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Notes from the Underground | Gradually Hardening Dutch B2 Translation Books

Notes from the Underground | Gradually Hardening Dutch B2 Translation Books

Embrace the benefits of this cutting-edge translation method, offering a tailored learning experience by letting you select the difficulty level that fits you best. It improves your comprehension by urging you to deduce meanings from context, reducing the need for constant translation. While some translations are intentionally masked to encourage guessing, it's always acceptable to check unfamiliar words. This method strikes the perfect balance between challenge and accessibility, making language learning both effective and enjoyable. Immerse yourself in these translated classics and uncover the pleasure of learning through literary exploration.

I
Iamasickman....
Iamaspitefulman.
Iamanunattractiveman.
Ibelievemy
lever
liverisdiseased.
However,Iknownothingatallaboutmydisease,anddonotknowforcertainwhatailsme.
Idon’tconsultadoctorforit,andneverhave,thoughIhavearespectformedicineanddoctors.
Besides,Iamextremely
bijgelovig
superstitious,sufficientlysotorespectmedicine,anyway(Iamwell-educatedenoughnottobe
bijgelovig
superstitious,butIamsuperstitious).
No,Irefuseto
raadplegen
consultadoctorfromspite.
Thatyouprobablywillnotunderstand.
Well,Iunderstandit,though.
Ofcourse,Ican’texplainwhoitis
precies
preciselythatIammortifyinginthiscasebymyspite:
IamperfectlywellawarethatIcannot“payout”thedoctorsbynot
raadplegen
consultingthem;
IknowbetterthananyonethatbyallthisIamonlyinjuringmyselfandnooneelse.
Butstill,ifIdon’tconsultadoctoritisfromspite.
My
lever
liverisbad,well—letitgetworse!
Ihavebeengoingonlikethatforalongtime—twentyyears.
NowIamforty.
Iusedtobeinthegovernmentservice,butamnolonger.
Iwasaspitefulofficial.
Iwasrudeandtookpleasureinbeingso.
Ididnottakebribes,yousee,soIwasboundtofindarecompenseinthat,atleast.
(Apoorjest,butIwillnotscratchitout.
Iwroteitthinkingitwouldsoundvery
geestig
witty;
butnowthatIhaveseenmyselfthatIonlywantedtoshowoffina
verachtelijke
despicableway,Iwillnotscratchitoutonpurpose!)
WhenpetitionersusedtocomeforinformationtothetableatwhichIsat,Iusedtogrindmyteethatthem,andfelt
intens
intenseenjoymentwhenIsucceededinmakinganybodyunhappy.
Ialmostdid
gelukt
succeed.
Forthemostparttheywerealltimidpeople—ofcourse,theywerepetitioners.
ButoftheuppishonestherewasoneofficerinparticularIcouldnot
verdragen
endure.
Hesimplywouldnotbe
nederig
humble,andclankedhisswordinadisgustingway.
Icarriedonafeudwithhimforeighteenmonthsoverthatsword.
AtlastIgotthebetterofhim.
Heleftoffclankingit.
Thathappenedinmyyouth,though.
Butdoyouknow,gentlemen,whatwasthechiefpointaboutmyspite?
Why,thewholepoint,therealstingofitlayinthefactthat
voortdurend
continually,eveninthemomentoftheacutest
milt
spleen,IwasinwardlyconsciouswithshamethatIwasnotonlynotaspitefulbutnotevenanembitteredman,thatIwassimplyscaringsparrowsatrandomandamusingmyselfbyit.
Imight
schuim
foamatthemouth,butbringmeadolltoplaywith,givemeacupofteawithsugarinit,andmaybeIshouldbeappeased.
Imightevenbe
oprecht
genuinelytouched,thoughprobablyIshouldgrindmyteethatmyselfafterwardsandlieawakeatnightwithshameformonthsafter.
Thatwasmyway.
