CHAPTERI
IfithadnotrainedonacertainMaymorningValancyStirling’s
ganze
wholelifewouldhavebeenentirelydifferent.Shewouldhave
gegangen
gone,withtherestofherclan,toAuntWellington’sengagementpicnicund
andDr.Trentwouldhavegegangen
gonetoMontreal.Butitdidrain
und
andyoushallhearwhatpassiert
happenedtoherbecauseofes
it.Valancywakenedearly,in
der
thelifeless,hopelesshourjustprecedingdawn.Shehadnotslept
sehr
verywell.Onedoesnotsleep
gut
well,sometimes,whenoneistwenty-nineonthemorrow,und
andunmarried,inacommunityund
andconnectionwheretheunmarriedaresimplythosewhohaben
havefailedtogetamann
man.DeerwoodandtheStirlingshadlongsincerelegatedValancytohopelessoldmaidenhood.
Aber
ButValancyherselfhadneverganz
quiterelinquishedacertainpitiful,shamed,littlehoffnung
hopethatRomancewouldcomeherweg
wayyet—never,untilthiswet,horriblemorgen
morning,whenshewakenedtoder
thefactthatshewastwenty-nineund
andunsoughtbyanyman.Ay,
da
therelaythesting.Valancydidnotmindsomuchbeing
ein
anoldmaid.Afterall,she
dachte
thought,beinganoldmaidcouldn’tpossiblybeasdreadfulasbeingverheiratet
marriedtoanUncleWellingtonorein
anUncleBenjamin,orevenein
anUncleHerbert.Whathurtherwas
dass
thatshehadneverhadachance
chancetobeanythingbutanoldmaid.Kein
Nomanhadeverdesiredher.Thetears
kamen
cameintohereyesasshelag
laytherealoneinthefaintlygreyingdarkness.Shedarednot
lassen
letherselfcryashardasshewantedzu
to,fortworeasons.Shewasafraid
dass
thatcryingmightbringonanotherattackofdass
thatpainaroundtheheart.Shehadhadaspellofitaftershehadgotintobed—ratherworse
als
thananyshehadhadyet.Und
Andshewasafraidhermutter
motherwouldnoticeherredeyesatbreakfastund
andkeepatherwithminute,persistent,mosquito-likequestionsregardingdie
thecausethereof.“Suppose,”thoughtValancywithaghastlygrin,“Iansweredwith
der
theplaintruth,‘Iamcryingweil
becauseIcannotgetmarried.’HowhorrifiedMutter
Motherwouldbe—thoughsheisashamedeverytag
dayofherlifeofheroldmaiddaughter.”Aber
Butofcourseappearancesshouldbekeptup.“Itisnot,”Valancy
konnte
couldhearhermother’sprim,dictatorialvoiceasserting,“itisnotmaidenlytothinkaboutmen.”Thethoughtofhermother’sexpressionmadeValancylaugh—forshehadasenseofhumour
niemand
nobodyinherclansuspected.Forthatmatter,therewereagood
viele
manythingsaboutValancythatniemand
nobodysuspected.Butherlaughterwas
sehr
verysuperficialandpresentlyshelag
laythere,ahuddled,futilelittlefigure,hörte
listeningtotherainpouringdowndraußen
outsideandwatching,withasickdistaste,thechill,mercilesslicht
lightcreepingintoherugly,sordidzimmer
room.Sheknewtheuglinessofthatroombyheart—knewit
und
andhatedit.Theyellow-paintedfloor,with
einem
onehideous,“hooked”rugbyder
thebed,withagrotesque,“hooked”hund
dogonit,alwaysgrinningatherwenn
whensheawoke;thefaded,dark-redpaper;
die
theceilingdiscolouredbyoldleaksund
andcrossedbycracks;thenarrow,pinchedlittlewashstand;
das
thebrown-paperlambrequinwithpurplerosesonit;der
thespottedoldlooking-glasswithder
thecrackacrossit,proppeduponder
theinadequatedressing-table;thejarofancientpotpourrimadebyher
mutter
motherinhermythicalhoneymoon;die
theshell-coveredbox,withoneburstcorner,whichCousinStickleshadmadeinherequallymythicalgirlhood;das
thebeadedpincushionwithhalfitsbeadfringegone;der
theonestiff,yellowchair;thefadedoldmotto,“Gone
aber
butnotforgotten,”workedincolouredyarnsüber
aboutGreat-grand-motherStirling’sgrimoldgesicht
face;theoldphotographsofancientrelativeslongbanishedfromtheroomsbelow.
