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Notes from the Underground | Gradually Hardening Norwegian B2

Notes from the Underground | Gradually Hardening Norwegian B2

This progressive translation technique brings multiple benefits to language learners. It lets you choose the difficulty level that matches your abilities, making sure the material is challenging but not too difficult. By focusing on understanding words in context, this method boosts your comprehension skills. While direct translations are slightly hidden to promote guessing from context, you can always check unfamiliar words. This approach makes learning a new language both engaging and accessible, offering the right mix of difficulty and encouragement. Embark on a journey through translated classics and enjoy the process of learning through reading.

I
Iamasickman....
Iamaspitefulman.
Iamanunattractiveman.
Ibelievemy
leveren
liverisdiseased.
However,Iknownothingatallaboutmydisease,anddonotknowforcertainwhatailsme.
Idon’t
konsulterer
consultadoctorforit,andneverhave,thoughIhavearespectformedicineanddoctors.
Besides,Iamextremely
overtroisk
superstitious,sufficientlysotorespectmedicine,anyway(Iamwell-educatedenoughnottobe
overtroisk
superstitious,butIamsuperstitious).
No,Irefuseto
konsultere
consultadoctorfromspite.
Thatyouprobablywillnotunderstand.
Well,Iunderstandit,though.
Ofcourse,Ican’texplainwhoitis
nøyaktig
preciselythatIammortifyinginthiscasebymyspite:
IamperfectlywellawarethatIcannot“payout”thedoctorsbynot
konsultere
consultingthem;
IknowbetterthananyonethatbyallthisIamonly
skader
injuringmyselfandnooneelse.
Butstill,ifIdon’t
konsulterer
consultadoctoritisfromspite.
My
leveren
liverisbad,well—letitgetworse!
Ihavebeengoingonlikethatforalongtime—twentyyears.
NowIamforty.
Iusedtobeinthegovernmentservice,butamnolonger.
Iwasaspitefulofficial.
Iwasrudeandtookpleasureinbeingso.
Ididnottakebribes,yousee,soIwasboundtofindarecompenseinthat,atleast.
(Apoorjest,butIwillnotscratchitout.
Iwroteitthinkingitwouldsoundvery
vittig
witty;
butnowthatIhaveseenmyselfthatIonlywantedtoshowoffinadespicableway,Iwillnotscratchitoutonpurpose!)
WhenpetitionersusedtocomeforinformationtothetableatwhichIsat,Iusedtogrindmyteethatthem,andfelt
intens
intenseenjoymentwhenIsucceededinmakinganybodyunhappy.
Ialmostdid
lyktes
succeed.
Forthemostparttheywerealltimidpeople—ofcourse,theywerepetitioners.
ButoftheuppishonestherewasoneofficerinparticularIcouldnot
tåle
endure.
Hesimplywouldnotbe
ydmyk
humble,andclankedhisswordinadisgustingway.
Icarriedonafeudwithhimforeighteenmonthsoverthatsword.
AtlastIgotthebetterofhim.
Heleftoffclankingit.
Thathappenedinmyyouth,though.
Butdoyouknow,gentlemen,whatwasthechiefpointaboutmyspite?
Why,thewholepoint,therealstingofitlayinthefactthat
kontinuerlig
continually,eveninthemomentoftheacutestspleen,Iwasinwardly
bevisst
consciouswithshamethatIwasnotonlynotaspitefulbutnotevenanembitteredman,thatIwassimplyscaringsparrowsat
tilfeldig
randomandamusingmyselfbyit.
Imight
skum
foamatthemouth,butbringmeadolltoplaywith,givemeacupofteawithsugarinit,andmaybeIshouldbeappeased.
Imightevenbe
oppriktig
genuinelytouched,thoughprobablyIshouldgrindmyteethatmyselfafterwardsandlieawakeatnightwithshameformonthsafter.
Thatwasmyway.
IwaslyingwhenIsaidjustnowthatIwasaspitefulofficial.
Iwaslyingfromspite.
Iwassimplyamusingmyselfwiththepetitionersandwiththeofficer,andinrealityInevercouldbecomespiteful.
Iwas
bevisst
consciouseverymomentinmyselfofmany,verymanyelementsabsolutelyoppositetothat.
Ifeltthem
positivt
positivelyswarminginme,theseoppositeelements.
Iknewthattheyhadbeenswarminginmeallmylifeandcravingsome
utløp
outletfromme,butIwouldnotletthem,wouldnotletthem,purposelywouldnotletthemcomeout.
TheytormentedmetillIwasashamed:
theydrovemetoconvulsionsand—sickenedme,atlast,howtheysickenedme!
