Notes from the Underground | Progressive Hungarian A1 Translation Books

Notes from the Underground | Progressive Hungarian A1 Translation Books

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I
Iama
beteg
sick
man....
Iamaspiteful
ember
man
.
Iamanunattractive
férfi
man
.
Ibelievemyliverisdiseased.
However,I
tudom
know
nothingatallaboutmydisease,
és
and
donotknowforcertainwhatails
engem
me
.
Idon’tconsultadoctorforit,
és
and
neverhave,thoughIhavearespectformedicine
és
and
doctors.
Besides,Iamextremelysuperstitious,sufficientlysotorespectmedicine,
amúgy
anyway
(Iamwell-educatedenoughnottobesuperstitious,
de
but
Iamsuperstitious).
No,Irefusetoconsultadoctorfromspite.
Amit
That
youprobablywillnot
megérteni
understand
.
Well,Iunderstandit,though.
Of
természetesen
course
,Ican’texplainwhoitisprecisely
hogy
that
Iammortifyinginthis
esetben
case
bymyspite:
Iamperfectlywellaware
hogy
that
Icannot“payout”
az
the
doctorsbynotconsultingthem;
I
tudom
know
betterthananyonethatbyallthisIam
csak
only
injuringmyselfandnooneelse.
De
But
still,ifIdon’tconsultadoctoritisfromspite.
Myliveris
rossz
bad
,well—letitgetworse!
I
már
have
beengoingonlikethatforalongtime—twentyyears.
NowIamforty.
Iusedtobeinthegovernmentservice,
de
but
amnolonger.
Iwasaspitefulofficial.
Iwasrude
és
and
tookpleasureinbeingso.
Ididnottakebribes,yousee,soIwasboundtofindarecompenseinthat,atleast.
(A
szegény
poor
jest,butIwillnotscratchitout.
Iwroteit
gondoltam
thinking
itwouldsoundverywitty;
de
but
nowthatIhave
láttam
seen
myselfthatIonly
akartam
wanted
toshowoffinadespicable
módon
way
,Iwillnotscratchitoutonpurpose!)
Amikor
When
petitionersusedtocomeforinformationtothetableatwhichI
ültem
sat
,Iusedtogrindmyteethat
rájuk
them
,andfeltintenseenjoyment
amikor
when
Isucceededinmakinganybodyunhappy.
I
majdnem
almost
didsucceed.
Forthemostparttheywerealltimidpeople—of
persze
course
,theywerepetitioners.
Butoftheuppishones
nem
there
wasoneofficerinparticularI
tudtam
could
notendure.
Hesimply
lenni
would
notbehumble,andclankedhisswordinadisgusting
módon
way
.
Icarriedonafeudwithhimforeighteenmonthsoverthatsword.
AtlastIgotthebetterofhim.
Heleftoffclankingit.
That
történt
happened
inmyyouth,though.
De
But
doyouknow,gentlemen,whatwas
a
the
chiefpointaboutmyspite?
Why,the
egész
whole
point,therealstingofitlayinthefact
hogy
that
continually,eveninthemomentoftheacutestspleen,Iwasinwardlyconsciouswithshame
hogy
that
Iwasnotonlynotaspiteful
hanem
but
notevenanembittered
ember
man
,thatIwassimplyscaringsparrowsatrandom
és
and
amusingmyselfbyit.
Imightfoamatthemouth,
de
but
bringmeadolltoplaywith,
adj
give
meacupofteawithsugarinit,
és
and
maybeIshouldbeappeased.
Imightevenbegenuinelytouched,
bár
though
probablyIshouldgrindmyteethatmyselfafterwards
és
and
lieawakeatnightwithshameformonthsafter.
Thatwasmyway.
Iwaslying
amikor
when
Isaidjustnow
hogy
that
Iwasaspitefulofficial.
Iwaslyingfromspite.
Iwassimplyamusingmyselfwiththepetitioners
és
and
withtheofficer,andinrealityInever
lehetett
could
becomespiteful.
Iwasconscious
minden
every
momentinmyselfof
sok
many
,verymanyelementsabsolutelyoppositetothat.
