CHAPTERI
IfithadnotrainedonacertainMay
ranka
morningValancyStirling’swholelifewouldhavebeenentirelydifferent.Shewouldhave
poszłaby
gone,withtherestofherclan,toAuntWellington’sengagementpicnica
andDr.Trentwouldhaveposzłaby
gonetoMontreal.Butitdidrain
i
andyoushallhearwhathappenedtoherbecauseofit.Valancywakenedearly,inthelifeless,hopelesshourjustprecedingdawn.
Shehadnot
spała
sleptverywell.Onedoesnot
śpi
sleepwell,sometimes,whenoneistwenty-nineonthemorrow,i
andunmarried,inacommunityi
andconnectionwheretheunmarriedaresimplythosektórzy
whohavefailedtogetaman.Deerwood
i
andtheStirlingshadlongod
sincerelegatedValancytohopelessoldmaidenhood.Ale
ButValancyherselfhadneverquiterelinquishedacertainpitiful,shamed,littlenadziei
hopethatRomancewouldcomeherdrogę
wayyet—never,untilthiswet,horribleranka
morning,whenshewakenedtothefaktem
factthatshewastwenty-ninei
andunsoughtbyanyman.Ay,
tam
therelaythesting.Valancydidnotmindsomuchbeinganoldmaid.
Afterall,she
pomyślała
thought,beinganoldmaidcouldn’tpossiblybeasdreadfulasbeingmarriedtoanWujka
UncleWellingtonoranUncleBenjamin,lub
orevenanUncleHerbert.Whathurtherwas
że
thatshehadneverhadachancetobeanythingbutto
anoldmaid.Nomanhadeverdesired
jej
her.Thetearscameintohereyesasshe
leżała
laytherealoneinthefaintlygreyingdarkness.Shedarednotletherselfcryashardasshewantedto,for
dwóch
tworeasons.Shewasafraid
że
thatcryingmightbringonkolejny
anotherattackofthatpainwokół
aroundtheheart.Shehad
miała
hadaspellofitpo
aftershehadgotintobed—ratherworseniż
thananyshehadhadjeszcze
yet.Andshewasafraidher
matka
motherwouldnoticeherredeyesatbreakfasti
andkeepatherwithminute,persistent,mosquito-likequestionsregardingthecausethereof.“Suppose,”
pomyślał
thoughtValancywithaghastlygrin,“Iansweredwiththeplaintruth,‘Iamcryingbo
becauseIcannotgetmarried.’Jak
HowhorrifiedMotherwouldbe—thoughsheisashamedkażdego
everydayofherlifeofheroldmaiddaughter.”Ale
Butofcourseappearancesshouldbekeptup.“Itisnot,”Valancycould
usłyszeć
hearhermother’sprim,dictatorialvoiceasserting,“itisnotmaidenlytomyśleć
thinkaboutmen.”Thethoughtofhermother’sexpressionmadeValancylaugh—forshe
miała
hadasenseofhumournobodyinherclansuspected.Forthatmatter,
nie
therewereagoodmanythingsaboutValancythatnikt nie
nobodysuspected.Butherlaughterwas
bardzo
verysuperficialandpresentlysheleżała
laythere,ahuddled,futilemała
littlefigure,listeningtotherainpouringdownzewnątrz
outsideandwatching,withasickdistaste,thechill,mercilesslightcreepingintoherugly,sordidroom.She
znała
knewtheuglinessofthatroombyheart—knewiti
andhatedit.Theyellow-paintedfloor,
z
withonehideous,“hooked”rugbythełóżku
bed,withagrotesque,“hooked”psem
dogonit,alwaysgrinningatherkiedy
whensheawoke;thefaded,dark-redpaper;
theceilingdiscolouredby
stare
oldleaksandcrossedbycracks;thenarrow,pinched
mała
littlewashstand;thebrown-paperlambrequin
z
withpurplerosesonit;thespotted
stare
oldlooking-glasswiththecrackacrossit,proppedupontheinadequatedressing-table;thejarofancientpotpourrimadebyher
matkę
motherinhermythicalhoneymoon;theshell-coveredbox,
z
withoneburstcorner,whichCousinStickleshadzrobiła
madeinherequallymythicalgirlhood;thebeadedpincushion
z
withhalfitsbeadfringegone;the
jedno
onestiff,yellowchair;thefaded
stare
oldmotto,“Gonebutnotforgotten,”workedincolouredyarnso
aboutGreat-grand-motherStirling’sgrimoldtwarzy
face;theoldphotographsofancientrelatives
dawno
longbanishedfromtheroomsbelow.Nie
Therewereonlytwopicturesthatwerenotofrelatives.Jeden