Now,arenotyoufancying,gentlemen,thatIamexpressing
anger
remorseforsomethingnow,thatIamaskingyour
tilgivelse
forgivenessforsomething?
Iamsureyouarefancyingthat...
However,I
forsikrer
assureyouIdonotcareifyouare....
ItwasnotonlythatIcouldnotbecomespiteful,Ididnotknowhowtobecomeanything;
neitherspitefulnorkind,neitherarascalnoranhonestman,neitheraheronoran
insekt
insect.
Now,Iamlivingoutmylifeinmycorner,tauntingmyselfwiththespitefulanduseless
trøst
consolationthatanintelligentmancannotbecomeanythingseriously,anditisonlythefoolwhobecomesanything.
Yes,amaninthenineteenthcenturymustand
moralsk
morallyoughttobepre-eminentlyacharacterlesscreature;
amanofcharacter,an
aktiv
activemanispre-eminentlya
begrenset
limitedcreature.
Thatismy
overbevisning
convictionoffortyyears.
Iamfortyyearsoldnow,andyouknowfortyyearsisawholelifetime;
youknowitis
ekstrem
extremeoldage.
Tolivelongerthanfortyyearsisbadmanners,is
vulgært
vulgar,immoral.
Whodoeslivebeyondforty?
Answerthat,sincerelyandhonestlyIwilltellyouwhodo:
foolsandworthlessfellows.
Itellalloldmenthattotheirface,allthesevenerableoldmen,allthesesilver-hairedandreverendseniors!
Itellthewholeworldthattoitsface!
Ihavearighttosayso,forIshallgoonlivingtosixtymyself.
Toseventy!
Toeighty!
Stay,letmetakebreath...
Youimaginenodoubt,gentlemen,thatIwantto
underholde
amuseyou.
Youaremistakeninthat,too.
Iambynomeanssuchamirthfulpersonasyouimagine,orasyoumayimagine;
however,
irritert
irritatedbyallthisbabble(andIfeelthatyouare
irritert
irritated)youthinkfittoaskmewhoIam—thenmyansweris,Iamacollegiateassessor.
IwasintheservicethatImighthavesomethingtoeat(and
utelukkende
solelyforthatreason),andwhenlastyeara
fjern
distantrelationleftmesixthousandroublesinhiswillIimmediately
pensjonert
retiredfromtheserviceandsettleddowninmycorner.
Iusedtoliveinthiscornerbefore,butnowIhavesettleddowninit.
Myroomisawretched,horridoneinthe
utkanten
outskirtsofthetown.
My
tjener
servantisanoldcountry-woman,ill-naturedfrom
dumhet
stupidity,and,moreover,thereisalwaysanastysmellabouther.
IamtoldthatthePetersburgclimateisbadforme,andthatwithmysmallmeansitisveryexpensivetoliveinPetersburg.
Iknowallthatbetterthanallthesesageandexperiencedcounsellorsandmonitors....
ButIamremaininginPetersburg;
IamnotgoingawayfromPetersburg!
Iamnotgoingawaybecause...
ech!
Why,itisabsolutelynomatterwhetherIamgoingawayornotgoingaway.
Butwhatcanadecentmanspeakofwithmostpleasure?
Answer:
Ofhimself.
II
Iwantnowtotellyou,gentlemen,whetheryoucaretohearitornot,whyIcouldnotevenbecomean
insekt
insect.
Itellyousolemnly,thatIhavemanytimestriedtobecomean
insekt
insect.
ButIwasnot
lik
equaleventothat.
Iswear,gentlemen,thattobetoo
bevisst
consciousisanillness—arealthorough-going
sykdom
illness.
Forman’severydayneeds,itwouldhavebeenquiteenoughtohavetheordinaryhumanconsciousness,thatis,halforaquarteroftheamountwhichfallstothelotofa
kultivert
cultivatedmanofourunhappynineteenthcentury,especiallyonewhohasthefatalill-lucktoinhabitPetersburg,themosttheoreticalandintentionaltownonthewholeterrestrial
jordkloden
globe.
(Thereareintentionalandunintentionaltowns.)
Itwouldhavebeenquiteenough,for
eksempel
instance,tohavetheconsciousnessbywhichallso-calleddirectpersonsandmenofactionlive.
IbetyouthinkIamwritingallthisfromaffectation,tobe
vittig
wittyattheexpenseofmenofaction;
andwhatismore,thatfromill-bredaffectation,Iamclankingaswordlikemyofficer.
But,gentlemen,whoevercanpridehimselfonhisdiseasesandevenswaggeroverthem?