IwaslyingwhenIsaidjustnowthatIwasaspitefulofficial.
Iwaslyingfromspite.
Iwassimplyamusingmyselfwiththepetitionersandwiththeofficer,andinrealityInevercouldbecomespiteful.
Iwas
bewust
consciouseverymomentinmyselfofmany,verymanyelementsabsolutelyoppositetothat.
Ifeltthem
positief
positivelyswarminginme,theseoppositeelements.
Iknewthattheyhadbeenswarminginmeallmylifeandcravingsomeoutletfromme,butIwouldnotletthem,wouldnotletthem,
opzettelijk
purposelywouldnotletthemcomeout.
TheytormentedmetillIwasashamed:
theydrovemetoconvulsionsand—sickenedme,atlast,howtheysickenedme!
Now,arenotyoufancying,gentlemen,thatIamexpressing
berouw
remorseforsomethingnow,thatIamaskingyour
vergiffenis
forgivenessforsomething?
Iamsureyouarefancyingthat...
However,I
verzeker
assureyouIdonotcareifyouare....
ItwasnotonlythatIcouldnotbecomespiteful,Ididnotknowhowtobecomeanything;
neitherspitefulnorkind,neithera
schurk
rascalnoranhonestman,neitheraheronoraninsect.
Now,Iamlivingoutmylifeinmycorner,tauntingmyselfwiththespitefulanduseless
troost
consolationthatanintelligentmancannotbecomeanythingseriously,anditisonlythefoolwhobecomesanything.
Yes,amaninthenineteenthcenturymustandmorallyoughttobepre-eminentlyacharacterlesscreature;
amanofcharacter,an
actieve
activemanispre-eminentlya
beperkt
limitedcreature.
Thatismy
overtuiging
convictionoffortyyears.
Iamfortyyearsoldnow,andyouknowfortyyearsisawholelifetime;
youknowitis
extreme
extremeoldage.
Tolivelongerthanfortyyearsisbadmanners,is
vulgair
vulgar,immoral.
Whodoeslivebeyondforty?
Answerthat,sincerelyandhonestlyIwilltellyouwhodo:
foolsandworthlessfellows.
Itellalloldmenthattotheirface,allthesevenerableoldmen,allthesesilver-hairedandreverendseniors!
Itellthewholeworldthattoitsface!
Ihavearighttosayso,forIshallgoonlivingtosixtymyself.
Toseventy!
Toeighty!
Stay,letmetakebreath...
Youimaginenodoubt,gentlemen,thatIwantto
amuseren
amuseyou.
Youaremistakeninthat,too.
Iambynomeanssuchamirthfulpersonasyouimagine,orasyoumayimagine;
however,
geïrriteerd
irritatedbyallthisbabble(andIfeelthatyouare
geïrriteerd
irritated)youthinkfittoaskmewhoIam—thenmyansweris,Iamacollegiateassessor.
IwasintheservicethatImighthavesomethingtoeat(andsolelyforthatreason),andwhenlastyeara
verre
distantrelationleftmesixthousandroublesinhiswillIimmediately
pensioen
retiredfromtheserviceandsettleddowninmycorner.
Iusedtoliveinthiscornerbefore,butnowIhavesettleddowninit.
Myroomisa
ellendige
wretched,horridoneinthe
buitenwijken
outskirtsofthetown.
My
dienaar
servantisanoldcountry-woman,ill-naturedfrom
domheid
stupidity,and,moreover,thereisalwaysanastysmellabouther.
IamtoldthatthePetersburg
klimaat
climateisbadforme,andthatwithmysmallmeansitisveryexpensivetoliveinPetersburg.
Iknowallthatbetterthanallthesesageandexperiencedcounsellorsandmonitors....
ButIamremaininginPetersburg;
IamnotgoingawayfromPetersburg!
Iamnotgoingawaybecause...
ech!
Why,itisabsolutelynomatterwhetherIamgoingawayornotgoingaway.