One,anoldchromoofapuppysittingonarainydoorstep.Że
ThatpicturealwaysmadeValancyunhappy.Thatforlorn
mały
littledogcrouchedonthedoorstepinten
thedrivingrain!Whydidn’tsomeoneopenthe
drzwi
doorandlethimin?Theotherpicturewasafaded,passe-partoutedengravingofQueenLouisecomingdownastairway,
które
whichAuntWellingtonhadlavishlydał
givenheronhertenthbirthday.Fornineteenyearsshehadlookedatit
i
andhatedit,beautiful,smug,self-satisfiedQueenLouise.Ale
Butsheneverdareddestroyitorremovego
it.MotherandCousinStickleswould
miałby
havebeenaghast,or,asValancyirreverentlyexpresseditinherthoughts,wouldmiałby
havehadafit.Everyroominthe
domu
housewasugly,ofcourse.Ale
Butdownstairsappearanceswerekeptupsomewhat.Therewasnomoneyforroomsnobodyever
widział
saw.Valancysometimesfeltthatshecouldhavedone
coś
somethingforherroomherself,nawet
evenwithoutmoney,ifshewerepermitted.Ale
Buthermotherhadnegativedeverytimidsuggestiona
andValancydidnotpersist.Valancy
nigdy nie
neverpersisted.Shewasafraidto.
Her
matka
mothercouldnotbrookopposition.Mrs.Stirlingwouldsulkfordays
jeśli
ifoffended,withtheairsofaninsultedduchess.TheonlythingValancylikedaboutherroomwas
że
thatshecouldbealonetam
thereatnighttocryjeśli
ifshewantedto.But,afterall,whatdiditmatter
jeśli
ifaroom,whichyouusedfornothingexceptsleepingi
anddressingin,wereugly?Valancywas
nigdy nie
neverpermittedtostayaloneinherroomforżadnego
anyotherpurpose.Peoplewhowantedtobealone,soMrs.FrederickStirling
i
andCousinSticklesbelieved,couldtylko
onlywanttobealoneforsomesinisterpurpose.Ale
ButherroomintheBlueCastlewaseverythingaroomshouldbe.Valancy,socowed
i
andsubduedandoverriddenandsnubbedinreallife,waswonttoletherselfgorathersplendidlyinherday-dreams.NobodyintheStirlingclan,oritsramifications,suspected
tego
this,leastofallhermatka
motherandCousinStickles.They
nigdy nie
neverknewthatValancyhaddwa
twohomes—theuglyredbrickboxofahome,onElmStreet
Street,andtheBlueCastleinSpain.Valancyhad
żyła
livedspirituallyintheBlueCastleeversinceshecouldremember.Shehadbeena
bardzo
verytinychildwhenshefoundherselfpossessedofit.Zawsze
Always,whensheshuthereyes,shecouldwidziała
seeitplainly,withitsturretsi
andbannersonthepine-cladmountainheight,wrappedinitsfaint,blueloveliness,againstthesunsetskiesofafairi
andunknownland.Everythingwonderful
i
andbeautifulwasinthatcastle.Jewels
które
thatqueensmighthaveworn;robesofmoonlight
i
andfire;couchesofroses
i
andgold;longflightsofshallowmarblesteps,withgreat,whiteurns,
i
andwithslender,mist-cladmaidensgoinggórę
upanddownthem;courts,marble-pillared,
gdzie
whereshimmeringfountainsfellandnightingalesśpiewały
sangamongthemyrtles;hallsofmirrors
które
thatreflectedonlyhandsomeknightsi
andlovelywomen—herselftheloveliestofall,forwhoseglancemendied.All
że
thatsupportedherthroughtheboredomofherdayswasthehopeofpójdzie
goingonadreamspreeatnocy
night.Most,ifnotall,oftheStirlingswouldhavediedofhorror
jeśli
iftheyhadknownhalfthethingsValancyzrobiła
didinherBlueCastle.Foronethingshe
miała
hadquiteafewloversinit.Oh,
tylko
onlyoneatatime.One
który
whowooedherwithallten
theromanticardouroftheageofchivalryi
andwonherafterlongdevotioni
andmanydeedsofderring-do,i
andwasweddedtoherwithpompi
andcircumstanceinthegreat,banner-hungchapeloften
theBlueCastle.Attwelve,
ten
thisloverwasafairladze
withgoldencurlsandheavenlyblueeyes.Atfifteen,hewastall
i
anddarkandpale,butnadal
stillnecessarilyhandsome.Attwenty,hewasascetic,dreamy,spiritual.
