×

Select Store

Dowload from Google Play Dowload from the App Store

Scan with Camera

Dowload via QR Code
Notes from the Underground | Gradually Hardening Portuguese B1

Notes from the Underground | Gradually Hardening Portuguese B1

Embrace the benefits of this cutting-edge translation method, offering a tailored learning experience by letting you select the difficulty level that fits you best. It improves your comprehension by urging you to deduce meanings from context, reducing the need for constant translation. While some translations are intentionally masked to encourage guessing, it's always acceptable to check unfamiliar words. This method strikes the perfect balance between challenge and accessibility, making language learning both effective and enjoyable. Immerse yourself in these translated classics and uncover the pleasure of learning through literary exploration.

I
Iamasickman....
Iamaspitefulman.
Iamanunattractiveman.
Ibelievemyliverisdiseased.
However,Iknownothingatallaboutmy
doença
disease,anddonotknowforcertainwhatailsme.
Idon’tconsultadoctorforit,andneverhave,thoughIhavearespectfor
medicina
medicineanddoctors.
Besides,Iam
extremamente
extremelysuperstitious,sufficientlysotorespect
medicina
medicine,anyway(Iamwell-educatedenoughnottobesuperstitious,butIamsuperstitious).
No,I
recuso
refusetoconsultadoctorfromspite.
Thatyouprobablywillnotunderstand.
Well,Iunderstandit,though.
Ofcourse,Ican’texplainwhoitispreciselythatIammortifyinginthiscasebymyspite:
Iam
perfeitamente
perfectlywellawarethatIcannot“payout”thedoctorsbynotconsultingthem;
IknowbetterthananyonethatbyallthisIamonlyinjuringmyselfandnooneelse.
Butstill,ifIdon’tconsultadoctoritisfromspite.
Myliverisbad,well—letitgetworse!
Ihavebeengoingonlikethatforalongtime—twentyyears.
NowIamforty.
Iusedtobeinthegovernmentservice,butamnolonger.
Iwasaspiteful
funcionário
official.
Iwasrudeandtookpleasureinbeingso.
Ididnottakebribes,yousee,soIwasboundtofindarecompenseinthat,atleast.
(Apoorjest,butIwillnotscratchitout.
Iwroteitthinkingitwouldsoundverywitty;
butnowthatIhaveseenmyselfthatIonlywantedtoshowoffinadespicableway,Iwillnotscratchitoutonpurpose!)
WhenpetitionersusedtocomeforinformationtothetableatwhichIsat,Iusedtogrindmyteethatthem,andfeltintenseenjoymentwhenIsucceededinmakinganybody
infeliz
unhappy.
Ialmostdidsucceed.
Forthemostparttheywerealltimidpeople—ofcourse,theywerepetitioners.
Butoftheuppishonestherewasoneofficerin
particular
particularIcouldnotendure.
Hesimplywouldnotbehumble,andclankedhis
espada
swordinadisgustingway.
Icarriedonafeudwithhimforeighteenmonthsoverthat
espada
sword.
AtlastIgotthebetterofhim.
Heleftoffclankingit.
Thathappenedinmy
juventude
youth,though.
Butdoyouknow,gentlemen,whatwasthechiefpointaboutmyspite?
Why,thewholepoint,therealstingofitlayinthefactthatcontinually,eveninthemomentoftheacutestspleen,IwasinwardlyconsciouswithshamethatIwasnotonlynotaspitefulbutnotevenanembitteredman,thatIwassimply
assustando
scaringsparrowsatrandomandamusingmyselfbyit.
Imightfoamatthemouth,butbringmea
boneca
dolltoplaywith,givemeacupofteawith
açúcar
sugarinit,andmaybeIshouldbeappeased.
Imightevenbegenuinelytouched,thoughprobablyIshouldgrindmyteethatmyselfafterwardsandlie
acordado
awakeatnightwithshameformonthsafter.
Thatwasmyway.
IwaslyingwhenIsaidjustnowthatIwasaspiteful
funcionário
official.
Iwaslyingfromspite.
Iwassimplyamusingmyselfwiththepetitionersandwiththeofficer,andin
realidade
realityInevercouldbecomespiteful.
Iwasconsciouseverymomentinmyselfofmany,verymanyelementsabsolutelyoppositetothat.
Ifeltthempositivelyswarminginme,theseoppositeelements.
Iknewthattheyhadbeenswarminginmeallmylifeandcravingsomeoutletfromme,butIwouldnotletthem,wouldnotletthem,purposelywouldnotletthemcomeout.
