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Notes from the Underground | Gradually Hardening French B2 Translation Books

Notes from the Underground | Gradually Hardening French B2 Translation Books

Discover the advantages of this innovative translation method, designed to cater to your learning needs. You can select your preferred difficulty level, ensuring a well-balanced challenge that isn't too overwhelming. This technique sharpens your comprehension skills by encouraging you to derive meaning from context, minimizing the need for direct translations. While some words are purposefully obscured to promote contextual guessing, looking up unclear terms is always an option. With this method, language learning becomes both accessible and enjoyable, blending challenge with support. Explore translated classics and experience the excitement of learning through literature.

I
Iamasickman....
Iamaspitefulman.
Iamanunattractiveman.
Ibelievemy
foie
liverisdiseased.
However,Iknownothingatallaboutmydisease,anddonotknowforcertainwhatailsme.
Idon’t
consulte
consultadoctorforit,andneverhave,thoughIhavearespectformedicineanddoctors.
Besides,Iamextremely
superstitieux
superstitious,sufficientlysotorespectmedicine,anyway(Iamwell-educatedenoughnottobe
superstitieux
superstitious,butIamsuperstitious).
No,Irefuseto
consulter
consultadoctorfromspite.
Thatyouprobablywillnotunderstand.
Well,Iunderstandit,though.
Ofcourse,Ican’texplainwhoitispreciselythatIammortifyinginthiscasebymyspite:
IamperfectlywellawarethatIcannot“payout”thedoctorsbynot
consultant
consultingthem;
IknowbetterthananyonethatbyallthisIamonlyinjuringmyselfandnooneelse.
Butstill,ifIdon’t
consulte
consultadoctoritisfromspite.
My
foie
liverisbad,well—letitgetworse!
Ihavebeengoingonlikethatforalongtime—twentyyears.
NowIamforty.
Iusedtobeinthegovernmentservice,butamnolonger.
Iwasaspitefulofficial.
Iwasrudeandtookpleasureinbeingso.
Ididnottakebribes,yousee,soIwasboundtofindarecompenseinthat,atleast.
(Apoorjest,butIwillnotscratchitout.
Iwroteitthinkingitwouldsoundverywitty;
butnowthatIhaveseenmyselfthatIonlywantedtoshowoffina
méprisable
despicableway,Iwillnotscratchitoutonpurpose!)
WhenpetitionersusedtocomeforinformationtothetableatwhichIsat,Iusedtogrindmyteethatthem,andfelt
intense
intenseenjoymentwhenIsucceededinmakinganybodyunhappy.
Ialmostdid
réussir
succeed.
Forthemostparttheywerealltimidpeople—ofcourse,theywerepetitioners.
ButoftheuppishonestherewasoneofficerinparticularIcouldnot
supporter
endure.
Hesimplywouldnotbe
humble
humble,andclankedhisswordinadisgustingway.
Icarriedonafeudwithhimforeighteenmonthsoverthatsword.
AtlastIgotthebetterofhim.
Heleftoffclankingit.
Thathappenedinmyyouth,though.
Butdoyouknow,gentlemen,whatwasthechiefpointaboutmyspite?
Why,thewholepoint,therealstingofitlayinthefactthat
continuellement
continually,eveninthemomentoftheacutestspleen,Iwasinwardly
conscient
consciouswithshamethatIwasnotonlynotaspitefulbutnotevenanembitteredman,thatIwassimplyscaringsparrowsatrandomandamusingmyselfbyit.
Imight
mousse
foamatthemouth,butbringmeadolltoplaywith,givemeacupofteawithsugarinit,andmaybeIshouldbeappeased.
Imightevenbe
véritablement
genuinelytouched,thoughprobablyIshouldgrindmyteethatmyselfafterwardsandlieawakeatnightwithshameformonthsafter.
Thatwasmyway.
IwaslyingwhenIsaidjustnowthatIwasaspitefulofficial.
Iwaslyingfromspite.
Iwassimplyamusingmyselfwiththepetitionersandwiththeofficer,andinrealityInevercouldbecomespiteful.
Iwas
conscient
consciouseverymomentinmyselfofmany,verymanyelementsabsolutelyoppositetothat.
Ifeltthem
positivement
positivelyswarminginme,theseoppositeelements.
Iknewthattheyhadbeenswarminginmeallmylifeand
envie
cravingsomeoutletfromme,butIwouldnotletthem,wouldnotletthem,
délibérément
purposelywouldnotletthemcomeout.
TheytormentedmetillIwasashamed:
theydrovemetoconvulsionsand—sickenedme,atlast,howtheysickenedme!
