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Notes from the Underground | Gradually Hardening Italian B2 Books

Notes from the Underground | Gradually Hardening Italian B2 Books

This progressive translation technique brings multiple benefits to language learners. It lets you choose the difficulty level that matches your abilities, making sure the material is challenging but not too difficult. By focusing on understanding words in context, this method boosts your comprehension skills. While direct translations are slightly hidden to promote guessing from context, you can always check unfamiliar words. This approach makes learning a new language both engaging and accessible, offering the right mix of difficulty and encouragement. Embark on a journey through translated classics and enjoy the process of learning through reading.

I
Iamasickman....
Iamaspitefulman.
Iamanunattractiveman.
Ibelievemy
fegato
liverisdiseased.
However,Iknownothingatallaboutmydisease,anddonotknowforcertainwhatailsme.
Idon’tconsultadoctorforit,andneverhave,thoughIhavearespectformedicineanddoctors.
Besides,Iamextremely
superstizioso
superstitious,sufficientlysotorespectmedicine,anyway(Iamwell-educatedenoughnottobe
superstizioso
superstitious,butIamsuperstitious).
No,Irefuseto
consultare
consultadoctorfromspite.
Thatyouprobablywillnotunderstand.
Well,Iunderstandit,though.
Ofcourse,Ican’texplainwhoitis
esattamente
preciselythatIammortifyinginthiscasebymy
dispetto
spite:
IamperfectlywellawarethatIcannot“payout”thedoctorsbynotconsultingthem;
IknowbetterthananyonethatbyallthisIamonly
ferendo
injuringmyselfandnooneelse.
Butstill,ifIdon’tconsultadoctoritisfrom
dispetto
spite.
Myliverisbad,well—letitgetworse!
Ihavebeengoingonlikethatforalongtime—twentyyears.
NowIamforty.
Iusedtobeinthegovernmentservice,butamnolonger.
Iwasaspitefulofficial.
Iwasrudeandtookpleasureinbeingso.
Ididnottakebribes,yousee,soIwasboundtofindarecompenseinthat,atleast.
(Apoorjest,butIwillnotscratchitout.
Iwroteitthinkingitwouldsoundverywitty;
butnowthatIhaveseenmyselfthatIonlywantedtoshowoffina
spregevole
despicableway,Iwillnotscratchitoutonpurpose!)
WhenpetitionersusedtocomeforinformationtothetableatwhichIsat,Iusedtogrindmyteethatthem,andfelt
intenso
intenseenjoymentwhenIsucceededinmakinganybodyunhappy.
Ialmostdidsucceed.
Forthemostparttheywerealltimidpeople—ofcourse,theywerepetitioners.
ButoftheuppishonestherewasoneofficerinparticularIcouldnot
sopportare
endure.
Hesimplywouldnotbe
umile
humble,andclankedhisswordinadisgustingway.
Icarriedonafeudwithhimforeighteenmonthsoverthatsword.
AtlastIgotthebetterofhim.
Heleftoffclankingit.
Thathappenedinmyyouth,though.
Butdoyouknow,gentlemen,whatwasthechiefpointaboutmy
dispetto
spite?
Why,thewholepoint,therealstingofitlayinthefactthat
continuamente
continually,eveninthemomentoftheacutest
milza
spleen,IwasinwardlyconsciouswithshamethatIwasnotonlynotaspitefulbutnotevenanembitteredman,thatIwassimplyscaringsparrowsat
caso
randomandamusingmyselfbyit.
Imight
schiuma
foamatthemouth,butbringmeadolltoplaywith,givemeacupofteawithsugarinit,andmaybeIshouldbeappeased.
Imightevenbegenuinelytouched,thoughprobablyIshouldgrindmyteethatmyselfafterwardsandlieawakeatnightwithshameformonthsafter.
Thatwasmyway.
IwaslyingwhenIsaidjustnowthatIwasaspitefulofficial.
Iwaslyingfromspite.
Iwassimplyamusingmyselfwiththepetitionersandwiththeofficer,andinrealityInevercouldbecomespiteful.
Iwas
consapevole
consciouseverymomentinmyselfofmany,verymanyelementsabsolutelyoppositetothat.
Ifeltthem
positivamente
positivelyswarminginme,theseoppositeelements.
Iknewthattheyhadbeenswarminginmeallmylifeandcravingsomeoutletfromme,butIwouldnotletthem,wouldnotletthem,purposelywouldnotletthemcomeout.
TheytormentedmetillIwasashamed:
theydrovemetoconvulsionsand—sickenedme,atlast,howtheysickenedme!
