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Notes from the Underground | Progressively Translated Dutch A2 Books

Notes from the Underground | Progressively Translated Dutch A2 Books

This progressive translation technique brings multiple benefits to language learners. It lets you choose the difficulty level that matches your abilities, making sure the material is challenging but not too difficult. By focusing on understanding words in context, this method boosts your comprehension skills. While direct translations are slightly hidden to promote guessing from context, you can always check unfamiliar words. This approach makes learning a new language both engaging and accessible, offering the right mix of difficulty and encouragement. Embark on a journey through translated classics and enjoy the process of learning through reading.

I
Iamasickman....
Iamaspitefulman.
Iamanunattractiveman.
Ibelievemyliverisdiseased.
Echter
However,Iknownothingatallaboutmydisease,anddonotknowforcertainwhatailsme.
Idon’tconsultadoctorforit,andneverhave,thoughIhavea
respect
respectformedicineanddoctors.
Besides,Iamextremelysuperstitious,sufficientlysoto
respecteren
respectmedicine,anyway(Iamwell-educatedenoughnottobesuperstitious,butIamsuperstitious).
No,Irefusetoconsultadoctorfromspite.
Thatyouprobablywillnotunderstand.
Well,Iunderstandit,though.
Ofcourse,Ican’t
uitleggen
explainwhoitispreciselythatIammortifyinginthiscasebymyspite:
IamperfectlywellawarethatIcannot“payout”thedoctorsbynotconsultingthem;
IknowbetterthananyonethatbyallthisIamonlyinjuringmyselfandnooneelse.
Butstill,ifIdon’tconsultadoctoritisfromspite.
Myliverisbad,well—letitget
erger
worse!
Ihavebeengoingonlikethatforalongtime—twentyyears.
NowIamforty.
Iusedtobeinthegovernmentservice,butamnolonger.
Iwasaspitefulofficial.
Iwasrudeandtookpleasureinbeingso.
Ididnottakebribes,yousee,soIwasboundtofindarecompenseinthat,atleast.
(Apoorjest,butIwillnotscratchitout.
Iwroteitthinkingitwouldsoundverywitty;
butnowthatIhaveseenmyselfthatIonlywantedtoshowoffinadespicableway,Iwillnotscratchitoutonpurpose!)
Whenpetitionersusedtocomefor
informatie
informationtothetableatwhichIsat,Iusedtogrindmyteethatthem,andfeltintenseenjoymentwhenIsucceededinmakinganybodyunhappy.
Ialmostdidsucceed.
Forthemostparttheywerealltimidpeople—ofcourse,theywerepetitioners.
Butoftheuppishonestherewasone
officier
officerinparticularIcouldnotendure.
He
gewoon
simplywouldnotbehumble,andclankedhisswordinadisgustingway.
I
voerde
carriedonafeudwithhimforeighteenmonthsoverthatsword.
AtlastIgotthebetterofhim.
Heleftoffclankingit.
Thathappenedinmyyouth,though.
Butdoyouknow,gentlemen,whatwasthechiefpointaboutmyspite?
Why,thewholepoint,therealstingofitlayinthefactthatcontinually,eveninthemomentoftheacutestspleen,Iwasinwardlyconsciouswith
schaamte
shamethatIwasnotonlynotaspitefulbutnotevenanembitteredman,thatIwas
gewoon
simplyscaringsparrowsatrandomandamusingmyselfbyit.
Imightfoamatthe
mond
mouth,butbringmeadolltoplaywith,givemea
kop
cupofteawithsugarinit,andmaybeIshouldbeappeased.
Imightevenbegenuinelytouched,thoughprobablyIshouldgrindmyteethatmyselfafterwardsandlieawakeatnightwith
schaamte
shameformonthsafter.
Thatwasmyway.
IwaslyingwhenIsaidjustnowthatIwasaspitefulofficial.
Iwaslyingfromspite.
Iwas
gewoon
simplyamusingmyselfwiththepetitionersandwiththe
officier
officer,andinrealityInevercouldbecomespiteful.
Iwasconsciouseverymomentinmyselfofmany,verymanyelements
absoluut
absolutelyoppositetothat.
Ifeltthempositivelyswarminginme,theseoppositeelements.
Iknewthattheyhadbeenswarminginmeallmylifeandcravingsomeoutletfromme,butIwouldnotletthem,wouldnotletthem,purposelywouldnotletthemcomeout.
TheytormentedmetillIwasashamed:
theydrovemetoconvulsionsand—sickenedme,atlast,howtheysickenedme!