Butwhatcanadecentmanspeakofwithmostpleasure?
Answer:
Ofhimself.
II
Iwantnowtotellyou,gentlemen,whetheryoucaretohearitornot,whyIcouldnotevenbecomeaninsect.
Itellyou
plechtig
solemnly,thatIhavemanytimestriedtobecomeaninsect.
ButIwasnot
gelijk
equaleventothat.
Iswear,gentlemen,thattobetoo
bewust
consciousisanillness—arealthorough-going
ziekte
illness.
Forman’severydayneeds,itwouldhavebeenquiteenoughtohavetheordinaryhuman
bewustzijn
consciousness,thatis,halforaquarteroftheamountwhichfallstothelotofacultivatedmanofourunhappynineteenthcentury,especiallyonewhohasthe
fatale
fatalill-lucktoinhabitPetersburg,themost
theoretische
theoreticalandintentionaltownonthewholeterrestrial
aardbol
globe.
(Thereareintentionalandunintentionaltowns.)
Itwouldhavebeenquiteenough,forinstance,tohavethe
bewustzijn
consciousnessbywhichallso-calleddirectpersonsandmenofactionlive.
IbetyouthinkIamwritingallthisfromaffectation,tobe
geestig
wittyattheexpenseofmenofaction;
andwhatismore,thatfromill-bredaffectation,Iamclankingaswordlikemyofficer.
But,gentlemen,whoevercanpridehimselfonhisdiseasesandevenswaggeroverthem?
Though,afterall,everyonedoesdothat;
peopledopridethemselvesontheirdiseases,andIdo,maybe,morethananyone.
Wewillnot
betwisten
disputeit;
mycontentionwas
absurd
absurd.
ButyetIamfirmly
overtuigd
persuadedthatagreatdealof
bewustzijn
consciousness,everysortofconsciousness,infact,isadisease.
Isticktothat.
Letusleavethat,too,foraminute.
Tellmethis:
whydoesithappenthatatthevery,yes,attheverymomentswhenIammostcapableoffeelingeveryrefinementofallthatis“sublimeandbeautiful,”astheyusedtosayatonetime,itwould,asthoughofdesign,happentomenotonlytofeelbuttodosuchuglythings,suchthat...
Well,inshort,actionsthatall,perhaps,commit;
butwhich,asthough
opzettelijk
purposely,occurredtomeattheverytimewhenIwasmost
bewust
consciousthattheyoughtnottobecommitted.
Themore
bewust
consciousIwasofgoodnessandofallthatwas“sublimeandbeautiful,”themoredeeplyIsankintomymireandthemorereadyIwasto
zinken
sinkinitaltogether.
Butthechiefpointwasthatallthiswas,asitwere,notaccidentalinme,butasthoughitwereboundtobeso.
Itwasasthoughitweremymostnormalcondition,andnotintheleastdiseaseordepravity,sothatatlastalldesireinmetostruggleagainstthisdepravitypassed.
Itendedbymyalmostbelieving(perhapsactuallybelieving)thatthiswasperhapsmynormalcondition.
Butatfirst,inthebeginning,whatagoniesI
doorstaan
enduredinthatstruggle!
Ididnotbelieveitwasthesamewithotherpeople,andallmylifeIhidthisfactaboutmyselfasasecret.
Iwasashamed(evennow,perhaps,Iamashamed):
Igottothepointoffeelingasortofsecret
abnormale
abnormal,despicableenjoymentinreturninghometomycorneronsomedisgustingPetersburgnight,acutely
bewust
consciousthatthatdayIhadcommittedaloathsomeactionagain,thatwhatwasdonecouldneverbeundone,andsecretly,inwardlygnawing,gnawingatmyselfforit,tearingand
consumeren
consumingmyselftillatlastthe
bitterheid
bitternessturnedintoasortofshamefulaccursed
zoetheid
sweetness,andatlast—intopositivereal
genot
enjoyment!
