CHAPTERI
IfithadnotrainedonacertainMaymorningValancyStirling’swholelifewouldhavebeenentirelydifferent.
Shewouldhavegone,
함께
withtherestofherclan,toAuntWellington’sengagementpicnicandDr.TrentwouldhavegonetoMontreal.하지만
Butitdidrainandyoushallhearwhathappenedtoherbecauseofit.Valancywakenedearly,inthelifeless,hopelesshourjustprecedingdawn.
Shehadnotslept
아주
verywell.Onedoesnotsleep
잘
well,sometimes,whenoneistwenty-nineonthemorrow,그리고
andunmarried,inacommunity그리고
andconnectionwheretheunmarriedaresimplythosewhohavefailedtogetaman.DeerwoodandtheStirlingshad
오래
longsincerelegatedValancytohopelessoldmaidenhood.그러나
ButValancyherselfhadneverquiterelinquishedacertainpitiful,shamed,작은
littlehopethatRomancewould올
comeherwayyet—never,until이
thiswet,horriblemorning,whenshewakenedtothefactthatshewastwenty-nineandunsoughtby어떤
anyman.Ay,therelaythesting.
Valancydidnotmindsomuchbeinganoldmaid.
Afterall,shethought,beinganoldmaidcouldn’tpossiblybeasdreadfulasbeingmarriedtoan
삼촌
UncleWellingtonoranUncleBenjamin,or심지어
evenanUncleHerbert.Whathurtherwasthatshehadneverhadachancetobe
아무것도
anythingbutanoldmaid.Nomanhadeverdesiredher.
Thetearscameintohereyesasshelaythere
혼자
aloneinthefaintlygreyingdarkness.Shedarednotletherselfcryas
열심히
hardasshewantedto,fortworeasons.Shewasafraidthatcryingmightbringonanotherattackofthatpainaroundtheheart.
Shehadhadaspellofitaftershehadgotintobed—ratherworsethananyshehadhad
아직
yet.Andshewasafraidhermotherwouldnoticeherredeyesatbreakfast
그리고
andkeepatherwithminute,persistent,mosquito-likequestionsregardingthecausethereof.“Suppose,”thoughtValancywithaghastlygrin,“Iansweredwiththeplaintruth,‘IamcryingbecauseIcannotgetmarried.’
얼마나
HowhorrifiedMotherwouldbe—thoughsheisashamedeverydayofherlifeofheroldmaiddaughter.”하지만
Butofcourseappearancesshouldbekeptup.“Itisnot,”Valancycouldhearhermother’sprim,dictatorialvoiceasserting,“itisnotmaidenlytothinkaboutmen.”
Thethoughtofhermother’sexpressionmadeValancylaugh—forshehadasenseofhumour
아무도
nobodyinherclansuspected.Forthatmatter,therewereagood
많은
manythingsaboutValancythat아무도
nobodysuspected.Butherlaughterwas
매우
verysuperficialandpresentlyshelaythere,ahuddled,futile작은
littlefigure,listeningtotherainpouringdown밖에서
outsideandwatching,witha아픈
sickdistaste,thechill,mercilesslightcreepingintoherugly,sordidroom.Sheknewtheuglinessof
그
thatroombyheart—knewitandhatedit.Theyellow-paintedfloor,withonehideous,“hooked”rugbythe
침대
bed,withagrotesque,“hooked”개
dogonit,alwaysgrinningather때
whensheawoke;thefaded,dark-redpaper;
theceilingdiscolouredby
오래된
oldleaksandcrossedbycracks;thenarrow,pinched
작은
littlewashstand;thebrown-paperlambrequinwithpurplerosesonit;
thespotted
오래된
oldlooking-glasswiththecrackacrossit,proppedupontheinadequatedressing-table;thejarofancientpotpourrimadebyhermotherinhermythicalhoneymoon;
theshell-coveredbox,withoneburstcorner,whichCousinStickleshadmadeinherequallymythicalgirlhood;
thebeadedpincushionwithhalfitsbeadfringegone;
the
하나의
onestiff,yellowchair;thefadedoldmotto,“Gonebutnotforgotten,”workedincolouredyarnsaboutGreat-grand-motherStirling’sgrimoldface;
the
오래된
oldphotographsofancientrelatives오랫동안
longbanishedfromtheroomsbelow.Therewereonly
두
twopicturesthatwerenotofrelatives.One,anoldchromoofapuppysittingonarainydoorstep.