Attwenty-five,he
miał
hadaclean-cutjaw,slightlygrim,andafacestrongandruggedratherthanhandsome.Valancy
nigdy nie
nevergrewolderthantwenty-fiveinherBlueCastle,ale
butrecently—veryrecently—herherohadmiała
hadreddish,tawnyhair,atwistedsmilei
andamysteriouspast.Idon’tsayValancydeliberatelymurdered
tych
theseloversassheoutgrewich
them.Onesimplyfadedawayasanothercame.
Thingsare
bardzo
veryconvenientinthisrespectinBlueCastles.Ale
But,onthismorningofherdniu
dayoffate,Valancycouldnotznaleźć
findthekeyofherBlueCastle.Realitypressedonher
zbyt
toohardly,barkingatherheelsjak
likeamaddeninglittledog.Shewastwenty-nine,lonely,undesired,ill-favoured—theonlyhomely
dziewczyna
girlinahandsomeclan,withbez
nopastandnofuture.Asfarasshecould
patrzeć
lookback,lifewasdrabi
andcolourless,withnotonesinglecrimsonlub
orpurplespotanywhere.Asfarasshecould
patrzeć
lookforwarditseemedcertaintobejustthesameuntilshewasniczym
nothingbutasolitary,littlewitheredleafclingingtoawintrybough.Themomentwhena
kobieta
womanrealisesthatshehasnothingtożyć
livefor—neitherlove,duty,purposenorhope—holdsforherthebitternessofśmierci
death.“AndIjusthavetogoonliving
bo
becauseIcan’tstop.I
może
mayhavetoliveeightyyears,”pomyślał
thoughtValancy,inakindofpanic.“We’reallhorriblylong-lived.
Itsickensmeto
myślę
thinkofit.”Shewasgladitwasraining—orrather,shewasdrearilysatisfied
że
thatitwasraining.Therewouldbenopicnicthat
dnia
day.Thisannualpicnic,wherebyAunt
i
andUncleWellington—onealwaysthoughtoftheminthatsuccession—inevitablycelebratedtheirengagementatapicnicthirtyyearsbefore,hadbeen,oflateyears,averitablenightmaretoValancy.Byanimpishcoincidenceitwas
ten
thesamedayasherbirthdayi
and,aftershehadpassedtwenty-five,nikt nie
nobodyletherforgetit.Muchasshe
nienawidziła
hatedgoingtothepicnic,itwouldnigdy nie
neverhaveoccurredtohertorebelprzeciwko
againstit.Thereseemedtobe
nic
nothingoftherevolutionaryinhernature.I
Andsheknewexactlywhateveryonewouldpowie
saytoheratthepicnic.Wujek
UncleWellington,whomshedislikedi
anddespisedeventhoughhehadfulfilledthehighestStirlingaspiration,“marryingmoney,”wouldsaytoherinapig’swhisper,“Notmyślę
thinkingofgettingmarriedyet,mydear?”a
andthengooffintothebellowoflaughterwithwhichheinvariablyconcludedhisdullremarks.AuntWellington,ofwhomValancystoodinabjectawe,wouldtellher
o
aboutOlive’snewchiffondressi
andCecil’slastdevotedletter.Valancywouldhaveto
wyglądać
lookaspleasedandinterestedasifthedressi
andletterhadbeenhersorelseAuntWellingtonwouldbeoffended.A
AndValancyhadlongagodecidedże
thatshewouldratheroffendGodniż
thanAuntWellington,becauseGodmightforgiveherale
butAuntWellingtonneverwould.AuntAlberta,enormouslyfat,withanamiablehabitof
zawsze
alwaysreferringtoherhusbandas“he,”asifhewerethejedynym
onlymalecreatureintheświecie
world,whocouldneverforgetthatshehadbeenagreatbeautyinheryouth,wouldcondolewithValancyonhersallowskin—.“Idon’t
wiem
knowwhyallthegirlsoftodayaresosunburned.Kiedy
WhenIwasagirlmyskinwasrosesi
andcream.IwascountedtheprettiestgirlinCanada,mydear.”
