CHAPTERI
IfithadnotrainedonacertainMaymorningValancyStirling’s
ganze
wholelifewouldhavebeenvöllig
entirelydifferent.Shewouldhave
gegangen
gone,withtherestofherclan,toTante
AuntWellington’sengagementpicnicandDr.Trentwouldhavegegangen
gonetoMontreal.Butitdidrain
und
andyoushallhearwhatpassiert
happenedtoherbecauseofes
it.Valancywakenedearly,in
der
thelifeless,hopelesshourjustprecedingdawn.Shehadnotslept
sehr
verywell.Onedoesnotsleep
gut
well,sometimes,whenoneistwenty-nineonthemorrow,und
andunmarried,inacommunityund
andconnectionwheretheunmarriedareeinfach
simplythosewhohavefailedtobekommen
getaman.Deerwoodand
die
theStirlingshadlongsincerelegatedValancytohopelessoldmaidenhood.Aber
ButValancyherselfhadneverganz
quiterelinquishedacertainpitiful,shamed,littlehoffnung
hopethatRomancewouldcomeherweg
wayyet—never,untilthiswet,horriblemorgen
morning,whenshewakenedtoder
thefactthatshewastwenty-nineund
andunsoughtbyanyman.Ay,
da
therelaythesting.Valancydidnotmindsomuchbeing
ein
anoldmaid.Afterall,she
dachte
thought,beinganoldmaidcouldn’tpossiblybeasschrecklich
dreadfulasbeingmarriedtoein
anUncleWellingtonoranOnkel
UncleBenjamin,orevenanOnkel
UncleHerbert.Whathurtherwas
dass
thatshehadneverhadachance
chancetobeanythingbutanoldmaid.Kein
Nomanhadeverdesiredher.Thetears
kamen
cameintohereyesasshelag
laytherealoneinthefaintlygreyingdunkelheit
darkness.Shedarednotletherself
weinen
cryashardasshewantedzu
to,fortworeasons.Shewasafraid
dass
thatcryingmightbringonanotherattackofdass
thatpainaroundtheheart.Shehadhada
zauber
spellofitaftershehadgotintobed—ratherschlimmer
worsethananyshehadhadyet.Und
Andshewasafraidhermutter
motherwouldnoticeherredeyesatfrühstück
breakfastandkeepatherwithminute,persistent,mosquito-likequestionsregardingdie
thecausethereof.“Suppose,”thoughtValancywithaghastly
grinsen
grin,“Iansweredwiththeplainwahrheit
truth,‘IamcryingbecauseIcannotgetmarried.’HowhorrifiedMutter
Motherwouldbe—thoughsheisashamedeverytag
dayofherlifeofherolddienstmädchen
maiddaughter.”Butofcourseappearances
sollte
shouldbekeptup.“Itisnot,”Valancy
konnte
couldhearhermother’sprim,dictatorialstimme
voiceasserting,“itisnotmaidenlytothinkaboutmen.”Thethoughtofhermother’s
ausdruck
expressionmadeValancylaugh—forshehadasinn
senseofhumournobodyinherclan
clansuspected.Forthatmatter,therewereagood
viele
manythingsaboutValancythatniemand
nobodysuspected.Butherlaughterwas
sehr
verysuperficialandpresentlyshelag
laythere,ahuddled,futilelittlefigur
figure,listeningtotherainpouringdowndraußen
outsideandwatching,withasickdistaste,thekalte
chill,mercilesslightcreepingintoherugly,sordidzimmer
room.Sheknewtheuglinessofthatroombyheart—knewit
und
andhatedit.Theyellow-painted
boden
floor,withonehideous,“hooked”teppich
rugbythebed,withagrotesque,“hooked”hund
dogonit,alwaysgrinningatherwenn
whensheawoke;thefaded,dark-red
papier
paper;theceilingdiscolouredbyoldleaks
und
andcrossedbycracks;thenarrow,pinchedlittlewashstand;
das
thebrown-paperlambrequinwithpurplerosesonit;der
thespottedoldlooking-glasswithder
thecrackacrossit,proppeduponder
theinadequatedressing-table;thejarofancientpotpourrimadebyher
mutter
motherinhermythicalhoneymoon;die
theshell-coveredbox,withoneburstecke
corner,whichCousinStickleshadmadeinherebenso
equallymythicalgirlhood;thebeadedpincushionwithhalfitsbeadfringegone;
der
theonestiff,yellowchair;thefadedold
motto
motto,“Gonebutnotforgotten,”workedincolouredyarnsüber
aboutGreat-grand-motherStirling’sgrimoldgesicht
face;theoldphotographsofancientrelativeslong
verbannt
banishedfromtheroomsbelow.Therewere
nur
onlytwopicturesthatwerenotofrelatives.One,anoldchromoofapuppysittingonarainydoorstep.
