Notes from the Underground | Gradually Hardening Hungarian B2 Books

Notes from the Underground | Gradually Hardening Hungarian B2 Books

Experience the benefits of this forward-thinking translation strategy that tailors language learning to your specific needs. You have control over the difficulty, which ensures that the content is neither too easy nor overly challenging. This method enhances your ability to understand new words through context, reducing reliance on direct translations. While the translations are subtly obscured to foster learning, you can still look up unclear terms. This balanced approach makes language acquisition smoother and more enjoyable. Delve into these translated literary works and discover the satisfaction of mastering a language through reading.

I
Iamasickman....
Iamaspitefulman.
Iamanunattractiveman.
Ibelievemyliverisdiseased.
However,Iknownothingatallaboutmydisease,anddonotknowforcertainwhatailsme.
Idon’tconsultadoctorforit,andneverhave,thoughIhavearespectformedicineanddoctors.
Besides,Iamextremely
babonás
superstitious
,sufficientlysotorespectmedicine,anyway(Iamwell-educatedenoughnottobe
babonás
superstitious
,butIamsuperstitious).
No,Irefusetoconsultadoctorfromspite.
Thatyouprobablywillnotunderstand.
Well,Iunderstandit,though.
Ofcourse,Ican’texplainwhoitis
pontosan
precisely
thatIammortifyinginthiscasebymyspite:
IamperfectlywellawarethatIcannot“payout”thedoctorsbynotconsultingthem;
IknowbetterthananyonethatbyallthisIamonly
ártok
injuring
myselfandnooneelse.
Butstill,ifIdon’tconsultadoctoritisfromspite.
Myliverisbad,well—letitgetworse!
Ihavebeengoingonlikethatforalongtime—twentyyears.
NowIamforty.
Iusedtobeinthegovernmentservice,butamnolonger.
Iwasaspitefulofficial.
Iwasrudeandtookpleasureinbeingso.
Ididnottakebribes,yousee,soIwasboundtofindarecompenseinthat,atleast.
(Apoorjest,butIwillnotscratchitout.
Iwroteitthinkingitwouldsoundverywitty;
butnowthatIhaveseenmyselfthatIonlywantedtoshowoffina
megvetendő
despicable
way,Iwillnotscratchitoutonpurpose!)
WhenpetitionersusedtocomeforinformationtothetableatwhichIsat,Iusedtogrindmyteethatthem,andfelt
intenzív
intense
enjoymentwhenIsucceededinmakinganybodyunhappy.
Ialmostdidsucceed.
Forthemostparttheywereall
félénk
timid
people—ofcourse,theywerepetitioners.
ButoftheuppishonestherewasoneofficerinparticularIcouldnot
elviselni
endure
.
Hesimplywouldnotbe
alázatos
humble
,andclankedhisswordinadisgustingway.
Icarriedonafeudwithhimforeighteenmonthsoverthatsword.
AtlastIgotthebetterofhim.
Heleftoffclankingit.
Thathappenedinmyyouth,though.
Butdoyouknow,gentlemen,whatwasthechiefpointaboutmyspite?
Why,thewholepoint,therealstingofitlayinthefactthat
állandóan
continually
,eveninthemomentoftheacutestspleen,IwasinwardlyconsciouswithshamethatIwasnotonlynotaspitefulbutnotevenanembitteredman,thatIwassimplyscaringsparrowsatrandomandamusingmyselfbyit.
Imightfoamatthemouth,butbringmeadolltoplaywith,givemeacupofteawithsugarinit,andmaybeIshouldbeappeased.
Imightevenbe
őszintén
genuinely
touched,thoughprobablyIshouldgrindmyteethatmyselfafterwardsandlieawakeatnightwithshameformonthsafter.
Thatwasmyway.
IwaslyingwhenIsaidjustnowthatIwasaspitefulofficial.
Iwaslyingfromspite.
Iwassimplyamusingmyselfwiththepetitionersandwiththeofficer,andinrealityInevercouldbecomespiteful.
Iwasconsciouseverymomentinmyselfofmany,verymanyelementsabsolutelyoppositetothat.
Ifeltthem
pozitívan
positively
swarminginme,theseoppositeelements.
Iknewthattheyhadbeenswarminginmeallmylifeandcravingsomeoutletfromme,butIwouldnotletthem,wouldnotletthem,
szándékosan
purposely
wouldnotletthemcomeout.
TheytormentedmetillIwasashamed:
theydrovemetoconvulsionsand—sickenedme,atlast,howtheysickenedme!
