CHAPTERI
IfithadnotrainedonacertainMay
aamuna
morningValancyStirling’swholelifewouldhavebeenentirelydifferent.Shewould
on
havegone,withtherestofherclan,toAuntWellington’sengagementpicnicandDr.Trentwouldon
havegonetoMontreal.Butitdidrainandyoushall
kuulla
hearwhathappenedtoherbecauseofsen
it.Valancywakenedearly,inthelifeless,hopelesshourjustprecedingdawn.
She
ollut
hadnotsleptverywell.Onedoesnot
nukkua
sleepwell,sometimes,whenoneistwenty-nineonthemorrow,ja
andunmarried,inacommunityja
andconnectionwheretheunmarriedaresimplyniitä
thosewhohavefailedtosaamaan
getaman.DeerwoodandtheStirlings
olivat
hadlongsincerelegatedValancytohopelessoldmaidenhood.Mutta
ButValancyherselfhadneverquiterelinquishedacertainpitiful,shamed,littlehopeettä
thatRomancewouldcomeherwayyet—never,untilthiswet,horribleaamuna
morning,whenshewakenedtothefactettä
thatshewastwenty-nineandunsoughtbyanymies
man.Ay,therelaythesting.
Valancydidnotmindso
paljon
muchbeinganoldmaid.Afterall,she
ajatteli
thought,beinganoldmaidcouldn’tpossiblybeasdreadfulasbeingnaimisissa
marriedtoanUncleWellingtontai
oranUncleBenjamin,orjopa
evenanUncleHerbert.What
satutti
hurtherwasthatshehadkoskaan
neverhadachancetobemitään
anythingbutanoldmaid.Ei
Nomanhadeverdesiredhäntä
her.Thetearscameintohereyesasshelay
siellä
therealoneinthefaintlygreyingdarkness.Shedarednot
antaa
letherselfcryashardasshehalusi
wantedto,fortworeasons.Shewasafraid
että
thatcryingmightbringonanotherattackofettä
thatpainaroundtheheart.Shehadhadaspellofitaftershehadgotintobed—ratherworse
kuin
thananyshehadhadvielä
yet.Andshewasafraidhermotherwouldnoticeherredeyesatbreakfast
ja
andkeepatherwithminute,persistent,mosquito-likequestionsregardingthecausethereof.“Suppose,”
ajatteli
thoughtValancywithaghastlygrin,“Ivastasin
answeredwiththeplaintruth,‘Iamcryingkoska
becauseIcannotgetmarried.’Kuinka
HowhorrifiedMotherwouldbe—thoughsheisashamedjoka
everydayofherlifeofheroldmaiddaughter.”Mutta
Butofcourseappearancesshouldbepidettävä
keptup.“Itisnot,”Valancycould
kuuli
hearhermother’sprim,dictatorialvoiceasserting,“itisnotmaidenlytoajatella
thinkaboutmen.”Thethoughtofhermother’sexpressionmadeValancylaugh—forshe
oli
hadasenseofhumourkukaan
nobodyinherclansuspected.Forthatmatter,therewereagood
monia
manythingsaboutValancythatkukaan
nobodysuspected.Butherlaughterwas
hyvin
verysuperficialandpresentlyshelaythere,ahuddled,futilelittlefigure,kuuntelemassa
listeningtotherainpouringdownulkona
outsideandwatching,withasickdistaste,thechill,mercilesslightcreepingintoherugly,sordidroom.She
tunsi
knewtheuglinessofthatroombyheart—knewitandhatedit.Theyellow-paintedfloor,
jossa
withonehideous,“hooked”rugbythesängyn
bed,withagrotesque,“hooked”koira
dogonit,alwaysgrinningatherkun
whensheawoke;thefaded,dark-redpaper;
theceilingdiscolouredbyoldleaks
ja
andcrossedbycracks;thenarrow,pinched
pieni
littlewashstand;thebrown-paperlambrequin
jossa
withpurplerosesonit;thespotted
vanha
oldlooking-glasswiththecrackacrossit,proppedupontheinadequatedressing-table;thejarofancientpotpourri
teki
madebyhermotherinhermythicalhoneymoon;theshell-coveredbox,with
yksi
oneburstcorner,whichCousinSticklesoli
hadmadeinherequallymythicalgirlhood;thebeadedpincushionwith
puolet
halfitsbeadfringegone;theonestiff,yellowchair;
thefaded
vanha
oldmotto,“Gonebutnotforgotten,”workedincolouredyarnsaboutGreat-grand-motherStirling’sgrimvanha
oldface;theoldphotographsofancientrelatives
kauan
longbanishedfromtheroomsbelow.Siellä
Therewereonlytwopicturesthatwerenotofrelatives.Yksi