Though,afterall,everyonedoesdothat;
peopledopridethemselvesontheirdiseases,andIdo,maybe,morethananyone.
Wewillnot
bestride
disputeit;
mycontentionwas
absurd
absurd.
ButyetIam
fast
firmlypersuadedthatagreatdealof
bevissthet
consciousness,everysortofconsciousness,infact,isadisease.
Isticktothat.
Letusleavethat,too,foraminute.
Tellmethis:
whydoesithappenthatatthevery,yes,attheverymomentswhenIammostcapableoffeelingeveryrefinementofallthatis“sublimeandbeautiful,”astheyusedtosayatonetime,itwould,asthoughofdesign,happentomenotonlytofeelbuttodosuchuglythings,suchthat...
Well,inshort,actionsthatall,perhaps,commit;
butwhich,asthoughpurposely,occurredtomeattheverytimewhenIwasmost
bevisst
consciousthattheyoughtnottobecommitted.
Themore
bevisst
consciousIwasofgoodnessandofallthatwas“sublimeandbeautiful,”themoredeeplyIsankintomymireandthemorereadyIwasto
synke
sinkinitaltogether.
Butthechiefpointwasthatallthiswas,asitwere,not
tilfeldig
accidentalinme,butasthoughitwereboundtobeso.
Itwasasthoughitweremymostnormalcondition,andnotintheleastdiseaseordepravity,sothatatlastalldesireinmetostruggleagainstthisdepravitypassed.
Itendedbymyalmostbelieving(perhapsactuallybelieving)thatthiswasperhapsmynormalcondition.
Butatfirst,inthebeginning,whatagoniesI
utholdt
enduredinthatstruggle!
Ididnotbelieveitwasthesamewithotherpeople,andallmylifeIhidthisfactaboutmyselfasasecret.
Iwasashamed(evennow,perhaps,Iamashamed):
Igottothepointoffeelingasortofsecret
unormal
abnormal,despicableenjoymentinreturninghometomycorneronsomedisgustingPetersburgnight,acutely
bevisst
consciousthatthatdayIhadcommittedaloathsomeactionagain,thatwhatwasdonecouldneverbeundone,andsecretly,inwardlygnawing,gnawingatmyselfforit,tearingand
konsumere
consumingmyselftillatlastthe
bitterhet
bitternessturnedintoasortofshamefulaccursedsweetness,andatlast—intopositivereal
glede
enjoyment!
Yes,intoenjoyment,into
nytelse
enjoyment!
Iinsistuponthat.
IhavespokenofthisbecauseIkeepwantingtoknowforafactwhetherotherpeoplefeelsuch
glede
enjoyment?
Iwillexplain;
theenjoymentwasjustfromthetoointenseconsciousnessofone’sowndegradation;
itwasfromfeelingoneselfthatonehadreachedthelastbarrier,thatitwashorrible,butthatitcouldnotbeotherwise;
thattherewasnoescapeforyou;
thatyounevercouldbecomeadifferentman;
thateveniftimeandfaithwerestillleftyoutochangeintosomethingdifferentyouwouldmostlikelynotwishtochange;
orifyoudidwishto,eventhenyouwoulddonothing;
becauseperhapsinrealitytherewasnothingforyoutochangeinto.
Andtheworstofitwas,andthe
roten
rootofitall,thatitwasallin
samsvar
accordwiththenormalfundamentallawsofover-acute
bevissthet
consciousness,andwiththeinertiathatwasthedirectresultofthoselaws,andthat
følgelig
consequentlyonewasnotonly
stand
unabletochangebutcoulddoabsolutelynothing.
Thusitwouldfollow,astheresultof
akutt
acuteconsciousness,thatoneisnottoblameinbeingascoundrel;
asthoughthatwereany
trøst
consolationtothescoundreloncehehascometo
innse
realisethatheactuallyisascoundrel.
Butenough....
Ech,Ihavetalkedalotofnonsense,butwhathaveIexplained?
Howisenjoymentinthistobeexplained?
ButIwillexplainit.
Iwillgettothebottomofit!
ThatiswhyIhavetakenupmypen....
I,for
eksempel
instance,haveagreatdealofamourpropre.
Iamas
mistenkelig
suspiciousandpronetotakeoffenceasahumpbackora
dverg
dwarf.
ButuponmywordIsometimeshavehadmomentswhenifIhadhappenedtobeslappedinthefaceIshould,perhaps,havebeen
positivt
positivelygladofit.
