнад
overtheexcessivelyhumorousideaofpoor,scrawnylittleDossgettingfat.Handsome,solemn
Дядя
UncleJames,whomValancydislikedно
butrespectedbecausehewasreputedtobeочень
verycleverandwasthereforetheclanoracle—brainsbeingnoneслишком
tooplentifulintheStirlingconnection—wouldвероятно
probablyremarkwiththeowl-likesarcasmчто
thathadwonhimhisreputation,“Isupposeyou’rebusywithyourhope-chestэти
thesedays?”AndUncleBenjaminwouldask
некоторые
someofhisabominableconundrums,между
betweenwheezychuckles,andanswerthemhimself.“Whatisthedifference
между
betweenDossandamouse?“Themousewishestoharmthecheese
а
andDosswishestocharmthehe’s.”Valancyhadheardhimask
что
thatriddlefiftytimesandкаждый
everytimeshewantedtothrowто
somethingathim.Butsheneverdid.
Inthefirstplace,theStirlingssimplydidnotthrowthings;
inthesecondplace,
Дядя
UncleBenjaminwasawealthyи
andchildlessoldwidowerandValancyhadbeenbroughtupinthefearи
andadmonitionofhismoney.Если
Ifsheoffendedhimhewouldcutheroutofhiswill—supposingshewereinit.ValancydidnotwanttobecutoutofUncleBenjamin’swill.
Shehadbeenpoorallher
жизнь
lifeandknewthegallingbitternessofit.Sosheenduredhisriddles
и
andevensmiledtorturedlittlesmilesнад
overthem.AuntIsabel,downright
и
anddisagreeableasaneastwind,wouldcriticiseherinsomeway—Valancycouldnotpredictjusthow,forAuntIsabelneverrepeatedacriticism—shefoundто
somethingnewwithwhichtojabyouкаждый
everytime.AuntIsabelpridedherselfonsayingwhatshethought,
но
butdidn’tlikeitsowellкогда
whenotherpeoplesaidwhattheythoughttoей
her.Valancyneversaidwhatshethought.
CousinGeorgiana—named
после
afterhergreat-great-grand-mother,whohadbeennamedпосле
afterGeorgetheFourth—wouldrecountdolorouslythenamesofallrelativesи
andfriendswhohaddiedс
sincethelastpicnicandwonder“whichofusбудет
willbethefirsttogonext.”Oppressivelycompetent,AuntMildredwouldtalkendlesslyofherhusband
и
andherodiousprodigiesofbabiestoValancy,потому что
becauseValancywouldbetheonlyoneshecouldнайти
findtoputupwithit.Forthe
же
samereason,CousinGladys—reallyFirstCousinGladysкогда
onceremoved,accordingtothestrictwayinчто
whichtheStirlingstabulatedrelationship—atall,thinladywhoadmittedshehadasensitivedisposition,woulddescribeminutelythetorturesofherneuritis.AndOlive,thewonder
девушка
girlofthewholeStirlingclan,whohadвсе
everythingValancyhadnot—beauty,popularity,love,—wouldshowoffherbeautyandpresumeonherpopularityandflauntherdiamondinsigniaofлюбовь
loveinValancy’sdazzled,enviouseyes.Therewouldbenoneofallthis
сегодня
today.Andtherewouldbe
не
nopackingupofteaspoons.Thepackingupwas
всегда
alwaysleftforValancyandCousinStickles.И
Andonce,sixyearsago,asilverteaspoonfromAuntWellington’sweddingsethadbeenlost.Valancyneverheardthelastofthatsilverteaspoon.
ItsghostappearedBanquo-likeateverysubsequentfamilyfeast.
Oh,
да
yes,Valancyknewexactlywhatthepicnicwouldbeкак
likeandsheblessedtherainthathadsavedherfromit.Therewouldbe
не
nopicnicthisyear.IfAuntWellingtoncouldnotcelebrateonthesacred
день
dayitselfshewouldhaveне
nocelebrationatall.Thankwhatevergodstherewerefor
это
that.Sincetherewouldbe
не
nopicnic,Valancymadeuphermindчто
that,iftherainheldupintheafternoon,shewouldgouptothelibraryи
andgetanotherofJohnFoster’sbooks.Valancywasneverallowedto
читать
readnovels,butJohnFoster’sbookswerenotnovels.Theywere“naturebooks”—sothelibrariantoldMrs.FrederickStirling—“all
о
aboutthewoodsandbirdsи
andbugsandthingslikethat,youknow.”SoValancywasallowedto
прочитать
readthem—underprotest,foritwasonlyслишком
tooevidentthatsheenjoyedthemслишком
toomuch.Itwaspermissible,
даже
evenlaudable,toreadtoimproveyourум
mindandyourreligion,butaкнига
bookthatwasenjoyablewasdangerous.Valancydidnotknowwhetherher
ум
mindwasbeingimprovedornot;но
butshefeltvaguelythatесли
ifshehadcomeacrossJohnFoster’sbooksyearsназад
agolifemighthavebeenadifferentthingforнее
her.Theyseemedtohertoyieldglimpsesofa
мире
worldintowhichshemightкогда
oncehaveentered,thoughtheдверь
doorwasforeverbarredtoherтеперь
now.Itwasonlywithinthelast
лет
yearthatJohnFoster’sbookshadbeenintheDeerwoodlibrary,хотя
thoughthelibrariantoldValancyчто
thathehadbeenawell-knownwriterforseveralyears.“Wheredoeshelive?”
Valancyhadasked.
“Nobodyknows.