One,anoldchromoofapuppyistuu
sittingonarainydoorstep.Thatpicture
aina
alwaysmadeValancyunhappy.Thatforlorn
pieni
littledogcrouchedonthedoorstepinthedrivingrain!Miksi
Whydidn’tsomeoneopenthedoorja
andlethimin?Theotherpicturewasafaded,passe-partoutedengravingofQueenLouisecomingdownastairway,
joka
whichAuntWellingtonhadlavishlyantanut
givenheronhertenthbirthday.Fornineteenyearsshe
oli
hadlookedatitandhatedsitä
it,beautiful,smug,self-satisfiedQueenLouise.Mutta
Butsheneverdareddestroyittai
orremoveit.MotherandCousinStickleswouldhavebeenaghast,
tai
or,asValancyirreverentlyexpresseditinherajatteli
thoughts,wouldhavehadafit.Everyroominthehousewasugly,ofcourse.
Mutta
Butdownstairsappearanceswerekeptupsomewhat.Therewas
ei
nomoneyforroomsnobodyevernähnyt
saw.Valancysometimesfeltthatshecould
olisi
havedonesomethingforherroomherself,vaikka
evenwithoutmoney,ifshewerepermitted.Mutta
ButhermotherhadnegativedeverytimidsuggestionandValancydidnotpersist.Valancy
koskaan
neverpersisted.Shewasafraidto.
Hermothercouldnotbrookopposition.
Mrs.Stirlingwouldsulkfordays
jos
ifoffended,withtheairsofaninsultedduchess.The
ainoa
onlythingValancylikedaboutherroomwasettä
thatshecouldbealonesiellä
thereatnighttocryjos
ifshewantedto.But,afterall,whatdidit
väliä
matterifaroom,whichyoukäytit
usedfornothingexceptsleepingja
anddressingin,wereugly?Valancywas
koskaan
neverpermittedtostayaloneinherroomforanyotherpurpose.Ihmiset
Peoplewhowantedtobeyksin
alone,soMrs.FrederickStirlingja
andCousinSticklesbelieved,couldvain
onlywanttobealoneforsomesinisterpurpose.Mutta
ButherroomintheBlueCastlewaskaikki
everythingaroomshouldbe.Valancy,socowed
ja
andsubduedandoverriddenandsnubbedinreallife,waswonttooli
letherselfgorathersplendidlyinherday-dreams.Kukaan
NobodyintheStirlingclan,tai
oritsramifications,suspectedthis,vähiten
leastofallhermotherandCousinStickles.They
koskaan
neverknewthatValancyhadkaksi
twohomes—theuglyredbrickboxofahome,onElmStreet,andtheBlueCastleinSpain.Valancy
oli
hadlivedspirituallyintheBlueCastleeversinceshecouldmuisti
remember.Shehadbeena
hyvin
verytinychildwhenshefoundherselfpossessedofsen
it.Always,whensheshuthereyes,shecould
näki
seeitplainly,withitsturretsandbannersonthepine-cladmountainheight,wrappedinitsfaint,blueloveliness,vasten
againstthesunsetskiesofafairandunknownland.Kaikki
Everythingwonderfulandbeautifulwasinthatcastle.Jewelsthatqueens
saattoivat
mighthaveworn;robesofmoonlightand
tulen
fire;couchesofrosesandgold;
longflightsofshallowmarblesteps,withgreat,whiteurns,andwithslender,mist-cladmaidens
menivät
goingupanddownthem;courts,marble-pillared,whereshimmeringfountainsfell
ja
andnightingalessangamongthemyrtles;hallsofmirrorsthatreflected
vain
onlyhandsomeknightsandlovelywomen—herselftheloveliestofall,forwhoseglancemenkuolivat
died.Allthatsupportedher
läpi
throughtheboredomofherdayswasthetoivo
hopeofgoingonadreamspreeatyöllä
night.Most,ifnotall,oftheStirlingswould
olisivat
havediedofhorroriftheyolisivat
hadknownhalfthethingsValancyteki
didinherBlueCastle.Foronethingshe
oli
hadquiteafewloversinit.Oh,
vain
onlyoneatatime.Onewhowooedherwithalltheromanticardouroftheageofchivalryand
voitti
wonherafterlongdevotionandmanydeedsofderring-do,andwasweddedtoherwithpompandcircumstanceinthegreat,banner-hungchapeloftheBlueCastle.Attwelve,
tämä
thisloverwasafairladwithgoldencurlsja
andheavenlyblueeyes.Atfifteen,hewastall
ja
anddarkandpale,butsilti
stillnecessarilyhandsome.Attwenty,hewasascetic,dreamy,spiritual.
