Notes from the Underground | Progressive Translation Books for German A1 Learners

Notes from the Underground | Progressive Translation Books for German A1 Learners

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I
Iamasick
mann
man...
.
Iamaspiteful
mann
man
.
Iamanunattractive
mann
man
.
Ibelievemyliverisdiseased.
However,Iknow
nichts
nothing
atallaboutmydisease,
und
and
donotknowforcertainwhatails
mich
me
.
Idon’tconsulta
arzt
doctor
forit,andneverhave,
obwohl
though
Ihavearespectformedicine
und
and
doctors.
Besides,Iamextremelysuperstitious,sufficientlysotorespectmedicine,
sowieso
anyway
(Iamwell-educatedenoughnottobesuperstitious,
aber
but
Iamsuperstitious).
No,Irefusetoconsulta
arzt
doctor
fromspite.
Thatyou
wahrscheinlich
probably
willnotunderstand.
Well,Iunderstand
es
it
,though.
Ofcourse,Ican’texplainwhoitispreciselythatIammortifyinginthis
fall
case
bymyspite:
Iamperfectlywellaware
dass
that
Icannot“payout”
die
the
doctorsbynotconsultingthem;
Iknow
besser
better
thananyonethatbyallthisIam
nur
only
injuringmyselfandnooneelse.
Aber
But
still,ifIdon’tconsulta
arzt
doctor
itisfromspite.
Myliveris
schlecht
bad
,well—letitgetworse!
Ihavebeengoingonlikethatfora
lange
long
time—twentyyears.
NowIamforty.
Iusedtobeinthegovernmentservice,
aber
but
amnolonger.
Iwas
ein
a
spitefulofficial.
Iwasrude
und
and
tookpleasureinbeingso.
Ididnottakebribes,yousee,soIwasboundto
finden
find
arecompenseinthat,atleast.
(Apoorjest,
aber
but
Iwillnotscratchitout.
Iwroteit
dachte
thinking
itwouldsoundverywitty;
aber
but
nowthatIhave
gesehen
seen
myselfthatIonlywantedto
zeigen
show
offinadespicable
weise
way
,Iwillnotscratchitoutonpurpose!)
Wenn
When
petitionersusedtocomeforinformationto
den
the
tableatwhichIsat,Iusedtogrindmyteethatthem,
und
and
feltintenseenjoymentwhenIsucceededinmakinganybodyunhappy.
I
fast
almost
didsucceed.
Forthemostparttheywere
alle
all
timidpeople—ofcourse,theywerepetitioners.
Aber
But
oftheuppishonestherewasoneofficerinparticularI
konnte
could
notendure.
Hesimplywouldnotbehumble,
und
and
clankedhisswordinadisgusting
weise
way
.
Icarriedonafeudwithhimforeighteenmonthsoverthatsword.
AtlastIgotthebetterof
ihn
him
.
Heleftoffclanking
es
it
.
Thathappenedinmyyouth,though.
Aber
But
doyouknow,gentlemen,whatwas
der
the
chiefpointaboutmyspite?
Warum
Why
,thewholepoint,therealstingofit
lag
lay
inthefactthatcontinually,evenin
der
the
momentoftheacutestspleen,Iwasinwardlyconsciouswithshame
dass
that
Iwasnotonlynotaspiteful
sondern
but
notevenanembittered
mann
man
,thatIwassimplyscaringsparrowsatrandom
und
and
amusingmyselfbyit.
I
könnte
might
foamatthemouth,
aber
but
bringmeadollto
spielen
play
with,givemeacupofteawithsugarinit,
und
and
maybeIshouldbeappeased.
I
könnte
might
evenbegenuinelytouched,
obwohl
though
probablyIshouldgrindmyteethatmyselfafterwards
und
and
lieawakeatnightwithshameformonthsafter.
Thatwasmy
weg
way
.
IwaslyingwhenIsaid
gerade
just
nowthatIwas
ein
a
spitefulofficial.
Iwaslyingfromspite.
Iwassimplyamusingmyselfwith
den
the
petitionersandwiththeofficer,
und
and
inrealityInever
konnte
could
becomespiteful.