Now,arenotyoufancying,gentlemen,thatIamexpressing
rimorso
remorseforsomethingnow,thatIamaskingyour
perdono
forgivenessforsomething?
Iamsureyouarefancyingthat...
However,I
assicuro
assureyouIdonotcareifyouare....
ItwasnotonlythatIcouldnotbecomespiteful,Ididnotknowhowtobecomeanything;
neitherspitefulnorkind,neitherarascalnoranhonestman,neitheraheronoran
insetto
insect.
Now,Iamlivingoutmylifeinmycorner,tauntingmyselfwiththespitefulanduseless
consolazione
consolationthatanintelligentmancannotbecomeanythingseriously,anditisonlythefoolwhobecomesanything.
Yes,amaninthenineteenthcenturymustand
moralmente
morallyoughttobepre-eminentlyacharacterlesscreature;
amanofcharacter,an
attivo
activemanispre-eminentlyalimitedcreature.
Thatismy
convinzione
convictionoffortyyears.
Iamfortyyearsoldnow,andyouknowfortyyearsisawholelifetime;
youknowitis
estrema
extremeoldage.
Tolivelongerthanfortyyearsisbadmanners,is
volgare
vulgar,immoral.
Whodoeslivebeyondforty?
Answerthat,
sinceramente
sincerelyandhonestlyIwilltellyouwhodo:
foolsandworthlessfellows.
Itellalloldmenthattotheirface,allthesevenerableoldmen,allthesesilver-hairedandreverendseniors!
Itellthewholeworldthattoitsface!
Ihavearighttosayso,forIshallgoonlivingtosixtymyself.
Toseventy!
Toeighty!
Stay,letmetakebreath...
Youimaginenodoubt,gentlemen,thatIwanttoamuseyou.
Youaremistakeninthat,too.
Iambynomeanssuchamirthfulpersonasyouimagine,orasyoumayimagine;
however,
irritato
irritatedbyallthisbabble(andIfeelthatyouare
irritato
irritated)youthinkfittoaskmewhoIam—thenmyansweris,Iamacollegiateassessor.
IwasintheservicethatImighthavesomethingtoeat(andsolelyforthatreason),andwhenlastyeara
lontano
distantrelationleftmesixthousandroublesinhiswillIimmediately
ritirai
retiredfromtheserviceandsettleddowninmycorner.
Iusedtoliveinthiscornerbefore,butnowIhavesettleddowninit.
Myroomisa
miserabile
wretched,horridoneinthe
periferia
outskirtsofthetown.
Myservantisanoldcountry-woman,ill-naturedfrom
stupidità
stupidity,and,moreover,thereisalwaysanastysmellabouther.
IamtoldthatthePetersburgclimateisbadforme,andthatwithmysmallmeansitisveryexpensivetoliveinPetersburg.
Iknowallthatbetterthanallthesesageandexperiencedcounsellorsandmonitors....
ButIamremaininginPetersburg;
IamnotgoingawayfromPetersburg!
Iamnotgoingawaybecause...
ech!
Why,itisabsolutelynomatterwhetherIamgoingawayornotgoingaway.
Butwhatcanadecentmanspeakofwithmostpleasure?
Answer:
Ofhimself.
II
Iwantnowtotellyou,gentlemen,whetheryoucaretohearitornot,whyIcouldnotevenbecomean
insetto
insect.
Itellyousolemnly,thatIhavemanytimestriedtobecomean
insetto
insect.
ButIwasnotequaleventothat.
Iswear,gentlemen,thattobetooconsciousisanillness—arealthorough-going
malattia
illness.
Forman’severydayneeds,itwouldhavebeenquiteenoughtohavetheordinaryhuman
coscienza
consciousness,thatis,halforaquarteroftheamountwhichfallstothelotofacultivatedmanofourunhappynineteenthcentury,especiallyonewhohasthe
fatale
fatalill-lucktoinhabitPetersburg,themosttheoreticaland
intenzionale
intentionaltownonthewholeterrestrial
globo
globe.
(Thereareintentionalandunintentionaltowns.)
Itwouldhavebeenquiteenough,for
esempio
instance,tohavetheconsciousnessbywhichallso-calleddirectpersonsandmenofactionlive.
IbetyouthinkIamwritingallthisfromaffectation,tobe
spiritoso
wittyattheexpenseofmenofaction;
andwhatismore,thatfromill-bredaffectation,Iamclankingaswordlikemyofficer.
But,gentlemen,whoevercanpridehimselfonhisdiseasesandevenswaggeroverthem?
Though,afterall,everyonedoesdothat;
peopledopridethemselvesontheirdiseases,andIdo,maybe,morethananyone.