Therewere
nur
onlytwopicturesthatwerenotofrelatives.One,anoldchromoofapuppysittingonarainydoorstep.
ThatpicturealwaysmadeValancyunhappy.
Thatforlornlittle
hund
dogcrouchedonthedoorstepindie
thedrivingrain!Whydidn’tsomeone
geöffnet
openthedoorandlethimin?The
andere
otherpicturewasafaded,passe-partoutedengravingofQueenLouisecomingdowneine
astairway,whichAuntWellingtonhadlavishlygivenheronhertenthbirthday.Fornineteenyearsshehadlookedatit
und
andhatedit,beautiful,smug,self-satisfiedQueenLouise.Aber
Butsheneverdareddestroyitorremovees
it.MotherandCousinStickleswouldhavebeenaghast,or,asValancyirreverentlyexpresseditinherthoughts,wouldhavehadafit.
Every
zimmer
roominthehousewasugly,ofcourse.Aber
Butdownstairsappearanceswerekeptupsomewhat.Therewas
kein
nomoneyforroomsnobodyevergesehen
saw.Valancysometimesfeltthatshe
können
couldhavedonesomethingforherzimmer
roomherself,evenwithoutmoney,wenn
ifshewerepermitted.Buther
mutter
motherhadnegativedeverytimidsuggestionund
andValancydidnotpersist.Valancy
nie
neverpersisted.Shewasafraidto.
Her
mutter
mothercouldnotbrookopposition.Mrs.Stirling
würde
wouldsulkfordaysifoffended,withder
theairsofaninsultedduchess.Das
TheonlythingValancylikedaboutherzimmer
roomwasthatshecouldbeallein
alonethereatnighttocrywenn
ifshewantedto.But,afterall,whatdiditmatter
wenn
ifaroom,whichyouusedfornothingexceptsleepingund
anddressingin,wereugly?Valancywas
nie
neverpermittedtostayaloneinherzimmer
roomforanyotherpurpose.Menschen
Peoplewhowantedtobeallein
alone,soMrs.FrederickStirlingund
andCousinSticklesbelieved,couldnur
onlywanttobealoneforsomesinisterpurpose.Aber
ButherroomintheBlueCastlewasalles
everythingaroomshouldbe.Valancy,socowed
und
andsubduedandoverriddenandsnubbedinrealleben
life,waswonttoletherselfgehen
gorathersplendidlyinherday-dreams.Niemand
NobodyintheStirlingclan,oritsramifications,suspectedthis,am wenigsten
leastofallhermotherund
andCousinStickles.Theyneverknew
dass
thatValancyhadtwohomes—theuglyredbrickboxofahome,onElmStreet
Street,andtheBlueCastleinSpain.Valancyhad
gelebt
livedspirituallyintheBlueCastleeverseit
sinceshecouldremember.Shehadbeen
ein
averytinychildwhenshefoundherselfpossessedofit.Always,
wenn
whensheshuthereyes,shekonnte
couldseeitplainly,withitsturretsund
andbannersonthepine-cladmountainheight,wrappedinitsfaint,blueloveliness,gegen
againstthesunsetskiesofafairund
andunknownland.Everythingwonderful
und
andbeautifulwasinthatcastle.Jewelsthatqueensmight
haben
haveworn;robesofmoonlight
und
andfire;couchesofroses
und
andgold;longflightsofshallowmarblesteps,withgreat,whiteurns,
und
andwithslender,mist-cladmaidensgehen
goingupanddownthem;courts,marble-pillared,
wo
whereshimmeringfountainsfellandnightingalessangamongden
themyrtles;hallsofmirrorsthatreflected
nur
onlyhandsomeknightsandlovelywomen—herselfdie
theloveliestofall,forwhoseglancemenstarben
died.Allthatsupportedher
durch
throughtheboredomofherdayswasdie
thehopeofgoingonadreamspreeatnight.Meisten
Most,ifnotall,oftheStirlingswouldhavegestorben
diedofhorroriftheyhadknownhälfte
halfthethingsValancydidinherBlueCastle.Foronethingshehadquite
ein
afewloversinit.Oh,
nur
onlyoneatatime.Einer
Onewhowooedherwithaller
alltheromanticardourofder
theageofchivalryandwonhernach
afterlongdevotionandmanydeedsofderring-do,und
andwasweddedtoherwithpompund
andcircumstanceinthegreat,banner-hungchapelofder
theBlueCastle.Attwelve,
dieser
thisloverwasafairladwithgoldencurlsund
andheavenlyblueeyes.Atfifteen,hewastall
und
anddarkandpale,butimmer noch
stillnecessarilyhandsome.Attwenty,hewasascetic,dreamy,spiritual.