TheytormentedmetillIwas
envergonhado
ashamed:
theydrovemetoconvulsionsand—sickenedme,atlast,howtheysickenedme!
Now,arenotyoufancying,gentlemen,thatIam
expressar
expressingremorseforsomethingnow,thatIamaskingyourforgivenessforsomething?
Iamsureyouarefancyingthat...
However,IassureyouIdonotcareifyouare....
ItwasnotonlythatIcouldnotbecomespiteful,Ididnotknowhowtobecomeanything;
neitherspitefulnorkind,neitherarascalnoranhonestman,neitheraheronoraninsect.
Now,Iamlivingoutmylifeinmy
canto
corner,tauntingmyselfwiththespitefuland
inútil
uselessconsolationthatanintelligentmancannotbecomeanythingseriously,anditisonlythefoolwhobecomesanything.
Yes,amaninthenineteenth
século
centurymustandmorallyoughttobepre-eminentlyacharacterless
criatura
creature;
amanofcharacter,anactivemanispre-eminentlyalimited
criatura
creature.
Thatismyconvictionoffortyyears.
Iamfortyyearsoldnow,andyouknowfortyyearsisawhole
vida
lifetime;
youknowitisextremeoldage.
Tolivelongerthanfortyyearsisbadmanners,isvulgar,immoral.
Whodoeslivebeyondforty?
Answerthat,sincerelyandhonestlyIwilltellyouwhodo:
foolsandworthlessfellows.
Itellalloldmenthattotheirface,allthesevenerableoldmen,allthesesilver-hairedandreverendseniors!
Itellthewholeworldthattoitsface!
Ihavearighttosayso,forIshallgoonlivingtosixtymyself.
Toseventy!
Toeighty!
Stay,letmetakebreath...
Youimaginenodoubt,gentlemen,thatIwanttoamuseyou.
Youaremistakeninthat,too.
Iambynomeanssuchamirthfulpersonasyouimagine,orasyoumayimagine;
however,irritatedbyallthisbabble(andIfeelthatyouareirritated)youthinkfittoaskmewhoIam—thenmyansweris,Iamacollegiateassessor.
IwasintheservicethatImighthavesomethingtoeat(andsolelyforthatreason),andwhenlastyearadistantrelationleftmesixthousandroublesinhiswillIimmediatelyretiredfromtheserviceand
estabeleceu
settleddowninmycorner.
Iusedtoliveinthis
canto
cornerbefore,butnowIhave
estabeleci
settleddowninit.
Myroomisawretched,horridoneintheoutskirtsofthetown.
Myservantisanoldcountry-woman,ill-naturedfromstupidity,and,moreover,thereisalwaysa
desagradável
nastysmellabouther.
IamtoldthatthePetersburgclimateisbadforme,andthatwithmysmallmeansitisvery
caro
expensivetoliveinPetersburg.
Iknowallthatbetterthanallthesesageandexperiencedcounsellorsandmonitors....
ButIamremaininginPetersburg;
IamnotgoingawayfromPetersburg!
Iamnotgoingawaybecause...
ech!
Why,itisabsolutelynomatterwhetherIamgoingawayornotgoingaway.
Butwhatcana
decente
decentmanspeakofwithmostpleasure?
Answer:
Ofhimself.
II
Iwantnowtotellyou,gentlemen,whetheryoucaretohearitornot,whyIcouldnotevenbecomeaninsect.
Itellyousolemnly,thatIhavemanytimestriedtobecomeaninsect.
ButIwasnotequaleventothat.
Iswear,gentlemen,thattobetooconsciousisanillness—arealthorough-goingillness.
Forman’severydayneeds,itwouldhavebeenquiteenoughtohavethe
comum
ordinaryhumanconsciousness,thatis,halfora
quarto
quarteroftheamountwhichfallstothelotofacultivatedmanofour
infeliz
unhappynineteenthcentury,especiallyonewhohasthefatalill-lucktoinhabitPetersburg,themosttheoreticalandintentionaltownonthewholeterrestrialglobe.
(Thereareintentionalandunintentionaltowns.)
Itwouldhavebeenquiteenough,forinstance,tohavetheconsciousnessbywhichallso-calleddirectpersonsandmenofactionlive.
IbetyouthinkIamwritingallthisfromaffectation,tobewittyattheexpenseofmenofaction;
andwhatismore,thatfromill-bredaffectation,Iamclankinga
espada
swordlikemyofficer.
