I
Iama
doente
sickman....Iamaspiteful
homem
man.Iamanunattractive
homem
man.Ibelievemyliverisdiseased.
However,I
sei
knownothingatallaboutmydisease,e
anddonotknowforcertainwhatailsme
me.Idon’tconsulta
médico
doctorforit,andnevertenha
have,thoughIhavearespectformedicinee
anddoctors.Besides,Iamextremelysuperstitious,sufficientlysotorespectmedicine,anyway(Iamwell-educated
suficiente
enoughnottobesuperstitious,mas
butIamsuperstitious).No,Irefusetoconsult
um
adoctorfromspite.Thatyou
provavelmente
probablywillnotunderstand.Well,I
entendo
understandit,though.Ofcourse,Ican’texplainwhoitispreciselythatIammortifyinginthis
caso
casebymyspite:Iamperfectlywellaware
que
thatIcannot“payout”os
thedoctorsbynotconsultinglos
them;Iknowbetterthan
ninguém
anyonethatbyallthisIamsó
onlyinjuringmyselfandnooneelse.Mas
Butstill,ifIdon’tconsultum
adoctoritisfromspite.Myliveris
mau
bad,well—letitgetworse!Ihavebeengoingonlike
isso
thatforalongtime—twentyyears.Agora
NowIamforty.Iusedtobeinthegovernmentservice,
mas
butamnolonger.Iwas
um
aspitefulofficial.Iwasrude
e
andtookpleasureinbeingso.Ididnottakebribes,you
vê
see,soIwasboundtoencontrar
findarecompenseinthat,atmenos
least.(Apoorjest,butI
vou
willnotscratchitout.I
escrevi
wroteitthinkingitwouldsoaria
soundverywitty;butnowthatIhave
vi
seenmyselfthatIonlywantedtoshowoffinuma
adespicableway,Iwillnotscratchitoutonpurpose!)Quando
Whenpetitionersusedtocomeforinformationtoos
thetableatwhichIsentava
sat,Iusedtogrindmyteethateles
them,andfeltintenseenjoymentquando
whenIsucceededinmakingalguém
anybodyunhappy.Ialmostdidsucceed.
Forthemost
parte
parttheywerealltimidpeople—ofcourse,theywerepetitioners.Mas
Butoftheuppishonestherewasum
oneofficerinparticularIpodia
couldnotendure.Hesimply
queria
wouldnotbehumble,andclankedhisswordinuma
adisgustingway.Icarriedon
uma
afeudwithhimforeighteenmonthsoverthatsword.AtlastI
consegui
gotthebetterofhim.Heleftoffclankingit.
Isso
Thathappenedinmyyouth,though.Mas
Butdoyouknow,gentlemen,whatwaso
thechiefpointaboutmyspite?Why,thewhole
ponto
point,therealstingofitlayinthefato
factthatcontinually,eveninthemomento
momentoftheacutestspleen,Iwasinwardlyconsciouscom
withshamethatIwasnotsó
onlynotaspitefulbutnotevenanembitteredhomem
man,thatIwassimplyscaringsparrowsatrandome
andamusingmyselfbyit.I
posso
mightfoamatthemouth,mas
butbringmeadolltobrincar
playwith,givemeacupofteacom
withsugarinit,andtalvez
maybeIshouldbeappeased.I
poderia
mightevenbegenuinelytouched,embora
thoughprobablyIshouldgrindmyteethatmyselfafterwardse
andlieawakeatnightcom
withshameformonthsafter.Thatwasmy
jeito
way.IwaslyingwhenI
disse
saidjustnowthatIwasum
aspitefulofficial.Iwas
mentir
lyingfromspite.Iwassimplyamusingmyself
com
withthepetitionersandwiththeofficer,e
andinrealityIneverpoderia
couldbecomespiteful.Iwasconscious
cada
everymomentinmyselfofmuitos
many,verymanyelementsabsolutelyoppositetoisso