Yes,intoenjoyment,into
genot
enjoyment!
Iinsistuponthat.
IhavespokenofthisbecauseIkeepwantingtoknowforafactwhetherotherpeoplefeelsuch
genot
enjoyment?
Iwillexplain;
the
genot
enjoymentwasjustfromthetoo
intense
intenseconsciousnessofone’sowndegradation;
itwasfromfeelingoneselfthatonehadreachedthelast
barrière
barrier,thatitwashorrible,butthatitcouldnotbeotherwise;
thattherewasnoescapeforyou;
thatyounevercouldbecomeadifferentman;
thateveniftimeandfaithwerestillleftyoutochangeintosomethingdifferentyouwouldmostlikelynotwishtochange;
orifyoudidwishto,eventhenyouwoulddonothing;
becauseperhapsinrealitytherewasnothingforyoutochangeinto.
Andtheworstofitwas,andthe
wortel
rootofitall,thatitwasallin
overeenstemming
accordwiththenormalfundamentallawsofover-acute
bewustzijn
consciousness,andwiththeinertiathatwasthedirectresultofthoselaws,andthatconsequentlyonewasnotonlyunabletochangebutcoulddoabsolutelynothing.
Thusitwouldfollow,astheresultofacute
bewustzijn
consciousness,thatoneisnottoblameinbeinga
schurk
scoundrel;
asthoughthatwereany
troost
consolationtothescoundreloncehehascometo
realiseert
realisethatheactuallyisa
schurk
scoundrel.
Butenough....
Ech,Ihavetalkedalotofnonsense,butwhathaveIexplained?
Howisenjoymentinthistobeexplained?
ButIwillexplainit.
Iwillgettothebottomofit!
ThatiswhyIhavetakenupmypen....
I,forinstance,haveagreatdealofamourpropre.
Iamas
achterdochtig
suspiciousandpronetotakeoffenceasahumpbackora
dwerg
dwarf.
ButuponmywordIsometimeshavehadmomentswhenifIhadhappenedtobe
geslagen
slappedinthefaceIshould,perhaps,havebeen
positief
positivelygladofit.
Isay,in
serieus
earnest,thatIshouldprobablyhavebeenableto
ontdekken
discovereveninthata
eigenaardige
peculiarsortofenjoyment—theenjoyment,ofcourse,of
wanhoop
despair;
butindespairtherearethemost
intense
intenseenjoyments,especiallywhenoneisveryacutely
bewust
consciousofthehopelessnessofone’sposition.
Andwhenoneis
geslagen
slappedintheface—whythenthe
bewustzijn
consciousnessofbeingrubbedintoa
pulp
pulpwouldpositivelyoverwhelmone.
Theworstofitis,lookatitwhichwayonewill,itstillturnsoutthatIwasalwaysthemosttoblameineverything.
Andwhatismost
vernederend
humiliatingofall,toblamefornofaultofmyownbut,sotosay,throughthelawsofnature.
Inthefirstplace,toblamebecauseIamclevererthananyofthepeoplesurroundingme.
(Ihavealwaysconsideredmyselfclevererthananyofthepeoplesurroundingme,andsometimes,wouldyoubelieveit,havebeen
positief
positivelyashamedofit.
Atanyrate,Ihaveallmylife,asitwere,turnedmyeyesawayandnevercouldlookpeoplestraightintheface.)
Toblame,finally,becauseevenifIhadhadmagnanimity,Ishouldonlyhavehadmoresufferingfromthesenseofitsuselessness.
Ishouldcertainlyhaveneverbeenabletodoanythingfrombeingmagnanimous—neithertoforgive,formyassailantwouldperhapshave
geslagen
slappedmefromthelawsofnature,andonecannotforgivethelawsofnature;
nortoforget,forevenifitwereowingtothelawsofnature,itisinsultingallthesame.