But,gentlemen,whoevercanpridehimselfonhisdiseasesandevenswaggeroverthem?
Though,afterall,everyonedoesdothat;
peopledo
orgulho
pridethemselvesontheirdiseases,andIdo,maybe,morethananyone.
Wewillnotdisputeit;
mycontentionwasabsurd.
ButyetIamfirmlypersuadedthatagreatdealofconsciousness,everysortofconsciousness,infact,isa
doença
disease.
Isticktothat.
Letusleavethat,too,foraminute.
Tellmethis:
whydoesithappenthatatthevery,yes,attheverymomentswhenIammost
capaz
capableoffeelingeveryrefinementofallthatis“sublimeandbeautiful,”astheyusedtosayatonetime,itwould,asthoughof
projeto
design,happentomenotonlytofeelbuttodosuchuglythings,suchthat...
Well,inshort,actionsthatall,perhaps,
cometem
commit;
butwhich,asthoughpurposely,occurredtomeattheverytimewhenIwasmostconsciousthattheyoughtnottobecommitted.
ThemoreconsciousIwasof
bondade
goodnessandofallthatwas“sublimeandbeautiful,”themore
profundamente
deeplyIsankintomymireandthemorereadyIwastosinkinitaltogether.
Butthechiefpointwasthatallthiswas,asitwere,notaccidentalinme,butasthoughitwereboundtobeso.
Itwasasthoughitweremymostnormal
condição
condition,andnotintheleast
doença
diseaseordepravity,sothatatlastall
desejo
desireinmetostruggleagainstthisdepravitypassed.
Itendedbymyalmostbelieving(perhapsactuallybelieving)thatthiswasperhapsmynormal
condição
condition.
Butatfirst,inthebeginning,whatagoniesIenduredinthat
luta
struggle!
Ididnotbelieveitwasthesamewithotherpeople,andallmylifeIhidthisfactaboutmyselfasasecret.
Iwas
envergonhado
ashamed(evennow,perhaps,Iam
envergonhado
ashamed):
Igottothepointoffeelingasortofsecretabnormal,despicableenjoymentinreturninghometomy
canto
corneronsomedisgustingPetersburgnight,acutelyconsciousthatthatdayIhadcommittedaloathsomeactionagain,thatwhatwasdonecouldneverbeundone,andsecretly,inwardlygnawing,gnawingatmyselfforit,
rasgando
tearingandconsumingmyselftillatlastthebitternessturnedintoasortofshamefulaccursedsweetness,andatlast—into
positivo
positiverealenjoyment!
Yes,intoenjoyment,intoenjoyment!
Iinsistuponthat.
IhavespokenofthisbecauseIkeepwantingtoknowforafactwhetherotherpeoplefeelsuchenjoyment?
Iwillexplain;
theenjoymentwasjustfromthetoointenseconsciousnessofone’sowndegradation;
itwasfromfeelingoneselfthatonehadreachedthelastbarrier,thatitwas
horrível
horrible,butthatitcouldnotbeotherwise;
thattherewasnoescapeforyou;
thatyounevercouldbecomeadifferentman;
thateveniftimeandfaithwerestillleftyoutochangeintosomethingdifferentyouwouldmost
provavelmente
likelynotwishtochange;
orifyoudidwishto,eventhenyouwoulddonothing;
becauseperhapsin
realidade
realitytherewasnothingforyoutochangeinto.
Andtheworstofitwas,andtherootofitall,thatitwasallinaccordwiththenormalfundamentallawsofover-acuteconsciousness,andwiththeinertiathatwasthe
direto
directresultofthoselaws,andthatconsequentlyonewasnotonlyunabletochangebutcoulddoabsolutelynothing.
Thusitwouldfollow,asthe
resultado
resultofacuteconsciousness,thatoneisnottoblameinbeingascoundrel;
asthoughthatwereanyconsolationtothescoundreloncehehascometorealisethatheactuallyisascoundrel.
Butenough....
Ech,Ihavetalkedalotofnonsense,butwhathaveIexplained?
Howisenjoymentinthistobeexplained?
ButIwillexplainit.
Iwillgettothe
fundo
bottomofit!
ThatiswhyIhavetakenupmy
caneta
pen....
I,forinstance,haveagreatdealofamourpropre.
Iamassuspiciousandpronetotakeoffenceasahumpbackoradwarf.
ButuponmywordIsometimeshavehadmomentswhenifIhadhappenedtobeslappedinthefaceIshould,perhaps,havebeenpositivelygladofit.