Wewillnotdisputeit;
mycontentionwasabsurd.
ButyetIam
fermamente
firmlypersuadedthatagreatdealof
coscienza
consciousness,everysortofconsciousness,infact,isadisease.
Isticktothat.
Letusleavethat,too,foraminute.
Tellmethis:
whydoesithappenthatatthevery,yes,attheverymomentswhenIammostcapableoffeelingeveryrefinementofallthatis“sublimeandbeautiful,”astheyusedtosayatonetime,itwould,asthoughofdesign,happentomenotonlytofeelbuttodosuchuglythings,suchthat...
Well,inshort,actionsthatall,perhaps,commit;
butwhich,asthoughpurposely,occurredtomeattheverytimewhenIwasmost
consapevole
consciousthattheyoughtnottobecommitted.
Themore
consapevole
consciousIwasofgoodnessandofallthatwas“sublimeandbeautiful,”themoredeeplyIsankintomymireandthemorereadyIwastosinkinit
del tutto
altogether.
Butthechiefpointwasthatallthiswas,asitwere,not
accidentale
accidentalinme,butasthoughitwereboundtobeso.
Itwasasthoughitweremymostnormalcondition,andnotintheleastdiseaseordepravity,sothatatlastalldesireinmetostruggleagainstthisdepravitypassed.
Itendedbymyalmostbelieving(perhapsactuallybelieving)thatthiswasperhapsmynormalcondition.
Butatfirst,inthebeginning,whatagoniesI
sopportato
enduredinthatstruggle!
Ididnotbelieveitwasthesamewithotherpeople,andallmylifeIhidthisfactaboutmyselfasasecret.
Iwasashamed(evennow,perhaps,Iamashamed):
Igottothepointoffeelingasortofsecret
anormale
abnormal,despicableenjoymentinreturninghometomycorneronsomedisgustingPetersburgnight,acutely
consapevole
consciousthatthatdayIhadcommittedaloathsomeactionagain,thatwhatwasdonecouldneverbeundone,and
segretamente
secretly,inwardlygnawing,gnawingatmyselfforit,tearingandconsumingmyselftillatlastthebitternessturnedintoasortofshamefulaccursed
dolcezza
sweetness,andatlast—intopositivereal
piacere
enjoyment!
Yes,intoenjoyment,into
divertimento
enjoyment!
Iinsistuponthat.
IhavespokenofthisbecauseIkeepwantingtoknowforafactwhetherotherpeoplefeelsuchenjoyment?
Iwillexplain;
the
godimento
enjoymentwasjustfromthetoointense
coscienza
consciousnessofone’sowndegradation;
itwasfromfeelingoneselfthatonehadreachedthelast
barriera
barrier,thatitwashorrible,butthatitcouldnotbeotherwise;
thattherewasnoescapeforyou;
thatyounevercouldbecomeadifferentman;
thateveniftimeandfaithwerestillleftyoutochangeintosomethingdifferentyouwouldmostlikelynotwishtochange;
orifyoudidwishto,eventhenyouwoulddonothing;
becauseperhapsinrealitytherewasnothingforyoutochangeinto.
Andtheworstofitwas,andthe
radice
rootofitall,thatitwasallin
accordo
accordwiththenormalfundamentallawsofover-acute
coscienza
consciousness,andwiththeinertiathatwasthedirectresultofthoselaws,andthatconsequentlyonewasnotonly
incapace
unabletochangebutcoulddoabsolutelynothing.
Thusitwouldfollow,astheresultof
acuta
acuteconsciousness,thatoneisnottoblameinbeinga
canaglia
scoundrel;
asthoughthatwereany
consolazione
consolationtothescoundreloncehehascometorealisethatheactuallyisa
canaglia
scoundrel.
Butenough....
Ech,Ihavetalkedalotofnonsense,butwhathaveIexplained?
Howis
godimento
enjoymentinthistobeexplained?
ButIwillexplainit.
Iwillgettothebottomofit!
ThatiswhyIhavetakenupmypen....
I,for
esempio
instance,haveagreatdealofamourpropre.
Iamassuspiciousand
incline
pronetotakeoffenceasahumpbackora
nano
dwarf.
ButuponmywordIsometimeshavehadmomentswhenifIhadhappenedtobeslappedinthefaceIshould,perhaps,havebeen
positivamente
positivelygladofit.
Isay,inearnest,thatIshouldprobablyhavebeenableto
scoprire
discovereveninthata
peculiare
peculiarsortofenjoyment—theenjoyment,ofcourse,of
disperazione
despair;
butindespairtherearethemostintenseenjoyments,especiallywhenoneisveryacutelyconsciousofthehopelessnessofone’sposition.