Może
PerhapsUncleHerbertwouldn’tsayanything—ormoże
perhapshewouldremarkjocularly,“Howfatyou’regetting,Doss!”A
Andtheneverybodywouldlaughovertheexcessivelyhumorousidei
ideaofpoor,scrawnylittleDossgettingfat.Handsome,solemn
Wujek
UncleJames,whomValancydislikedale
butrespectedbecausehewasreputedtobebardzo
verycleverandwasthereforetheclanoracle—brainsbeingnonezbyt
tooplentifulintheStirlingconnection—wouldprawdopodobnie
probablyremarkwiththeowl-likesarcasmthatmiał
hadwonhimhisreputation,“Isupposeyou’rebusywithyourhope-chesttych
thesedays?”AndUncleBenjaminwouldask
niektóre
someofhisabominableconundrums,między
betweenwheezychuckles,andanswerthemhimself.“Whatisthedifference
między
betweenDossandamouse?“Themousewishestoharmthecheese
a
andDosswishestocharmthehe’s.”Valancyhad
słyszała
heardhimaskthatriddlefiftytimesi
andeverytimeshewantedtothrowczymś
somethingathim.Butshenever
zrobiła
did.Inthefirstplace,theStirlingssimplydidnotthrowthings;
inthe
po drugie
secondplace,UncleBenjaminwasawealthyandchildlessoldwidowerandValancyhadbeenbroughtsię
upinthefearandadmonitionofhismoney.Jeśli
Ifsheoffendedhimhewouldwyciął
cutheroutofhiswill—supposingshewereinit.Valancydidnotwanttobecutoutof
Wujka
UncleBenjamin’swill.Shehadbeenpoorallherlife
i
andknewthegallingbitternessofit.Sosheenduredhisriddles
a
andevensmiledtorturedlittlesmilesovernich
them.AuntIsabel,downrightanddisagreeableasaneastwind,wouldcriticiseherinsomeway—Valancycouldnotpredictjusthow,forAuntIsabel
nigdy nie
neverrepeatedacriticism—shefoundcoś
somethingnewwithwhichtojabyoueverytime.AuntIsabelpridedherselfonsayingwhatshethought,
ale
butdidn’tlikeitsowellgdy
whenotherpeoplesaidwhattheythoughttojej
her.Valancyneversaidwhatshe
myśli
thought.CousinGeorgiana—namedafterhergreat-great-grand-mother,
którzy
whohadbeennamedafterGeorgetheFourth—wouldrecountdolorouslythenamesofallrelativesandfriendsktórzy
whohaddiedsincethelastpicnicandwonder“whichofusbędzie
willbethefirsttogonext.”Oppressivelycompetent,AuntMildredwouldtalkendlesslyofherhusband
i
andherodiousprodigiesofbabiestoValancy,ponieważ
becauseValancywouldbethejedynym
onlyoneshecouldfindtoputupwithto
it.Forthesamereason,CousinGladys—reallyFirstCousinGladys
raz
onceremoved,accordingtothestrictwayinktóra
whichtheStirlingstabulatedrelationship—atall,thindama
ladywhoadmittedshehadasensitivedisposition,woulddescribeminutelythetorturesofherneuritis.AndOlive,thewonder
dziewczyna
girlofthewholeStirlingclan,whohadwszystko
everythingValancyhadnot—beauty,popularity,love,—wouldshowoffherbeautyandpresumeonherpopularityandflauntherdiamondinsigniaofmiłość
loveinValancy’sdazzled,enviouseyes.Nie
Therewouldbenoneofalltego
thistoday.Andtherewouldbenopackingupofteaspoons.