Isay,inearnest,thatIshouldprobablyhavebeenabletodiscovereveninthatapeculiarsortofenjoyment—theenjoyment,ofcourse,ofdespair;
butindespairtherearethemostintenseenjoyments,especiallywhenoneisveryacutelyconsciousofthehopelessnessofone’sposition.
Andwhenoneisslappedintheface—whythentheconsciousnessofbeingrubbedintoapulpwouldpositivelyoverwhelmone.
Theworstofitis,lookatitwhichwayonewill,itstillturnsoutthatIwasalwaysthemosttoblameineverything.
Andwhatismosthumiliatingofall,toblamefornofaultofmyownbut,sotosay,throughthelawsofnature.
Inthefirstplace,toblamebecauseIamclevererthananyofthepeoplesurroundingme.
(Ihavealways
considerei
consideredmyselfclevererthananyofthepeoplesurroundingme,andsometimes,wouldyoubelieveit,havebeenpositively
vergonha
ashamedofit.
Atanyrate,Ihaveallmylife,asitwere,turnedmyeyesawayandnevercouldlookpeoplestraightintheface.)
Toblame,finally,becauseevenifIhadhadmagnanimity,Ishouldonlyhavehadmoresufferingfromthesenseofitsuselessness.
Ishouldcertainlyhaveneverbeenabletodoanythingfrombeingmagnanimous—neithertoforgive,formyassailantwouldperhapshaveslappedmefromthelawsofnature,andonecannotforgivethelawsofnature;
nortoforget,forevenifitwereowingtothelawsofnature,itisinsultingallthesame.
Finally,evenifIhadwantedtobeanythingbutmagnanimous,haddesiredonthecontrarytorevengemyselfonmyassailant,IcouldnothaverevengedmyselfonanyoneforanythingbecauseIshouldcertainlyneverhavemadeupmymindtodoanything,evenifIhadbeenableto.
WhyshouldInothavemadeupmymind?
III
Withpeoplewhoknowhowtorevengethemselvesandtostandupforthemselvesingeneral,howisitdone?
Why,whentheyarepossessed,letussuppose,bythefeelingof
vingança
revenge,thenforthetimethereisnothingelsebutthatfeelingleftintheirwholebeing.
Sucha
cavalheiro
gentlemansimplydashesstraightforhis
objeto
objectlikeaninfuriatedbullwithitshornsdown,andnothingbutawallwillstophim.
(Bytheway:
facingthewall,suchgentlemen—thatis,the“direct”personsandmenofaction—aregenuinelynonplussed.
Forthemawallisnotanevasion,asforuspeoplewhothinkandconsequentlydonothing;
itisnotanexcuseforturningaside,anexcuseforwhichwearealwaysveryglad,thoughwescarcelybelieveinitourselves,asarule.
No,theyarenonplussedinallsincerity.
Thewallhasforthemsomethingtranquillising,morallysoothing,final—maybeevensomethingmysterious...
butofthewalllater.)
Well,suchadirectpersonIregardastherealnormalman,ashistendermothernaturewishedtoseehimwhenshegraciouslybroughthimintobeingontheearth.
IenvysuchamantillIamgreenintheface.
Heisstupid.
Iamnotdisputingthat,butperhapsthenormalmanshouldbestupid,howdoyouknow?
Perhapsitisverybeautiful,infact.
AndIamthemorepersuadedofthatsuspicion,ifonecancallitso,bythefactthatifyoutake,forinstance,theantithesisofthenormalman,thatis,themanofacuteconsciousness,whohascome,ofcourse,notoutofthelapofnaturebutoutofaretort(thisisalmostmysticism,gentlemen,butI
suspeito
suspectthis,too),thisretort-mademanissometimessononplussedinthe
presença
presenceofhisantithesisthatwithallhisexaggeratedconsciousnesshegenuinelythinksofhimselfasa
rato
mouseandnotaman.
Itmaybeanacutelyconscious
rato
mouse,yetitisa
rato
mouse,whiletheotherisaman,and
portanto
therefore,etcaetera,etcaetera.
Andtheworstofitis,hehimself,hisveryownself,looksonhimselfasa
rato
mouse;
nooneaskshimtodoso;
andthatisanimportantpoint.
Nowletuslookatthis
rato
mouseinaction.
Letussuppose,forinstance,thatitfeelsinsulted,too(anditalmostalwaysdoesfeelinsulted),andwantstorevengeitself,too.
Theremayevenbea
maior
greateraccumulationofspiteinitthaninl’hommedelanatureetdelavérité.