That
bild
picturealwaysmadeValancyunhappy.Thatforlornlittle
hund
dogcrouchedonthedoorstepindie
thedrivingrain!Whydidn’tsomeone
geöffnet
openthedoorandlethimin?The
andere
otherpicturewasafaded,passe-partoutedengravingofKönigin
QueenLouisecomingdownatreppe
stairway,whichAuntWellingtonhadlavishlygivenheronhertenthgeburtstag
birthday.Fornineteenyearsshehadlookedatit
und
andhatedit,beautiful,smug,self-satisfiedKönigin
QueenLouise.Butsheneverdared
zerstören
destroyitorremoveit.Mutter
MotherandCousinStickleswouldhavebeenaghast,or,asValancyirreverentlyexpresseditinherthoughts,wouldhavehadafit.Every
zimmer
roominthehousewasugly,ofcourse.Aber
Butdownstairsappearanceswerekeptupsomewhat.Therewas
kein
nomoneyforroomsnobodyevergesehen
saw.Valancysometimesfeltthatshe
können
couldhavedonesomethingforherzimmer
roomherself,evenwithoutmoney,wenn
ifshewerepermitted.Buther
mutter
motherhadnegativedeverytimidvorschlag
suggestionandValancydidnotpersist.Valancy
nie
neverpersisted.Shewasafraidto.
Her
mutter
mothercouldnotbrookopposition.Mrs.Stirling
würde
wouldsulkfordaysifoffended,withder
theairsofaninsultedherzogin
duchess.TheonlythingValancylikedabouther
zimmer
roomwasthatshecouldbeallein
alonethereatnighttoweinen
cryifshewantedto.Aber
But,afterall,whatdiditmatterwenn
ifaroom,whichyouusedfornothingexceptsleepingund
anddressingin,wereugly?Valancywas
nie
neverpermittedtostayaloneinherzimmer
roomforanyotherpurpose.Menschen
Peoplewhowantedtobeallein
alone,soMrs.FrederickStirlingund
andCousinSticklesbelieved,couldnur
onlywanttobealoneforsomesinisterzweck
purpose.ButherroomintheBlue
Schloss
Castlewaseverythingaroomsollte
shouldbe.Valancy,socowed
und
andsubduedandoverriddenandsnubbedinrealleben
life,waswonttoletherselfgehen
gorathersplendidlyinherday-dreams.Niemand
NobodyintheStirlingclan,oritsramifications,suspectedthis,am wenigsten
leastofallhermotherund
andCousinStickles.Theyneverknew
dass
thatValancyhadtwohomes—theuglyredbrickboxofahome,onElmStreet
Street,andtheBlueCastleinSpain.Valancyhad
gelebt
livedspirituallyintheBlueBurg
Castleeversinceshecouldremember.Shehadbeen
ein
averytinychildwhenshefoundherselfbesessen
possessedofit.Always,whenshe
schloss
shuthereyes,shecouldsehen
seeitplainly,withitsturretsund
andbannersonthepine-cladmountainheight,wrappedinitsfaint,blueloveliness,gegen
againstthesunsetskiesofafairund
andunknownland.Everythingwonderful
und
andbeautifulwasinthatschloss
castle.Jewelsthatqueensmight
haben
haveworn;robesofmoonlight
und
andfire;couchesofroses
und
andgold;longflightsofshallowmarblesteps,withgreat,whiteurns,
und
andwithslender,mist-cladmaidensgehen
goingupanddownthem;courts,marble-pillared,
wo
whereshimmeringfountainsfellandnightingalessangunter
amongthemyrtles;hallsofmirrorsthatreflected
nur
onlyhandsomeknightsandlovelywomen—herselfdie
theloveliestofall,forderen
whoseglancemendied.Allthatsupportedher
durch
throughtheboredomofherdayswasdie
thehopeofgoingonadreamspreeatnight.Meisten
Most,ifnotall,oftheStirlingswouldhavegestorben
diedofhorroriftheyhadgewusst
knownhalfthethingsValancygetan
didinherBlueCastle.Foronethingshehadquite
ein
afewloversinit.Oh,
nur
onlyoneatatime.Einer
Onewhowooedherwithaller
alltheromanticardourofder
theageofchivalryandwonhernach
afterlongdevotionandmanydeedsofderring-do,und