Now,arenotyoufancying,gentlemen,thatIamexpressingremorseforsomethingnow,thatIamaskingyourforgivenessforsomething?
Iamsureyouarefancyingthat...
Maar
However,IassureyouIdonotcareifyouare....
ItwasnotonlythatIcouldnotbecomespiteful,Ididnotknowhowtobecomeanything;
neitherspitefulnorkind,neitherarascalnoran
eerlijk
honestman,neitheraheronoraninsect.
Now,Iamlivingoutmylifeinmycorner,tauntingmyselfwiththespitefulanduselessconsolationthatanintelligentmancannotbecomeanything
serieus
seriously,anditisonlythefoolwhobecomesanything.
Yes,amaninthenineteenthcenturymustandmorallyoughttobepre-eminentlyacharacterlesscreature;
amanofcharacter,anactivemanispre-eminentlyalimitedcreature.
Thatismyconvictionoffortyyears.
Iamfortyyearsoldnow,andyouknowfortyyearsisawholelifetime;
youknowitisextremeold
ouderdom
age.
Tolivelongerthanfortyyearsisbadmanners,isvulgar,immoral.
Whodoeslivebeyondforty?
Answerthat,sincerelyandhonestlyIwilltellyouwhodo:
foolsandworthlessfellows.
Itellalloldmenthattotheirface,allthesevenerableoldmen,allthesesilver-hairedandreverendseniors!
Itellthewholeworldthattoitsface!
Ihavearighttosayso,forIshallgoonlivingtosixtymyself.
Toseventy!
Toeighty!
Stay,letmetakebreath...
Youimagineno
twijfel
doubt,gentlemen,thatIwanttoamuseyou.
Youaremistakeninthat,too.
Iambynomeanssuchamirthfulpersonasyouimagine,orasyoumayimagine;
echter
however,irritatedbyallthisbabble(andIfeelthatyouareirritated)youthink
geschikt
fittoaskmewhoIam—thenmyansweris,Iamacollegiateassessor.
Iwasinthe
dienst
servicethatImighthavesomethingtoeat(andsolelyforthatreason),andwhenlastyearadistantrelationleftmesixthousandroublesinhiswillI
onmiddellijk
immediatelyretiredfromtheserviceandsettleddowninmycorner.
Iusedtoliveinthiscornerbefore,butnowIhavesettleddowninit.
Myroomisawretched,horridoneintheoutskirtsofthetown.
Myservantisanoldcountry-woman,ill-naturedfromstupidity,and,moreover,thereisalwaysanasty
geur
smellabouther.
IamtoldthatthePetersburgclimateisbadforme,andthatwithmysmallmeansitisveryexpensivetoliveinPetersburg.
Iknowallthatbetterthanallthesesageand
ervaren
experiencedcounsellorsandmonitors....
ButIamremaininginPetersburg;
IamnotgoingawayfromPetersburg!
Iamnotgoingawaybecause...
ech!
Why,itis
absoluut
absolutelynomatterwhetherIamgoingawayornotgoingaway.
Butwhatcanadecentmanspeakofwithmost
plezier
pleasure?
Answer:
Ofhimself.
II
Iwantnowtotellyou,gentlemen,whetheryoucaretohearitornot,whyIcouldnotevenbecomeaninsect.
Itellyousolemnly,thatIhavemanytimestriedtobecomeaninsect.
ButIwasnotequaleventothat.
I
zweer
swear,gentlemen,thattobetooconsciousisanillness—arealthorough-goingillness.
Forman’severydayneeds,itwouldhavebeenquiteenoughtohavetheordinaryhumanconsciousness,thatis,halforaquarteroftheamountwhichfallstothelotofacultivatedmanofourunhappynineteenthcentury,
vooral
especiallyonewhohasthefatalill-lucktoinhabitPetersburg,themosttheoreticalandintentionaltownonthewholeterrestrialglobe.
(Thereareintentionalandunintentionaltowns.)
Itwouldhavebeenquiteenough,forinstance,tohavetheconsciousnessbywhichallso-calleddirectpersonsandmenof
actie
actionlive.
IbetyouthinkIamwritingallthisfromaffectation,tobewittyattheexpenseofmenof
actie
action;
andwhatismore,thatfromill-bredaffectation,Iamclankingaswordlikemy
officier
officer.
But,gentlemen,whoevercanpridehimselfonhisdiseasesandevenswaggeroverthem?
Though,afterall,everyonedoesdothat;
peopledopridethemselvesontheirdiseases,andIdo,maybe,morethananyone.
