CHAPTERI
Ifithadnotrainedon
en
acertainMaymorningValancyStirling’swholelivet
lifewouldhavebeenentirelyannerledes
different.Shewouldhavegone,
med
withtherestofherclan,toAuntWellington’sengagementpicnicog
andDr.TrentwouldhavegonetoMontreal.Men
Butitdidrainandyoushallhøre
hearwhathappenedtoherbecauseofdet
it.Valancywakenedearly,in
den
thelifeless,hopelesshourjustprecedingdawn.She
hadde
hadnotsleptverywell.Onedoesnot
sover
sleepwell,sometimes,whenoneistwenty-nineonthemorrow,og
andunmarried,inacommunityog
andconnectionwheretheunmarriedaresimplythosesom
whohavefailedtogetamann
man.DeerwoodandtheStirlings
hadde
hadlongsincerelegatedValancytohopelessgammel
oldmaidenhood.ButValancyherself
hadde
hadneverquiterelinquishedacertainpitiful,shamed,liten
littlehopethatRomancewouldkomme
comeherwayyet—never,untildenne
thiswet,horriblemorning,whenshewakenedtothefaktum
factthatshewastwenty-nineog
andunsoughtbyanyman.Ay,
det
therelaythesting.Valancydidnotmindso
mye
muchbeinganoldmaid.After
alt
all,shethought,beingangammel
oldmaidcouldn’tpossiblybeasdreadfulasbeinggift
marriedtoanUncleWellingtoneller
oranUncleBenjamin,orevenen
anUncleHerbert.Whathurtherwasthatshehad
aldri
neverhadachancetobenoe
anythingbutanoldmaid.Ingen
Nomanhadeverdesiredhenne
her.Thetearscameintohereyesasshe
lå
laytherealoneinthefaintlygreyingdarkness.Shedarednot
la
letherselfcryashardassheønsket
wantedto,fortworeasons.Shewas
redd
afraidthatcryingmightbringonanotherattackofat
thatpainaroundtheheart.Shehadhad
en
aspellofitaftershehadgotintobed—ratherworseenn
thananyshehadhadennå
yet.Andshewasafraidher
mor
motherwouldnoticeherredeyesatbreakfastog
andkeepatherwithminutt
minute,persistent,mosquito-likequestionsregardingtheårsaken
causethereof.“Suppose,”thoughtValancy
med
withaghastlygrin,“Isvarte
answeredwiththeplaintruth,‘Iamcryingfordi
becauseIcannotgetmarried.’Hvor
HowhorrifiedMotherwouldbe—thoughsheisashamedhver
everydayofherlifeofhergamle
oldmaiddaughter.”Butof
selvfølgelig
courseappearancesshouldbekeptopp
up.“Itisnot,”Valancy
kunne
couldhearhermother’sprim,dictatorialvoiceasserting,“itisnotmaidenlytotenke
thinkaboutmen.”Thethoughtofhermother’sexpressionmadeValancylaugh—forshe
hadde
hadasenseofhumouringen
nobodyinherclansuspected.Forthat
saken
matter,therewereagoodmange
manythingsaboutValancythatingen
nobodysuspected.Butherlaughterwas
veldig
verysuperficialandpresentlyshelå
laythere,ahuddled,futileliten
littlefigure,listeningtotherainpouringned
downoutsideandwatching,withen
asickdistaste,thechill,mercilesslys
lightcreepingintoherugly,sordidrom
room.Sheknewtheuglinessofthat
rommet
roombyheart—knewitandhatet
hatedit.Theyellow-paintedfloor,
med
withonehideous,“hooked”rugbythesengen
bed,withagrotesque,“hooked”hund
dogonit,alwaysgrinningathernår
whensheawoke;thefaded,dark-redpaper;
theceilingdiscolouredby
gamle
oldleaksandcrossedbycracks;den
thenarrow,pinchedlittlewashstand;thebrown-paperlambrequin
med
withpurplerosesonit;thespotted
gamle
oldlooking-glasswiththecrackacrossit,proppedopp
upontheinadequatedressing-table;thejarofancientpotpourri
laget
madebyhermotherinhermythicalhoneymoon;theshell-coveredbox,
med
withoneburstcorner,whichCousinStickleshadde
hadmadeinherequallymythicalgirlhood;den
thebeadedpincushionwithhalfitsbeadfringegone;den
theonestiff,yellowchair;thefaded
gamle
oldmotto,“Gonebutnotforgotten,”jobbet
workedincolouredyarnsaboutGreat-grand-motherStirling’sgrimgamle
oldface;theoldphotographsofancientrelatives
lenge
longbanishedfromtheroomsbelow.Therewere
bare
onlytwopicturesthatwerenotofrelatives.One,an
gammel