andwasweddedtoherwithpompund
andcircumstanceinthegreat,banner-hungkapelle
chapeloftheBlueCastle.Attwelve,
dieser
thisloverwasafairjunge
ladwithgoldencurlsandhimmlisch
heavenlyblueeyes.Atfifteen,hewas
groß
tallanddarkandpale,aber
butstillnecessarilyhandsome.Attwenty,hewasascetic,dreamy,
spirituell
spiritual.Attwenty-five,hehad
ein
aclean-cutjaw,slightlygrim,und
andafacestrongandruggedeher
ratherthanhandsome.Valancynevergrew
älter
olderthantwenty-fiveinherBlueSchloss
Castle,butrecently—veryrecently—herherohadhadreddish,tawnyhaar
hair,atwistedsmileandamysteriousvergangenheit
past.Idon’tsayValancy
absichtlich
deliberatelymurderedtheseloversassheoutgrewthem.Einer
Onesimplyfadedawayasanderer
anothercame.Thingsareveryconvenientin
dieser
thisrespectinBlueCastles.Aber
But,onthismorningofherdayoffate,Valancykonnte
couldnotfindthekeyofherBlueSchloss
Castle.Realitypressedonhertoohardly,barkingatherheelslike
ein
amaddeninglittledog.Shewastwenty-nine,
einsam
lonely,undesired,ill-favoured—theonlyhomelymädchen
girlinahandsomeclan,withnovergangenheit
pastandnofuture.Asfarasshe
konnte
couldlookback,lifewasdrabund
andcolourless,withnotonesinglecrimsonorpurplefleck
spotanywhere.Asfarasshe
konnte
couldlookforwarditseemedcertaintobejustdas
thesameuntilshewasnichts
nothingbutasolitary,littlewitheredblatt
leafclingingtoawintrybough.The
moment
momentwhenawomanrealisesdass
thatshehasnothingtoleben
livefor—neitherlove,duty,purposenorhope—holdsforherthebitterkeit
bitternessofdeath.“AndI
einfach
justhavetogoonlivingweil
becauseIcan’tstop.Imayhaveto
leben
liveeightyyears,”thoughtValancy,inaart
kindofpanic.“We’reall
schrecklich
horriblylong-lived.Itsickensmeto
denken
thinkofit.”Shewasgladitwasraining—or
vielmehr
rather,shewasdrearilysatisfieddass
thatitwasraining.There
würde
wouldbenopicnicthattag
day.Thisannualpicnic,whereby
Tante
AuntandUncleWellington—onealwaysdachte
thoughtoftheminthatsuccession—inevitablyfeierten
celebratedtheirengagementatapicknick
picnicthirtyyearsbefore,hadbeen,oflateyears,ein
averitablenightmaretoValancy.Byanimpish
zufall
coincidenceitwasthesametag
dayasherbirthdayand,aftershehadpassedtwenty-five,niemand
nobodyletherforgetit.Sehr
Muchasshehatedgoingtoden
thepicnic,itwouldneverhaveoccurredtohertorebelgegen
againstit.Thereseemedtobe
nichts
nothingoftherevolutionaryinhernatur
nature.Andsheknewexactlywhat
jeder
everyonewouldsaytoheratthepicknick
picnic.UncleWellington,whomshedisliked
und
anddespisedeventhoughhehaderfüllt
fulfilledthehighestStirlingaspiration,“marryingmoney,”wouldsaytoherinapig’swhisper,“Notdenkst
thinkingofgettingmarriedyet,mydear?”und
andthengooffintoden
thebellowoflaughterwithwhichheinvariablyconcludedhisdullremarks.Tante
AuntWellington,ofwhomValancystoodinabjectehrfurcht
awe,wouldtellheraboutOlive’snewchiffonkleid
dressandCecil’slastdevotedbrief
letter.Valancywouldhaveto
aussehen
lookaspleasedandinterestedasob
ifthedressandletterhadbeenhersorelseTante
AuntWellingtonwouldbeoffended.Und
AndValancyhadlongagoentschieden
decidedthatshewouldratherbeleidigen
offendGodthanAuntWellington,weil
becauseGodmightforgiveheraber
butAuntWellingtonneverwould.Tante
AuntAlberta,enormouslyfat,withanamiablegewohnheit
habitofalwaysreferringtoherhusbandas“he,”asifheweretheeinzige
onlymalecreatureinthewelt