Now,arenotyoufancying,gentlemen,thatIamexpressingremorseforsomethingnow,thatIamaskingyour
bocsánatot
forgiveness
forsomething?
Iamsureyouarefancyingthat...
However,IassureyouIdonotcareifyouare....
ItwasnotonlythatIcouldnotbecomespiteful,Ididnotknowhowtobecomeanything;
neitherspitefulnorkind,neitherarascalnoranhonestman,neitheraheronoran
rovar
insect
.
Now,Iamlivingoutmylifeinmycorner,tauntingmyselfwiththespitefulanduselessconsolationthatan
intelligens
intelligent
mancannotbecomeanythingseriously,anditisonlythefoolwhobecomesanything.
Yes,amaninthenineteenthcenturymustand
erkölcsileg
morally
oughttobepre-eminentlyacharacterlesscreature;
amanofcharacter,an
aktív
active
manispre-eminentlyalimitedcreature.
Thatismyconvictionoffortyyears.
Iamfortyyearsoldnow,andyouknowfortyyearsisawholelifetime;
youknowitis
szélsőséges
extreme
oldage.
Tolivelongerthanfortyyearsisbadmanners,is
vulgáris
vulgar
,immoral.
Whodoeslivebeyondforty?
Answerthat,sincerelyandhonestlyIwilltellyouwhodo:
foolsandworthlessfellows.
Itellalloldmenthattotheirface,allthesevenerableoldmen,allthesesilver-hairedand
tiszteletes
reverend
seniors!
Itellthewholeworldthattoitsface!
Ihavearighttosayso,forIshallgoonlivingtosixtymyself.
Toseventy!
Toeighty!
Stay,letmetakebreath...
Youimaginenodoubt,gentlemen,thatIwanttoamuseyou.
Youaremistakeninthat,too.
Iambynomeanssuchamirthfulpersonasyouimagine,orasyoumayimagine;
however,irritatedbyallthisbabble(andIfeelthatyouareirritated)youthinkfittoaskmewhoIam—thenmyansweris,Iamacollegiateassessor.
IwasintheservicethatImighthavesomethingtoeat(andsolelyforthatreason),andwhenlastyeara
távoli
distant
relationleftmesixthousandroublesinhiswillIimmediately
visszavonultam
retired
fromtheserviceandsettleddowninmycorner.
Iusedtoliveinthiscornerbefore,butnowIhavesettleddowninit.
Myroomisa
nyomorult
wretched
,horridoneintheoutskirtsofthetown.
Myservantisanoldcountry-woman,ill-naturedfrom
hülyeség
stupidity
,and,moreover,thereisalwaysanastysmellabouther.
IamtoldthatthePetersburg
éghajlat
climate
isbadforme,andthatwithmysmallmeansitisveryexpensivetoliveinPetersburg.
Iknowallthatbetterthanallthese
bölcs
sage
andexperiencedcounsellorsandmonitors....
ButIamremaininginPetersburg;
IamnotgoingawayfromPetersburg!
Iamnotgoingawaybecause...
ech!
Why,itisabsolutelynomatterwhetherIamgoingawayornotgoingaway.
Butwhatcanadecentmanspeakofwithmostpleasure?
Answer:
Ofhimself.
II
Iwantnowtotellyou,gentlemen,whetheryoucaretohearitornot,whyIcouldnotevenbecomeaninsect.
Itellyousolemnly,thatIhavemanytimestriedtobecomeaninsect.
ButIwasnotequaleventothat.
Iswear,gentlemen,thattobetooconsciousisanillness—arealthorough-going
betegség
illness
.
Forman’severydayneeds,itwouldhavebeenquiteenoughtohavetheordinaryhuman
tudat
consciousness
,thatis,halforaquarteroftheamountwhichfallstothelotofacultivatedmanofourunhappynineteenthcentury,especiallyonewhohasthe
végzetes
fatal
ill-lucktoinhabitPetersburg,themosttheoreticalandintentionaltownonthewholeterrestrial
földgömb
globe
.
(Thereareintentionalandunintentionaltowns.)
Itwouldhavebeenquiteenough,forinstance,tohavetheconsciousnessbywhichallso-calleddirectpersonsandmenofactionlive.
IbetyouthinkIamwritingallthisfromaffectation,tobe
szellemes
witty
attheexpenseofmenofaction;
andwhatismore,thatfromill-bredaffectation,Iamclankingaswordlikemyofficer.
But,gentlemen,whoevercanpridehimselfonhisdiseasesandevenswaggeroverthem?