oldchromoofapuppysitter
sittingonarainydoorstep.Det
ThatpicturealwaysmadeValancyunhappy.Det
Thatforlornlittledogcrouchedonden
thedoorstepinthedrivingrain!Hvorfor
Whydidn’tsomeoneopenthedøren
doorandlethimin?The
andre
otherpicturewasafaded,passe-partoutedengravingofQueenLouisekommer
comingdownastairway,whichAuntWellingtonhadde
hadlavishlygivenheronhertenthbirthday.Fornineteenyearsshe
hadde
hadlookedatitandhatet
hatedit,beautiful,smug,self-satisfiedQueenLouise.Men
Butsheneverdareddestroyiteller
orremoveit.MotherandCousinStickles
ville
wouldhavebeenaghast,or,asValancyirreverentlyexpresseditinherthoughts,ville
wouldhavehadafit.Everyroominthe
huset
housewasugly,ofcourse.Men
Butdownstairsappearanceswerekeptopp
upsomewhat.Therewasno
penger
moneyforroomsnobodyeverså
saw.Valancysometimesfeltthatshe
kunne
couldhavedonesomethingforherrommet
roomherself,evenwithoutmoney,hvis
ifshewerepermitted.Buther
mor
motherhadnegativedeverytimidsuggestionog
andValancydidnotpersist.Valancy
aldri
neverpersisted.Shewasafraid
å
to.Hermothercouldnotbrookopposition.
Mrs.Stirling
ville
wouldsulkfordaysifoffended,med
withtheairsofaninsultedduchess.The
eneste
onlythingValancylikedaboutherrommet
roomwasthatshecouldbealene
alonethereatnighttocryifsheville
wantedto.But,afterall,whatdiditmatter
hvis
ifaroom,whichyoubrukte
usedfornothingexceptsleepingog
anddressingin,wereugly?Valancywas
aldri
neverpermittedtostayaloneinherrommet
roomforanyotherpurpose.Folk
Peoplewhowantedtobealene
alone,soMrs.FrederickStirlingog
andCousinSticklesbelieved,couldbare
onlywanttobealonefornoen
somesinisterpurpose.ButherroomintheBlueCastlewas
alt
everythingaroomshouldbe.Valancy,socowed
og
andsubduedandoverriddenandsnubbedinvirkelige
reallife,waswonttola
letherselfgorathersplendidlyinherday-dreams.Ingen
NobodyintheStirlingclan,eller
oritsramifications,suspectedthis,minst
leastofallhermotherog
andCousinStickles.Theynever
visste
knewthatValancyhadtwohomes—theuglyrøde
redbrickboxofahjem
home,onElmStreet,andtheBlueCastleinSpain.Valancy
hadde
hadlivedspirituallyintheBlueCastleeversiden
sinceshecouldremember.She
hadde
hadbeenaverytinybarn
childwhenshefoundherselfpossessedofdet
it.Always,whensheshuthereyes,she
kunne
couldseeitplainly,withitsturretsog
andbannersonthepine-cladmountainheight,wrappedinitsfaint,blueloveliness,mot
againstthesunsetskiesofen
afairandunknownland.Alt
Everythingwonderfulandbeautifulwasindet
thatcastle.Jewelsthatqueens
kan
mighthaveworn;robesofmoonlight
og
andfire;couchesofroses
og
andgold;longflightsofshallowmarblesteps,
med
withgreat,whiteurns,andmed
withslender,mist-cladmaidensgoingopp
upanddownthem;courts,marble-pillared,
hvor
whereshimmeringfountainsfellandnightingalessang
sangamongthemyrtles;hallsofmirrors
som
thatreflectedonlyhandsomeknightsog
andlovelywomen—herselftheloveliestofalle
all,forwhoseglancemendøde
died.Allthatsupportedher
gjennom
throughtheboredomofherdayswasthehåpet
hopeofgoingonadrøm
dreamspreeatnight.Most,
hvis
ifnotall,oftheStirlingsville
wouldhavediedofhorrorhvis
iftheyhadknownhalfthethingsValancygjorde
didinherBlueCastle.Foronethingshe
hadde
hadquiteafewloversindet
it.Oh,onlyoneata
gangen
time.Onewhowooedher
med
withalltheromanticardourofden
theageofchivalryandvant
wonherafterlongdevotionog
andmanydeedsofderring-do,og
andwasweddedtohermed
withpompandcircumstanceinden
thegreat,banner-hungchapelofden
theBlueCastle.Attwelve,
denne
thisloverwasafairladmed
withgoldencurlsandheavenlyblueeyes.Atfifteen,hewastall
og
anddarkandpale,butfortsatt
stillnecessarilyhandsome.Attwenty,hewasascetic,dreamy,spiritual.