Iwasconsciousevery
moment
moment
inmyselfofmany,
sehr
very
manyelementsabsolutelyoppositetothat.
Ifeltthempositivelyswarmingin
mir
me
,theseoppositeelements.
Iknew
dass
that
theyhadbeenswarminginmeallmy
leben
life
andcravingsomeoutletfrom
mir
me
,butIwouldnot
ließ
let
them,wouldnotletthem,purposelywouldnot
ließ
let
themcomeout.
TheytormentedmetillIwasashamed:
theydrovemetoconvulsionsand—sickened
mich
me
,atlast,howtheysickened
mich
me
!
Now,arenotyoufancying,gentlemen,
dass
that
Iamexpressingremorsefor
etwas
something
now,thatIamaskingyourforgivenessfor
etwas
something
?
Iamsureyouarefancying
dass
that
...
However,IassureyouIdonotcare
ob
if
youare....
Itwasnot
nur
only
thatIcouldnot
werden
become
spiteful,Ididnotknowhowto
werden
become
anything;
neitherspitefulnorkind,neitherarascalnoranhonest
mann
man
,neitheraheronoraninsect.
Jetzt
Now
,Iamlivingoutmylifeinmycorner,tauntingmyselfwith
der
the
spitefulanduselessconsolation
dass
that
anintelligentmancannot
werden
become
anythingseriously,anditis
nur
only
thefoolwhobecomes
etwas
anything
.
Yes,amaninthenineteenthcentury
muss
must
andmorallyoughttobepre-eminently
ein
a
characterlesscreature;
amanofcharacter,anactive
mann
man
ispre-eminentlyalimitedcreature.
Thatismyconvictionoffortyyears.
Iamfortyyears
alt
old
now,andyouknowfortyyearsis
ein
a
wholelifetime;
youknowitisextremeoldage.
To
leben
live
longerthanfortyyearsisbadmanners,isvulgar,immoral.
Whodoes
lebt
live
beyondforty?
Answerthat,sincerely
und
and
honestlyIwilltellyouwho
tut
do
:
foolsandworthlessfellows.
I
sage
tell
alloldmenthattotheir
gesicht
face
,allthesevenerableoldmen,allthesesilver-haired
und
and
reverendseniors!
Itell
der
the
wholeworldthattoits
gesicht
face
!
Ihavearightto
sagen
say
so,forIshallgoon
leben
living
tosixtymyself.
Toseventy!
Toeighty!
Bleiben
Stay
,letmetakebreath...
Youimaginenodoubt,gentlemen,
dass
that
Iwanttoamuseyou.
Youaremistakeninthat,
auch
too
.
Iambynomeanssuch
ein
a
mirthfulpersonasyouimagine,orasyou
können
may
imagine;
however,irritatedbyallthisbabble(andI
gefühl
feel
thatyouareirritated)you
denken
think
fittoaskmewhoIam—thenmy
antwort
answer
is,Iamacollegiateassessor.
IwasintheservicethatImight
haben
have
somethingtoeat(andsolelyforthatreason),
und
and
whenlastyearadistantrelationleftmesixthousandroublesinhiswillIimmediatelyretiredfromtheservice
und
and
settleddowninmycorner.
Iusedto
gelebt
live
inthiscornerbefore,
aber
but
nowIhavesettleddowninit.
My
zimmer
room
isawretched,horridonein
der
the
outskirtsofthetown.
Myservantisanoldcountry-woman,ill-naturedfromstupidity,
und
and
,moreover,thereisalwaysanastysmellabouther.
Iam
gesagt
told
thatthePetersburgclimateis
schlecht
bad
forme,andthatwithmysmall
meinen
means
itisveryexpensiveto
leben
live
inPetersburg.
Iknowallthat
besser
better
thanallthesesage
und
and
experiencedcounsellorsandmonitors....
Aber
But
IamremaininginPetersburg;
Iamnot
gehe
going
awayfromPetersburg!
Iamnot
gehe
going
awaybecause...
ech!
Warum
Why
,itisabsolutelynomatterwhetherIamgoingawayornotgoingaway.
Aber
But
whatcanadecent
mann
man
speakofwithmostpleasure?
Antwort
Answer
:
Ofhimself.