Though,afterall,everyonedoesdothat;
peopledopridethemselvesontheirdiseases,andIdo,maybe,morethananyone.
Wewillnotdisputeit;
mycontentionwas
abszurd
absurd
.
ButyetIam
szilárdan
firmly
persuadedthatagreatdealofconsciousness,everysortofconsciousness,infact,isadisease.
Isticktothat.
Letusleavethat,too,foraminute.
Tellmethis:
whydoesithappenthatatthevery,yes,attheverymomentswhenIammostcapableoffeelingeveryrefinementofallthatis“sublimeandbeautiful,”astheyusedtosayatonetime,itwould,asthoughofdesign,happentomenotonlytofeelbuttodosuchuglythings,suchthat...
Well,inshort,actionsthatall,perhaps,commit;
butwhich,asthough
szándékosan
purposely
,occurredtomeattheverytimewhenIwasmostconsciousthattheyoughtnottobecommitted.
ThemoreconsciousIwasofgoodnessandofallthatwas“sublimeandbeautiful,”themoredeeplyIsankintomymireandthemorereadyIwastosinkinit
teljesen
altogether
.
Butthechiefpointwasthatallthiswas,asitwere,not
véletlen
accidental
inme,butasthoughitwereboundtobeso.
Itwasasthoughitweremymostnormalcondition,andnotintheleastdiseaseordepravity,sothatatlastalldesireinmetostruggleagainstthisdepravitypassed.
Itendedbymyalmostbelieving(perhapsactuallybelieving)thatthiswasperhapsmynormalcondition.
Butatfirst,inthebeginning,whatagoniesIenduredinthatstruggle!
Ididnotbelieveitwasthesamewithotherpeople,andallmylifeIhidthisfactaboutmyselfasasecret.
Iwasashamed(evennow,perhaps,Iamashamed):
Igottothepointoffeelingasortofsecret
abnormális
abnormal
,despicableenjoymentinreturninghometomycorneronsomedisgustingPetersburgnight,acutelyconsciousthatthatdayIhadcommittedaloathsomeactionagain,thatwhatwasdonecouldneverbeundone,andsecretly,inwardlygnawing,gnawingatmyselfforit,tearingandconsumingmyselftillatlastthe
keserűség
bitterness
turnedintoasortofshamefulaccursedsweetness,andatlast—intopositivereal
élvezet
enjoyment
!
Yes,intoenjoyment,intoenjoyment!
I
ragaszkodom
insist
uponthat.
IhavespokenofthisbecauseIkeepwantingtoknowforafactwhetherotherpeoplefeelsuchenjoyment?
Iwillexplain;
the
élvezet
enjoyment
wasjustfromthetoo
intenzív
intense
consciousnessofone’sowndegradation;
itwasfromfeelingoneselfthatonehadreachedthelastbarrier,thatitwashorrible,butthatitcouldnotbeotherwise;
thattherewasnoescapeforyou;
thatyounevercouldbecomeadifferentman;
thateveniftimeandfaithwerestillleftyoutochangeintosomethingdifferentyouwouldmostlikelynotwishtochange;
orifyoudidwishto,eventhenyouwoulddonothing;
becauseperhapsinrealitytherewasnothingforyoutochangeinto.
Andtheworstofitwas,andtherootofitall,thatitwasallinaccordwiththenormal
alapvető
fundamental
lawsofover-acuteconsciousness,andwiththeinertiathatwasthedirectresultofthoselaws,andthat
ennek következtében
consequently
onewasnotonly
képtelen
unable
tochangebutcoulddoabsolutelynothing.
Thusitwouldfollow,astheresultofacuteconsciousness,thatoneisnottoblameinbeingascoundrel;
asthoughthatwereanyconsolationtothescoundreloncehehascometorealisethatheactuallyisascoundrel.
Butenough....
Ech,Ihavetalkedalotofnonsense,butwhathaveIexplained?
Howisenjoymentinthistobeexplained?
ButIwillexplainit.
Iwillgettothebottomofit!
ThatiswhyIhavetakenupmypen....
I,forinstance,haveagreatdealofamourpropre.
Iamas
gyanakvó
suspicious
andpronetotakeoffenceasahumpbackora
törpe
dwarf
.
ButuponmywordIsometimeshavehadmomentswhenifIhadhappenedtobeslappedinthefaceIshould,perhaps,havebeen
pozitívan
positively
gladofit.