that.Ifeltthempositivelyswarmingin
mim
me,theseoppositeelements.I
sabia
knewthattheyhadbeenswarminginmetoda
allmylifeandcravingsomeoutletfrommim
me,butIwouldnotdeixava
letthem,wouldnotletthem,purposelywouldnotdeixava
letthemcomeout.TheytormentedmetillIwasashamed:
theydrovemetoconvulsionsand—sickened
me
me,atlast,howtheysickenedme
me!Now,arenotyoufancying,gentlemen,
que
thatIamexpressingremorseforalgo
somethingnow,thatIampedir
askingyourforgivenessforsomething?Iam
certeza
sureyouarefancyingthat...However,IassureyouIdonot
me importo
careifyouare....Itwasnot
só
onlythatIcouldnottornar
becomespiteful,Ididnotsabia
knowhowtobecomeanything;neitherspitefulnor
gentil
kind,neitherarascalnoranhonestman,neitheraheronoraninsect.Agora
Now,Iamlivingoutmylifeinmycorner,tauntingmyselfcom
withthespitefulanduselessconsolationthatum
anintelligentmancannotbecomeanythingseriously,e
anditisonlythefoolwhobecomesanything.Sim
Yes,amaninthenineteenthcenturydeve
mustandmorallyoughttobepre-eminentlyacharacterlesscreature;a
homem
manofcharacter,anactivehomem
manispre-eminentlyalimitedcreature.Thatismyconvictionoffortyyears.
Iamfortyyearsold
agora
now,andyouknowfortyyearsisuma
awholelifetime;youknowitisextremeoldage.
To
viver
livelongerthanfortyyearsismá
badmanners,isvulgar,immoral.Quem
Whodoeslivebeyondforty?Responda
Answerthat,sincerelyandhonestlyIvou
willtellyouwhodo:fools
e
andworthlessfellows.Itell
todos
alloldmenthattotheircara
face,allthesevenerableoldmen,todos
allthesesilver-hairedandreverendseniors!I
digo
tellthewholeworldthattoitscara
face!Ihavearightto
dizer
sayso,forIshallgoonviver
livingtosixtymyself.Toseventy!
Toeighty!
Fica
Stay,letmetakebreath...Youimagine
sem
nodoubt,gentlemen,thatIquero
wanttoamuseyou.Youaremistakeninthat,
também
too.Iambynomeans
tão
suchamirthfulpersonasyouimagine,ou
orasyoumayimagine;however,irritatedby
toda
allthisbabble(andIsinto
feelthatyouareirritated)youacha
thinkfittoaskmewhoIam—thenmyresposta
answeris,Iamacollegiateassessor.Iwasintheservice
que
thatImighthavesomethingtocomer
eat(andsolelyforthatreason),e
andwhenlastyearadistantrelationdeixou
leftmesixthousandroublesinhiswillIimmediatelyretiredfromtheservicee
andsettleddowninmycorner.Iusedto
viver
liveinthiscornerbefore,mas
butnowIhavesettleddowninit.My
quarto
roomisawretched,horridoneino
theoutskirtsofthetown.Myservantisanoldcountry-woman,ill-naturedfromstupidity,
e
and,moreover,thereisalwaysanastysmellsobre
abouther.IamtoldthatthePetersburgclimateis
mau
badforme,andthatcom
withmysmallmeansitismuito
veryexpensivetoliveinPetersburg.I
sei
knowallthatbetterthanallestes
thesesageandexperiencedcounsellorse
andmonitors....ButIamremaininginPetersburg;
Iamnot
vou
goingawayfromPetersburg!Iamnot
vou
goingawaybecause...ech!
Why,itisabsolutely
não
nomatterwhetherIamindo
goingawayornotgoingembora
away.Butwhatcanadecent
homem
manspeakofwithmostpleasure?Resposta
Answer:Ofhimself.