Isay,in
alvor
earnest,thatIshouldprobablyhavebeenableto
oppdage
discovereveninthata
merkelig
peculiarsortofenjoyment—theenjoyment,ofcourse,of
fortvilelse
despair;
butindespairtherearethemostintenseenjoyments,especiallywhenoneisveryacutely
bevisst
consciousofthehopelessnessofone’sposition.
Andwhenoneisslappedintheface—whythentheconsciousnessofbeing
gnidd
rubbedintoapulpwould
positivt
positivelyoverwhelmone.
Theworstofitis,lookatitwhichwayonewill,itstillturnsoutthatIwasalwaysthemosttoblameineverything.
Andwhatismosthumiliatingofall,toblamefornofaultofmyownbut,sotosay,throughthelawsofnature.
Inthefirstplace,toblamebecauseIamclevererthananyofthepeoplesurroundingme.
(Ihavealwaysconsideredmyselfclevererthananyofthepeoplesurroundingme,andsometimes,wouldyoubelieveit,havebeen
positivt
positivelyashamedofit.
Atanyrate,Ihaveallmylife,asitwere,turnedmyeyesawayandnevercouldlookpeoplestraightintheface.)
Toblame,finally,becauseevenifIhadhadmagnanimity,Ishouldonlyhavehadmoresufferingfromthesenseofitsuselessness.
Ishouldcertainlyhaveneverbeenabletodoanythingfrombeingmagnanimous—neithertoforgive,formyassailantwouldperhapshaveslappedmefromthelawsofnature,andonecannotforgivethelawsofnature;
nortoforget,forevenifitwereowingtothelawsofnature,itisinsultingallthesame.
Finally,evenifIhadwantedtobeanythingbutmagnanimous,haddesiredonthecontrarytorevengemyselfonmyassailant,IcouldnothaverevengedmyselfonanyoneforanythingbecauseIshouldcertainlyneverhavemadeupmymindtodoanything,evenifIhadbeenableto.
WhyshouldInothavemadeupmymind?
III
Withpeoplewhoknowhowtorevengethemselvesandtostandupforthemselvesingeneral,howisitdone?
Why,whentheyare
besatt
possessed,letussuppose,bythefeelingofrevenge,thenforthetimethereisnothingelsebutthatfeelingleftintheirwholebeing.
Suchagentlemansimplydashesstraightforhisobjectlikeaninfuriatedbullwithitshornsdown,andnothingbutawallwillstophim.
(Bytheway:
facingthewall,suchgentlemen—thatis,the“direct”personsandmenofaction—aregenuinelynonplussed.
Forthemawallisnotanevasion,asforuspeoplewhothinkand
følgelig
consequentlydonothing;
itisnotanexcuseforturningaside,anexcuseforwhichwearealwaysveryglad,thoughwe
knapt
scarcelybelieveinitourselves,asarule.
No,theyarenonplussedinall
oppriktighet
sincerity.
Thewallhasforthemsomethingtranquillising,
moralsk
morallysoothing,final—maybeevensomething
mystisk
mysterious...
butofthewalllater.)
Well,suchadirectpersonI
betrakter
regardastherealnormalman,ashis
øm
tendermothernaturewishedtoseehimwhenshegraciouslybroughthimintobeingontheearth.
I
misunner
envysuchamantillIamgreenintheface.
Heisstupid.
Iamnot
bestrider
disputingthat,butperhapsthenormalmanshouldbestupid,howdoyouknow?
Perhapsitisverybeautiful,infact.
AndIamthemorepersuadedofthatsuspicion,ifonecancallitso,bythefactthatifyoutake,for
eksempel
instance,theantithesisofthenormalman,thatis,themanof
akutt
acuteconsciousness,whohascome,ofcourse,notoutofthelapofnaturebutoutofaretort(thisisalmostmysticism,gentlemen,butIsuspectthis,too),thisretort-mademanissometimessononplussedinthepresenceofhisantithesisthatwithallhisexaggerated
bevissthet
consciousnesshegenuinelythinksofhimselfasamouseandnotaman.
Itmaybeanacutely
bevisst
consciousmouse,yetitisamouse,whiletheotherisaman,andtherefore,etcaetera,etcaetera.
Andtheworstofitis,hehimself,hisveryownself,looksonhimselfasamouse;
nooneaskshimtodoso;
andthatisanimportantpoint.
Nowletuslookatthismouseinaction.
Letussuppose,for
eksempel
instance,thatitfeelsinsulted,too(anditalmostalwaysdoesfeel
fornærmet
insulted),andwantstorevengeitself,too.
Theremayevenbeagreateraccumulationofspiteinitthaninl’hommedelanatureetdelavérité.