world,whocouldneverforgetdass
thatshehadbeenagreatschönheit
beautyinheryouth,wouldcondolewithValancyonhersallowhaut
skin—.“Idon’tknowwhy
alle
allthegirlsoftodayaresosunburned.Als
WhenIwasagirlmyhaut
skinwasrosesandcream.Iwascountedtheprettiest
mädchen
girlinCanada,mydear.”Vielleicht
PerhapsUncleHerbertwouldn’tsayanything—orvielleicht
perhapshewouldremarkjocularly,“Howfett
fatyou’regetting,Doss!”Andthen
alle
everybodywouldlaughovertheexcessivelyhumorousidee
ideaofpoor,scrawnylittleDossgettingfett
fat.Handsome,solemnUncleJames,whomValancydisliked
aber
butrespectedbecausehewasreputedtobesehr
verycleverandwasthereforetheclanoracle—brainsbeingnonetooplentifulintheStirlingconnection—wouldwahrscheinlich
probablyremarkwiththeowl-likesarkasmus
sarcasmthathadwonhimhisruf
reputation,“Isupposeyou’rebusywithyourhope-chestthesedays?”Und
AndUncleBenjaminwouldaskeinige
someofhisabominableconundrums,zwischen
betweenwheezychuckles,andanswerthemhimself.“Whatis
der
thedifferencebetweenDossandamaus
mouse?“Themousewishesto
schaden
harmthecheeseandDosswishestocharmdie
thehe’s.”Valancyhadheardhim
fragen
askthatriddlefiftytimesund
andeverytimeshewantedtowerfen
throwsomethingathim.Butshe
nie
neverdid.Inthefirstplace,
die
theStirlingssimplydidnotwarfen
throwthings;inthesecondplace,
Onkel
UncleBenjaminwasawealthyund
andchildlessoldwidowerandValancyhadbeenbroughtupinder
thefearandadmonitionofhismoney.Wenn
Ifsheoffendedhimhewouldcutheraus
outofhiswill—supposingshewereinit.Valancydidnotwanttobecut
aus
outofUncleBenjamin’swill.Shehadbeen
arm
poorallherlifeandknewdie
thegallingbitternessofit.Soshe
ertrug
enduredhisriddlesandevensmiledtorturedlittlesmilesüber
overthem.AuntIsabel,downright
und
anddisagreeableasaneastwind,würde
wouldcriticiseherinsomeway—Valancykonnte
couldnotpredictjusthow,forTante
AuntIsabelneverrepeatedacriticism—shefoundsomethingnewwithwhichtojabyoueverytime.Tante
AuntIsabelpridedherselfonsayingwhatshethought,aber
butdidn’tlikeitsogut
wellwhenotherpeoplesaidwhattheythoughttoihr
her.Valancyneversaidwhatshe
dachte
thought.CousinGeorgiana—namedafterhergreat-great-grand-mother,whohadbeennamed
nach
afterGeorgetheFourth—wouldrecountdolorouslythenamesofaller
allrelativesandfriendswhohadgestorben
diedsincethelastpicnicund
andwonder“whichofuswürde
willbethefirsttogeht
gonext.”Oppressivelycompetent,AuntMildred
würde
wouldtalkendlesslyofhermann
husbandandherodiousprodigiesofbabiestoValancy,weil
becauseValancywouldbetheeinzige
onlyoneshecouldfindtoputupwithes
it.Forthesamereason,
Cousin
CousinGladys—reallyFirstCousinGladyseinmal
onceremoved,accordingtothestrictwayinwhichtheStirlingstabulatedrelationship—atall,thindame
ladywhoadmittedshehadeine
asensitivedisposition,woulddescribeminutelythetorturesofherneuritis.Und
AndOlive,thewondergirlofdas
thewholeStirlingclan,whohadalles
everythingValancyhadnot—beauty,popularity,love,—wouldzeigen
showoffherbeautyandpresumeonherpopularität
popularityandflauntherdiamondinsigniaofliebe
loveinValancy’sdazzled,enviouseyes.Therewouldbenoneofallthis
heute
today.Andtherewouldbe
kein
nopackingupofteaspoons.Das
ThepackingupwasalwaysleftforValancyund
andCousinStickles.Andonce,
sechs
sixyearsago,asilverteaspoonfromTante
AuntWellington’sweddingsethadbeenverloren
lost.Valancyneverheardthe
letzte