II
I
wollen
want
nowtotellyou,gentlemen,whetheryoucareto
hören
hear
itornot,whyI
konnte
could
notevenbecomeaninsect.
I
sage
tell
yousolemnly,thatIhave
viele
many
timestriedtobecome
ein
an
insect.
ButIwasnotequalevento
so
that
.
Iswear,gentlemen,thattobetooconsciousis
eine
an
illness—arealthorough-goingillness.
Forman’severydayneeds,itwould
haben
have
beenquiteenoughto
haben
have
theordinaryhumanconsciousness,thatis,
hälfte
half
oraquarteroftheamountwhichfallstothelotof
ein
a
cultivatedmanofourunhappynineteenthcentury,especiallyonewhohasthefatalill-lucktoinhabitPetersburg,themosttheoretical
und
and
intentionaltownonthewholeterrestrialglobe.
(Thereareintentional
und
and
unintentionaltowns.)
Itwould
haben
have
beenquiteenough,forinstance,to
haben
have
theconsciousnessbywhich
alle
all
so-calleddirectpersonsandmenofaction
leben
live
.
IbetyouthinkIamwritingallthisfromaffectation,tobewittyattheexpenseofmenofaction;
und
and
whatismore,thatfromill-bredaffectation,Iamclanking
ein
a
swordlikemyofficer.
Aber
But
,gentlemen,whoevercanpridehimselfonhisdiseases
und
and
evenswaggeroverthem?
Obwohl
Though
,afterall,everyonedoes
tut
do
that;
peopledopridethemselvesontheirdiseases,
und
and
Ido,maybe,more
als
than
anyone.
Wewillnotdispute
es
it
;
mycontentionwasabsurd.
Aber
But
yetIamfirmlypersuaded
dass
that
agreatdealofconsciousness,every
art
sort
ofconsciousness,infact,isadisease.
Isticktothat.
Letusleavethat,
auch
too
,foraminute.
Tellmethis:
warum
why
doesithappenthatatthevery,
ja
yes
,attheverymomentswhenIammostcapableof
fühlen
feeling
everyrefinementofallthatis“sublime
und
and
beautiful,”astheyusedtosayatonetime,itwould,asthoughofdesign,happentomenot
nur
only
tofeelbutto
tun
do
suchuglythings,suchthat...
Nun
Well
,inshort,actionsthat
alle
all
,perhaps,commit;
butwhich,asthoughpurposely,occurredtomeatthevery
zeit
time
whenIwasmostconscious
dass
that
theyoughtnottobecommitted.
Der
The
moreconsciousIwasofgoodness
und
and
ofallthatwas“sublime
und
and
beautiful,”themoredeeplyIsankintomymire
und
and
themorereadyIwastosinkinitaltogether.
But
der
the
chiefpointwasthatallthiswas,asitwere,notaccidentalin
mir
me
,butasthoughitwereboundtobeso.
Itwasasthoughitweremymostnormalcondition,
und
and
notintheleastdiseaseordepravity,sothatatlastalldesireinmetostruggle
gegen
against
thisdepravitypassed.
Itendedbymy
fast
almost
believing(perhapsactuallybelieving)thatthiswas
vielleicht
perhaps
mynormalcondition.
Butatfirst,inthebeginning,whatagoniesIenduredinthatstruggle!
Ididnot
glaubte
believe
itwasthesamewithother
menschen
people
,andallmylifeIhid
diese
this
factaboutmyselfasasecret.
Iwasashamed(even
jetzt
now
,perhaps,Iamashamed):
Igottothe
punkt
point
offeelingasortofsecretabnormal,despicableenjoymentinreturninghometomycorneronsomedisgustingPetersburg
nacht
night
,acutelyconsciousthatthat
tag
day
Ihadcommittedaloathsomeaction
wieder
again
,thatwhatwasdone
konnte
could
neverbeundone,andsecretly,inwardlygnawing,gnawingatmyselfforit,tearing
und
and
consumingmyselftillatlastthebitterness
verwandelte
turned
intoasortofshamefulaccursedsweetness,
und
and
atlast—intopositiverealenjoyment!
Ja
Yes
,intoenjoyment,intoenjoyment!