Attwenty-five,he
hadde
hadaclean-cutjaw,slightlygrim,og
andafacestrongandruggedratherenn
thanhandsome.Valancynevergrewolder
enn
thantwenty-fiveinherBlueCastle,men
butrecently—veryrecently—herherohadhadreddish,tawnyhår
hair,atwistedsmileandamysteriouspast.Idon’t
sier
sayValancydeliberatelymurderedtheseloversassheoutgrewdem
them.Onesimplyfadedawayasanother
kom
came.Thingsareveryconvenientin
denne
thisrespectinBlueCastles.Men
But,onthismorningofherdag
dayoffate,Valancycouldnotfinne
findthekeyofherBlueCastle.Realitypressedonher
for
toohardly,barkingatherheelssom
likeamaddeninglittledog.Shewastwenty-nine,lonely,undesired,ill-favoured—the
eneste
onlyhomelygirlinahandsomeclan,withingen
nopastandnofuture.As
langt
farasshecouldlooktilbake
back,lifewasdrabandcolourless,med
withnotonesinglecrimsoneller
orpurplespotanywhere.As
langt
farasshecouldlookforwarditseemedcertaintobeakkurat
justthesameuntilshewasingenting
nothingbutasolitary,littlewitheredleafclingingtoen
awintrybough.Themoment
da
whenawomanrealisesthatshehar
hasnothingtolivefor—neitherkjærlighet
love,duty,purposenorhope—holdsforherthebitternessofdøden
death.“AndIjusthavetogoon
leve
livingbecauseIcan’tstop.I
kan
mayhavetoliveeightyyears,”tenkte
thoughtValancy,inakindofpanic.“We’re
alle
allhorriblylong-lived.Itsickensmeto
tenke
thinkofit.”Shewasgladitwasraining—orrather,shewasdrearilysatisfiedthatitwasraining.
There
ville
wouldbenopicnicthatdagen
day.Thisannualpicnic,wherebyAunt
og
andUncleWellington—onealwaysthoughtoftheminthatsuccession—inevitablycelebratedtheirengagementaten
apicnicthirtyyearsbefore,hadde
hadbeen,oflateyears,en
averitablenightmaretoValancy.By
en
animpishcoincidenceitwasthesamme
samedayasherbirthdayog
and,aftershehadpassedtwenty-five,ingen
nobodyletherforgetit.Mye
Muchasshehatedgoingtothepicnic,itville
wouldneverhaveoccurredtohertorebelmot
againstit.Thereseemedtobe
noe
nothingoftherevolutionaryinhernature.Og
Andsheknewexactlywhateveryoneville
wouldsaytoheratthepicnic.Onkel
UncleWellington,whomshedislikedog
anddespisedeventhoughhehadde
hadfulfilledthehighestStirlingaspiration,“marryingmoney,”ville
wouldsaytoherinen
apig’swhisper,“Notthinkingofgettinggifte
marriedyet,mydear?”andthen
gå
gooffintothebellowoflaughtermed
withwhichheinvariablyconcludedhisdullremarks.AuntWellington,ofwhomValancystoodinabjectawe,
ville
wouldtellheraboutOlive’snye
newchiffondressandCecil’ssiste
lastdevotedletter.Valancywould
ha
havetolookaspleasedog
andinterestedasifthedressog
andletterhadbeenherseller
orelseAuntWellingtonwouldbeoffended.Og
AndValancyhadlongagodecidedat
thatshewouldratheroffendGud
GodthanAuntWellington,becauseGud
GodmightforgiveherbutAuntWellingtonaldri
neverwould.AuntAlberta,enormouslyfat,
med
withanamiablehabitofalltid
alwaysreferringtoherhusbandas“he,”asom
ifheweretheonlymalecreatureinden
theworld,whocouldneverglemme
forgetthatshehadbeenastor
greatbeautyinheryouth,ville
wouldcondolewithValancyonhersallowskin—.“Idon’t