Now,arenotyoufancying,gentlemen,thatIamexpressing
remords
remorseforsomethingnow,thatIamaskingyour
pardon
forgivenessforsomething?
Iamsureyouarefancyingthat...
However,I
assure
assureyouIdonotcareifyouare....
ItwasnotonlythatIcouldnotbecomespiteful,Ididnotknowhowtobecomeanything;
neitherspitefulnorkind,neitherarascalnoranhonestman,neitheraheronoran
insecte
insect.
Now,Iamlivingoutmylifeinmycorner,tauntingmyselfwiththespitefulanduseless
consolation
consolationthatanintelligentmancannotbecomeanythingseriously,anditisonlythefoolwhobecomesanything.
Yes,amaninthenineteenthcenturymustand
moralement
morallyoughttobepre-eminentlyacharacterlesscreature;
amanofcharacter,an
actif
activemanispre-eminentlyalimitedcreature.
Thatismyconvictionoffortyyears.
Iamfortyyearsoldnow,andyouknowfortyyearsisawholelifetime;
youknowitis
extrême
extremeoldage.
Tolivelongerthanfortyyearsisbadmanners,is
vulgaire
vulgar,immoral.
Whodoeslivebeyondforty?
Answerthat,sincerelyandhonestlyIwilltellyouwhodo:
foolsandworthlessfellows.
Itellalloldmenthattotheirface,allthesevenerableoldmen,allthesesilver-hairedandreverendseniors!
Itellthewholeworldthattoitsface!
Ihavearighttosayso,forIshallgoonlivingtosixtymyself.
Toseventy!
Toeighty!
Stay,letmetakebreath...
Youimaginenodoubt,gentlemen,thatIwantto
amuser
amuseyou.
Youaremistakeninthat,too.
Iambynomeanssuchamirthfulpersonasyouimagine,orasyoumayimagine;
however,
irrité
irritatedbyallthisbabble(andIfeelthatyouare
irrité
irritated)youthinkfittoaskmewhoIam—thenmyansweris,Iamacollegiateassessor.
IwasintheservicethatImighthavesomethingtoeat(andsolelyforthatreason),andwhenlastyeara
éloigné
distantrelationleftmesixthousandroublesinhiswillIimmediately
retiré
retiredfromtheserviceandsettleddowninmycorner.
Iusedtoliveinthiscornerbefore,butnowIhavesettleddowninit.
Myroomisawretched,
horrible
horridoneintheoutskirtsofthetown.
My
servante
servantisanoldcountry-woman,ill-naturedfrom
stupidité
stupidity,and,moreover,thereisalwaysanastysmellabouther.
IamtoldthatthePetersburg
climat
climateisbadforme,andthatwithmysmallmeansitisveryexpensivetoliveinPetersburg.
Iknowallthatbetterthanallthesesageandexperiencedcounsellorsandmonitors....
ButIamremaininginPetersburg;
IamnotgoingawayfromPetersburg!
Iamnotgoingawaybecause...
ech!
Why,itisabsolutelynomatterwhetherIamgoingawayornotgoingaway.
Butwhatcanadecentmanspeakofwithmostpleasure?
Answer:
Ofhimself.
II
Iwantnowtotellyou,gentlemen,whetheryoucaretohearitornot,whyIcouldnotevenbecomean
insecte
insect.
Itellyousolemnly,thatIhavemanytimestriedtobecomean
insecte
insect.
ButIwasnot
égal
equaleventothat.
Iswear,gentlemen,thattobetoo
conscient
consciousisanillness—arealthorough-going
maladie
illness.
Forman’severydayneeds,itwouldhavebeenquiteenoughtohavetheordinaryhuman
conscience
consciousness,thatis,halforaquarteroftheamountwhichfallstothelotofa
cultivé
cultivatedmanofourunhappynineteenthcentury,especiallyonewhohasthe
fatale
fatalill-lucktoinhabitPetersburg,themost
théorique
theoreticalandintentionaltownonthewholeterrestrial
globe
globe.
(Thereareintentionalandunintentionaltowns.)
Itwouldhavebeenquiteenough,for
exemple
instance,tohavetheconsciousnessbywhichallso-calleddirectpersonsandmenofactionlive.
IbetyouthinkIamwritingallthisfromaffectation,tobewittyattheexpenseofmenofaction;
andwhatismore,thatfromill-bredaffectation,Iamclankingaswordlikemyofficer.
But,gentlemen,whoevercanpridehimselfonhisdiseasesandevenswaggeroverthem?