Attwenty-five,hehad
ein
aclean-cutjaw,slightlygrim,und
andafacestrongandruggedratherals
thanhandsome.Valancynevergrewolder
als
thantwenty-fiveinherBlueCastle,aber
butrecently—veryrecently—herherohadhadreddish,tawnyhaar
hair,atwistedsmileandamysteriousvergangenheit
past.Idon’tsayValancydeliberatelymurderedtheseloversassheoutgrewthem.
Einer
Onesimplyfadedawayasanderer
anothercame.Thingsareveryconvenientin
dieser
thisrespectinBlueCastles.Aber
But,onthismorningofherdayoffate,Valancykonnte
couldnotfindthekeyofherBlueCastle.Realitypressedonhertoohardly,barkingatherheelslike
ein
amaddeninglittledog.Shewastwenty-nine,lonely,undesired,ill-favoured—the
einzige
onlyhomelygirlinahandsomeclan,withnovergangenheit
pastandnofuture.Asfarasshe
konnte
couldlookback,lifewasdrabund
andcolourless,withnotonesinglecrimsonorpurplespotanywhere.Asfarasshe
konnte
couldlookforwarditseemedcertaintobejustdas
thesameuntilshewasnichts
nothingbutasolitary,littlewitheredleafclingingtoein
awintrybough.Themomentwhen
eine
awomanrealisesthatshehasnichts
nothingtolivefor—neitherlove,duty,purposenorhope—holdsforherthebitternessofdeath.“AndI
einfach
justhavetogoonlivingweil
becauseIcan’tstop.Imayhaveto
leben
liveeightyyears,”thoughtValancy,inaart
kindofpanic.“We’reallhorriblylong-lived.
Itsickensmeto
denken
thinkofit.”Shewasgladitwasraining—orrather,shewasdrearilysatisfied
dass
thatitwasraining.There
würde
wouldbenopicnicthattag
day.Thisannualpicnic,wherebyAunt
und
andUncleWellington—onealwaysthoughtoftheminthatsuccession—inevitablycelebratedtheirengagementatein
apicnicthirtyyearsbefore,hadbeen,oflateyears,ein
averitablenightmaretoValancy.Byanimpishcoincidenceitwasthe
derselbe
samedayasherbirthdayund
and,aftershehadpassedtwenty-five,niemand
nobodyletherforgetit.Sehr
Muchasshehatedgoingtoden
thepicnic,itwouldneverhaveoccurredtohertorebelgegen
againstit.Thereseemedtobe
nichts
nothingoftherevolutionaryinhernature.Und
Andsheknewexactlywhatjeder
everyonewouldsaytoheratthepicnic.Onkel
UncleWellington,whomshedislikedund
anddespisedeventhoughhehadfulfilledthehighestStirlingaspiration,“marryingmoney,”wouldsaytoherinapig’swhisper,“Notdenkst
thinkingofgettingmarriedyet,mydear?”und
andthengooffintoden
thebellowoflaughterwithwhichheinvariablyconcludedhisdullremarks.AuntWellington,ofwhomValancystoodinabjectawe,wouldtellheraboutOlive’snewchiffondress
und
andCecil’slastdevotedletter.Valancy
würde
wouldhavetolookaspleasedund
andinterestedasifthedressund
andletterhadbeenhersorelseAuntWellingtonwürde
wouldbeoffended.AndValancyhadlong
vor
agodecidedthatshewouldratheroffendGott
GodthanAuntWellington,becauseGott
GodmightforgiveherbutAuntWellingtonnie
neverwould.AuntAlberta,enormouslyfat,withanamiablehabitofalwaysreferringtoherhusbandas“he,”asifhewerethe
einzige
onlymalecreatureinthewelt
world,whocouldneverforgetdass
thatshehadbeenagreatbeautyinheryouth,würde
wouldcondolewithValancyonhersallowskin—.“Idon’tknow
warum
whyallthegirlsoftodayaresosunburned.Als
WhenIwasagirlmyskinwasrosesund
andcream.Iwascountedtheprettiest