그
ThatpicturealwaysmadeValancyunhappy.그
Thatforlornlittledogcrouchedon는
thedoorstepinthedrivingrain!왜
Whydidn’tsomeoneopenthe문을
doorandlethimin?The
다른
otherpicturewasafaded,passe-partoutedengravingofQueenLouisecomingdownastairway,whichAuntWellingtonhadlavishlygivenheronhertenthbirthday.Fornineteenyearsshehadlookedatitandhatedit,beautiful,smug,self-satisfiedQueenLouise.
하지만
Butsheneverdareddestroyitorremoveit.MotherandCousinStickleswouldhavebeenaghast,or,asValancyirreverentlyexpresseditinherthoughts,wouldhavehadafit.
모든
Everyroominthehousewasugly,of물론
course.Butdownstairsappearanceswerekeptupsomewhat.
Therewasno
돈이
moneyforroomsnobodyeversaw.Valancy
때때로
sometimesfeltthatshecouldhavedonesomethingforher방을
roomherself,evenwithoutmoney,만약
ifshewerepermitted.Buthermotherhadnegatived
모든
everytimidsuggestionandValancydidnotpersist.Valancy
결코
neverpersisted.Shewasafraidto.
Her
어머니
mothercouldnotbrookopposition.Mrs.Stirlingwouldsulkfordaysifoffended,withtheairsofaninsultedduchess.
The
유일한
onlythingValancylikedaboutherroomwasthatshecouldbe혼자
alonethereatnighttocryifshewantedto.하지만
But,afterall,whatdiditmatterifaroom,whichyouusedfor아무것도
nothingexceptsleepinganddressingin,wereugly?Valancywasneverpermittedto
머물
stayaloneinherroomforany다른
otherpurpose.Peoplewhowantedtobe
혼자
alone,soMrs.FrederickStirlingandCousinSticklesbelieved,couldonlywanttobe혼자
aloneforsomesinisterpurpose.하지만
ButherroomintheBlueCastlewas모든
everythingaroomshouldbe.Valancy,socowedandsubduedandoverriddenandsnubbedinreallife,waswonttoletherselfgorathersplendidlyinherday-dreams.
누구도
NobodyintheStirlingclan,oritsramifications,suspectedthis,leastofallhermotherandCousinStickles.TheyneverknewthatValancyhadtwohomes—theuglyredbrickboxofahome,onElmStreet,andtheBlueCastleinSpain.
ValancyhadlivedspirituallyintheBlueCastleeversinceshecouldremember.
Shehadbeena
아주
verytinychildwhenshefoundherselfpossessedofit.항상
Always,whensheshuthereyes,shecould볼
seeitplainly,withitsturrets그리고
andbannersonthepine-cladmountainheight,wrappedinitsfaint,blueloveliness,againstthesunsetskiesofafair그리고
andunknownland.Everythingwonderfulandbeautifulwasin
그
thatcastle.Jewelsthatqueensmighthaveworn;
robesofmoonlightandfire;
couchesofrosesandgold;
긴
longflightsofshallowmarblesteps,with큰
great,whiteurns,andwithslender,mist-cladmaidensgoingup그리고
anddownthem;courts,marble-pillared,
곳
whereshimmeringfountainsfellandnightingalessangamongthemyrtles;hallsofmirrorsthatreflectedonlyhandsomeknightsandlovelywomen—herselftheloveliestof
모든
all,forwhoseglancemendied.Allthatsupportedherthroughtheboredomofherdayswasthehopeofgoingona
꿈을
dreamspreeatnight.Most,
만약
ifnotall,oftheStirlingswouldhavediedofhorror만약
iftheyhadknownhalfthethingsValancydidinherBlueCastle.Foronethingshehadquiteafewloversinit.