Thepackingupwas
zawsze
alwaysleftforValancyandCousinStickles.I
Andonce,sixyearsago,asilverteaspoonfromAuntWellington’sweddingzestawu
sethadbeenlost.Valancy
nigdy nie
neverheardthelastofthatsilverteaspoon.ItsghostappearedBanquo-likeateverysubsequentfamilyfeast.
Oh,
tak
yes,Valancyknewexactlywhatthepicnicwouldbejak
likeandsheblessedtherainktóry
thathadsavedherfromit.Therewouldbenopicnic
tym
thisyear.IfAuntWellingtoncouldnotcelebrateonthesacred
dzień
dayitselfshewouldhavenie
nocelebrationatall.Thankwhatevergodstherewereforthat.
Ponieważ
Sincetherewouldbenopicnic,Valancymadesię
uphermindthat,iftherainheldsię
upintheafternoon,shewouldpójdzie
gouptothelibraryi
andgetanotherofJohnFoster’sbooks.Valancywas
nigdy nie
neverallowedtoreadnovels,ale
butJohnFoster’sbookswerenotnovels.Theywere“naturebooks”—sothelibrariantoldMrs.FrederickStirling—“all
o
aboutthewoodsandbirdsi
andbugsandthingslikethat,youknow.”SoValancywasallowedto
przeczytać
readthem—underprotest,foritwasonlyzbyt
tooevidentthatsheenjoyedthemzbyt
toomuch.Itwaspermissible,
nawet
evenlaudable,toreadtoimproveyourmindandyourreligion,ale
butabookthatwasenjoyablewasdangerous.Valancydidnot
wiedziała
knowwhetherhermindwasbeingimprovedornot;ale
butshefeltvaguelythatifshehadcomeacrossJohnFoster’sbooksyearsagolifemighthavebeenadifferentthingforniej
her.Theyseemedtohertoyieldglimpsesofaworldinto
który
whichshemightoncehaveentered,chociaż
thoughthedoorwasforeverbarredtoherteraz
now.Itwasonlywithinthelast
roku
yearthatJohnFoster’sbookshadbeenintheDeerwoodlibrary,chociaż
thoughthelibrariantoldValancyże
thathehadbeenawell-knownwriterforseveralyears.“Wheredoeshelive?”
Valancyhad
zapytał
asked.“Nobodyknows.
Fromhisbookshe
musi
mustbeaCanadian,butnie
nomoreinformationcanbema
had.Hispublisherswon’tsaya
słowa
word.QuitelikelyJohnFosterisanomdeplume.
Hisbooksaresopopularwecan’t
utrzymać
keeptheminatall,chociaż
thoughIreallycan’tseewhatpeoplefindinthemtoraveover.”“Ithinkthey’rewonderful,”
powiedział
saidValancy,timidly.“Oh—well—”
MissClarksonsmiledinapatronisingfashionthatrelegatedValancy’sopinionstolimbo,“Ican’t
powiedzieć
sayIcaremuchforbugsmyself.Ale
ButcertainlyFosterseemstowiedzieć
knowallthereistowiedzieć
knowaboutthem.”Valancydidn’t
wiedziała
knowwhethershecaredmuchforbugseither.ItwasnotJohnFoster’suncannyknowledgeofwildcreatures
i
andinsectlifethatenthralledher.Shecouldhardly
powiedzieć
saywhatitwas—sometantalisinglureofamysteryneverrevealed—somehintofagreatsecrettylko
justalittlefurtheron—somefaint,elusiveechooflovely,forgottenthings—JohnFoster’smagicwasindefinable.Tak
Yes,shewouldgetanewFosterbook.Itwasamonth
od
sinceshehadThistleHarvest,sosurelyMatka
Mothercouldnotobject.Valancyhad
przeczytała
readitfourtimes—sheknewcałe
wholepassagesoffbyheart.And—she
prawie
almostthoughtshewouldgoi
andseeDr.Trentaboutże
thatqueerpainaroundtheserca
heart.Ithadcomeratheroftenlately,andthepalpitationswerebecomingannoying,nottospeakofanoccasionaldizzy