Attwenty-five,he
oli
hadaclean-cutjaw,slightlygrim,ja
andafacestrongandruggedratherkuin
thanhandsome.Valancynevergrewolder
kuin
thantwenty-fiveinherBlueCastle,mutta
butrecently—veryrecently—herherohadhadreddish,tawnyhiukset
hair,atwistedsmileandamysteriouspast.Idon’t
sano
sayValancydeliberatelymurderedtheseloversassheoutgrewthem.Yksi
Onesimplyfadedawayastoinen
anothercame.ThingsareveryconvenientinthisrespectinBlueCastles.
Mutta
But,onthismorningofherdayoffate,Valancycouldnotlöytänyt
findthekeyofherBlueCastle.Realitypressedonher
liian
toohardly,barkingatherheelskuin
likeamaddeninglittledog.Shewastwenty-nine,lonely,undesired,ill-favoured—the
ainoa
onlyhomelygirlinahandsomeclan,withei
nopastandnofuture.As
pitkälle
farasshecouldlooktaaksepäin
back,lifewasdrabandcolourless,withnotonesinglecrimsontai
orpurplespotanywhere.As
pitkälle
farasshecouldlookforwarditseemedcertaintobeaivan
justthesameuntilshewasmitään
nothingbutasolitary,littlewitheredleafclingingtoawintrybough.The
hetki
momentwhenawomanrealisesthatsheole
hasnothingtolivefor—neitherlove,duty,purposenorhope—holdsforherthebitternessofdeath.“AndIjust
on
havetogoonlivingkoska
becauseIcan’tstop.Imayhaveto
elää
liveeightyyears,”thoughtValancy,inakindofpanic.“We’re
kaikki
allhorriblylong-lived.Itsickensmeto
ajattelen
thinkofit.”Shewasgladitwasraining—orrather,shewasdrearilysatisfied
että
thatitwasraining.Therewouldbe
ei
nopicnicthatday.Thisannualpicnic,wherebyAuntand
Setä
UncleWellington—onealwaysthoughtoftheminthatsuccession—inevitablycelebratedtheirengagementatapicnicthirtyyearsbefore,hadbeen,oflateyears,averitablenightmaretoValancy.Byanimpishcoincidenceitwasthesamedayasherbirthday
ja
and,aftershehadpassedtwenty-five,kukaan
nobodyletherforgetit.Paljon
Muchasshehatedgoingtothepicnic,itwouldkoskaan
neverhaveoccurredtohertorebelvastaan
againstit.Thereseemedtobe
mitään
nothingoftherevolutionaryinhernature.Ja
Andsheknewexactlywhateveryonewouldsanoisivat
saytoheratthepicnic.Setä
UncleWellington,whomshedislikedanddespisedeventhoughhehadfulfilledthehighestStirlingaspiration,“marryingmoney,”wouldsanoi
saytoherinapig’swhisper,“Notthinkingofgettingmarriedyet,mydear?”andthengooffintothebellowoflaughterwithwhichheinvariablyconcludedhisdullremarks.