Andwhenoneisslappedintheface—whythenthe
coscienza
consciousnessofbeingrubbedintoa
polpa
pulpwouldpositivelyoverwhelmone.
Theworstofitis,lookatitwhichwayonewill,itstillturnsoutthatIwasalwaysthemosttoblameineverything.
Andwhatismost
umiliante
humiliatingofall,toblamefornofaultofmyownbut,sotosay,throughthelawsofnature.
Inthefirstplace,toblamebecauseIamclevererthananyofthepeople
circondano
surroundingme.
(Ihavealwaysconsideredmyselfclevererthananyofthepeople
circondano
surroundingme,andsometimes,wouldyoubelieveit,havebeen
positivamente
positivelyashamedofit.
Atanyrate,Ihaveallmylife,asitwere,turnedmyeyesawayandnevercouldlookpeoplestraightintheface.)
Toblame,finally,becauseevenifIhadhadmagnanimity,Ishouldonlyhavehadmoresufferingfromthesenseofitsuselessness.
Ishouldcertainlyhaveneverbeenabletodoanythingfrombeingmagnanimous—neithertoforgive,formyassailantwouldperhapshaveslappedmefromthelawsofnature,andonecannotforgivethelawsofnature;
nortoforget,forevenifitwereowingtothelawsofnature,itis
insulto
insultingallthesame.
Finally,evenifIhadwantedtobeanythingbutmagnanimous,haddesiredonthe
contrario
contrarytorevengemyselfonmyassailant,IcouldnothaverevengedmyselfonanyoneforanythingbecauseIshouldcertainlyneverhavemadeupmymindtodoanything,evenifIhadbeenableto.
WhyshouldInothavemadeupmymind?
III
Withpeoplewhoknowhowtorevengethemselvesandtostandupforthemselvesingeneral,howisitdone?
Why,whentheyarepossessed,letussuppose,bythefeelingofrevenge,thenforthetimethereisnothingelsebutthatfeelingleftintheirwholebeing.
Suchagentlemansimply
precipita
dashesstraightforhisobjectlikeaninfuriatedbullwithitshornsdown,andnothingbutawallwillstophim.
(Bytheway:
facingthewall,suchgentlemen—thatis,the“direct”personsandmenofaction—aregenuinelynonplussed.
Forthemawallisnotanevasion,asforuspeoplewhothinkandconsequentlydonothing;
itisnotanexcuseforturningaside,anexcuseforwhichwearealwaysveryglad,thoughwescarcelybelieveinitourselves,asarule.
No,theyarenonplussedinall
sincerità
sincerity.
Thewallhasforthemsomethingtranquillising,
moralmente
morallysoothing,final—maybeevensomething
misterioso
mysterious...
butofthewalllater.)
Well,suchadirectpersonI
considero
regardastherealnormalman,ashistendermothernaturewishedtoseehimwhenshegraciouslybroughthimintobeingontheearth.
I
invidio
envysuchamantillIamgreenintheface.
Heisstupid.
Iamnotdisputingthat,butperhapsthenormalmanshouldbestupid,howdoyouknow?
Perhapsitisverybeautiful,infact.
AndIamthemore
convinto
persuadedofthatsuspicion,ifonecancallitso,bythefactthatifyoutake,for
esempio
instance,theantithesisofthenormalman,thatis,themanof
acuta
acuteconsciousness,whohascome,ofcourse,notoutofthelapofnaturebutoutofaretort(thisisalmostmysticism,gentlemen,butIsuspectthis,too),thisretort-mademanissometimessononplussedinthepresenceofhisantithesisthatwithallhisexaggerated
coscienza
consciousnesshegenuinelythinksofhimselfasamouseandnotaman.
Itmaybeanacutely
cosciente
consciousmouse,yetitisamouse,whiletheotherisaman,andtherefore,etcaetera,etcaetera.
Andtheworstofitis,hehimself,hisveryownself,looksonhimselfasamouse;
nooneaskshimtodoso;
andthatisanimportantpoint.
Nowletuslookatthismouseinaction.
Letussuppose,for
esempio
instance,thatitfeelsinsulted,too(anditalmostalwaysdoesfeel
insultato
insulted),andwantstorevengeitself,too.
Theremayevenbeagreateraccumulationofspiteinitthaninl’hommedelanatureetdelavérité.
Thebaseandnastydesireto
sfogare
ventthatspiteonitsassailantranklesperhapsevenmorenastilyinitthaninl’hommedelanatureetdelavérité.