Ifeltthempositivelyswarminginme,
ezek
these
oppositeelements.
Iknew
hogy
that
theyhadbeenswarminginmeallmylife
és
and
cravingsomeoutletfromme,
de
but
Iwouldnotlet
őket
them
,wouldnotletthem,purposelywouldnotletthemcomeout.
TheytormentedmetillIwasashamed:
theydrovemetoconvulsionsand—sickenedme,atlast,howtheysickenedme!
Most
Now
,arenotyoufancying,gentlemen,
hogy
that
Iamexpressingremorseforsomething
most
now
,thatIamaskingyourforgivenessforsomething?
Iam
biztos
sure
youarefancyingthat...
However,IassureyouIdonot
érdekel
care
ifyouare....
Itwasnot
csak
only
thatIcouldnotbecomespiteful,Ididnot
tudtam
know
howtobecomeanything;
neitherspitefulnor
kedves
kind
,neitherarascalnoranhonestman,neitheraheronoraninsect.
Most
Now
,Iamlivingoutmylifeinmycorner,tauntingmyselfwiththespiteful
és
and
uselessconsolationthatanintelligent
ember
man
cannotbecomeanythingseriously,
és
and
itisonlythefoolwhobecomes
bármi
anything
.
Yes,amaninthenineteenthcentury
kell
must
andmorallyoughttobepre-eminentlyacharacterlesscreature;
a
ember
man
ofcharacter,anactive
ember
man
ispre-eminentlyalimitedcreature.
Thatismyconvictionoffortyyears.
Iamfortyyearsoldnow,
és
and
youknowfortyyearsis
egy
a
wholelifetime;
youknowitisextremeoldage.
To
élni
live
longerthanfortyyearsis
rossz
bad
manners,isvulgar,immoral.
Ki
Who
doeslivebeyondforty?
Answerthat,sincerely
és
and
honestlyIwilltellyou
ki
who
do:
foolsandworthlessfellows.
I
mondom
tell
alloldmenthattotheirface,
minden
all
thesevenerableoldmen,
minden
all
thesesilver-hairedandreverendseniors!
I
mondom
tell
thewholeworldthattoitsface!
I
van
have
arighttosayso,forIshallgoonlivingtosixtymyself.
Toseventy!
Toeighty!
Stay,
hadd
let
metakebreath...
Youimaginenodoubt,gentlemen,thatI
akarom
want
toamuseyou.
Youaremistakeninthat,too.
Iamby
nem
no
meanssuchamirthful
ember
person
asyouimagine,orasyoumayimagine;
however,irritatedbyallthisbabble(andI
érzem
feel
thatyouareirritated)you
gondolod
think
fittoaskme
ki
who
Iam—thenmyanswer
az
is
,Iamacollegiateassessor.
IwasintheservicethatImighthavesomethingto
enni
eat
(andsolelyforthatreason),
és
and
whenlastyearadistantrelation
hagyott
left
mesixthousandroublesinhis
legyen
will
Iimmediatelyretiredfromtheservice
és
and
settleddowninmycorner.
Iusedto
éltem
live
inthiscornerbefore,
de
but
nowIhavesettleddowninit.
Myroomisawretched,horridoneintheoutskirtsofthe
város
town
.
Myservantisan
öreg
old
country-woman,ill-naturedfromstupidity,
és
and
,moreover,thereisalwaysanastysmellabouther.
Iam
mondják
told
thatthePetersburgclimateis
rossz
bad
forme,andthatwithmy
kis
small
meansitisveryexpensiveto
élni
live
inPetersburg.
Iknowallthat
jobban
better
thanallthesesage
és
and
experiencedcounsellorsandmonitors....
De
But
IamremaininginPetersburg;
Iamnot
megyek
going
awayfromPetersburg!
Iamnot
megyek
going
awaybecause...
ech!
Why,itisabsolutely
nem
no
matterwhetherIam
megyek
going
awayornotgoingaway.
De
But
whatcanadecent
ember
man
speakofwithmostpleasure?
Válasz
Answer
:
Ofhimself.