Wewillnotdisputeit;
mycontentionwasabsurd.
ButyetIamfirmlypersuadedthatagreatdealofconsciousness,everysortofconsciousness,infact,isadisease.
Isticktothat.
Letusleavethat,too,foraminute.
Tellmethis:
whydoesithappenthatatthevery,yes,attheverymomentswhenIammostcapableoffeelingeveryrefinementofallthatis“sublimeandbeautiful,”astheyusedtosayatonetime,itwould,asthoughofdesign,happentomenotonlytofeelbuttodosuchuglythings,suchthat...
Well,inshort,actionsthatall,perhaps,commit;
butwhich,asthoughpurposely,occurredtomeattheverytimewhenIwasmostconsciousthattheyoughtnottobecommitted.
ThemoreconsciousIwasofgoodnessandofallthatwas“sublimeandbeautiful,”themoredeeplyIsankintomymireandthemorereadyIwastosinkinitaltogether.
Butthechiefpointwasthatallthiswas,asitwere,notaccidentalinme,butasthoughitwereboundtobeso.
Itwasasthoughitweremymost
normale
normalcondition,andnotintheleastdiseaseordepravity,sothatatlastalldesireinmetostruggleagainstthisdepravitypassed.
Itendedbymyalmostbelieving(perhapsactuallybelieving)thatthiswasperhapsmy
normale
normalcondition.
Butatfirst,inthe
begin
beginning,whatagoniesIenduredinthatstruggle!
Ididnotbelieveitwasthesamewithotherpeople,andallmylifeI
verborg
hidthisfactaboutmyselfasa
geheim
secret.
Iwasashamed(evennow,perhaps,Iamashamed):
Igottothepointoffeelingasortofsecretabnormal,despicableenjoymentinreturninghometomycorneronsomedisgustingPetersburgnight,acutelyconsciousthatthatdayIhadcommittedaloathsome
handeling
actionagain,thatwhatwasdonecouldneverbeundone,andsecretly,inwardlygnawing,gnawingatmyselfforit,tearingandconsumingmyselftillatlastthebitternessturnedintoasortofshamefulaccursedsweetness,andatlast—intopositiverealenjoyment!
Yes,intoenjoyment,intoenjoyment!
Iinsistuponthat.
IhavespokenofthisbecauseIkeepwantingtoknowforafact
of
whetherotherpeoplefeelsuchenjoyment?
Iwill
uitleggen
explain;
theenjoymentwasjustfromthetoointenseconsciousnessofone’sowndegradation;
itwasfromfeelingoneselfthatonehad
bereikt
reachedthelastbarrier,thatitwashorrible,butthatitcouldnotbe
anders
otherwise;
thattherewasno
ontsnapping
escapeforyou;
thatyounevercouldbecomeadifferentman;
thateveniftimeand
geloof
faithwerestillleftyoutochangeintosomethingdifferentyouwouldmostlikelynotwishtochange;
orifyoudidwishto,eventhenyouwoulddonothing;
becauseperhapsinrealitytherewasnothingforyoutochangeinto.
Andthe
ergste
worstofitwas,andtherootofitall,thatitwasallinaccordwiththe
normale
normalfundamentallawsofover-acuteconsciousness,andwiththeinertiathatwasthedirectresultofthoselaws,andthatconsequentlyonewasnotonlyunabletochangebutcoulddo
absoluut
absolutelynothing.
Thusitwouldfollow,astheresultofacuteconsciousness,thatoneisnottoblameinbeingascoundrel;
asthoughthatwereanyconsolationtothescoundreloncehehascometorealisethatheactuallyisascoundrel.
Butenough....
Ech,Ihavetalkedalotofnonsense,butwhathaveI
uitgelegd
explained?
Howisenjoymentinthistobe
verklaard
explained?
ButIwillexplainit.
Iwillgettothebottomofit!
ThatiswhyIhavetakenupmypen....
I,forinstance,haveagreatdealofamourpropre.
Iamassuspiciousandpronetotakeoffenceasahumpbackoradwarf.
ButuponmywordIsometimeshavehadmomentswhenifIhadhappenedtobeslappedinthefaceIshould,perhaps,havebeenpositively
blij
gladofit.
Isay,inearnest,thatIshouldprobablyhavebeenabletodiscovereveninthatapeculiarsortofenjoyment—theenjoyment,ofcourse,ofdespair;
butindespairtherearethemostintenseenjoyments,
vooral
especiallywhenoneisveryacutelyconsciousofthehopelessnessofone’s
positie
position.