Iinsistuponthat.
Ihavespokenofthis
weil
because
Ikeepwantingto
wissen
know
forafactwhether
andere
other
peoplefeelsuchenjoyment?
I
werde
will
explain;
theenjoymentwas
nur
just
fromthetoointenseconsciousnessofone’sowndegradation;
itwasfromfeelingoneself
dass
that
onehadreachedthe
letzte
last
barrier,thatitwashorrible,
aber
but
thatitcouldnotbeotherwise;
dass
that
therewasnoescapeforyou;
dass
that
younevercouldbecome
ein
a
differentman;
thateven
wenn
if
timeandfaithwerestillleftyouto
ändern
change
intosomethingdifferentyouwouldmostlikelynotwishto
ändern
change
;
orifyoudidwishto,eventhenyou
würdest
would
donothing;
becauseperhapsinrealitytherewas
nichts
nothing
foryoutochangeinto.
Und
And
theworstofitwas,
und
and
therootofitall,
dass
that
itwasallinaccordwiththenormalfundamentallawsofover-acuteconsciousness,
und
and
withtheinertiathatwasthedirectresultofthoselaws,
und
and
thatconsequentlyonewasnot
nur
only
unabletochangebut
konnte
could
doabsolutelynothing.
Thusit
würde
would
follow,astheresultofacuteconsciousness,thatoneisnottoblameinbeing
ein
a
scoundrel;
asthoughthatwereanyconsolationtothescoundreloncehehascometorealise
dass
that
heactuallyisascoundrel.
Aber
But
enough....
Ech,Ihavetalked
eine
a
lotofnonsense,butwhathaveIexplained?
Howisenjoymentinthistobeexplained?
Aber
But
Iwillexplainit.
I
werde
will
gettothebottomofit!
ThatiswhyIhave
genommen
taken
upmypen....
I,forinstance,haveagreatdealofamourpropre.
Iamassuspicious
und
and
pronetotakeoffenceas
ein
a
humpbackoradwarf.
Aber
But
uponmywordI
manchmal
sometimes
havehadmomentswhenifIhadhappenedtobeslappedin
das
the
faceIshould,perhaps,havebeenpositivelygladofit.
Isay,inearnest,
dass
that
Ishouldprobablyhavebeen
in der lage
able
todiscoverevenin
dass
that
apeculiarsortofenjoyment—theenjoyment,ofcourse,ofdespair;
aber
but
indespairtherearethemostintenseenjoyments,especially
wenn
when
oneisveryacutelyconsciousofthehopelessnessofone’sposition.
Und
And
whenoneisslappedin
das
the
face—whythentheconsciousnessofbeingrubbedintoapulpwouldpositivelyoverwhelmone.
Theworstofitis,lookatitwhichwayonewill,it
immer noch
still
turnsoutthatIwasalwaysthemosttoblameineverything.
Und
And
whatismosthumiliatingofall,toblamefor
nicht
no
faultofmyown
sondern
but
,sotosay,throughthelawsofnature.
Inthefirstplace,toblame
weil
because
Iamclevererthan
alle
any
ofthepeoplesurrounding
mich
me
.
(Ihavealwaysconsideredmyselfcleverer
als
than
anyofthepeoplesurrounding
mich
me
,andsometimes,wouldyou
glaubst
believe
it,havebeenpositivelyashamedofit.
Atanyrate,Ihaveallmy
leben
life
,asitwere,turnedmyeyesaway
und
and
nevercouldlookpeoplestraightin
den
the
face.)
Toblame,finally,
denn
because
evenifIhadhadmagnanimity,Ishould
nur
only
havehadmoresufferingfrom
die
the
senseofitsuselessness.
Ishouldcertainly
sein
have
neverbeenableto
tun
do
anythingfrombeingmagnanimous—neithertoforgive,formyassailantwould
vielleicht
perhaps
haveslappedmefromthelawsofnature,
und
and
onecannotforgivethelawsofnature;
norto
vergessen
forget
,forevenifitwereowingtothelawsofnature,itisinsultingallthesame.