AuntWellington,ofwhomValancystoodinabjectawe,would
kertoi
tellheraboutOlive’snewchiffondressandCecil’slastdevotedletter.Valancywould
on
havetolookaspleasedja
andinterestedasifthedressja
andletterhadbeenhersorelseAuntWellingtonwouldbeoffended.Ja
AndValancyhadlongagodecidedettä
thatshewouldratheroffendJumala
GodthanAuntWellington,becauseJumala
GodmightforgiveherbutAuntWellingtonkoskaan
neverwould.AuntAlberta,enormouslyfat,withanamiablehabitof
aina
alwaysreferringtoherhusbandas“he,”asifheweretheainoa
onlymalecreatureintheworld,joka
whocouldneverforgetthatshehadbeenagreatbeautyinheryouth,wouldcondolewithValancyonhersallowskin—.“Idon’t
tiedä
knowwhyallthegirlsoftodayaresosunburned.Kun
WhenIwasagirlmyskinwasrosesja
andcream.IwascountedtheprettiestgirlinCanada,mydear.”
Ehkä
PerhapsUncleHerbertwouldn’tsayanything—orehkä
perhapshewouldremarkjocularly,“Howfatyou’regetting,Doss!”Andthen
kaikki
everybodywouldlaughovertheexcessivelyhumorousideaofpoor,scrawnypikku
littleDossgettingfat.Handsome,solemn
Setä
UncleJames,whomValancydislikedmutta
butrespectedbecausehewasreputedtobeverycleverja
andwasthereforetheclanoracle—brainsbeingnonetooplentifulintheStirlingconnection—wouldluultavasti
probablyremarkwiththeowl-likesarcasmettä
thathadwonhimhisreputation,“Isupposeyou’rebusywithyourhope-chestthesedays?”And
Setä
UncleBenjaminwouldasksomeofhisabominableconundrums,välillä
betweenwheezychuckles,andanswerthemhimself.“WhatisthedifferencebetweenDoss
ja
andamouse?“Themouse
haluaa
wishestoharmthecheeseja
andDosswishestocharmthehe’s.”Valancy
oli
hadheardhimaskthatriddlefiftytimesja
andeverytimeshewantedtothrowjotakin
somethingathim.Butshe
koskaan
neverdid.Inthefirstplace,theStirlingssimplydidnotthrowthings;
inthesecondplace,
Setä
UncleBenjaminwasawealthyandchildlessvanha
oldwidowerandValancyhadbeenbroughtupinthefearandadmonitionofhismoney.Jos
Ifsheoffendedhimhewouldcutheroutofhiswill—supposingshewereinit.Valancydidnot
halunnut
wanttobecutoutofUncleBenjamin’swill.Shehadbeenpoorallherlifeand
tunsi
knewthegallingbitternessofsen
it.Sosheenduredhisriddles
ja
andevensmiledtorturedlittlesmilesyli
overthem.AuntIsabel,downright
ja
anddisagreeableasaneastwind,wouldcriticiseherinsomeway—Valancyvoinut
couldnotpredictjusthow,forAuntIsabelkoskaan
neverrepeatedacriticism—shefoundjotain
somethingnewwithwhichtojabyoueverytime.AuntIsabelpridedherselfonsayingwhatshethought,
mutta
butdidn’tlikeitsowellkun
whenotherpeoplesaidwhattheythoughttohänelle
her.Valancyneversaidwhatshe
ajatteli
thought.CousinGeorgiana—namedafterhergreat-great-grand-mother,whohadbeennamed
jälkeen
afterGeorgetheFourth—wouldrecountdolorouslythenamesofallrelativesandfriendswhohadolivat kuolleet
diedsincethelastpicnicandwonder“whichofuswillbetheensimmäinen
firsttogonext.”Oppressivelycompetent,AuntMildredwould
puhui
talkendlesslyofherhusbandandherodiousprodigiesofbabiestoValancy,sillä
becauseValancywouldbetheonlyoneshecouldfindtoputupwithit.Forthesame
syystä
reason,CousinGladys—reallyFirstCousinGladyskerran
onceremoved,accordingtothestrictwayinwhichtheStirlingstabulatedrelationship—atall,thinnainen
ladywhoadmittedshehadasensitivedisposition,woulddescribeminutelythetorturesofherneuritis.AndOlive,thewonder
tyttö
girlofthewholeStirlingclan,whohadkaikki
everythingValancyhadnot—beauty,popularity,love,—wouldnäytti
showoffherbeautyandpresumeonherpopularityandflauntherdiamondinsigniaofrakkaus
loveinValancy’sdazzled,enviouseyes.Therewouldbenoneofall
tätä
thistoday.Andtherewouldbe
ei
nopackingupofteaspoons.Thepackingupwas
aina
alwaysleftforValancyandCousinStickles.Ja
Andonce,sixyearsago,asilverteaspoonfromAuntWellington’sweddingsethadbeenkadonnut
lost.Valancyneverheardthe
viimeksi
lastofthatsilverteaspoon.ItsghostappearedBanquo-likeateverysubsequentfamilyfeast.