II
Iwant
most
now
totellyou,gentlemen,whetheryou
érdekli
care
tohearitornot,
miért
why
Icouldnoteven
válni
become
aninsect.
Itellyousolemnly,thatIhavemanytimes
megpróbáltam
tried
tobecomeaninsect.
De
But
Iwasnotequal
még
even
tothat.
Iswear,gentlemen,thattobetooconsciousis
egy
an
illness—arealthorough-goingillness.
Forman’severydayneeds,itwould
volna
have
beenquiteenoughto
volna
have
theordinaryhumanconsciousness,thatis,
fele
half
oraquarteroftheamount
ami
which
fallstothelotofacultivated
ember
man
ofourunhappynineteenthcentury,especiallyone
aki
who
hasthefatalill-lucktoinhabitPetersburg,themosttheoretical
és
and
intentionaltownonthewholeterrestrialglobe.
Nem
(There
areintentionalandunintentionaltowns.)
Itwould
volna
have
beenquiteenough,forinstance,to
volna
have
theconsciousnessbywhichallso-calleddirect
személyek
persons
andmenofaction
élnek
live
.
IbetyouthinkIam
írom
writing
allthisfromaffectation,tobewittyattheexpenseofmenofaction;
és
and
whatismore,thatfromill-bredaffectation,Iamclankingasword
mint
like
myofficer.
But,gentlemen,whoever
tud
can
pridehimselfonhisdiseasesandevenswaggeroverthem?
Bár
Though
,afterall,everyonedoes
csinálja
do
that;
peopledopridethemselvesontheirdiseases,
és
and
Ido,maybe,more
mint
than
anyone.
Wewillnotdisputeit;
mycontentionwasabsurd.
ButyetIamfirmlypersuaded
hogy
that
agreatdealofconsciousness,everysortofconsciousness,in
valójában
fact
,isadisease.
Isticktothat.
Letus
hagyjuk
leave
that,too,foraminute.
Tellme
ezt
this
:
whydoesithappenthatatthevery,yes,attheverymoments
amikor
when
Iammostcapableof
érezni
feeling
everyrefinementofallthatis“sublime
és
and
beautiful,”astheyusedto
mondták
say
atonetime,itwould,asthoughofdesign,
történik
happen
tomenotonlyto
érezni
feel
buttodosuchuglythings,
ilyen
such
that...
Well,inshort,actionsthatall,
talán
perhaps
,commit;
butwhich,asthoughpurposely,occurredtomeat
az
the
verytimewhenIwas
leginkább
most
consciousthattheyoughtnottobecommitted.
ThemoreconsciousIwasofgoodness
és
and
ofallthatwas“sublime
és
and
beautiful,”themoredeeplyIsankintomymire
és
and
themorereadyIwastosinkinitaltogether.
Butthechiefpointwasthatallthiswas,asitwere,notaccidentalinme,butasthoughitwereboundtobeso.
Itwasasthoughitweremymostnormalcondition,
és
and
notintheleastdisease
vagy
or
depravity,sothatatlast
minden
all
desireinmetostruggle
ellen
against
thisdepravitypassed.
Itendedbymy
majdnem
almost
believing(perhapsactuallybelieving)
hogy
that
thiswasperhapsmynormalcondition.
De
But
atfirst,inthebeginning,whatagoniesIenduredinthatstruggle!
Ididnotbelieveitwasthe
ugyanaz
same
withotherpeople,andallmylifeIhidthis
tényt
fact
aboutmyselfasasecret.
Iwasashamed
Is
(even
now,perhaps,Iamashamed):
Igottothepointoffeeling
egy
a
sortofsecretabnormal,despicableenjoymentinreturninghometomycorneronsomedisgustingPetersburgnight,acutelyconscious
amit
that
thatdayIhadcommitted
egy
a
loathsomeactionagain,thatwhatwasdone
lehet
could
neverbeundone,andsecretly,inwardlygnawing,gnawingatmyselfforit,tearing
és
and
consumingmyselftillatlastthebitternessturnedinto
egy
a
sortofshamefulaccursedsweetness,
és
and
atlast—intopositiverealenjoyment!