Andwhenoneisslappedintheface—whythentheconsciousnessofbeingrubbedintoapulpwouldpositivelyoverwhelmone.
The
ergste
worstofitis,lookatitwhichwayonewill,itstillturnsoutthatIwasalwaysthemosttoblameineverything.
Andwhatismosthumiliatingofall,toblamefornofaultofmyownbut,sotosay,throughthelawsof
natuur
nature.
Inthefirstplace,to
schuld
blamebecauseIamclevererthananyofthepeoplesurroundingme.
(Ihavealwaysconsideredmyselfclevererthananyofthepeoplesurroundingme,andsometimes,wouldyoubelieveit,havebeenpositivelyashamedofit.
Atanyrate,Ihaveallmylife,asitwere,turnedmyeyesawayandnevercouldlookpeoplestraightintheface.)
To
schuld
blame,finally,becauseevenifIhadhadmagnanimity,Ishouldonlyhavehadmoresufferingfromthe
gevoel
senseofitsuselessness.
Ishould
zeker
certainlyhaveneverbeenabletodoanythingfrombeingmagnanimous—neitherto
vergeven
forgive,formyassailantwouldperhapshaveslappedmefromthelawsof
natuur
nature,andonecannotforgivethelawsof
natuur
nature;
nortoforget,forevenifitwereowingtothelawsof
natuur
nature,itisinsultingallthesame.
Ten slotte
Finally,evenifIhadwantedtobeanythingbutmagnanimous,haddesiredonthecontrarytorevengemyselfonmyassailant,IcouldnothaverevengedmyselfonanyoneforanythingbecauseIshould
zeker
certainlyneverhavemadeupmymindtodoanything,evenifIhadbeenableto.
WhyshouldInothavemadeupmymind?
III
Withpeoplewhoknowhowtorevengethemselvesandtostandupforthemselvesin
algemeen
general,howisitdone?
Why,whentheyarepossessed,letussuppose,bythefeelingofrevenge,thenforthetimethereisnothingelsebutthatfeelingleftintheirwholebeing.
Suchagentleman
gewoon
simplydashesstraightforhisobjectlikeaninfuriatedbullwithitshornsdown,andnothingbuta
muur
wallwillstophim.
(Bytheway:
facingthe
muur
wall,suchgentlemen—thatis,the“direct”personsandmenofaction—aregenuinelynonplussed.
Forthema
muur
wallisnotanevasion,asforuspeoplewhothinkandconsequentlydonothing;
itisnotanexcuseforturningaside,anexcuseforwhichwearealwaysvery
blij
glad,thoughwescarcelybelieveinitourselves,asa
regel
rule.
No,theyarenonplussedinallsincerity.
The
muur
wallhasforthemsomethingtranquillising,morallysoothing,final—maybeevensomethingmysterious...
butofthe
muur
walllater.)
Well,suchadirectpersonIregardasthereal
normale
normalman,ashistendermother
natuur
naturewishedtoseehimwhenshegraciouslybroughthimintobeingontheearth.
IenvysuchamantillIam
groen
greenintheface.
Heisstupid.
Iamnotdisputingthat,butperhapsthe
normale
normalmanshouldbestupid,howdoyouknow?
Perhapsitisverybeautiful,infact.
AndIamthemorepersuadedofthatsuspicion,ifonecancallitso,bythefactthatifyoutake,forinstance,theantithesisofthe
normale
normalman,thatis,themanofacuteconsciousness,whohascome,ofcourse,notoutofthelapof
natuur
naturebutoutofaretort(thisisalmostmysticism,gentlemen,butIsuspectthis,too),thisretort-mademanissometimessononplussedinthepresenceofhisantithesisthatwithallhisexaggeratedconsciousnesshegenuinelythinksofhimselfasamouseandnotaman.
Itmaybeanacutelyconsciousmouse,yetitisamouse,whiletheotherisaman,andtherefore,etcaetera,etcaetera.
Andthe
ergste
worstofitis,hehimself,hisveryown
zichzelf
self,looksonhimselfasamouse;
nooneaskshimtodoso;
andthatisanimportantpoint.
Nowletuslookatthismousein
actie
action.
Letussuppose,forinstance,thatitfeelsinsulted,too(anditalmostalwaysdoesfeelinsulted),andwantstorevengeitself,too.
Theremayevenbeagreateraccumulationofspiteinitthaninl’hommedelanatureetdelavérité.