FromhisbookshemustbeaCanadian,
но
butnomoreinformationcanbehad.Hispublisherswon’tsayaword.
QuitelikelyJohnFosterisanomdeplume.
Hisbooksaresopopularwecan’t
держать
keeptheminatall,хотя
thoughIreallycan’tseewhatлюди
peoplefindinthemtoraveover.”“I
думаю
thinkthey’rewonderful,”saidValancy,timidly.“Oh—well—”
Мисс
MissClarksonsmiledinapatronisingfashionчто
thatrelegatedValancy’sopinionstolimbo,“Ican’tсказать
sayIcaremuchforbugsmyself.Но
ButcertainlyFosterseemstoзнать
knowallthereistoзнать
knowaboutthem.”Valancydidn’tknowwhethershecared
много
muchforbugseither.ItwasnotJohnFoster’suncannyknowledgeofwildcreatures
и
andinsectlifethatenthralledее
her.Shecouldhardlysaywhatitwas—sometantalisinglureofamysteryneverrevealed—somehintofa
великий
greatsecretjustalittlefurtheron—somefaint,elusiveechooflovely,forgottenthings—JohnFoster’smagicwasindefinable.Да
Yes,shewouldgetanewFosterbook.Itwasamonth
с
sinceshehadThistleHarvest,sosurelyМать
Mothercouldnotobject.Valancyhadreadit
четыре
fourtimes—sheknewwholepassagesoffbyheart.And—she
почти
almostthoughtshewouldgoи
andseeDr.Trentaboutчто
thatqueerpainaroundtheheart.Ithadcomeratheroftenlately,
и
andthepalpitationswerebecomingannoying,nottospeakofanoccasionaldizzyмомент
momentandaqueershortnessofbreath.Но
Butcouldshegotoseehimwithouttellinganyone?Itwasamostdaringthought.
NoneoftheStirlingseverconsultedadoctor
без
withoutholdingafamilycouncilи
andgettingUncleJames’approval.Then,theywenttoDr.AmbroseMarshofPortLawrence,
который
whohadmarriedSecondCousinAdelaideStirling.Но
ButValancydislikedDr.AmbroseMarsh.И
And,besides,shecouldnotдобраться
gettoPortLawrence,fifteenmilesaway,без
withoutbeingtakenthere.Shedidnotwantanyonetoknow
о
aboutherheart.Therewouldbesuchafussmade
и
andeverymemberoftheсемьи
familywouldcomedownandtalkitoverи
andadviseherandcautionherи
andwarnherandtellherhorribletalesofgreat-auntsи
andcousinsfortytimesremovedwhohadbeen“justlikethat”и
and“droppeddeadwithoutamoment’swarning,mydear.”AuntIsabelwouldremember
что
thatshehadalwayssaidDosslookedкак
likeagirlwhowouldу
havehearttrouble—“sopinchedandpeakedalways”;и
andUncleWellingtonwouldtakeitasapersonalinsult,когда
when“noStirlingeverhadheartdiseasebefore”;и
andGeorgianawouldforebodeinperfectlyaudibleasidesчто
that“poor,dearlittleDossisn’tдолго
longforthisworld,I’mafraid”;и
andCousinGladyswouldsay,“Why,myсердце
hearthasbeenlikethatforyears,”inatoneчто
thatimpliednooneelsehadanybusinessдаже
eventohaveaheart;и
andOlive—Olivewouldmerelylookbeautifulи
andsuperioranddisgustinglyhealthy,asiftosay,“Whyallэта
thisfussoverafadedsuperfluitylikeDossкогда
whenyouhaveme?”Valancyfelt
что
thatshecouldn’ttellanybodyunlessshehadto.Shefelt
вполне
quitesuretherewasnothingatallseriouslywrongс
withherheartandnoнеобходимости
needofallthepotherчто
thatwouldensueifshementionedit.Shewould
просто
justslipupquietlyandseeDr.Trentthatveryдень
day.Asforhisbill,shehadthetwohundreddollarsthather
отец
fatherhadputinthebankforhertheдень
dayshewasborn.Shewasneverallowedto
использовать
useeventheinterestofthis,но
butshewouldsecretlytakeoutдостаточно
enoughtopayDr.Trent.Dr.
Trentwasagruff,outspoken,absent-mindedoldfellow,
но
buthewasarecognisedauthorityonheartdisease,даже
evenifhewereonlyageneralpractitionerinout-of-the-worldDeerwood.Dr.Trentwasoverseventy
и
andtherehadbeenrumoursчто
thathemeanttoretireвскоре
soon.NoneoftheStirlingclanhadevergonetohim
с
sincehehadtoldCousinGladys,десять
tenyearsbefore,thatherneuritiswasallimaginaryи
andthatsheenjoyedit.Youcouldn’tpatroniseadoctor
который
whoinsultedyourfirst-cousin-once-removedlikethat—nottomentionчто
thathewasaPresbyterianкогда
whenalltheStirlingswenttotheAnglicanchurch.CHAPTERII
Когда
WhenCousinSticklesknockedatherдверь
door,Valancyknewitwashalf-pastsevenи
andshemustgetup.Aslongasshecould
вспомнить
remember,CousinStickleshadknockedatherдверь
doorathalf-pastseven.CousinStickles
и
andMrs.FrederickStirlinghadbeenupс
sinceseven,butValancywasallowedtolieabedhalfanhourlongerbecauseofafamilytraditionчто
thatshewasdelicate.Valancygotup,
хотя
thoughshehatedgettingupбольше
morethismorningthanevershehadраньше
before.