Isay,inearnest,thatIshouldprobablyhavebeenableto
felfedezni
discover
eveninthatapeculiarsortofenjoyment—theenjoyment,ofcourse,of
kétségbeesés
despair
;
butindespairtherearethemostintenseenjoyments,especiallywhenoneisveryacutelyconsciousofthehopelessnessofone’sposition.
Andwhenoneisslappedintheface—whythenthe
tudat
consciousness
ofbeingrubbedintoapulpwould
pozitívan
positively
overwhelmone.
Theworstofitis,lookatitwhichwayonewill,itstillturnsoutthatIwasalwaysthemosttoblameineverything.
Andwhatismosthumiliatingofall,toblamefornofaultofmyownbut,sotosay,throughthelawsofnature.
Inthefirstplace,toblamebecauseIamclevererthananyofthepeoplesurroundingme.
(Ihavealwaysconsideredmyselfclevererthananyofthepeoplesurroundingme,andsometimes,wouldyoubelieveit,havebeenpositivelyashamedofit.
Atanyrate,Ihaveallmylife,asitwere,turnedmyeyesawayandnevercouldlookpeoplestraightintheface.)
Toblame,finally,becauseevenifIhadhadmagnanimity,Ishouldonlyhavehadmoresufferingfromthesenseofitsuselessness.
Ishouldcertainlyhaveneverbeenabletodoanythingfrombeingmagnanimous—neithertoforgive,formyassailantwouldperhapshaveslappedmefromthelawsofnature,andonecannotforgivethelawsofnature;
nortoforget,forevenifitwereowingtothelawsofnature,itisinsultingallthesame.
Finally,evenifIhadwantedtobeanythingbutmagnanimous,haddesiredonthecontrarytorevengemyselfonmyassailant,IcouldnothaverevengedmyselfonanyoneforanythingbecauseIshouldcertainlyneverhavemadeupmymindtodoanything,evenifIhadbeenableto.
WhyshouldInothavemadeupmymind?
III
Withpeoplewhoknowhowtorevengethemselvesandtostandupforthemselvesingeneral,howisitdone?
Why,whentheyarepossessed,letussuppose,bythefeelingofrevenge,thenforthetimethereisnothingelsebutthatfeelingleftintheirwholebeing.
Suchagentlemansimplydashesstraightforhisobjectlikeaninfuriatedbullwithitshornsdown,andnothingbutawallwillstophim.
(Bytheway:
facingthewall,suchgentlemen—thatis,the“direct”personsandmenofaction—are
valóban
genuinely
nonplussed.
Forthemawallisnotanevasion,asforuspeoplewhothinkand
következésképpen
consequently
donothing;
itisnotanexcuseforturningaside,anexcuseforwhichwearealwaysveryglad,thoughwe
alig
scarcely
believeinitourselves,asarule.
No,theyarenonplussedinallsincerity.
Thewallhasforthemsomethingtranquillising,
erkölcsileg
morally
soothing,final—maybeevensomething
titokzatos
mysterious
...
butofthewalllater.)
Well,suchadirectpersonIregardastherealnormalman,ashistendermothernaturewishedtoseehimwhenshegraciouslybroughthimintobeingontheearth.
I
irigylem
envy
suchamantillIamgreenintheface.
Heisstupid.
Iamnotdisputingthat,butperhapsthenormalmanshouldbestupid,howdoyouknow?
Perhapsitisverybeautiful,infact.
AndIamthemorepersuadedofthat
gyanakvás
suspicion
,ifonecancallitso,bythefactthatifyoutake,forinstance,theantithesisofthenormalman,thatis,themanofacuteconsciousness,whohascome,ofcourse,notoutofthe
ölében
lap
ofnaturebutoutofaretort(thisisalmostmysticism,gentlemen,butIsuspectthis,too),thisretort-mademanissometimessononplussedinthepresenceofhisantithesisthatwithallhis
túlzott
exaggerated
consciousnesshegenuinelythinksofhimselfasamouseandnotaman.
Itmaybeanacutelyconsciousmouse,yetitisamouse,whiletheotherisaman,andtherefore,etcaetera,etcaetera.
Andtheworstofitis,hehimself,hisveryownself,looksonhimselfasamouse;
nooneaskshimtodoso;
andthatisanimportantpoint.
Nowletuslookatthismouseinaction.
Letussuppose,forinstance,thatitfeelsinsulted,too(anditalmostalwaysdoesfeelinsulted),andwantstorevengeitself,too.
Theremayevenbeagreateraccumulationofspiteinitthaninl’hommedelanatureetdelavérité.