mädchen
girlinCanada,mydear.”Vielleicht
PerhapsUncleHerbertwouldn’tsayanything—orvielleicht
perhapshewouldremarkjocularly,“Howfatyou’regetting,Doss!”Und
Andtheneverybodywouldlaughüber
overtheexcessivelyhumorousideaofpoor,scrawnylittleDossgettingfat.Handsome,solemn
Onkel
UncleJames,whomValancydislikedaber
butrespectedbecausehewasreputedtobesehr
verycleverandwasthereforetheclanoracle—brainsbeingnonetooplentifulintheStirlingconnection—wouldwahrscheinlich
probablyremarkwiththeowl-likesarcasmthathadwonhimhisreputation,“Isupposeyou’rebusywithyourhope-chestthesedays?”Und
AndUncleBenjaminwouldaskeinige
someofhisabominableconundrums,zwischen
betweenwheezychuckles,andanswerthemhimself.“Whatis
der
thedifferencebetweenDossandamouse?“Themousewishestoharm
die
thecheeseandDosswishestocharmdie
thehe’s.”Valancyhadheardhim
fragen
askthatriddlefiftytimesund
andeverytimeshewantedtothrowetwas
somethingathim.Butshe
nie
neverdid.Inthefirstplace,
die
theStirlingssimplydidnotthrowthings;in
der
thesecondplace,UncleBenjaminwasein
awealthyandchildlessoldwidowerund
andValancyhadbeenbroughtupinder
thefearandadmonitionofhismoney.Wenn
Ifsheoffendedhimhewouldcutheraus
outofhiswill—supposingshewereinit.Valancydidnotwanttobecut
aus
outofUncleBenjamin’swill.Shehadbeen
arm
poorallherlifeandknewdie
thegallingbitternessofit.Sosheenduredhisriddles
und
andevensmiledtorturedlittlesmilesüber
overthem.AuntIsabel,downright
und
anddisagreeableasaneastwind,würde
wouldcriticiseherinsomeway—Valancykonnte
couldnotpredictjusthow,forAuntIsabelnie
neverrepeatedacriticism—shefoundsomethingnewwithwhichtojabyoueverytime.AuntIsabelpridedherselfonsayingwhatshethought,
aber
butdidn’tlikeitsogut
wellwhenotherpeoplesaidwhattheythoughttoihr
her.Valancyneversaidwhatshe
dachte
thought.CousinGeorgiana—namedafterhergreat-great-grand-mother,whohadbeennamed
nach
afterGeorgetheFourth—wouldrecountdolorouslythenamesofaller
allrelativesandfriendswhohadgestorben
diedsincethelastpicnicund
andwonder“whichofuswürde
willbethefirsttogeht
gonext.”Oppressivelycompetent,AuntMildred
würde
wouldtalkendlesslyofhermann
husbandandherodiousprodigiesofbabiestoValancy,weil
becauseValancywouldbetheeinzige
onlyoneshecouldfindtoputupwithes
it.Forthesamereason,CousinGladys—really
Erste
FirstCousinGladysonceremoved,accordingtothestrictwayinwhichtheStirlingstabulatedrelationship—atall,thindame
ladywhoadmittedshehadeine
asensitivedisposition,woulddescribeminutelythetorturesofherneuritis.Und
AndOlive,thewondergirlofdas
thewholeStirlingclan,whohadalles
everythingValancyhadnot—beauty,popularity,love,—wouldzeigen
showoffherbeautyandpresumeonherpopularityund
andflauntherdiamondinsigniaofliebe
loveinValancy’sdazzled,enviouseyes.Therewouldbenoneofallthis
heute
today.Andtherewouldbe
kein
nopackingupofteaspoons.Das
ThepackingupwasalwaysleftforValancyund
andCousinStickles.Andonce,
sechs
sixyearsago,asilverteaspoonfromAuntWellington’sweddingset
sethadbeenlost.Valancy
nie
neverheardthelastofthatsilverteaspoon.ItsghostappearedBanquo-likeateverysubsequentfamilyfeast.