II
Iwant
agora
nowtotellyou,gentlemen,whetheryoucaretoouvi
hearitornot,whyIpude
couldnotevenbecomeaninsect.I
digo
tellyousolemnly,thatIhavemuitas
manytimestriedtobecomeum
aninsect.ButIwasnotequal
nem
eventothat.Iswear,gentlemen,
que
thattobetooconsciousisuma
anillness—arealthorough-goingillness.Forman’severydayneeds,itwouldhavebeenquiteenoughtohavetheordinaryhumanconsciousness,thatis,
metade
halforaquarteroftheamountwhichcai
fallstothelotofacultivatedhomem
manofourunhappynineteenthcentury,especiallyonewhohasthefatalill-lucktoinhabitPetersburg,themais
mosttheoreticalandintentionaltownonthetodo
wholeterrestrialglobe.(Thereareintentional
e
andunintentionaltowns.)Itwould
ter
havebeenquiteenough,forinstance,toter
havetheconsciousnessbywhichallso-calleddirectpessoas
personsandmenofactionvivem
live.IbetyouthinkIam
escrever
writingallthisfromaffectation,tobewittyattheexpenseofmenofaction;e
andwhatismore,thatfromill-bredaffectation,Iamclankinguma
aswordlikemyofficer.Mas
But,gentlemen,whoevercanpridehimselfonhisdiseasese
andevenswaggeroverthem?Embora
Though,afterall,everyonedoesfaçam
dothat;peopledopridethemselvesontheirdiseases,
e
andIdo,maybe,mais
morethananyone.Wewillnotdispute
lo
it;mycontentionwasabsurd.
Mas
ButyetIamfirmlypersuadedque
thatagreatdealofconsciousness,everytipo
sortofconsciousness,infact,isuma
adisease.Isticktothat.
Deixemos
Letusleavethat,too,forum
aminute.Tellmethis:
why
fazer
doesithappenthatato
thevery,yes,attheverymomentswhenIammais
mostcapableoffeelingeveryrefinementoftudo
allthatis“sublimeandbeautiful,”astheyusedtodizer
sayatonetime,itwould,asthoughofdesign,happentomenotapenas
onlytofeelbuttofazer
dosuchuglythings,suchthat...Bem
Well,inshort,actionsthattodos
all,perhaps,commit;butwhich,asthoughpurposely,occurredtomeatthevery
momento
timewhenIwasmostconsciousthattheyoughtnottobecommitted.The
mais
moreconsciousIwasofgoodnesse
andofallthatwas“sublimee
andbeautiful,”themoredeeplyIsankintomymiree
andthemorereadyIwastosinkinitaltogether.Mas
Butthechiefpointwasthattudo
allthiswas,asitwere,notaccidentalinmim
me,butasthoughitwereboundtobeso.Itwasasthoughitweremy
mais
mostnormalcondition,andnotinthemenor
leastdiseaseordepravity,sothatatlasttodo
alldesireinmetostrugglecontra
againstthisdepravitypassed.Itendedbymy
quase
almostbelieving(perhapsactuallybelieving)thatesta
thiswasperhapsmynormalcondition.Mas
Butatfirst,inthebeginning,whatagoniesIenduredinthatstruggle!Ididnot
acreditava
believeitwasthesamecom
withotherpeople,andallmyvida
lifeIhidthisfactsobre
aboutmyselfasasecret.Iwasashamed(even
agora
now,perhaps,Iamashamed):I
cheguei
gottothepointofsentir
feelingasortofsecretabnormal,despicableenjoymentinvoltar
returninghometomycorneronsomedisgustingPetersburgnoite
night,acutelyconsciousthatthatdia
dayIhadcommittedaloathsomeactionnovamente
again,thatwhatwasdonepoderia
couldneverbeundone,andsecretly,inwardlygnawing,gnawingatmyselfforit,tearinge
andconsumingmyselftillatlastthebitternesstransformou
turnedintoasortofshamefulaccursedsweetness,e
andatlast—intopositiverealenjoyment!Sim
Yes,intoenjoyment,intoenjoyment!Iinsistuponthat.