Oh,only
한
oneatatime.Onewhowooedherwith
모든
alltheromanticardouroftheageofchivalryandwonherafter오랜
longdevotionandmanydeedsofderring-do,andwasweddedtoherwithpompandcircumstanceinthe큰
great,banner-hungchapeloftheBlueCastle.Attwelve,
이
thisloverwasafairlad가진
withgoldencurlsandheavenlyblueeyes.Atfifteen,hewastall
고
anddarkandpale,but여전히
stillnecessarilyhandsome.Attwenty,hewasascetic,dreamy,spiritual.
Attwenty-five,hehadaclean-cutjaw,slightlygrim,andafacestrongandruggedratherthanhandsome.
Valancynevergrewolderthantwenty-fiveinherBlueCastle,butrecently—veryrecently—herherohadhadreddish,tawny
머리카락
hair,atwistedsmileandamysteriouspast.Idon’tsayValancydeliberatelymurdered
이
theseloversassheoutgrewthem.Onesimplyfadedawayas
다른
anothercame.ThingsareveryconvenientinthisrespectinBlueCastles.
그러나
But,onthismorningofherdayoffate,Valancycouldnot찾을
findthekeyofherBlueCastle.Realitypressedonher
너무
toohardly,barkingatherheelslike는
amaddeninglittledog.Shewastwenty-nine,lonely,undesired,ill-favoured—theonlyhomelygirlinahandsomeclan,withnopastandnofuture.
Asfarasshecouldlookback,lifewasdrabandcolourless,withnotonesinglecrimsonorpurplespotanywhere.
Asfarasshecouldlookforwarditseemedcertaintobejustthesame
때까지
untilshewasnothingbutasolitary,작은
littlewitheredleafclingingtoawintrybough.The
순간
momentwhenawomanrealisesthatshehasnothingto살
livefor—neitherlove,duty,purposenorhope—holdsforherthebitternessofdeath.“AndI
그냥
justhavetogoonliving왜냐하면
becauseIcan’tstop.Imayhaveto
살
liveeightyyears,”thoughtValancy,inakindofpanic.“We’re
모두
allhorriblylong-lived.Itsickensmetothinkofit.”
Shewasgladitwasraining—orrather,shewasdrearilysatisfiedthatitwasraining.
Therewouldbenopicnicthatday.
이
Thisannualpicnic,wherebyAuntandUncleWellington—onealwaysthoughtoftheminthatsuccession—inevitablycelebratedtheirengagementatapicnicthirtyyearsbefore,hadbeen,oflateyears,averitablenightmaretoValancy.Byanimpishcoincidenceitwasthe
같은
samedayasherbirthdayand,후
aftershehadpassedtwenty-five,아무도
nobodyletherforgetit.Muchasshehatedgoingtothepicnic,itwould
결코
neverhaveoccurredtohertorebelagainstit.Thereseemedtobe
아무것도
nothingoftherevolutionaryinhernature.그리고
Andsheknewexactlywhat모든
everyonewouldsaytoheratthepicnic.UncleWellington,whomshedislikedanddespisedeventhoughhehadfulfilledthehighestStirlingaspiration,“marryingmoney,”wouldsaytoherinapig’swhisper,“Notthinkingofgettingmarriedyet,mydear?”
그리고
andthengooffintothebellowoflaughterwithwhichheinvariablyconcludedhisdullremarks.AuntWellington,ofwhomValancystoodinabjectawe,wouldtellher
대해
aboutOlive’snewchiffondressandCecil’s마지막
lastdevotedletter.ValancywouldhavetolookaspleasedandinterestedasifthedressandletterhadbeenhersorelseAuntWellingtonwouldbeoffended.