Though,afterall,everyonedoesdothat;
peopledopridethemselvesontheirdiseases,andIdo,maybe,morethananyone.
Wewillnot
contesterons
disputeit;
mycontentionwas
absurde
absurd.
ButyetIamfirmly
convaincu
persuadedthatagreatdealof
conscience
consciousness,everysortofconsciousness,infact,isadisease.
Isticktothat.
Letusleavethat,too,foraminute.
Tellmethis:
whydoesithappenthatatthevery,yes,attheverymomentswhenIammostcapableoffeelingeveryrefinementofallthatis“sublimeandbeautiful,”astheyusedtosayatonetime,itwould,asthoughofdesign,happentomenotonlytofeelbuttodosuchuglythings,suchthat...
Well,inshort,actionsthatall,perhaps,commit;
butwhich,asthough
délibérément
purposely,occurredtomeattheverytimewhenIwasmost
conscient
consciousthattheyoughtnottobecommitted.
Themore
conscient
consciousIwasofgoodnessandofallthatwas“sublimeandbeautiful,”themoredeeplyIsankintomymireandthemorereadyIwastosinkinitaltogether.
Butthechiefpointwasthatallthiswas,asitwere,not
accidentel
accidentalinme,butasthoughitwereboundtobeso.
Itwasasthoughitweremymostnormalcondition,andnotintheleastdiseaseordepravity,sothatatlastalldesireinmetostruggleagainstthisdepravitypassed.
Itendedbymyalmostbelieving(perhapsactuallybelieving)thatthiswasperhapsmynormalcondition.
Butatfirst,inthebeginning,whatagoniesIenduredinthatstruggle!
Ididnotbelieveitwasthesamewithotherpeople,andallmylifeIhidthisfactaboutmyselfasasecret.
Iwasashamed(evennow,perhaps,Iamashamed):
Igottothepointoffeelingasortofsecret
anormal
abnormal,despicableenjoymentinreturninghometomycorneronsomedisgustingPetersburgnight,acutely
conscient
consciousthatthatdayIhadcommittedaloathsomeactionagain,thatwhatwasdonecouldneverbe
annulé
undone,andsecretly,inwardlygnawing,gnawingatmyselfforit,tearingand
consommant
consumingmyselftillatlastthebitternessturnedintoasortofshamefulaccursedsweetness,andatlast—intopositiverealenjoyment!
Yes,intoenjoyment,intoenjoyment!
Iinsistuponthat.
IhavespokenofthisbecauseIkeepwantingtoknowforafactwhetherotherpeoplefeelsuchenjoyment?
Iwillexplain;
the
jouissance
enjoymentwasjustfromthetoo
intense
intenseconsciousnessofone’sowndegradation;
itwasfromfeelingoneselfthatonehadreachedthelast
barrière
barrier,thatitwashorrible,butthatitcouldnotbeotherwise;
thattherewasnoescapeforyou;
thatyounevercouldbecomeadifferentman;
thateveniftimeandfaithwerestillleftyoutochangeintosomethingdifferentyouwouldmostlikelynotwishtochange;
orifyoudidwishto,eventhenyouwoulddonothing;
becauseperhapsinrealitytherewasnothingforyoutochangeinto.
Andtheworstofitwas,andthe
racine
rootofitall,thatitwasallin
accord
accordwiththenormalfundamentallawsofover-acute
conscience
consciousness,andwiththeinertiathatwasthedirectresultofthoselaws,andthat
par conséquent
consequentlyonewasnotonly
incapable
unabletochangebutcoulddoabsolutelynothing.
Thusitwouldfollow,astheresultof
aiguë
acuteconsciousness,thatoneisnottoblameinbeingascoundrel;
asthoughthatwereany
consolation
consolationtothescoundreloncehehascometo
réalisé
realisethatheactuallyisascoundrel.
Butenough....
Ech,Ihavetalkedalotofnonsense,butwhathaveIexplained?
Howisenjoymentinthistobeexplained?
ButIwillexplainit.
Iwillgettothebottomofit!
ThatiswhyIhavetakenupmypen....
I,for
exemple
instance,haveagreatdealofamourpropre.
Iamas
méfiant
suspiciousandpronetotakeoffenceasahumpbackora
nain
dwarf.
ButuponmywordIsometimeshavehadmomentswhenifIhadhappenedtobe
gifle
slappedinthefaceIshould,perhaps,havebeen
positivement
positivelygladofit.