Igen
Yes
,intoenjoyment,intoenjoyment!
Iinsistuponthat.
Ihavespokenof
e
this
becauseIkeepwantingto
tudni
know
forafactwhether
más
other
peoplefeelsuchenjoyment?
Iwillexplain;
theenjoymentwas
csak
just
fromthetoointenseconsciousnessofone’s
saját
own
degradation;
itwasfromfeelingoneself
hogy
that
onehadreachedthe
utolsó
last
barrier,thatitwashorrible,
de
but
thatitcouldnotbeotherwise;
hogy
that
therewasnoescapeforyou;
hogy
that
younevercouldbecomea
más
different
man;
thatevenif
idő
time
andfaithwerestillleftyoutochangeinto
valami
something
differentyouwouldmostlikelynotwishtochange;
vagy
or
ifyoudidwishto,
is
even
thenyouwoulddonothing;
mert
because
perhapsinrealitytherewas
semmi
nothing
foryoutochangeinto.
És
And
theworstofitwas,
és
and
therootofitall,
amely
that
itwasallinaccordwiththenormalfundamentallawsofover-acuteconsciousness,
és
and
withtheinertiathatwasthedirectresultofthoselaws,
és
and
thatconsequentlyonewasnotonlyunableto
változtatni
change
butcoulddoabsolutelynothing.
Thusitwouldfollow,astheresultofacuteconsciousness,thatoneisnottoblameinbeingascoundrel;
asthoughthatwereanyconsolationto
a
the
scoundreloncehehascometorealisethathe
valójában
actually
isascoundrel.
But
elég
enough...
.
Ech,Ihavetalkeda
sok
lot
ofnonsense,butwhathaveIexplained?
Hogyan
How
isenjoymentinthistobeexplained?
De
But
Iwillexplainit.
Iwillgettothebottomofit!
ThatiswhyIhavetaken
fel
up
mypen....
I,forinstance,haveagreatdealofamourpropre.
Iamassuspicious
és
and
pronetotakeoffenceas
egy
a
humpbackoradwarf.
De
But
uponmywordI
néha
sometimes
havehadmomentswhenifIhad
véletlenül
happened
tobeslappedinthefaceIshould,
talán
perhaps
,havebeenpositivelygladofit.
I
mondom
say
,inearnest,thatIshould
valószínűleg
probably
havebeenabletodiscovereveninthat
egy
a
peculiarsortofenjoyment—theenjoyment,of
természetesen
course
,ofdespair;
butindespairtherearethemostintenseenjoyments,especially
ha
when
oneisveryacutelyconsciousofthehopelessnessofone’sposition.
És
And
whenoneisslappedintheface—whythentheconsciousnessofbeingrubbedintoapulpwouldpositivelyoverwhelmone.
Theworstofitis,lookatitwhichwayonewill,itstillturnsoutthatIwasalwaysthemosttoblameineverything.
És
And
whatismosthumiliatingofall,toblamefor
nem
no
faultofmyown
hanem
but
,sotosay,throughthelawsofnature.
Inthefirstplace,toblame
mert
because
Iamclevererthananyofthe
emberek
people
surroundingme.
(Ihavealwaysconsideredmyselfcleverer
mint
than
anyofthepeoplesurroundingme,
és
and
sometimes,wouldyoubelieveit,havebeenpositivelyashamedofit.
Atanyrate,I
volna
have
allmylife,asitwere,turnedmyeyesaway
és
and
nevercouldlookpeoplestraightintheface.)
Toblame,finally,
mert
because
evenifIhadhadmagnanimity,Ishould
csak
only
havehadmoresufferingfromthesenseofitsuselessness.
Ishouldcertainly
volna
have
neverbeenabletodo
semmit
anything
frombeingmagnanimous—neithertoforgive,formyassailantwould
talán
perhaps
haveslappedmefromthelawsofnature,
és
and
onecannotforgivethelawsofnature;
norto
elfelejteni
forget
,forevenifitwereowingtothelawsofnature,itisinsultingallthesame.