Thebaseandnastydesiretoventthatspiteonitsassailantranklesperhapsevenmorenastilyinitthaninl’hommedelanatureetdelavérité.
Forthroughhisinnatestupiditythe
utóbbi
latter
looksuponhisrevengeasjusticepureandsimple;
whileinconsequenceofhisacuteconsciousnessthemousedoesnotbelieveinthejusticeofit.
Tocomeatlasttothedeeditself,totheveryactofrevenge.
Apartfromtheone
alapvető
fundamental
nastinessthelucklessmouse
sikerül
succeeds
increatingarounditsomanyothernastinessesintheformofdoubtsandquestions,addstotheonequestionsomanyunsettledquestionsthatthere
elkerülhetetlenül
inevitably
worksuparounditasortof
végzetes
fatal
brew,astinkingmess,madeupofitsdoubts,emotions,andofthecontemptspatuponitbythedirectmenofactionwhostand
ünnepélyesen
solemnly
aboutitasjudgesandarbitrators,laughingatittilltheirhealthysides
fáj
ache
.
Ofcoursetheonlythingleftforitistodismissallthatwithawaveofitspaw,and,withasmileofassumed
megvetés
contempt
inwhichitdoesnotevenitselfbelieve,creepignominiouslyintoitsmouse-hole.
Thereinitsnasty,
büdös
stinking
,undergroundhomeourinsulted,crushedandridiculedmousepromptlybecomesabsorbedincold,malignantand,aboveall,
örök
everlasting
spite.
Forfortyyearstogetheritwillrememberitsinjurydowntothesmallest,mostignominiousdetails,andeverytimewilladd,ofitself,detailsstillmoreignominious,spitefullyteasingandtormentingitselfwithitsownimagination.
Itwillitselfbeashamedofitsimaginings,butyetitwillrecallitall,itwillgooverandovereverydetail,itwillinventunheardofthingsagainstitself,pretendingthatthosethingsmighthappen,andwillforgivenothing.
Maybeitwillbegintorevengeitself,too,but,asitwere,piecemeal,in
triviális
trivial
ways,frombehindthe
kályha
stove
,incognito,withoutbelievingeitherinitsownrighttovengeance,orinthesuccessofitsrevenge,knowingthatfromallitseffortsatrevengeitwillsufferahundredtimesmorethanheonwhomitrevengesitself,whilehe,Idaresay,willnotevenscratchhimself.
Onitsdeathbeditwillrecallitalloveragain,withinterestaccumulatedoveralltheyearsand...
Butitisjustinthatcold,abominablehalfdespair,half
hitben
belief
,inthatconsciousburyingoneselfalivefor
gyász
grief
intheunderworldforfortyyears,inthatacutelyrecognisedandyet
részben
partly
doubtfulhopelessnessofone’sposition,inthathellofunsatisfieddesiresturnedinward,inthatfeverofoscillations,ofresolutionsdeterminedforeverandrepentedofagainaminutelater—thatthesavourofthatstrange
élvezet
enjoyment
ofwhichIhavespokenlies.
Itisso
finom
subtle
,sodifficultofanalysis,thatpersonswhoarealittlelimited,orevensimplypersonsofstrongnerves,willnotunderstandasingleatomofit.
“Possibly,”youwilladdonyourownaccountwithagrin,“peoplewillnotunderstanditeitherwhohaveneverreceiveda
pofon
slap
intheface,”andinthatwayyouwill
udvariasan
politely
hinttomethatI,too,perhaps,havehadtheexperienceofa
pofon
slap
inthefaceinmylife,andsoIspeakasonewhoknows.
Ibetthatyouarethinkingthat.
Butsetyourmindsatrest,gentlemen,Ihavenotreceivedaslapintheface,thoughitisabsolutelyamatterofindifferencetomewhatyoumaythinkaboutit.
Possibly,Ievenregret,myself,thatIhavegivensofewslapsinthefaceduringmylife.
Butenough...
notanotherwordonthatsubjectofsuchextremeinteresttoyou.
Iwillcontinue
nyugodtan
calmly
concerningpersonswithstrongnerveswhodonotunderstandacertainrefinementofenjoyment.
Thoughincertaincircumstancesthesegentlemenbellowtheirloudestlikebulls,thoughthis,letussuppose,doesthemthegreatestcredit,yet,asIhavesaidalready,confrontedwiththeimpossibletheysubsideatonce.
Theimpossiblemeansthestonewall!
Whatstonewall?
Why,ofcourse,thelawsofnature,thedeductionsofnaturalscience,mathematics.