vet
knowwhyallthegirlsoftodayaresosunburned.Da
WhenIwasagirlmyskinwasrosesog
andcream.Iwascounted
den
theprettiestgirlinCanada,mydear.”Kanskje
PerhapsUncleHerbertwouldn’tsayanything—orkanskje
perhapshewouldremarkjocularly,“Howfatyou’reblir
getting,Doss!”Andtheneverybody
ville
wouldlaughovertheexcessivelyhumorousideen
ideaofpoor,scrawnylittleDossblir
gettingfat.Handsome,solemnUncleJames,whomValancydisliked
men
butrespectedbecausehewasreputedtobeveldig
verycleverandwasthereforetheclanoracle—brainsbeingnonefor
tooplentifulintheStirlingconnection—wouldsannsynligvis
probablyremarkwiththeowl-likesarcasmsom
thathadwonhimhisreputation,“Isupposeyou’rebusymed
withyourhope-chestthesedays?”Og
AndUncleBenjaminwouldasknoen
someofhisabominableconundrums,mellom
betweenwheezychuckles,andanswerthemhimself.“Whatisthedifference
mellom
betweenDossandamouse?“Themousewishestoharmthecheese
og
andDosswishestocharmthehe’s.”Valancy
hadde
hadheardhimaskthatriddlefiftytimesog
andeverytimeshewantedtothrownoe
somethingathim.Butshe
aldri
neverdid.Inthefirstplace,theStirlingssimplydidnotthrowthings;
inthe
andre
secondplace,UncleBenjaminwasen
awealthyandchildlessoldwidowerog
andValancyhadbeenbroughtupinthefearog
andadmonitionofhismoney.Hvis
Ifsheoffendedhimheville
wouldcutheroutofhiswill—supposingshewereindet
it.Valancydidnotwanttobe
kuttet
cutoutofUncleBenjamin’sville
will.Shehadbeenpoorallher
liv
lifeandknewthegallingbitternessofit.Sosheenduredhisriddles
og
andevensmiledtorturedlittlesmilesover
overthem.AuntIsabel,downright
og
anddisagreeableasaneastwind,ville
wouldcriticiseherinsomeway—Valancykunne
couldnotpredictjusthow,forAuntIsabelaldri
neverrepeatedacriticism—shefoundnoe
somethingnewwithwhichtojabyouhver
everytime.AuntIsabelpridedherselfonsayingwhatshe
tenkte
thought,butdidn’tlikeitsogodt
wellwhenotherpeoplesaidwhattheytenkte
thoughttoher.Valancynever
sa
saidwhatshethought.CousinGeorgiana—named
etter
afterhergreat-great-grand-mother,whohadbeennamedetter
afterGeorgetheFourth—wouldrecountdolorouslythenamesofalle
allrelativesandfriendswhohadde
haddiedsincethelastpicnicog
andwonder“whichofusvil
willbethefirsttogå
gonext.”Oppressivelycompetent,AuntMildred
ville
wouldtalkendlesslyofherektemann
husbandandherodiousprodigiesofbabiestoValancy,fordi
becauseValancywouldbetheeneste
onlyoneshecouldfindtoputopp
upwithit.Forthe
samme
samereason,CousinGladys—reallyFirstCousinGladysonceremoved,accordingtoden
thestrictwayinwhichden
theStirlingstabulatedrelationship—atall,thindame
ladywhoadmittedshehaden
asensitivedisposition,woulddescribeminutelyden
thetorturesofherneuritis.Og
AndOlive,thewondergirlofden
thewholeStirlingclan,whohadde
hadeverythingValancyhadnot—beauty,popularity,love,—wouldvise
showoffherbeautyandpresumeonherpopularityog
andflauntherdiamondinsigniaofkjærlighet
loveinValancy’sdazzled,enviouseyes.Det
Therewouldbenoneofalldette
thistoday.Andtherewouldbenopacking
opp
upofteaspoons.Thepackingupwas
alltid