Thebaseandnastydesiretoventthatspiteonitsassailantranklesperhapsevenmorenastilyinitthaninl’hommedelanatureetdelavérité.
Forthroughhisinnate
dumhet
stupiditythelatterlooksuponhisrevengeasjusticepureandsimple;
whileinconsequenceofhisacute
bevissthet
consciousnessthemousedoesnotbelieveinthejusticeofit.
Tocomeatlasttothedeeditself,totheveryactofrevenge.
Apartfromtheone
grunnleggende
fundamentalnastinessthelucklessmouse
lykkes
succeedsincreatingarounditsomanyothernastinessesintheformofdoubtsandquestions,addstotheonequestionsomanyunsettledquestionsthatthere
uunngåelig
inevitablyworksuparounditasortof
dødelig
fatalbrew,astinkingmess,madeupofitsdoubts,emotions,andofthe
forakt
contemptspatuponitbythedirectmenofactionwhostand
høytidelig
solemnlyaboutitasjudgesandarbitrators,laughingatittilltheirhealthysides
vondt
ache.
Ofcoursetheonlythingleftforitisto
avvise
dismissallthatwithawaveofits
pote
paw,and,withasmileofassumed
forakt
contemptinwhichitdoesnotevenitselfbelieve,
krype
creepignominiouslyintoitsmouse-hole.
Thereinitsnasty,stinking,
underjordiske
undergroundhomeourinsulted,crushedandridiculedmousepromptlybecomes
absorbert
absorbedincold,malignantand,aboveall,everlastingspite.
Forfortyyearstogetheritwillrememberits
skade
injurydowntothesmallest,mostignominiousdetails,andeverytimewilladd,ofitself,detailsstillmoreignominious,spitefullyteasingandtormentingitselfwithitsownimagination.
Itwillitselfbeashamedofitsimaginings,butyetitwill
huske
recallitall,itwillgooverandoverevery
detalj
detail,itwillinventunheardofthingsagainstitself,pretendingthatthosethingsmighthappen,andwillforgivenothing.
Maybeitwillbegintorevengeitself,too,but,asitwere,piecemeal,intrivialways,frombehindthestove,incognito,withoutbelievingeitherinitsownrighttovengeance,orinthesuccessofitsrevenge,knowingthatfromallitseffortsatrevengeitwillsufferahundredtimesmorethanheonwhomitrevengesitself,whilehe,Idaresay,willnotevenscratchhimself.
Onitsdeathbeditwill
huske
recallitalloveragain,withinterestaccumulatedoveralltheyearsand...
Butitisjustinthatcold,
avskyelige
abominablehalfdespair,halfbelief,inthatconsciousburyingoneselfalivefor
sorg
griefintheunderworldforfortyyears,inthatacutely
anerkjente
recognisedandyetpartlydoubtfulhopelessnessofone’sposition,inthathellofunsatisfieddesiresturnedinward,inthatfeverofoscillations,ofresolutions
bestemt
determinedforeverandrepentedofagainaminutelater—thatthesavourofthatstrangeenjoymentofwhichIhavespokenlies.
Itissosubtle,sodifficultofanalysis,thatpersonswhoarealittle
begrenset
limited,orevensimplypersonsofstrongnerves,willnotunderstandasingle
atom
atomofit.
“Possibly,”youwilladdonyourownaccountwitha
smil
grin,“peoplewillnotunderstanditeitherwhohaveneverreceivedaslapintheface,”andinthatwayyouwill
høflig
politelyhinttomethatI,too,perhaps,havehadtheexperienceofaslapinthefaceinmylife,andsoIspeakasonewhoknows.
Ibetthatyouarethinkingthat.
Butsetyourmindsatrest,gentlemen,Ihavenotreceivedaslapintheface,thoughitisabsolutelyamatterofindifferencetomewhatyoumaythinkaboutit.
Possibly,Ievenregret,myself,thatIhavegivensofewslapsinthefaceduringmylife.
Butenough...
notanotherwordonthatsubjectofsuch
ekstrem
extremeinteresttoyou.
Iwillcontinue
rolig
calmlyconcerningpersonswithstrongnerveswhodonotunderstandacertainrefinementof
nytelse
enjoyment.
Thoughincertaincircumstancesthesegentlemenbellowtheirloudestlikebulls,thoughthis,letussuppose,doesthemthegreatestcredit,yet,asIhavesaidalready,
konfrontert
confrontedwiththeimpossibletheysubsideatonce.
Theimpossiblemeansthestonewall!
Whatstonewall?
Why,ofcourse,thelawsofnature,thedeductionsofnaturalscience,mathematics.