Oh,yes,Valancy
tiesi
knewexactlywhatthepicnicwouldbelikeja
andsheblessedtherainthathadsavedherfromit.Therewouldbe
ei
nopicnicthisyear.IfAuntWellington
voisi
couldnotcelebrateonthesacreddayitselfshewouldon
havenocelebrationatall.Thankwhatevergodstherewereforthat.
Koska
Sincetherewouldbenopicnic,Valancymadeuphermindettä
that,iftherainheldupintheafternoon,shewouldmenisi
gouptothelibraryandgettoisen
anotherofJohnFoster’sbooks.Valancywasneverallowedto
lukea
readnovels,butJohnFoster’sbookswerenotnovels.Theywere“naturebooks”—sothelibrarian
kertoi
toldMrs.FrederickStirling—“allaboutthewoodsja
andbirdsandbugsandthingslikethat,youknow.”SoValancywasallowedto
lukea
readthem—underprotest,foritwasonlytooevidentettä
thatsheenjoyedthemtoomuch.Itwaspermissible,
jopa
evenlaudable,toreadtoimproveyourmindja
andyourreligion,butakirja
bookthatwasenjoyablewasdangerous.Valancydidnot
tiennyt
knowwhetherhermindwasbeingimprovedornot;mutta
butshefeltvaguelythatjos
ifshehadcomeacrossJohnFoster’sbooksyearssitten
agolifemighthavebeenadifferentthingforhänelle
her.Theyseemedtohertoyieldglimpsesofaworldintowhichshemight
kerran
oncehaveentered,thoughtheovi
doorwasforeverbarredtohernyt
now.Itwasonlywithinthelast
vuoden
yearthatJohnFoster’sbookshadbeenintheDeerwoodlibrary,vaikka
thoughthelibrariantoldValancyettä
thathehadbeenawell-knownwriterforseveralyears.“Wheredoeshelive?”
Valancy
oli
hadasked.“Nobodyknows.
Fromhisbookshe
täytyy
mustbeaCanadian,butei
nomoreinformationcanbeolla
had.Hispublisherswon’tsayaword.
QuitelikelyJohnFosterisanomdeplume.
Hisbooksaresopopularwecan’t
pitää
keeptheminatall,vaikka
thoughIreallycan’tseewhatihmiset
peoplefindinthemtoraveover.”“Ithinkthey’rewonderful,”
sanoi
saidValancy,timidly.“Oh—well—”
MissClarksonsmiledinapatronisingfashion
että
thatrelegatedValancy’sopinionstolimbo,“Ican’tsanoa
sayIcaremuchforbugsmyself.Mutta
ButcertainlyFosterseemstoknowallthereistoknowaboutthem.”Valancydidn’t
tiennyt
knowwhethershecaredmuchforbugsmyöskään
either.ItwasnotJohnFoster’suncannyknowledgeofwildcreaturesandinsectlifethatenthralledher.
Shecouldhardly
sanoa
saywhatitwas—sometantalisinglureofamysterykoskaan
neverrevealed—somehintofagreatsecretvain
justalittlefurtheron—somefaint,elusiveechooflovely,forgottenthings—JohnFoster’smagicwasindefinable.Kyllä
Yes,shewouldgetauuden
newFosterbook.Itwasamonthsinceshe
oli
hadThistleHarvest,sosurelyÄiti
Mothercouldnotobject.Valancy
oli
hadreaditfourtimes—shetunsi
knewwholepassagesoffbyheart.And—she
melkein
almostthoughtshewouldgoja
andseeDr.Trentaboutthatqueerpainaroundthesydämen
heart.Ithadcomeratheroftenlately,andthepalpitationswerebecomingannoying,nottospeakofanoccasionaldizzy
hetki
momentandaqueershortnessofbreath.Mutta
Butcouldshegotoseehimwithoutkertomatta
tellinganyone?Itwasamostdaringthought.