Oh,
ja
yes,Valancyknewexactlywhatthepicnicwürde
wouldbelikeandsheblessedtherainthathadgerettet
savedherfromit.There
würde
wouldbenopicnicthisjahr
year.IfAuntWellingtoncouldnotcelebrateonthesacred
tag
dayitselfshewouldhavenicht
nocelebrationatall.Thankwhatevergodstherewereforthat.
Since
da
therewouldbenopicnic,Valancymadeuphermindthat,wenn
iftherainheldupintheafternoon,shewürde
wouldgouptothelibraryund
andgetanotherofJohnFoster’sbooks.Valancywas
nie
neverallowedtoreadnovels,aber
butJohnFoster’sbookswerenotnovels.Theywere“naturebooks”—sothelibrariantoldMrs.FrederickStirling—“all
über
aboutthewoodsandbirdsund
andbugsandthingslikethat,youknow.”SoValancywasallowedto
lesen
readthem—underprotest,foritwasnur
onlytooevidentthatsheenjoyedthemtoosehr
much.Itwaspermissible,evenlaudable,to
lesen
readtoimproveyourmindund
andyourreligion,butabuch
bookthatwasenjoyablewasdangerous.Valancydidnotknowwhetherher
verstand
mindwasbeingimprovedornot;aber
butshefeltvaguelythatwenn
ifshehadcomeacrossJohnFoster’sbooksyearsvor
agolifemighthavebeenadifferentthingforher.Theyseemedtohertoyieldglimpsesof
eine
aworldintowhichshekönnte
mightoncehaveentered,thoughdie
thedoorwasforeverbarredtoherjetzt
now.Itwasonlywithinthelast
jahr
yearthatJohnFoster’sbookshadbeenintheDeerwoodlibrary,obwohl
thoughthelibrariantoldValancydass
thathehadbeenawell-knownwriterforseveralyears.“Wheredoeshelive?”
Valancyhad
gefragt
asked.“Nobodyknows.
Fromhisbookshe
muss
mustbeaCanadian,butnomoreinformationcanbehad.Hispublisherswon’t
sagen
sayaword.QuitelikelyJohnFosteris
ein
anomdeplume.Hisbooksaresopopularwecan’tkeeptheminatall,
obwohl
thoughIreallycan’tseewhatleute
peoplefindinthemtoraveover.”“I
denke
thinkthey’rewonderful,”saidValancy,timidly.“Oh—well—”
MissClarksonsmiledinapatronisingfashion
dass
thatrelegatedValancy’sopinionstolimbo,“Ican’tsagen
sayIcaremuchforbugsmyself.Aber
ButcertainlyFosterseemstowissen
knowallthereistowissen
knowaboutthem.”Valancydidn’tknowwhethershecared
viel
muchforbugseither.ItwasnotJohnFoster’suncannyknowledgeofwildcreatures
und
andinsectlifethatenthralledher.She
konnte
couldhardlysaywhatitwas—sometantalisinglureofein
amysteryneverrevealed—somehintofein
agreatsecretjustawenig
littlefurtheron—somefaint,elusiveechooflovely,forgottenthings—JohnFoster’smagicwasindefinable.Ja
Yes,shewouldgetanewFosterbuch
book.Itwasamonth
seit
sinceshehadThistleHarvest,sosurelyMutter
Mothercouldnotobject.Valancyhadreaditfourtimes—sheknew
ganze
wholepassagesoffbyheart.And—she
fast
almostthoughtshewouldgound
andseeDr.Trentaboutthatqueerpainarounddas
theheart.Ithadcomeratheroftenlately,
und
andthepalpitationswerebecomingannoying,nottosprechen
speakofanoccasionaldizzymoment
momentandaqueershortnessofbreath.Aber
Butcouldshegotoseehimohne
withouttellinganyone?Itwas
ein
amostdaringthought.NoneoftheStirlingseverconsulteda
arzt
doctorwithoutholdingafamilycouncilund
andgettingUncleJames’approval.Then,they
gingen
wenttoDr.AmbroseMarshofPortLawrence,whohadverheiratet
marriedSecondCousinAdelaideStirling.Aber
ButValancydislikedDr.AmbroseMarsh.And,besides,she
konnte
couldnotgettoPortLawrence,fifteenmilesentfernt
away,withoutbeingtakenthere.Shedidnotwantanyonetoknowaboutherheart.