그리고
AndValancyhadlongagodecidedthatshewouldratheroffendGodthanAuntWellington,왜냐하면
becauseGodmightforgiveher있지만
butAuntWellingtonneverwould.AuntAlberta,enormouslyfat,withanamiablehabitof
항상
alwaysreferringtoherhusbandas“he,”asifheweretheonlymalecreatureintheworld,whocould결코
neverforgetthatshehadbeena훌륭한
greatbeautyinheryouth,wouldcondolewithValancyonhersallowskin—.“Idon’tknow
왜
whyallthegirlsoftodayaresosunburned.때
WhenIwasagirlmyskinwasrosesandcream.IwascountedtheprettiestgirlinCanada,mydear.”
PerhapsUncleHerbertwouldn’tsayanything—orperhapshewouldremarkjocularly,“Howfatyou’regetting,Doss!”
그리고
Andtheneverybodywouldlaughovertheexcessivelyhumorousideaofpoor,scrawny작은
littleDossgettingfat.Handsome,solemnUncleJames,whomValancydislikedbutrespectedbecausehewasreputedtobe
매우
verycleverandwasthereforetheclanoracle—brainsbeingnone너무
tooplentifulintheStirlingconnection—would아마도
probablyremarkwiththeowl-likesarcasmthathadwonhimhisreputation,“Isupposeyou’rebusywithyourhope-chest이
thesedays?”AndUncleBenjaminwouldasksomeofhisabominableconundrums,betweenwheezychuckles,
그리고
andanswerthemhimself.“WhatisthedifferencebetweenDossandamouse?
“Themousewishestoharm
는
thecheeseandDosswishestocharm는
thehe’s.”Valancyhadheardhimaskthatriddlefiftytimesandeverytimeshewantedtothrowsomethingathim.
하지만
Butsheneverdid.Inthefirstplace,theStirlingssimplydidnotthrowthings;
inthesecondplace,UncleBenjaminwasawealthyandchildlessoldwidowerandValancyhadbeenbroughtupinthefearandadmonitionofhismoney.
만약
Ifsheoffendedhimhewouldcutheroutofhiswill—supposingshewereinit.ValancydidnotwanttobecutoutofUncleBenjamin’swill.
Shehadbeenpoorallherlifeandknewthegallingbitternessofit.
Sosheenduredhisriddlesand
심지어
evensmiledtorturedlittlesmilesoverthem.AuntIsabel,downrightanddisagreeableasaneastwind,wouldcriticiseherinsomeway—Valancycouldnotpredictjust
어떻게
how,forAuntIsabelneverrepeatedacriticism—shefoundsomething새로운
newwithwhichtojabyoueverytime.AuntIsabelpridedherselfonsayingwhatshethought,butdidn’tlikeitsowellwhen
다른
otherpeoplesaidwhattheythoughttoher.Valancy
결코
neversaidwhatshethought.CousinGeorgiana—namedafterhergreat-great-grand-mother,
누가
whohadbeennamedafterGeorgetheFourth—wouldrecountdolorouslythenamesof모든
allrelativesandfriendswhohaddied이후
sincethelastpicnicandwonder“whichofuswillbethe먼저
firsttogonext.”Oppressivelycompetent,AuntMildredwould
이야기
talkendlesslyofherhusbandandherodiousprodigiesofbabiestoValancy,왜냐하면
becauseValancywouldbethe유일한
onlyoneshecouldfindtoputupwithit.Forthe
같은
samereason,CousinGladys—reallyFirstCousinGladysonceremoved,accordingtothestrictwayinwhichtheStirlingstabulatedrelationship—atall,thinladywhoadmittedshehadasensitivedisposition,woulddescribeminutelythetorturesofherneuritis.그리고
AndOlive,thewondergirlofthewholeStirlingclan,whohadeverythingValancyhadnot—beauty,popularity,love,—wouldshowoffherbeauty그리고
andpresumeonherpopularity그리고
andflauntherdiamondinsigniaof사랑
loveinValancy’sdazzled,enviouseyes.Therewouldbenoneof
모든
allthistoday.Andtherewouldbenopackingupofteaspoons.