Ihave
falei
spokenofthisbecauseIcontinuo
keepwantingtoknowforafactwhetheroutras
otherpeoplefeelsuchenjoyment?Iwillexplain;
o
theenjoymentwasjustfromo
thetoointenseconsciousnessofone’sowndegradation;itwasfrom
sentir
feelingoneselfthatonehadreacheda
thelastbarrier,thatitwashorrible,mas
butthatitcouldnotbeotherwise;que
thattherewasnoescapeforyou;que
thatyounevercouldbecomeum
adifferentman;thateven
se
iftimeandfaithwerestillleftyoutomudar
changeintosomethingdifferentyoufossem
wouldmostlikelynotwishtomudar
change;orifyoudid
quisesses
wishto,eventhenyouquisesses
woulddonothing;becauseperhapsinrealitytherewas
nada
nothingforyoutochangeinto.E
Andtheworstofitwas,e
andtherootofittudo
all,thatitwasallinaccordcom
withthenormalfundamentallawsofover-acuteconsciousness,e
andwiththeinertiathatwasthedirectresultofthoselaws,e
andthatconsequentlyonewasnotsó
onlyunabletochangebutpodia
coulddoabsolutelynothing.Thusitwould
seguiria
follow,astheresultofacuteconsciousness,thatoneisnottoblameinbeingascoundrel;asthoughthatwereanyconsolationto
o
thescoundreloncehehascometorealisethatherealmente
actuallyisascoundrel.But
suficiente
enough....Ech,Ihavetalked
um
alotofnonsense,butwhathaveIexplained?Como
Howisenjoymentinthistobeexplained?Mas
ButIwillexplainit.I
vou
willgettothebottomofit!Thatis
por
whyIhavetakenupmypen....Eu
I,forinstance,haveagrande
greatdealofamourpropre.Iamassuspicious
e
andpronetotakeoffenceasahumpbackou
oradwarf.Butuponmy
palavra
wordIsometimeshavehadmomentswhense
ifIhadhappenedtobeslappedinthecara
faceIshould,perhaps,havebeenpositivelygladofit.I
digo
say,inearnest,thatIshouldprovavelmente
probablyhavebeenabletodiscovermesmo
eveninthatapeculiarespécie
sortofenjoyment—theenjoyment,ofcourse,ofdespair;mas
butindespairthereareos
themostintenseenjoyments,especiallyquando
whenoneisveryacutelyconsciousofos
thehopelessnessofone’sposition.E
Andwhenoneisslappedina
theface—whythentheconsciousnessofbeingrubbedintoapulpwouldpositivelyoverwhelmone.O
Theworstofitis,lookatitwhichmaneira
wayonewill,itstillturnsoutthatIwassempre
alwaysthemosttoblameintudo
everything.Andwhatismosthumiliatingof
tudo
all,toblamefornofaultofmyownmas
but,sotosay,througho
thelawsofnature.Inthefirst
lugar
place,toblamebecauseIamclevererthanqualquer
anyofthepeoplesurroundingme
me.(Ihavealwaysconsideredmyselfclevererthan
qualquer
anyofthepeoplesurroundingme
me,andsometimes,wouldyouacredite
believeit,havebeenpositivelyashamedofit.At
qualquer
anyrate,Ihaveallmyvida
life,asitwere,turnedmyeyesawaye
andnevercouldlookpeoplestraightintheface.)Toblame,finally,
porque
becauseevenifIhadhadmagnanimity,Ishouldsó
onlyhavehadmoresufferingfromthesenseofitsuselessness.Ishouldcertainlyhave
nunca
neverbeenabletodonada
anythingfrombeingmagnanimous—neithertoforgive,formyassailantwouldtalvez
perhapshaveslappedmefromthelawsofnature,e
andonecannotforgivethelawsofnature;norto
esquecer
forget,forevenifitwereowingtoos