Finally,evenifIhadwantedtobeanythingbutmagnanimous,haddesiredonthecontrarytorevengemyselfonmyassailant,IcouldnothaverevengedmyselfonanyoneforanythingbecauseIshouldcertainlyneverhavemadeupmymindtodoanything,evenifIhadbeenableto.
WhyshouldInothavemadeupmymind?
III
Withpeoplewhoknowhowtorevengethemselvesandtostandupforthemselvesingeneral,howisitdone?
Why,whentheyare
bezeten
possessed,letussuppose,bythefeelingofrevenge,thenforthetimethereisnothingelsebutthatfeelingleftintheirwholebeing.
Suchagentlemansimplydashesstraightforhisobjectlikeaninfuriatedbullwithitshornsdown,andnothingbutawallwillstophim.
(Bytheway:
facingthewall,suchgentlemen—thatis,the“direct”personsandmenofaction—are
echt
genuinelynonplussed.
Forthemawallisnotanevasion,asforuspeoplewhothinkandconsequentlydonothing;
itisnotanexcuseforturningaside,anexcuseforwhichwearealwaysveryglad,thoughwe
nauwelijks
scarcelybelieveinitourselves,asarule.
No,theyarenonplussedinall
oprechtheid
sincerity.
Thewallhasforthemsomethingtranquillising,
moreel
morallysoothing,final—maybeevensomething
mysterieus
mysterious...
butofthewalllater.)
Well,suchadirectpersonI
beschouw
regardastherealnormalman,ashistendermothernaturewishedtoseehimwhenshegraciouslybroughthimintobeingontheearth.
I
benijd
envysuchamantillIamgreenintheface.
Heisstupid.
Iamnot
betwist
disputingthat,butperhapsthenormalmanshouldbestupid,howdoyouknow?
Perhapsitisverybeautiful,infact.
AndIamthemore
overtuigd
persuadedofthatsuspicion,ifonecancallitso,bythefactthatifyoutake,forinstance,theantithesisofthenormalman,thatis,themanofacute
bewustzijn
consciousness,whohascome,ofcourse,notoutofthe
schoot
lapofnaturebutoutofaretort(thisisalmostmysticism,gentlemen,butIsuspectthis,too),thisretort-mademanissometimessononplussedinthepresenceofhisantithesisthatwithallhisexaggerated
bewustzijn
consciousnesshegenuinelythinksofhimselfasamouseandnotaman.
Itmaybeanacutely
bewuste
consciousmouse,yetitisamouse,whiletheotherisaman,andtherefore,etcaetera,etcaetera.
Andtheworstofitis,hehimself,hisveryownself,looksonhimselfasamouse;
nooneaskshimtodoso;
andthatisanimportantpoint.
Nowletuslookatthismouseinaction.
Letussuppose,forinstance,thatitfeels
beledigd
insulted,too(anditalmostalwaysdoesfeel
beledigd
insulted),andwantstorevengeitself,too.
Theremayevenbeagreateraccumulationofspiteinitthaninl’hommedelanatureetdelavérité.
Thebaseandnastydesiretoventthatspiteonitsassailantranklesperhapsevenmorenastilyinitthaninl’hommedelanatureetdelavérité.
Forthroughhisinnate
domheid
stupiditythelatterlooksuponhisrevengeasjusticepureandsimple;
whilein
gevolg
consequenceofhisacuteconsciousnessthemousedoesnotbelieveinthejusticeofit.
Tocomeatlasttothedeeditself,totheveryactofrevenge.
Apartfromtheone
fundamentele
fundamentalnastinessthelucklessmouse
slaagt
succeedsincreatingarounditsomanyothernastinessesintheformofdoubtsandquestions,addstotheonequestionsomanyunsettledquestionsthatthere
onvermijdelijk
inevitablyworksuparounditasortof
fataal
fatalbrew,astinkingmess,madeupofitsdoubts,emotions,andofthe
minachting
contemptspatuponitbythedirectmenofactionwhostand
plechtig
solemnlyaboutitasjudgesandarbitrators,laughingatittilltheirhealthysidesache.