Forthroughhisinnate
stupidità
stupiditythelatterlooksuponhisrevengeasjusticepureandsimple;
whileinconsequenceofhis
acuta
acuteconsciousnessthemousedoesnotbelieveinthejusticeofit.
Tocomeatlasttothedeeditself,totheveryactofrevenge.
Apartfromtheone
fondamentale
fundamentalnastinessthelucklessmouse
riesce
succeedsincreatingarounditsomanyothernastinessesintheformofdoubtsandquestions,addstotheonequestionsomanyunsettledquestionsthatthere
inevitabilmente
inevitablyworksuparounditasortof
fatale
fatalbrew,astinkingmess,madeupofitsdoubts,emotions,andofthe
disprezzo
contemptspatuponitbythedirectmenofactionwhostand
solennemente
solemnlyaboutitasjudgesandarbitrators,laughingatittilltheirhealthysidesache.
Ofcoursetheonlythingleftforitisto
respingere
dismissallthatwithawaveofits
zampa
paw,and,withasmileofassumed
disprezzo
contemptinwhichitdoesnotevenitselfbelieve,
strisciare
creepignominiouslyintoitsmouse-hole.
Thereinitsnasty,stinking,undergroundhomeour
insultato
insulted,crushedandridiculedmousepromptlybecomes
assorbito
absorbedincold,malignantand,aboveall,
eterno
everlastingspite.
Forfortyyearstogetheritwillrememberits
ferita
injurydowntothesmallest,mostignominiousdetails,andeverytimewilladd,ofitself,detailsstillmoreignominious,spitefullyteasingandtormentingitselfwithitsownimagination.
Itwillitselfbeashamedofitsimaginings,butyetitwill
ricorderà
recallitall,itwillgooverandoverevery
dettaglio
detail,itwillinventunheardofthingsagainstitself,pretendingthatthosethingsmighthappen,andwillforgivenothing.
Maybeitwillbegintorevengeitself,too,but,asitwere,piecemeal,intrivialways,frombehindthe
stufa
stove,incognito,withoutbelievingeitherinitsownrighttovengeance,orinthesuccessofitsrevenge,knowingthatfromallitseffortsatrevengeitwillsufferahundredtimesmorethanheonwhomitrevengesitself,whilehe,Idaresay,willnotevenscratchhimself.
Onitsdeathbeditwill
ricorderà
recallitalloveragain,withinterestaccumulatedoveralltheyearsand...
Butitisjustinthatcold,
abominevole
abominablehalfdespair,halfbelief,inthat
consapevole
consciousburyingoneselfalivefor
dolore
griefintheunderworldforfortyyears,inthatacutelyrecognisedandyet
in parte
partlydoubtfulhopelessnessofone’sposition,inthathellofunsatisfieddesiresturnedinward,inthatfeverofoscillations,ofresolutionsdeterminedforeverand
pentite
repentedofagainaminutelater—thatthesavourofthatstrange
piacere
enjoymentofwhichIhavespokenlies.
Itisso
sottile
subtle,sodifficultofanalysis,thatpersonswhoarealittle
limitate
limited,orevensimplypersonsofstrongnerves,willnotunderstandasingle
atomo
atomofit.
“Possibly,”youwilladdonyourownaccountwitha
sorriso
grin,“peoplewillnotunderstanditeitherwhohaveneverreceiveda
schiaffo
slapintheface,”andinthatwayyouwill
educatamente
politelyhinttomethatI,too,perhaps,havehadtheexperienceofa
schiaffo
slapinthefaceinmylife,andsoIspeakasonewhoknows.
Ibetthatyouarethinkingthat.
Butsetyourmindsatrest,gentlemen,Ihavenotreceiveda
schiaffo
slapintheface,thoughitisabsolutelyamatterof
indifferenza
indifferencetomewhatyoumaythinkaboutit.
Possibly,Ievenregret,myself,thatIhavegivensofew
schiaffo
slapsinthefaceduringmylife.
Butenough...
notanotherwordonthatsubjectofsuch
estremo
extremeinteresttoyou.
Iwillcontinue
con calma
calmlyconcerningpersonswithstrongnerveswhodonotunderstandacertainrefinementof
divertimento
enjoyment.
Thoughincertaincircumstancesthesegentlemenbellowtheirloudestlikebulls,thoughthis,letussuppose,doesthemthegreatestcredit,yet,asIhavesaidalready,confrontedwiththeimpossibletheysubsideatonce.
Theimpossiblemeansthestonewall!
Whatstonewall?
Why,ofcourse,thelawsofnature,thedeductionsofnaturalscience,mathematics.