thelawsofnature,itisinsultingtodos
allthesame.Finally,even
se
ifIhadwantedtobeanythingbutmagnanimous,haddesiredonthecontrarytorevengemyselfonmyassailant,Ipoderia
couldnothaverevengedmyselfonqualquer
anyoneforanythingbecauseIshouldcertainlynunca
neverhavemadeupmymindtofazer
doanything,evenifIhadbeencapaz
ableto.WhyshouldInot
tinha
havemadeupmymind?III
Com
Withpeoplewhoknowhowtorevengethemselvese
andtostandupforthemselvesingeneral,como
howisitdone?Why,
quando
whentheyarepossessed,letussuppose,bythefeelingofrevenge,thenforthetempo
timethereisnothingelsebutque
thatfeelingleftintheirtodo
wholebeing.Suchagentlemansimplydashesstraightforhisobject
como
likeaninfuriatedbullwithitshornsdown,e
andnothingbutawallwillstophim.(Bytheway:
facingthewall,
tais
suchgentlemen—thatis,the“direct”pessoas
personsandmenofaction—aregenuinelynonplussed.Forthemawallisnotanevasion,asforus
pessoas
peoplewhothinkandconsequentlyfazemos
donothing;itisnotan
desculpa
excuseforturningaside,andesculpa
excuseforwhichwearesempre
alwaysveryglad,thoughwescarcelyacreditemos
believeinitourselves,asarule.Não
No,theyarenonplussedintoda
allsincerity.Thewallhasforthem
algo
somethingtranquillising,morallysoothing,final—maybeaté
evensomethingmysterious...butofthewalllater.)
Bem
Well,suchadirectpersonIregardaso
therealnormalman,ashistendermãe
mothernaturewishedtoseehimquando
whenshegraciouslybroughthimintobeingono
theearth.Ienvysuch
um
amantillIamgreenintherosto
face.Heisstupid.
Iamnotdisputingthat,
mas
butperhapsthenormalmandeva
shouldbestupid,howdoyousabes
know?Perhapsitisvery
bonito
beautiful,infact.AndIamthe
mais
morepersuadedofthatsuspicion,se
ifonecancallitso,bythefato
factthatifyoutake,forinstance,theantithesisofthenormalhomem
man,thatis,themanofacuteconsciousness,whohasveio
come,ofcourse,notoutofthelapofnaturemas
butoutofaretortEsse
(thisisalmostmysticism,gentlemen,mas
butIsuspectthis,too),esse
thisretort-mademanissometimessononplussedinthepresenceofhisantithesisthatcom
withallhisexaggeratedconsciousnesshegenuinelypensa
thinksofhimselfasamousee
andnotaman.It
pode
maybeanacutelyconsciousmouse,yetitisamouse,enquanto
whiletheotherisahomem
man,andtherefore,etcaetera,etcaetera.E
Andtheworstofité
is,hehimself,hisveryownself,olha
looksonhimselfasamouse;noone
pede
askshimtodoso;e
andthatisanimportantponto
point.Nowletuslookat
este
thismouseinaction.Letussuppose,forinstance,thatit
sente
feelsinsulted,too(anditquase
almostalwaysdoesfeelinsulted),e
andwantstorevengeitself,também
too.Theremayevenbe
uma
agreateraccumulationofspiteinitthaninl’hommedelanatureetdelavérité.O
Thebaseandnastydesiretoventthatspiteonitsassailantranklestalvez
perhapsevenmorenastilyinitthaninl’hommedelanatureetdelavérité.For
através
throughhisinnatestupiditythelatterolha
looksuponhisrevengeasjusticepuree
andsimple;whileinconsequenceofhisacuteconsciousness
o
themousedoesnotbelieveino
thejusticeofit.Tocomeatlasttothedeeditself,totheveryactofrevenge.