Ofcoursetheonlythingleftforitisto
ontslaan
dismissallthatwithawaveofits
poot
paw,and,withasmileofassumed
minachting
contemptinwhichitdoesnotevenitselfbelieve,
kruipen
creepignominiouslyintoitsmouse-hole.
Thereinitsnasty,stinking,
ondergrondse
undergroundhomeourinsulted,crushedandridiculedmousepromptlybecomes
geabsorbeerd
absorbedincold,malignantand,aboveall,
eeuwige
everlastingspite.
Forfortyyearstogetheritwillrememberits
verwonding
injurydowntothesmallest,mostignominiousdetails,andeverytimewilladd,ofitself,detailsstillmoreignominious,spitefully
plaagt
teasingandtormentingitselfwithitsownimagination.
Itwillitselfbeashamedofitsimaginings,butyetitwill
herinneren
recallitall,itwillgooverandoverevery
detail
detail,itwillinventunheardofthingsagainstitself,pretendingthatthosethingsmighthappen,andwillforgivenothing.
Maybeitwillbegintorevengeitself,too,but,asitwere,piecemeal,in
triviale
trivialways,frombehindthe
kachel
stove,incognito,withoutbelievingeitherinitsownrighttovengeance,orinthesuccessofitsrevenge,knowingthatfromallitseffortsatrevengeitwillsufferahundredtimesmorethanheonwhomitrevengesitself,whilehe,Idaresay,willnotevenscratchhimself.
Onitsdeathbeditwill
herinneren
recallitalloveragain,withinterestaccumulatedoveralltheyearsand...
Butitisjustinthatcold,
afschuwelijke
abominablehalfdespair,halfbelief,inthat
bewuste
consciousburyingoneselfalivefor
verdriet
griefintheunderworldforfortyyears,inthatacutely
erkende
recognisedandyetpartlydoubtfulhopelessnessofone’sposition,inthathellofunsatisfieddesiresturnedinward,inthatfeverofoscillations,ofresolutionsdeterminedforeverandrepentedofagainaminutelater—thatthesavourofthatstrange
genot
enjoymentofwhichIhavespokenlies.
Itisso
subtiel
subtle,sodifficultofanalysis,thatpersonswhoarealittle
beperkt
limited,orevensimplypersonsofstrongnerves,willnotunderstandasingle
atoom
atomofit.
“Possibly,”youwilladdonyourownaccountwithagrin,“peoplewillnotunderstanditeitherwhohaveneverreceiveda
klap
slapintheface,”andinthatwayyouwill
beleefd
politelyhinttomethatI,too,perhaps,havehadtheexperienceofa
klap
slapinthefaceinmylife,andsoIspeakasonewhoknows.
Ibetthatyouarethinkingthat.
Butsetyourmindsatrest,gentlemen,Ihavenotreceiveda
klap
slapintheface,thoughitisabsolutelyamatterof
onverschilligheid
indifferencetomewhatyoumaythinkaboutit.
Possibly,Ievenregret,myself,thatIhavegivensofewslapsinthefaceduringmylife.
Butenough...
notanotherwordonthatsubjectofsuch
extreem
extremeinteresttoyou.
Iwillcontinue
rustig
calmlyconcerningpersonswithstrongnerveswhodonotunderstandacertainrefinementof
genot
enjoyment.
Thoughincertaincircumstancesthesegentlemenbellowtheirloudestlikebulls,thoughthis,letussuppose,doesthemthegreatestcredit,yet,asIhavesaidalready,
geconfronteerd
confrontedwiththeimpossibletheysubsideatonce.
Theimpossiblemeansthestonewall!
Whatstonewall?
Why,ofcourse,thelawsofnature,thedeductionsofnaturalscience,mathematics.