NoneoftheStirlingseverconsultedadoctor
ilman
withoutholdingafamilycouncilandgettingUncleJames’approval.Then,they
menivät
wenttoDr.AmbroseMarshofPortLawrence,joka
whohadmarriedSecondCousinAdelaideStirling.Mutta
ButValancydislikedDr.AmbroseMarsh.And,besides,she
voinut
couldnotgettoPortLawrence,fifteenmilesaway,ilman
withoutbeingtakenthere.Shedidnot
halunnut
wantanyonetoknowaboutherheart.Siellä
Therewouldbesuchafussmadeandeverymemberofthefamilywouldtulivat
comedownandtalkitoverandadviseherandcautionherandwarnherandkertoivat
tellherhorribletalesofgreat-auntsandcousinsfortytimesremovedjotka
whohadbeen“justlikethat”and“droppeddeadilman
withoutamoment’swarning,mydear.”AuntIsabelwould
muisti
rememberthatshehadalwayssanonut
saidDosslookedlikeagirlwhowouldhavehearttrouble—“sopinchedandpeakedalways”;ja
andUncleWellingtonwouldtakeitasapersonalinsult,kun
when“noStirlingeverhadheartdiseasebefore”;ja
andGeorgianawouldforebodeinperfectlyaudibleasidesettä
that“poor,dearlittleDossisn’tkauan
longforthisworld,I’mafraid”;andCousinGladyswould
sanoi
say,“Why,myhearthasbeenlikethatforyears,”inatonethatimpliednooneelsehadmitään
anybusinesseventohaveasydämen
heart;andOlive—Olivewouldmerely
näyttäisi
lookbeautifulandsuperioranddisgustinglyhealthy,asiftosanoen
say,“WhyallthisfussoverafadedsuperfluitylikeDosskun
whenyouhaveme?”Valancy
tunsi
feltthatshecouldn’ttellkenellekään
anybodyunlessshehadto.She
tunsi
feltquitesuretherewasmitään
nothingatallseriouslywrongwithherheartandnotarvinnut
needofallthepotherthatwouldensuejos
ifshementionedit.Shewould
vain
justslipupquietlyandseeDr.Trentthatveryday.Asforhisbill,she
oli
hadthetwohundreddollarsthatherisänsä
fatherhadputinthebankforherthedayshewasborn.Shewasneverallowedto
käyttää
useeventheinterestofthis,mutta
butshewouldsecretlytakeoutenoughtomaksamaan
payDr.Trent.Dr.
Trentwasagruff,outspoken,absent-minded
vanha
oldfellow,buthewasarecognisedauthorityonheartdisease,vaikka
evenifhewereonlyageneralpractitionerinout-of-the-worldDeerwood.Dr.Trentwas
yli
overseventyandtherehadbeenrumoursettä
thathemeanttoretirepian
soon.NoneoftheStirlingclanhadevergonetohimsincehehadtoldCousinGladys,
kymmenen
tenyearsbefore,thatherneuritiswasallimaginaryandettä
thatsheenjoyedit.Youcouldn’tpatroniseadoctor
joka
whoinsultedyourfirst-cousin-once-removedlikethat—nottomentionettä
thathewasaPresbyteriankun
whenalltheStirlingswenttotheAnglicanchurch.CHAPTERII
Kun
WhenCousinSticklesknockedatherdoor,Valancytiesi
knewitwashalf-pastsevenja
andshemustgetup.As
kauan
longasshecouldremember,CousinSticklesoli
hadknockedatherdoorathalf-pastseven.CousinSticklesandMrs.FrederickStirlinghadbeenupsinceseven,
mutta
butValancywasallowedtolieabedpuoli
halfanhourlongerbecauseofafamilytraditionthatshewasdelicate.Valancygot
ylös
up,thoughshehatedgettingylös
upmorethismorningthanevershehadennen
before.