는
ThepackingupwasalwaysleftforValancyandCousinStickles.그리고
Andonce,sixyearsago,asilverteaspoonfromAuntWellington’sweddingsethadbeenlost.Valancyneverheardthelastof
그
thatsilverteaspoon.ItsghostappearedBanquo-likeat
모든
everysubsequentfamilyfeast.Oh,
네
yes,Valancyknewexactlywhatthepicnicwouldbelikeandsheblessedtherainthathadsavedherfromit.Therewouldbenopicnicthisyear.
만약
IfAuntWellingtoncouldnotcelebrateonthesacred날
dayitselfshewouldhavenocelebrationatall.Thankwhatevergodstherewereforthat.
Sincetherewouldbenopicnic,Valancymadeuphermindthat,iftherainheldupintheafternoon,shewouldgouptothelibraryandget
다른
anotherofJohnFoster’sbooks.Valancywasneverallowedto
읽을
readnovels,butJohnFoster’sbookswerenotnovels.Theywere“naturebooks”—sothelibrariantoldMrs.FrederickStirling—“allaboutthewoodsandbirdsandbugsandthingslikethat,youknow.”
SoValancywasallowedto
읽을
readthem—underprotest,foritwasonly너무
tooevidentthatsheenjoyedthem너무
toomuch.Itwaspermissible,
심지어
evenlaudable,toreadtoimproveyourmindandyourreligion,butabookthatwasenjoyablewasdangerous.Valancydidnotknowwhetherhermindwasbeingimprovedornot;
그러나
butshefeltvaguelythatifshehadcomeacrossJohnFoster’sbooksyears전에
agolifemighthavebeenadifferentthingforher.Theyseemedtohertoyieldglimpsesofaworldintowhichshemightoncehaveentered,thoughthedoorwasforeverbarredtoher
이제
now.Itwasonlywithinthe
지난
lastyearthatJohnFoster’sbookshadbeenintheDeerwoodlibrary,thoughthelibrariantoldValancythathehadbeenawell-knownwriterforseveralyears.“Wheredoeshelive?”
Valancyhadasked.
“Nobodyknows.
FromhisbookshemustbeaCanadian,
하지만
butnomoreinformationcanbehad.Hispublisherswon’tsayaword.
QuitelikelyJohnFosterisanomdeplume.
Hisbooksaresopopularwecan’t
유지할
keeptheminatall,thoughI정말
reallycan’tseewhatpeoplefindinthemtoraveover.”“Ithinkthey’rewonderful,”saidValancy,timidly.
“Oh—well—”
MissClarksonsmiledinapatronisingfashionthatrelegatedValancy’sopinionstolimbo,“Ican’t
말할
sayIcaremuchforbugsmyself.하지만
ButcertainlyFosterseemsto알고
knowallthereisto알고
knowaboutthem.”Valancydidn’tknowwhethershecaredmuchforbugseither.
ItwasnotJohnFoster’suncannyknowledgeofwildcreaturesandinsectlifethatenthralledher.
Shecouldhardly
말할
saywhatitwas—sometantalisinglureofamystery결코
neverrevealed—somehintofa위대한
greatsecretjustalittlefurtheron—somefaint,elusiveechooflovely,forgottenthings—JohnFoster’smagicwasindefinable.네
Yes,shewouldgeta새로운
newFosterbook.ItwasamonthsinceshehadThistleHarvest,sosurelyMothercouldnotobject.