lastofthatsilverteaspoon.Its
geist
ghostappearedBanquo-likeateverysubsequentfamilyfeast.Oh,
ja
yes,Valancyknewexactlywhatthepicknick
picnicwouldbelikeandsheblessedtheregen
rainthathadsavedherfromit.There
würde
wouldbenopicnicthisjahr
year.IfAuntWellingtoncouldnot
feiern
celebrateonthesacreddayitselfshewürde
wouldhavenocelebrationatall.Danke
Thankwhatevergodstherewereforthat.Since
da
therewouldbenopicnic,Valancymadeuphermindthat,wenn
iftherainheldupinthenachmittag
afternoon,shewouldgouptothebibliothek
libraryandgetanotherofJohnFoster’sbooks.Valancywas
nie
neverallowedtoreadnovels,aber
butJohnFoster’sbookswerenotnovels.Theywere“naturebooks”—sothe
bibliothekar
librariantoldMrs.FrederickStirling—“allüber
aboutthewoodsandbirdsund
andbugsandthingslikethat,youknow.”SoValancywasallowedto
lesen
readthem—underprotest,foritwasnur
onlytooevidentthatsheenjoyedthemtoosehr
much.Itwaspermissible,evenlaudable,to
lesen
readtoimproveyourmindund
andyourreligion,butabuch
bookthatwasenjoyablewasgefährlich
dangerous.Valancydidnotknow
ob
whetherhermindwasbeingimprovedornot;aber
butshefeltvaguelythatwenn
ifshehadcomeacrossJohnFoster’sbooksyearsvor
agolifemighthavebeenadifferentthingforher.They
schienen
seemedtohertoyieldglimpsesofeine
aworldintowhichshekönnte
mightoncehaveentered,thoughdie
thedoorwasforeverbarredtoherjetzt
now.Itwasonlywithinthelast
jahr
yearthatJohnFoster’sbookshadbeenintheDeerwoodbibliothek
library,thoughthelibrariantoldValancydass
thathehadbeenawell-knownschriftsteller
writerforseveralyears.“Wheredoeshelive?”
Valancyhad
gefragt
asked.“Nobodyknows.
Fromhisbookshe
muss
mustbeaCanadian,butnomoreinformationen
informationcanbehad.Hispublisherswon’t
sagen
sayaword.QuitelikelyJohnFosteris
ein
anomdeplume.Hisbooksareso
beliebt
popularwecan’tkeeptheminatall,obwohl
thoughIreallycan’tseewhatleute
peoplefindinthemtoschwärmen
raveover.”“Ithinkthey’rewonderful,”saidValancy,timidly.
“Oh—well—”
MissClarkson
lächelte
smiledinapatronisingfashiondass
thatrelegatedValancy’sopinionstolimbo,“Ican’tsagen
sayIcaremuchforbugsmyself.Aber
ButcertainlyFosterseemstowissen
knowallthereistowissen
knowaboutthem.”Valancydidn’tknow
ob
whethershecaredmuchforbugsauch nicht
either.ItwasnotJohnFoster’suncanny
wissen
knowledgeofwildcreaturesandinsectlifethatenthralledher.She
konnte
couldhardlysaywhatitwas—sometantalisingköder
lureofamysteryneverrevealed—somehinweis
hintofagreatsecretnur
justalittlefurtheron—somefaint,elusiveecho
echooflovely,forgottenthings—JohnFoster’smagicwasindefinable.Ja
Yes,shewouldgetanewFosterbuch
book.Itwasamonth
seit
sinceshehadThistleHarvest,sosicherlich
surelyMothercouldnotobject.Valancyhadreaditfourtimes—sheknew
ganze
wholepassagesoffbyheart.And—she
fast
almostthoughtshewouldgound
andseeDr.Trentaboutthatqueerschmerzen
painaroundtheheart.Ithadcome
ziemlich
ratheroftenlately,andthepalpitationswerebecomingärgerlich
annoying,nottospeakofanoccasionaldizzymoment
momentandaqueershortnessofbreath.Aber
Butcouldshegotoseehimohne
withouttellinganyone?Itwas
ein
amostdaringthought.NoneoftheStirlingseverconsulteda
arzt
doctorwithoutholdingafamilycouncilund
andgettingUncleJames’approval.Then,they
gingen
wenttoDr.AmbroseMarshofPort
PortLawrence,whohadmarriedSecondCousine
CousinAdelaideStirling.ButValancydislikedDr.AmbroseMarsh.