Finally,even
ha
if
Ihadwantedtobe
bármi
anything
butmagnanimous,haddesiredonthecontrarytorevengemyselfonmyassailant,Icouldnot
volna
have
revengedmyselfonanyonefor
bármi
anything
becauseIshouldcertainlynever
volna
have
madeupmymindtodo
bármi
anything
,evenifIhadbeen
képes
able
to.
WhyshouldInot
volna
have
madeupmymind?
III
Withpeoplewho
tudják
know
howtorevengethemselves
és
and
tostandupforthemselvesingeneral,
hogyan
how
isitdone?
Why,
ha
when
theyarepossessed,letussuppose,bythefeelingofrevenge,thenforthetime
nem
there
isnothingelsebutthatfeelingleftintheir
egész
whole
being.
Suchagentlemansimplydashesstraightforhisobject
mint
like
aninfuriatedbullwithitshorns
lefelé
down
,andnothingbutawallwillstophim.
(Bytheway:
facingthewall,
ilyen
such
gentlemen—thatis,the“direct”
személyek
persons
andmenofaction—aregenuinelynonplussed.
Forthemawallisnotanevasion,asforuspeople
akik
who
thinkandconsequentlydonothing;
itisnotan
mentség
excuse
forturningaside,an
mentség
excuse
forwhichweare
mindig
always
veryglad,thoughwescarcelybelieveinitourselves,asarule.
Nem
No
,theyarenonplussedinallsincerity.
Thewall
van
has
forthemsomethingtranquillising,morallysoothing,final—maybeeven
valami
something
mysterious...
butofthewall
később
later.)
Well,suchadirectpersonIregardasthe
igazi
real
normalman,ashistender
anyja
mother
naturewishedtoseehim
amikor
when
shegraciouslybroughthimintobeingontheearth.
Ienvy
ilyen
such
amantillIamgreenin
az
the
face.
Heisstupid.
Iamnotdisputingthat,
de
but
perhapsthenormalman
kell
should
bestupid,howdoyou
tudod
know
?
Perhapsitisvery
szép
beautiful
,infact.
AndIamthemorepersuadedof
hogy
that
suspicion,ifonecancallitso,bythefact
hogy
that
ifyoutake,forinstance,theantithesisofthenormal
ember
man
,thatis,themanofacuteconsciousness,
aki
who
hascome,ofcourse,notoutofthelapofnaturebutoutofaretort(thisis
majdnem
almost
mysticism,gentlemen,butIsuspectthis,
is
too)
,thisretort-mademanis
néha
sometimes
sononplussedinthepresenceofhisantithesis
hogy
that
withallhisexaggeratedconsciousnesshegenuinely
gondolja
thinks
ofhimselfasamouse
és
and
notaman.
Itmaybeanacutelyconsciousmouse,
mégis
yet
itisamouse,
míg
while
theotherisa
ember
man
,andtherefore,etcaetera,etcaetera.
És
And
theworstofitis,hehimself,hisvery
maga
own
self,looksonhimselfasamouse;
nooneaskshimtodoso;
és
and
thatisanimportant
pont
point
.
Nowletuslookat
ezt
this
mouseinaction.
Letussuppose,forinstance,thatit
érzi
feels
insulted,too(andit
szinte
almost
alwaysdoesfeelinsulted),
és
and
wantstorevengeitself,
is
too
.
Theremayevenbeagreateraccumulationofspiteinit
mint
than
inl’hommedelanatureetdelavérité.
Thebase
és
and
nastydesiretoventthatspiteonitsassailantrankles
talán
perhaps
evenmorenastilyinit
mint
than
inl’hommedelanatureetdelavérité.
Forthroughhisinnatestupiditythelatterlooksuponhisrevengeasjusticepure
és
and
simple;
whileinconsequenceofhisacuteconsciousness
az
the
mousedoesnotbelievein
az
the
justiceofit.
Tocomeatlasttothedeeditself,totheveryactofrevenge.