Isay,inearnest,thatIshouldprobablyhavebeenableto
découvrir
discovereveninthata
particulière
peculiarsortofenjoyment—theenjoyment,ofcourse,of
désespoir
despair;
butindespairtherearethemostintenseenjoyments,especiallywhenoneisveryacutely
conscient
consciousofthehopelessnessofone’sposition.
Andwhenoneis
giflé
slappedintheface—whythenthe
conscience
consciousnessofbeingrubbedintoa
pulpe
pulpwouldpositivelyoverwhelmone.
Theworstofitis,lookatitwhichwayonewill,itstillturnsoutthatIwasalwaysthemosttoblameineverything.
Andwhatismost
humiliant
humiliatingofall,toblamefornofaultofmyownbut,sotosay,throughthelawsofnature.
Inthefirstplace,toblamebecauseIamclevererthananyofthepeoplesurroundingme.
(Ihavealwaysconsideredmyselfclevererthananyofthepeoplesurroundingme,andsometimes,wouldyoubelieveit,havebeenpositivelyashamedofit.
Atanyrate,Ihaveallmylife,asitwere,turnedmyeyesawayandnevercouldlookpeoplestraightintheface.)
Toblame,finally,becauseevenifIhadhadmagnanimity,Ishouldonlyhavehadmoresufferingfromthesenseofitsuselessness.
Ishouldcertainlyhaveneverbeenabletodoanythingfrombeingmagnanimous—neithertoforgive,formyassailantwouldperhapshaveslappedmefromthelawsofnature,andonecannotforgivethelawsofnature;
nortoforget,forevenifitwereowingtothelawsofnature,itis
insulte
insultingallthesame.
Finally,evenifIhadwantedtobeanythingbutmagnanimous,haddesiredonthecontrarytorevengemyselfonmyassailant,IcouldnothaverevengedmyselfonanyoneforanythingbecauseIshouldcertainlyneverhavemadeupmymindtodoanything,evenifIhadbeenableto.
WhyshouldInothavemadeupmymind?
III
Withpeoplewhoknowhowtorevengethemselvesandtostandupforthemselvesingeneral,howisitdone?
Why,whentheyarepossessed,letussuppose,bythefeelingofrevenge,thenforthetimethereisnothingelsebutthatfeelingleftintheirwholebeing.
Suchagentlemansimplydashesstraightforhisobjectlikeaninfuriatedbullwithitshornsdown,andnothingbutawallwillstophim.
(Bytheway:
facingthewall,suchgentlemen—thatis,the“direct”personsandmenofaction—are
véritablement
genuinelynonplussed.
Forthemawallisnotanevasion,asforuspeoplewhothinkand
par conséquent
consequentlydonothing;
itisnotanexcuseforturningaside,anexcuseforwhichwearealwaysveryglad,thoughwe
à peine
scarcelybelieveinitourselves,asarule.
No,theyarenonplussedinall
sincérité
sincerity.
Thewallhasforthemsomethingtranquillising,
moralement
morallysoothing,final—maybeevensomething
mystérieux
mysterious...
butofthewalllater.)
Well,suchadirectpersonI
considère
regardastherealnormalman,ashis
tendre
tendermothernaturewishedtoseehimwhenshegraciouslybroughthimintobeingontheearth.
IenvysuchamantillIamgreenintheface.
Heisstupid.
Iamnot
conteste
disputingthat,butperhapsthenormalmanshouldbestupid,howdoyouknow?
Perhapsitisverybeautiful,infact.
AndIamthemore
persuadé
persuadedofthatsuspicion,ifonecancallitso,bythefactthatifyoutake,for
exemple
instance,theantithesisofthenormalman,thatis,themanof
aiguë
acuteconsciousness,whohascome,ofcourse,notoutofthelapofnaturebutoutofaretort(thisisalmostmysticism,gentlemen,butIsuspectthis,too),thisretort-mademanissometimessononplussedinthepresenceofhisantithesisthatwithallhisexaggerated
conscience
consciousnesshegenuinelythinksofhimselfasamouseandnotaman.
Itmaybeanacutelyconsciousmouse,yetitisamouse,whiletheotherisaman,andtherefore,etcaetera,etcaetera.
Andtheworstofitis,hehimself,hisveryownself,looksonhimselfasamouse;
nooneaskshimtodoso;
andthatisanimportantpoint.
Nowletuslookatthismouseinaction.
Letussuppose,for
exemple
instance,thatitfeelsinsulted,too(anditalmostalwaysdoesfeel
insulté
insulted),andwantstorevengeitself,too.
Theremayevenbeagreateraccumulationofspiteinitthaninl’hommedelanatureetdelavérité.