momencie
momentandaqueershortnessofbreath.Ale
Butcouldshegotoseehimwithouttellinganyone?Itwasa
najbardziej
mostdaringthought.NoneoftheStirlingseverconsultedadoctor
bez
withoutholdingafamilycouncili
andgettingUncleJames’approval.Then,they
poszli
wenttoDr.AmbroseMarshofPortLawrence,który
whohadmarriedSecondCousinAdelaideStirling.Ale
ButValancydislikedDr.AmbroseMarsh.And,besides,shecouldnotgettoPortLawrence,fifteenmilesaway,
bez
withoutbeingtakenthere.Shedidnotwantanyoneto
wiedział
knowaboutherheart.Therewouldbe
takie
suchafussmadeandkażdy
everymemberofthefamilywouldcomedowni
andtalkitoverandadviseheri
andcautionherandwarnheri
andtellherhorribletalesofgreat-auntsi
andcousinsfortytimesremovedktórzy
whohadbeen“justlikethat”i
and“droppeddeadwithoutamoment’swarning,mydear.”AuntIsabelwouldrememberthatshe
ma
hadalwayssaidDosslookedjak
likeagirlwhowouldma
havehearttrouble—“sopinchedandpeakedalways”;a
andUncleWellingtonwouldtakeitasapersonalinsult,kiedy
when“noStirlingeverhadserca
heartdiseasebefore”;andGeorgianawouldforebodeinperfectlyaudibleasides
że
that“poor,dearlittleDossisn’tdługo
longforthisworld,I’mafraid”;a
andCousinGladyswouldsay,“Why,myserce
hearthasbeenlikethatforyears,”inatonethatimpliednie
nooneelsehadanybusinessnawet
eventohaveaheart;andOlive—Olivewouldmerely
wyglądałaby
lookbeautifulandsuperioranddisgustinglyhealthy,asiftosay,“Whyallten
thisfussoverafadedsuperfluitylikeDosswhenyoumasz
haveme?”Valancyfeltthatshecouldn’t
powiedzieć
tellanybodyunlessshehadto.She
czuła
feltquitesuretherewasnic
nothingatallseriouslywrongwithherhearti
andnoneedofallthepotherthatwouldensuejeśli
ifshementionedit.Shewould
po prostu
justslipupquietlyandseeDr.Trentthatverydnia
day.Asforhisbill,she
miała
hadthetwohundreddollarsktóre
thatherfatherhadputinthebankforherthedniu
dayshewasborn.Shewas
nigdy nie
neverallowedtouseeventheinterestofthis,ale
butshewouldsecretlytakeoutenoughtozapłacić
payDr.Trent.Dr.
Trentwasagruff,outspoken,absent-mindedoldfellow,
ale
buthewasarecognisedauthorityonserca
heartdisease,evenifheweretylko
onlyageneralpractitionerinout-of-the-worldDeerwood.Dr.Trentwas
ponad
overseventyandtherehadbeenrumoursże
thathemeanttoretirewkrótce
soon.NoneoftheStirlingclanhadevergonetohim
od
sincehehadtoldCousinGladys,dziesięć
tenyearsbefore,thatherneuritiswasallimaginaryi
andthatsheenjoyedit.Youcouldn’tpatroniseadoctorwhoinsultedyourfirst-cousin-once-removedlikethat—nottomentionthathewasaPresbyterian
kiedy
whenalltheStirlingswenttotheAnglicanchurch.CHAPTERII
Kiedy
WhenCousinSticklesknockedatherdrzwi
door,Valancyknewitwashalf-pastseveni
andshemustgetup.As
długo
longasshecouldremember,CousinStickleshadknockedatherdrzwi
doorathalf-pastseven.CousinStickles
i
andMrs.FrederickStirlinghadbeenupod
sinceseven,butValancywasallowedtoleżeć
lieabedhalfanhourlongerbecauseofafamilytraditionże
thatshewasdelicate.Valancygotup,
chociaż
thoughshehatedgettingupbardziej
morethismorningthanevershehadbefore.