Apartfromtheonefundamentalnastinessthelucklessmousesucceedsincreatingarounditso
sok
many
othernastinessesintheformofdoubts
és
and
questions,addstotheonequestionso
sok
many
unsettledquestionsthatthereinevitablyworksuparounditasortoffatalbrew,astinkingmess,
hogy
made
upofitsdoubts,emotions,
és
and
ofthecontemptspatuponitbythedirectmenofaction
akik
who
standsolemnlyaboutitasjudges
és
and
arbitrators,laughingatittilltheirhealthysidesache.
Of
természetesen
course
theonlythingleftforitistodismissallthatwith
egy
a
waveofitspaw,
és
and
,withasmileofassumedcontemptin
ami
which
itdoesnotevenitselfbelieve,creepignominiouslyintoitsmouse-hole.
Ott
There
initsnasty,stinking,undergroundhomeourinsulted,crushed
és
and
ridiculedmousepromptlybecomesabsorbedin
hideg
cold
,malignantand,aboveall,everlastingspite.
Forfortyyears
együtt
together
itwillrememberitsinjurydowntothesmallest,mostignominiousdetails,
és
and
everytimewilladd,ofitself,details
még
still
moreignominious,spitefullyteasing
és
and
tormentingitselfwithits
saját
own
imagination.
Itwillitselfbeashamedofitsimaginings,butyetitwillrecallitall,itwill
menni
go
overandovereverydetail,itwillinventunheardofthings
szemben
against
itself,pretendingthatthosethingsmight
megtörténhetnének
happen
,andwillforgivenothing.
Lehet
Maybe
itwillbegintorevengeitself,too,
de
but
,asitwere,piecemeal,intrivialways,frombehindthestove,incognito,withoutbelievingeitherinitsownrighttovengeance,orinthesuccessofitsrevenge,knowingthatfromallitseffortsatrevengeit
fog
will
sufferahundredtimesmorethanheonwhomitrevengesitself,
míg
while
he,Idaresay,willnotevenscratchhimself.
Onitsdeathbedit
fog
will
recallitallover
újra
again
,withinterestaccumulatedoveralltheyears
és
and
...
Butitisjustinthat
hideg
cold
,abominablehalfdespair,halfbelief,inthatconsciousburyingoneself
élve
alive
forgriefintheunderworldforfortyyears,inthatacutelyrecognised
és
and
yetpartlydoubtfulhopelessnessofone’sposition,inthathellofunsatisfieddesiresturnedinward,inthatfeverofoscillations,ofresolutionsdeterminedforever
és
and
repentedofagainaminutelater—thatthesavourofthatstrangeenjoymentofwhichIhavespokenlies.
Itissosubtle,sodifficultofanalysis,
hogy
that
personswhoarea
kicsit
little
limited,orevensimply
személyek
persons
ofstrongnerves,willnot
megérteni
understand
asingleatomofit.
“Possibly,”youwilladdonyour
saját
own
accountwithagrin,“peoplewillnot
megérteni
understand
iteitherwhohaveneverreceivedaslapintheface,”
és
and
inthatwayyouwillpolitelyhinttomethatI,
is
too
,perhaps,havehadtheexperienceofaslapinthefaceinmylife,
és
and
soIspeakasonewho
tudja
knows
.
Ibetthatyouare
gondolsz
thinking
that.
Butsetyourmindsatrest,gentlemen,Ihavenotreceivedaslapintheface,
bár
though
itisabsolutelyamatterofindifferencetomewhatyoumay
gondolnak
think
aboutit.
Possibly,I
is
even
regret,myself,thatIhave
adtam
given
sofewslapsin
az
the
faceduringmylife.
De
But
enough...
notanother
szót
word
onthatsubjectofsuchextremeinteresttoyou.
Iwillcontinuecalmlyconcerningpersonswithstrongnerves
akik
who
donotunderstandacertainrefinementofenjoyment.
Thoughincertaincircumstancesthesegentlemenbellowtheirloudestlikebulls,though
ez
this
,letussuppose,doesthemthegreatestcredit,yet,asIhavesaidalready,confrontedwiththeimpossibletheysubsideatonce.
A
The
impossiblemeansthestonewall!
Whatstonewall?
Why,of
természetesen
course
,thelawsofnature,thedeductionsofnaturalscience,mathematics.