Thebaseandnastydesiretoventthatspiteonitsassailantranklesperhapsevenmorenastilyinitthaninl’hommedelanatureetdelavérité.
Forthroughhisinnate
stupidité
stupiditythelatterlooksuponhisrevengeasjusticepureandsimple;
whileinconsequenceofhis
aiguë
acuteconsciousnessthemousedoesnotbelieveinthejusticeofit.
Tocomeatlasttothedeeditself,totheveryactofrevenge.
Apartfromtheone
fondamentale
fundamentalnastinessthelucklessmouse
réussit
succeedsincreatingarounditsomanyothernastinessesintheformofdoubtsandquestions,addstotheonequestionsomanyunsettledquestionsthatthere
inévitablement
inevitablyworksuparounditasortof
fatale
fatalbrew,astinkingmess,madeupofitsdoubts,emotions,andofthe
mépris
contemptspatuponitbythedirectmenofactionwhostand
solennellement
solemnlyaboutitasjudgesandarbitrators,laughingatittilltheirhealthysidesache.
Ofcoursetheonlythingleftforitisto
rejeter
dismissallthatwithawaveofitspaw,and,withasmileofassumed
mépris
contemptinwhichitdoesnotevenitselfbelieve,creepignominiouslyintoitsmouse-hole.
Thereinitsnasty,stinking,undergroundhomeourinsulted,crushedandridiculedmousepromptlybecomesabsorbedincold,malignantand,aboveall,
éternelle
everlastingspite.
Forfortyyearstogetheritwillrememberits
blessure
injurydowntothesmallest,mostignominiousdetails,andeverytimewilladd,ofitself,detailsstillmoreignominious,spitefully
taquinant
teasingandtormentingitselfwithitsownimagination.
Itwillitselfbeashamedofitsimaginings,butyetitwill
souviendra
recallitall,itwillgooverandoverevery
détail
detail,itwillinventunheardofthingsagainstitself,pretendingthatthosethingsmighthappen,andwillforgivenothing.
Maybeitwillbegintorevengeitself,too,but,asitwere,piecemeal,intrivialways,frombehindthestove,incognito,withoutbelievingeitherinitsownrighttovengeance,orinthesuccessofitsrevenge,knowingthatfromallitseffortsatrevengeitwillsufferahundredtimesmorethanheonwhomitrevengesitself,whilehe,Idaresay,willnotevenscratchhimself.
Onitsdeathbeditwill
souviendra
recallitalloveragain,withinterestaccumulatedoveralltheyearsand...
Butitisjustinthatcold,
abominable
abominablehalfdespair,halfbelief,inthat
conscient
consciousburyingoneselfalivefor
chagrin
griefintheunderworldforfortyyears,inthatacutely
reconnu
recognisedandyetpartlydoubtfulhopelessnessofone’sposition,inthathellofunsatisfieddesiresturnedinward,inthatfeverofoscillations,ofresolutionsdeterminedforeverandrepentedofagainaminutelater—thatthesavourofthatstrangeenjoymentofwhichIhavespokenlies.
Itisso
subtil
subtle,sodifficultofanalysis,thatpersonswhoarealittlelimited,orevensimplypersonsofstrongnerves,willnotunderstandasingle
atome
atomofit.
“Possibly,”youwilladdonyourownaccountwitha
sourire
grin,“peoplewillnotunderstanditeitherwhohaveneverreceiveda
claque
slapintheface,”andinthatwayyouwillpolitelyhinttomethatI,too,perhaps,havehadtheexperienceofa
claque
slapinthefaceinmylife,andsoIspeakasonewhoknows.
Ibetthatyouarethinkingthat.
Butsetyourmindsatrest,gentlemen,Ihavenotreceiveda
gifle
slapintheface,thoughitisabsolutelyamatterofindifferencetomewhatyoumaythinkaboutit.
Possibly,Ievenregret,myself,thatIhavegivensofewslapsinthefaceduringmylife.
Butenough...
notanotherwordonthatsubjectofsuch
extrême
extremeinteresttoyou.
Iwillcontinue
calmement
calmlyconcerningpersonswithstrongnerveswhodonotunderstandacertainrefinementof
jouissance
enjoyment.
Thoughincertaincircumstancesthesegentlemenbellowtheirloudestlikebulls,thoughthis,letussuppose,doesthemthegreatestcredit,yet,asIhavesaidalready,confrontedwiththeimpossibletheysubsideatonce.
Theimpossiblemeansthestonewall!
Whatstonewall?
Why,ofcourse,thelawsofnature,thedeductionsofnaturalscience,mathematics.