alwaysleftforValancyandCousinStickles.Og
Andonce,sixyearsago,en
asilverteaspoonfromAuntWellington’sweddingsett
sethadbeenlost.Valancy
aldri
neverheardthelastofdet
thatsilverteaspoon.ItsghostappearedBanquo-likeat
hver
everysubsequentfamilyfeast.Oh,
ja
yes,Valancyknewexactlywhatthepicnicville
wouldbelikeandsheblessedtherainthathadde
hadsavedherfromit.Det
Therewouldbenopicnicthisår
year.IfAuntWellingtoncouldnotcelebrateon
den
thesacreddayitselfsheville
wouldhavenocelebrationatall.Takk
Thankwhatevergodstherewereforthat.Siden
Sincetherewouldbenopicnic,Valancylaget
madeuphermindthat,hvis
iftherainheldupintheafternoon,sheville
wouldgouptothelibraryog
andgetanotherofJohnFoster’sbooks.Valancywas
aldri
neverallowedtoreadnovels,men
butJohnFoster’sbookswerenotnovels.Theywere“naturebooks”—sothelibrarian
fortalte
toldMrs.FrederickStirling—“allaboutthewoodsog
andbirdsandbugsandthingslikethat,youknow.”SoValancywasallowedto
lese
readthem—underprotest,foritwasbare
onlytooevidentthatsheenjoyedthemtoomye
much.Itwaspermissible,evenlaudable,to
lese
readtoimproveyourmindog
andyourreligion,butabok
bookthatwasenjoyablewasdangerous.Valancy
visste
didnotknowwhetherhersinn
mindwasbeingimprovedornot;men
butshefeltvaguelythathvis
ifshehadcomeacrossJohnFoster’sbooksyearssiden
agolifemighthavebeenen
adifferentthingforher.Theyseemedtohertoyieldglimpsesof
en
aworldintowhichshekunne
mightoncehaveentered,thoughthedøren
doorwasforeverbarredtohernå
now.Itwasonlywithinthe
siste
lastyearthatJohnFoster’sbookshadde
hadbeenintheDeerwoodlibrary,om
thoughthelibrariantoldValancythathehadde
hadbeenawell-knownwriterforseveralyears.“Wheredoeshelive?”
Valancy
hadde
hadasked.“Nobodyknows.
Fromhisbookshe
må
mustbeaCanadian,butingen
nomoreinformationcanbehad.Hispublisherswon’t
si
sayaword.QuitelikelyJohnFosteris
en
anomdeplume.Hisbooksaresopopularwecan’t
holde
keeptheminatall,om
thoughIreallycan’tseewhatfolk
peoplefindinthemtoraveover.”“Ithinkthey’rewonderful,”
sa
saidValancy,timidly.“Oh—well—”
MissClarksonsmiledin
en
apatronisingfashionthatrelegatedValancy’sopinionstolimbo,“Ican’tsi
sayIcaremuchforbugsmyself.Men
ButcertainlyFosterseemstovite
knowallthereistovite
knowaboutthem.”Valancydidn’t
visste
knowwhethershecaredmuchforbugseither.ItwasnotJohnFoster’suncannyknowledgeofwildcreatures
og
andinsectlifethatenthralledhenne
her.Shecouldhardlysaywhatitwas—sometantalisinglureofamystery
aldri
neverrevealed—somehintofastor
greatsecretjustalittlefurtheron—somefaint,elusiveechooflovely,glemte
forgottenthings—JohnFoster’smagicwasindefinable.Ja
Yes,shewouldgetany
newFosterbook.Itwas
en
amonthsinceshehadThistleHarvest,sosurelyMor
Mothercouldnotobject.Valancy
hadde
hadreaditfourtimes—shevisste
knewwholepassagesoffbyhjertet
heart.And—shealmostthoughtshe
ville
wouldgoandseeDr.Trentom
aboutthatqueerpainaroundden
theheart.Ithadcomeratheroftenlately,
og
andthepalpitationswerebecomingannoying,nottosnakke
speakofanoccasionaldizzyøyeblikk