Valancyhadreadit
네
fourtimes—sheknewwholepassagesoffbyheart.And—she
거의
almostthoughtshewouldgo그리고
andseeDr.Trentaboutthatqueerpainaroundthe심장
heart.Ithadcomeratheroftenlately,andthepalpitationswerebecomingannoying,nottospeakofanoccasionaldizzymomentandaqueershortnessofbreath.
하지만
Butcouldshegotoseehim않고
withouttellinganyone?Itwasa
가장
mostdaringthought.NoneoftheStirlingseverconsultedadoctor
않고
withoutholdingafamilycouncilandgettingUncleJames’approval.Then,theywenttoDr.AmbroseMarshofPortLawrence,whohadmarried
두 번째
SecondCousinAdelaideStirling.ButValancydislikedDr.AmbroseMarsh.
그리고
And,besides,shecouldnotgettoPortLawrence,fifteenmilesaway,withoutbeingtakenthere.Shedidnot
싶지
wantanyonetoknow대해
aboutherheart.Therewouldbe
그런
suchafussmadeand모든
everymemberofthefamilywouldcomedownandtalkitoverandadviseherandcautionherandwarnherandtellherhorribletalesofgreat-auntsandcousinsfortytimesremovedwhohadbeen“justlikethat”and“droppeddead없이
withoutamoment’swarning,mydear.”AuntIsabelwouldrememberthatshehad
항상
alwayssaidDosslookedlikeagirlwhowouldhave심장
hearttrouble—“sopinchedandpeakedalways”;그리고
andUncleWellingtonwouldtakeitasapersonalinsult,when“noStirlingeverhadheartdiseasebefore”;그리고
andGeorgianawouldforebodeinperfectlyaudibleasidesthat“poor,dear작은
littleDossisn’tlongfor이
thisworld,I’mafraid”;andCousinGladyswouldsay,“Why,myhearthasbeenlikethatforyears,”inatonethatimpliednooneelsehadanybusinessevento
가지고
haveaheart;andOlive—Olivewouldmerelylookbeautiful
그리고
andsuperioranddisgustinglyhealthy,asiftosay,“Why모든
allthisfussoverafadedsuperfluity같은
likeDosswhenyouhaveme?”Valancyfeltthatshecouldn’t
말할
tellanybodyunlessshehadto.Shefeltquitesuretherewasnothingat
모든
allseriouslywrongwithherheartandnoneedof모든
allthepotherthatwouldensueifshementionedit.ShewouldjustslipupquietlyandseeDr.Trent
그
thatveryday.Asforhisbill,shehadthetwohundreddollarsthatherfatherhadputinthebankforherthe
날
dayshewasborn.Shewasneverallowedtouseeventheinterestof
이
this,butshewouldsecretlytakeoutenoughtopayDr.Trent.Dr.
Trentwasagruff,outspoken,absent-mindedoldfellow,buthewasarecognisedauthorityonheartdisease,evenifhewereonlyageneralpractitionerinout-of-the-worldDeerwood.
Dr.Trentwasoverseventyandtherehadbeenrumoursthathemeanttoretire
곧
soon.NoneoftheStirlingclanhadevergonetohimsincehehadtoldCousinGladys,tenyearsbefore,thatherneuritiswas
모두
allimaginaryandthatsheenjoyedit.Youcouldn’tpatroniseadoctorwhoinsultedyourfirst-cousin-once-removedlikethat—nottomentionthathewasaPresbyterian
때
whenalltheStirlingswenttotheAnglicanchurch.CHAPTERII
때
WhenCousinSticklesknockedather문을
door,Valancyknewitwashalf-pastsevenandshemustgetup.Aslongasshecouldremember,CousinStickleshadknockedather
문을
doorathalf-pastseven.CousinSticklesandMrs.FrederickStirlinghadbeenupsinceseven,butValancywasallowedtolieabedhalfanhourlongerbecauseofafamilytraditionthatshewasdelicate.
Valancygotup,thoughshehatedgettingup
더
morethismorningthanevershehadbefore.