Finally,
selbst
even
ifIhadwantedtobeanythingbutmagnanimous,haddesiredon
der
the
contrarytorevengemyselfonmyassailant,I
können
could
nothaverevengedmyselfonanyoneforanything
weil
because
Ishouldcertainlynever
sein
have
madeupmymindto
tun
do
anything,evenifIhadbeen
in der lage
able
to.
WhyshouldInothavemadeupmymind?
III
Withpeoplewho
wissen
know
howtorevengethemselves
und
and
tostandupforthemselvesingeneral,howisit
gemacht
done
?
Why,whentheyarepossessed,
lassen
let
ussuppose,bythefeelingofrevenge,thenforthe
zeit
time
thereisnothingelsebutthatfeelingleftintheirwholebeing.
Suchagentlemansimplydashesstraightforhisobjectlikeaninfuriatedbullwithitshornsdown,
und
and
nothingbutawall
wird
will
stophim.
(Bytheway:
facingthewall,
solche
such
gentlemen—thatis,the“direct”persons
und
and
menofaction—aregenuinelynonplussed.
Forthemawallisnotanevasion,asforus
menschen
people
whothinkandconsequently
tun
do
nothing;
itisnotan
entschuldigung
excuse
forturningaside,an
entschuldigung
excuse
forwhichwearealways
sehr
very
glad,thoughwescarcely
glauben
believe
initourselves,asarule.
Nein
No
,theyarenonplussedin
aller
all
sincerity.
Thewallhasforthem
etwas
something
tranquillising,morallysoothing,final—maybe
sogar
even
somethingmysterious...
butof
der
the
walllater.)
Well,such
eine
a
directpersonIregardastherealnormal
mann
man
,ashistendermothernature
wollte
wished
toseehimwhenshegraciouslybroughthimintobeingonthe
erde
earth
.
Ienvysucha
mann
man
tillIamgreeninthe
gesicht
face
.
Heisstupid.
Iamnotdisputingthat,
aber
but
perhapsthenormalman
sollte
should
bestupid,howdoyouknow?
Vielleicht
Perhaps
itisverybeautiful,infact.
Und
And
Iamthemorepersuadedofthatsuspicion,
wenn
if
onecancallitso,bythe
tatsache
fact
thatifyoutake,forinstance,theantithesisofthenormalman,that
sei
is
,themanofacuteconsciousness,whohascome,ofcourse,not
aus
out
ofthelapofnaturebut
aus
out
ofaretort(thisis
fast
almost
mysticism,gentlemen,butIsuspect
dieser
this
,too),thisretort-mademanis
manchmal
sometimes
sononplussedinthepresenceofhisantithesisthatwithallhisexaggeratedconsciousnesshegenuinely
denkt
thinks
ofhimselfasamouse
und
and
notaman.
It
kann
may
beanacutelyconsciousmouse,
doch
yet
itisamouse,
während
while
theotherisaman,
und
and
therefore,etcaetera,etcaetera.
Und
And
theworstofitis,hehimself,hisveryownself,looksonhimselfasamouse;
nooneaskshimto
tun
do
so;
andthatis
ein
an
importantpoint.
Nowletuslookat
diese
this
mouseinaction.
Letussuppose,forinstance,
dass
that
itfeelsinsulted,too
Und
(and
italmostalwaysdoes
fühlt
feel
insulted),andwantstorevengeitself,
auch
too
.
Theremayevenbe
eine
a
greateraccumulationofspiteinit
als
than
inl’hommedelanatureetdelavérité.
Der
The
baseandnastydesiretoventthatspiteonitsassailantrankles
vielleicht
perhaps
evenmorenastilyinit
als
than
inl’hommedelanatureetdelavérité.
For
durch
through
hisinnatestupiditythelatterlooksuponhisrevengeasjusticepure
und
and
simple;
whileinconsequenceofhisacuteconsciousness
die
the
mousedoesnotbelievein
die
the
justiceofit.
To
kommen
come
atlasttothedeeditself,to
der
the
veryactofrevenge.
Apartfromtheonefundamentalnastinessthelucklessmousesucceedsincreating
herum
around
itsomanyothernastinessesintheformofdoubts
und
and
questions,addstotheone
frage
question
somanyunsettledquestionsthatthereinevitablyworksup
herum
around
itasortoffatalbrew,astinkingmess,madeupofitsdoubts,emotions,
und
and
ofthecontemptspatuponitbythedirectmenofactionwho
stehen
stand
solemnlyaboutitasjudges
und
and
arbitrators,laughingatittilltheirhealthysidesache.