Apartfromtheonefundamentalnastinessthelucklessmousesucceedsincreating
em torno
arounditsomanyothernastinessesintheformofdoubtse
andquestions,addstotheonepergunta
questionsomanyunsettledquestionsthatthereinevitablyworksaté
uparounditasortoffatalbrew,astinkingmess,torno
madeupofitsdoubts,emotions,e
andofthecontemptspatuponitbythedirectmenofactionwhostandsolemnlyaboutitasjudgese
andarbitrators,laughingatittilltheirhealthysidesache.Ofcoursethe
única
onlythingleftforitistodismisstudo
allthatwithawaveofitspaw,e
and,withasmileofassumedcontemptinwhichitdoesnotmesmo
evenitselfbelieve,creepignominiouslyintoitsmouse-hole.Lá
Thereinitsnasty,stinking,undergroundlar
homeourinsulted,crushedandridiculedmousepromptlytorna
becomesabsorbedincold,malignante
and,aboveall,everlastingspite.Forfortyyearstogetheritwill
lembrará
rememberitsinjurydowntothesmallest,mostignominiousdetails,e
andeverytimewilladd,ofitself,detailsainda
stillmoreignominious,spitefullyteasinge
andtormentingitselfwithitsownimagination.Itwillitselfbeashamedofitsimaginings,
mas
butyetitwillrecallittudo
all,itwillgoovere
andovereverydetail,itwillinventunheardofthingscontra
againstitself,pretendingthatthosethingspodem
mighthappen,andwillforgivenada
nothing.Maybeitwillbegintorevengeitself,
também
too,but,asitwere,piecemeal,intrivialways,frombehindthestove,incognito,sem
withoutbelievingeitherinitspróprio
ownrighttovengeance,orinthesuccessofitsrevenge,sabendo
knowingthatfromallitseffortsatrevengeitwillsufferahundredtimesmais
morethanheonwhomitrevengesitself,enquanto
whilehe,Idaresay,willnotnem
evenscratchhimself.Onitsdeathbedit
vai
willrecallitallovernovo
again,withinterestaccumulatedoverallos
theyearsand...Butitisjustinthat
frio
cold,abominablehalfdespair,halfbelief,inthatconsciousburyingoneselfvivo
aliveforgriefintheunderworldforfortyyears,inthatacutelyrecognisede
andyetpartlydoubtfulhopelessnessofone’sposition,inthatinferno
hellofunsatisfieddesiresturnedinward,inthatfeverofoscillations,ofresolutionsdeterminedforevere
andrepentedofagainaminuto
minutelater—thatthesavourofthatstrangeenjoymentofwhichIhavefalei
spokenlies.Itissosubtle,sodifficultofanalysis,that
pessoas
personswhoarealittlelimited,ou
orevensimplypersonsofstrongnerves,willnotentenderão
understandasingleatomofit.“Possibly,”youwilladdonyourownaccount
com
withagrin,“peoplewillnotentenderão
understanditeitherwhohavenunca
neverreceivedaslapintheface,”e
andinthatwayyouwillpolitelyhinttomethatEu
I,too,perhaps,havehadtheexperienceofaslapinthecara
faceinmylife,andsoIfalo
speakasonewhoknows.Ibetthatyouare
pensar
thinkingthat.Butsetyourmindsatrest,gentlemen,Ihavenotreceivedaslapin
o
theface,thoughitisabsolutelyaquestão
matterofindifferencetomewhatyoupossam
maythinkaboutit.Possibly,I
mesmo
evenregret,myself,thatIter
havegivensofewslapsina
thefaceduringmylife.Mas
Butenough...notanother
palavra
wordonthatsubjectoftão
suchextremeinteresttoyou.Iwillcontinuecalmlyconcerning
pessoas
personswithstrongnerveswhodonotentendem
understandacertainrefinementofenjoyment.Embora
Thoughincertaincircumstancesthesegentlemenbellowtheirloudestlikebulls,embora
thoughthis,letussuppose,doesthemthegreatestcredit,no entanto
yet,asIhavesaidjá
already,confrontedwiththeimpossibletheysubsideatonce.Theimpossible
significa
meansthestonewall!Whatstonewall?
Por
Why,ofcourse,thelawsofnature,thedeductionsofnaturalscience,mathematics.