Therewouldbesuchafussmade
und
andeverymemberofthefamilywouldcomedownund
andtalkitoverandadviseherund
andcautionherandwarnherund
andtellherhorribletalesofgreat-auntsund
andcousinsfortytimesremovedwhohadbeen“justlikethat”und
and“droppeddeadwithoutamoment’swarning,mydear.”AuntIsabel
würde
wouldrememberthatshehadalwayssaidDosssähe aus
lookedlikeagirlwhowürde
wouldhavehearttrouble—“sopinchedund
andpeakedalways”;andUncleWellington
würde
wouldtakeitasapersonalinsult,when“noStirlingeverhadheartdiseasebefore”;und
andGeorgianawouldforebodeinperfectlyaudibleasidesdass
that“poor,dearlittleDossisn’tlange
longforthisworld,I’mafraid”;und
andCousinGladyswouldsay,“Why,myherz
hearthasbeenlikethatforyears,”inein
atonethatimpliednoeinem
oneelsehadanybusinesseventohaben
haveaheart;andOlive—Olive
würde
wouldmerelylookbeautifulandsuperiorund
anddisgustinglyhealthy,asiftosagen
say,“Whyallthisfussovereine
afadedsuperfluitylikeDosswhenyouhaveme?”Valancyfelt
dass
thatshecouldn’ttellanybodyunlessshehadto.She
fühlte
feltquitesuretherewasnichts
nothingatallseriouslywrongwithherheartund
andnoneedofalldas
thepotherthatwouldensuewenn
ifshementionedit.She
würde
wouldjustslipupquietlyund
andseeDr.Trentthatverytag
day.Asforhisbill,shehad
die
thetwohundreddollarsthathervater
fatherhadputinthebankforherdie
thedayshewasborn.Shewas
nie
neverallowedtouseevendie
theinterestofthis,butshewouldsecretlytakeoutgenug
enoughtopayDr.Trent.Dr.
Trentwasagruff,outspoken,absent-mindedoldfellow,
aber
buthewasarecognisedauthorityonheartdisease,selbst
evenifhewereonlyageneralpractitionerinout-of-the-worldDeerwood.Dr.Trentwas
über
overseventyandtherehadbeenrumoursdass
thathemeanttoretirebald
soon.NoneoftheStirlingclanhadever
gegangen
gonetohimsincehehadgesagt
toldCousinGladys,tenyearsbefore,dass
thatherneuritiswasallimaginaryund
andthatsheenjoyedit.Youcouldn’tpatronisea
arzt
doctorwhoinsultedyourfirst-cousin-once-removedlikethat—nottomentionthathewasaPresbyterianals
whenalltheStirlingswenttotheAnglicanchurch.CHAPTERII
Als
WhenCousinSticklesknockedatherdoor,Valancyknewitwashalf-pastsevenund
andshemustgetup.Aslongasshe
konnte
couldremember,CousinStickleshadknockedatherdoorathalf-pastseven.CousinStickles
und
andMrs.FrederickStirlinghadbeenupseit
sinceseven,butValancywasallowedtoliegen
lieabedhalfanhourlongerweil
becauseofafamilytraditionthatshewasdelicate.Valancygot
auf
up,thoughshehatedgettingauf
upmorethismorningthanevershehadbefore.