Ofcourse
das
the
onlythingleftforitistodismissallthatwithawaveofitspaw,
und
and
,withasmileofassumedcontemptin
was
which
itdoesnotevenitself
glaubt
believe
,creepignominiouslyintoitsmouse-hole.
Dort
There
initsnasty,stinking,undergroundhomeourinsulted,crushed
und
and
ridiculedmousepromptlybecomesabsorbedincold,malignant
und
and
,aboveall,everlastingspite.
Forfortyyearstogetherit
wird
will
rememberitsinjurydownto
die
the
smallest,mostignominiousdetails,
und
and
everytimewilladd,ofitself,detailsstill
noch
more
ignominious,spitefullyteasingandtormentingitselfwithitsownimagination.
It
wird
will
itselfbeashamedofitsimaginings,
aber
but
yetitwillrecallitall,it
wird
will
gooverandovereverydetail,it
wird
will
inventunheardofthings
gegen
against
itself,pretendingthatthosethingsmight
passieren
happen
,andwillforgivenothing.
Vielleicht
Maybe
itwillbegintorevengeitself,too,
aber
but
,asitwere,piecemeal,intrivialways,from
hinter
behind
thestove,incognito,without
glauben
believing
eitherinitsown
recht
right
tovengeance,orinthesuccessofitsrevenge,knowing
dass
that
fromallitseffortsatrevengeit
wird
will
sufferahundredtimes
mehr
more
thanheonwhomitrevengesitself,
während
while
he,Idaresay,willnot
selbst
even
scratchhimself.
Onitsdeathbedit
wird
will
recallitalloveragain,withinterestaccumulatedoveralltheyears
und
and
...
Butitis
gerade
just
inthatcold,abominablehalfdespair,halfbelief,in
dass
that
consciousburyingoneselfaliveforgriefintheunderworldforfortyyears,in
dass
that
acutelyrecognisedandyetpartlydoubtfulhopelessnessofone’sposition,in
dass
that
hellofunsatisfieddesires
wenden
turned
inward,inthatfeverofoscillations,ofresolutionsdeterminedforever
und
and
repentedofagaina
minute
minute
later—thatthesavourof
dass
that
strangeenjoymentofwhichIhavespoken
liegt
lies
.
Itissosubtle,sodifficultofanalysis,thatpersonswhoare
ein
a
littlelimited,orevensimplypersonsofstrongnerves,willnot
verstehen
understand
asingleatomof
es
it
.
“Possibly,”youwilladdonyourownaccountwithagrin,“people
werden
will
notunderstanditeitherwhohave
nie
never
receivedaslapintheface,”
und
and
inthatwayyou
werden
will
politelyhinttomethat
Ich
I
,too,perhaps,havehadtheexperienceofaslapinthe
gesicht
face
inmylife,andsoIspeakas
einem
one
whoknows.
Ibet
dass
that
youarethinkingthat.
Aber
But
setyourmindsatrest,gentlemen,Ihavenotreceivedaslapinthe
gesicht
face
,thoughitisabsolutelyamatterofindifferencetomewhatyoumay
denken
think
aboutit.
Possibly,I
selbst
even
regret,myself,thatIhavegivenso
wenige
few
slapsinthefaceduringmy
leben
life
.
Butenough...
notanother
wort
word
onthatsubjectofsuchextremeinteresttoyou.
I
werde
will
continuecalmlyconcerningpersonswithstrongnerveswhodonot
verstehen
understand
acertainrefinementofenjoyment.
Obwohl
Though
incertaincircumstancesthesegentlemenbellowtheirloudestlikebulls,
obwohl
though
this,letussuppose,doesthem
die
the
greatestcredit,yet,asIhavesaid
schon
already
,confrontedwiththeimpossibletheysubsideatonce.
Theimpossiblemeansthestonewall!
Whatstonewall?
Why,ofcourse,thelawsofnature,thedeductionsofnaturalscience,mathematics.