Thebaseand
desagradável
nastydesiretoventthatspiteonitsassailantranklesperhapsevenmorenastilyinitthaninl’hommedelanatureetdelavérité.
Forthroughhisinnatestupiditythelatterlooksuponhis
vingança
revengeasjusticepureandsimple;
whileinconsequenceofhisacuteconsciousnessthe
rato
mousedoesnotbelieveinthe
justiça
justiceofit.
Tocomeatlasttothedeeditself,totheveryactof
vingança
revenge.
Apartfromtheonefundamentalnastinessthelucklessmousesucceedsin
criar
creatingarounditsomanyothernastinessesintheformofdoubtsandquestions,
acrescenta
addstotheonequestionsomanyunsettledquestionsthatthereinevitablyworksuparounditasortoffatalbrew,astinkingmess,madeupofitsdoubts,emotions,andofthecontempt
cuspiram
spatuponitbythedirectmenofactionwhostandsolemnlyaboutitasjudgesandarbitrators,laughingatittilltheirhealthysidesache.
Ofcoursetheonlythingleftforitistodismissallthatwithawaveofitspaw,and,withasmileof
assumido
assumedcontemptinwhichitdoesnotevenitselfbelieve,creepignominiouslyintoitsmouse-hole.
Thereinitsnasty,stinking,undergroundhomeourinsulted,crushedandridiculed
rato
mousepromptlybecomesabsorbedincold,malignantand,aboveall,everlastingspite.
Forfortyyearstogetheritwillrememberitsinjurydowntothesmallest,mostignominiousdetails,andeverytimewill
acrescentará
add,ofitself,detailsstillmoreignominious,spitefullyteasingandtormentingitselfwithitsown
imaginação
imagination.
Itwillitselfbeashamedofitsimaginings,butyetitwillrecallitall,itwillgooverandovereverydetail,itwillinventunheardofthingsagainstitself,
fingindo
pretendingthatthosethingsmighthappen,andwillforgivenothing.
Maybeitwillbegintorevengeitself,too,but,asitwere,piecemeal,intrivialways,frombehindthestove,incognito,withoutbelievingeitherinitsownrighttovengeance,orinthe
sucesso
successofitsrevenge,knowingthatfromallitseffortsatrevengeitwill
sofrerá
sufferahundredtimesmorethanheonwhomitrevengesitself,whilehe,Idaresay,willnoteven
coça
scratchhimself.
Onitsdeathbeditwillrecallitalloveragain,withinterestaccumulatedoveralltheyearsand...
Butitisjustinthatcold,abominablehalfdespair,halfbelief,inthatconscious
enterrar
buryingoneselfaliveforgriefintheunderworldforfortyyears,inthatacutelyrecognisedandyetpartlydoubtfulhopelessnessofone’sposition,inthathellofunsatisfieddesiresturnedinward,inthat
febre
feverofoscillations,ofresolutionsdeterminedforeverandrepentedofagainaminutelater—thatthesavourofthatstrangeenjoymentofwhichIhavespokenlies.
Itissosubtle,sodifficultofanalysis,thatpersonswhoarealittlelimited,orevensimplypersonsofstrongnerves,willnotunderstandasingleatomofit.
“Possibly,”youwill
acrescentará
addonyourownaccountwithagrin,“peoplewillnotunderstanditeitherwhohavenever
receberam
receivedaslapintheface,”andinthatwayyouwillpolitelyhinttomethatI,too,perhaps,havehadtheexperienceofaslapinthefaceinmylife,andsoIspeakasonewhoknows.
Ibetthatyouarethinkingthat.
Butsetyourmindsatrest,gentlemen,Ihavenot
recebi
receivedaslapintheface,thoughitisabsolutelyamatterofindifferencetomewhatyoumaythinkaboutit.
Possivelmente
Possibly,Ievenregret,myself,thatIhavegivensofewslapsinthefaceduringmylife.
Butenough...
notanotherwordonthat
assunto
subjectofsuchextremeinteresttoyou.
Iwillcontinuecalmlyconcerningpersonswithstrongnerveswhodonotunderstandacertainrefinementofenjoyment.
Thoughincertaincircumstancesthesegentlemenbellowtheirloudestlikebulls,thoughthis,letussuppose,doesthemthe
maior
greatestcredit,yet,asIhavesaidalready,confrontedwiththeimpossibletheysubsideatonce.
Theimpossiblemeansthe
pedra
stonewall!
Whatstonewall?
Why,ofcourse,thelawsofnature,thedeductionsof
natural
naturalscience,mathematics.