Thebaseandnastydesiretoventthatspiteonitsassailantranklesperhapsevenmorenastilyinitthaninl’hommedelanatureetdelavérité.
Forthroughhisinnatestupiditythelatterlooksuponhisrevengeasjusticepureand
eenvoudige
simple;
whileinconsequenceofhisacuteconsciousnessthemousedoesnotbelieveinthejusticeofit.
Tocomeatlasttothedeeditself,totheveryactofrevenge.
Afgezien
Apartfromtheonefundamentalnastinessthelucklessmousesucceedsincreatingarounditsomanyothernastinessesinthe
vorm
formofdoubtsandquestions,addstotheonequestionsomanyunsettledquestionsthatthereinevitablyworksuparounditasortoffatalbrew,astinking
puinhoop
mess,madeupofitsdoubts,emotions,andofthecontemptspatuponitbythedirectmenof
actie
actionwhostandsolemnlyaboutitasjudgesandarbitrators,laughingatittilltheirhealthysidesache.
Ofcoursetheonlythingleftforitistodismissallthatwithawaveofitspaw,and,witha
glimlach
smileofassumedcontemptinwhichitdoesnotevenitselfbelieve,creepignominiouslyintoitsmouse-hole.
Thereinitsnasty,stinking,undergroundhomeourinsulted,crushedandridiculedmousepromptlybecomesabsorbedincold,malignantand,aboveall,everlastingspite.
Forfortyyearstogetheritwillrememberitsinjurydowntothesmallest,mostignominiousdetails,andeverytimewilladd,ofitself,detailsstillmoreignominious,spitefullyteasingandtormentingitselfwithitsownimagination.
Itwillitselfbeashamedofitsimaginings,butyetitwillrecallitall,itwillgooverandovereverydetail,itwillinventunheardofthingsagainstitself,pretendingthatthosethingsmighthappen,andwill
vergeven
forgivenothing.
Maybeitwill
beginnen
begintorevengeitself,too,but,asitwere,piecemeal,intrivialways,frombehindthestove,incognito,withoutbelievingeitherinitsownrighttovengeance,orinthesuccessofitsrevenge,knowingthatfromallitseffortsatrevengeitwillsuffera
honderd
hundredtimesmorethanheonwhomitrevengesitself,whilehe,Idaresay,willnotevenscratchhimself.
Onitsdeathbeditwillrecallitalloveragain,with
rente
interestaccumulatedoveralltheyearsand...
Butitisjustinthatcold,abominablehalfdespair,halfbelief,inthatconsciousburyingoneselfaliveforgriefintheunderworldforfortyyears,inthatacutelyrecognisedandyetpartlydoubtfulhopelessnessofone’s
positie
position,inthathellofunsatisfieddesiresturnedinward,inthatfeverofoscillations,ofresolutionsdeterminedforeverandrepentedofagainaminutelater—thatthesavourofthatstrangeenjoymentofwhichIhavespokenlies.
Itissosubtle,so
moeilijk
difficultofanalysis,thatpersonswhoarealittlelimited,oreven
simpelweg
simplypersonsofstrongnerves,willnotunderstandasingleatomofit.
“Possibly,”youwilladdonyourownaccountwithagrin,“peoplewillnotunderstanditeitherwhohaveneverreceivedaslapintheface,”andinthatwayyouwillpolitelyhinttomethatI,too,perhaps,havehadthe
ervaring
experienceofaslapinthefaceinmylife,andsoIspeakasonewhoknows.
I
wedden
betthatyouarethinkingthat.
Butsetyourmindsatrest,gentlemen,Ihavenotreceivedaslapintheface,thoughitis
absoluut
absolutelyamatterofindifferencetomewhatyoumaythinkaboutit.
Possibly,Ievenregret,myself,thatIhavegivensofewslapsinthefaceduringmylife.
Butenough...
notanotherwordonthatsubjectofsuchextreme
belang
interesttoyou.
Iwill
doorgaan
continuecalmlyconcerningpersonswith
sterke
strongnerveswhodonotunderstandacertainrefinementofenjoyment.
Thoughin
bepaalde
certaincircumstancesthesegentlemenbellowtheirloudestlikebulls,thoughthis,letus
veronderstellen
suppose,doesthemthegreatestcredit,yet,asIhavesaidalready,confrontedwiththeimpossibletheysubsideatonce.
Theimpossiblemeansthestone
muur
wall!
Whatstonewall?
Why,ofcourse,thelawsof
natuur
nature,thedeductionsofnaturalscience,mathematics.