And,besides,she
konnte
couldnotgettoPortLawrence,fifteenmilesentfernt
away,withoutbeingtakenthere.Shedidnotwantanyonetoknowaboutherheart.
Therewouldbesuchafussmade
und
andeverymemberofthefamilywouldcomedownund
andtalkitoverandadviseherund
andcautionherandwarnherund
andtellherhorribletalesofgreat-auntsund
andcousinsfortytimesremovedwhohadbeen“justlikethat”und
and“droppeddeadwithoutamoment’swarning,mydear.”Tante
AuntIsabelwouldrememberthatshehadalwayssaidDosssähe aus
lookedlikeagirlwhowürde
wouldhavehearttrouble—“sopinchedund
andpeakedalways”;andUncleWellington
würde
wouldtakeitasapersonalbeleidigung
insult,when“noStirlingeverhadheartdiseasebefore”;und
andGeorgianawouldforebodeinperfectlyaudibleasidesdass
that“poor,dearlittleDossisn’tlange
longforthisworld,I’mafraid”;und
andCousinGladyswouldsay,“Why,myherz
hearthasbeenlikethatforyears,”inein
atonethatimpliednoeinem
oneelsehadanybusinesseventohaben
haveaheart;andOlive—Olive
würde
wouldmerelylookbeautifulandsuperiorund
anddisgustinglyhealthy,asiftosagen
say,“Whyallthisfussovereine
afadedsuperfluitylikeDosswhenyouhaveme?”Valancyfelt
dass
thatshecouldn’ttellanybodyes sei denn
unlessshehadto.She
fühlte
feltquitesuretherewasnichts
nothingatallseriouslywrongwithherheartund
andnoneedofalldas
thepotherthatwouldensuewenn
ifshementionedit.She
würde
wouldjustslipupquietlyund
andseeDr.Trentthatverytag
day.Asforhisbill,shehad
die
thetwohundreddollarsthathervater
fatherhadputinthebank
bankforherthedayshewasborn.Shewas
nie
neverallowedtouseevendie
theinterestofthis,butshewouldheimlich
secretlytakeoutenoughtobezahlen
payDr.Trent.Dr.
Trentwasagruff,outspoken,absent-mindedold
kerl
fellow,buthewasarecognisedauthorityonheartdisease,selbst
evenifhewereonlyageneralpractitionerinout-of-the-worldDeerwood.Dr.Trentwas
über
overseventyandtherehadbeenrumoursdass
thathemeanttoretirebald
soon.NoneoftheStirling
clan
clanhadevergonetohimseit
sincehehadtoldCousinGladys,zehn
tenyearsbefore,thatherneuritiswasallimaginaryund
andthatsheenjoyedit.Youcouldn’tpatronisea
arzt
doctorwhoinsultedyourfirst-cousin-once-removedlikethat—nottomentionthathewasaPresbyterianals
whenalltheStirlingswenttotheAnglicankirche
church.CHAPTERII
WhenCousinSticklesknockedatherdoor,Valancyknewitwashalf-past
sieben
sevenandshemustgetup.Aslongasshe
konnte
couldremember,CousinStickleshadknockedatherdoorathalf-pastsieben
seven.CousinSticklesandMrs.FrederickStirlinghadbeenup
seit
sinceseven,butValancywasallowedtoliegen
lieabedhalfanhourlongerweil
becauseofafamilytraditionthatshewasdelicate.Valancygot
auf
up,thoughshehatedgettingauf
upmorethismorningthanevershehadbefore.