momentandaqueershortnessofbreath.Men
Butcouldshegotose
seehimwithouttellinganyone?Itwas
en
amostdaringthought.NoneoftheStirlingseverconsultedadoctor
uten
withoutholdingafamilycouncilog
andgettingUncleJames’approval.Then,they
gikk
wenttoDr.AmbroseMarshofPortLawrence,som
whohadmarriedSecondCousinAdelaideStirling.Men
ButValancydislikedDr.AmbroseMarsh.Og
And,besides,shecouldnotgettoPortLawrence,fifteenmilesunna
away,withoutbeingtakenthere.She
vite
didnotwantanyonetovite
knowaboutherheart.There
ville
wouldbesuchafusslaget
madeandeverymemberofthefamilyville
wouldcomedownandtalkitover
overandadviseherandcautionherog
andwarnherandtellherhorribletalesofgreat-auntsog
andcousinsfortytimesremovedwhohadde
hadbeen“justlikethat”og
and“droppeddeadwithoutamoment’swarning,mydear.”AuntIsabel
ville
wouldrememberthatshehadalltid
alwayssaidDosslookedlikeen
agirlwhowouldhavehearttrouble—“sopinchedog
andpeakedalways”;andUncleWellington
ville
wouldtakeitasapersonalinsult,når
when“noStirlingeverhadheartdiseasebefore”;og
andGeorgianawouldforebodeinperfectlyaudibleasidesat
that“poor,dearlittleDossisn’tlenge
longforthisworld,I’mafraid”;og
andCousinGladyswouldsay,“Why,myhjerte
hearthasbeenlikethatforyears,”inatonethatimpliedingen
nooneelsehadanyvirksomhet
businesseventohaveahjerte
heart;andOlive—Olivewouldmerely
se
lookbeautifulandsuperioranddisgustinglyhealthy,asom
iftosay,“Whyalldenne
thisfussoverafadedsuperfluitylikeDossnår
whenyouhaveme?”Valancyfelt
at
thatshecouldn’ttellanybodyunlessshehadto.Shefelt
ganske
quitesuretherewasnothingatalle
allseriouslywrongwithherhjertet
heartandnoneedofalle
allthepotherthatwouldensuehvis
ifshementionedit.She
ville
wouldjustslipupquietlyog
andseeDr.Trentthatverydag
day.Asforhisbill,she
hadde
hadthetwohundreddollarsthatherfar
fatherhadputinthebankforherthedagen
dayshewasborn.Shewas
aldri
neverallowedtouseeventheinterestofdette
this,butshewouldsecretlyta
takeoutenoughtopayDr.Trent.Dr.
Trentwas
en
agruff,outspoken,absent-mindedoldfellow,men
buthewasarecognisedauthorityonheartdisease,selv
evenifhewereonlyen
ageneralpractitionerinout-of-the-worldDeerwood.Dr.Trentwas
over
overseventyandtherehadbeenrumoursthathemeanttoretiresnart
soon.NoneoftheStirlingclan
hadde
hadevergonetohimsiden
sincehehadtoldCousinGladys,ti
tenyearsbefore,thatherneuritiswasalt
allimaginaryandthatsheenjoyedit.Youcouldn’tpatronise
en
adoctorwhoinsultedyourfirst-cousin-once-removedlikethat—nottomentionthathewasen
aPresbyterianwhenalltheStirlingsgikk
wenttotheAnglicanchurch.CHAPTERII
Da
WhenCousinSticklesknockedatherdøren
door,Valancyknewitwashalf-pastsevenog
andshemustgetup.As
lenge
longasshecouldremember,CousinStickleshadde
hadknockedatherdoorathalf-pastseven.CousinStickles
og
andMrs.FrederickStirlinghadbeenupsiden
sinceseven,butValancywasallowedtoligge
lieabedhalfanhourlongerbecauseofafamilie
familytraditionthatshewasdelicate.Valancygot
opp
up,thoughshehatedgettingopp
upmorethismorningthanevershehadfør
before.