CHAPTERI
Ifit
had
hadnotrainedonacertainMei
MaymorningValancyStirling’swholeleven
lifewouldhavebeenentirelydifferent.She
zou
wouldhavegone,withtherest
restofherclan,toAuntWellington’sengagementpicnicen
andDr.Trentwouldhavegegaan
gonetoMontreal.Butitdidrain
en
andyoushallhearwhatgebeurd
happenedtoherbecauseofhet
it.Valancywakenedearly,inthelifeless,hopeless
uur
hourjustprecedingdawn.She
had
hadnotsleptverywell.Onedoesnot
slaapt
sleepwell,sometimes,whenoneistwenty-nineonde
themorrow,andunmarried,inacommunityen
andconnectionwheretheunmarriedaresimplythosewhohavefailedtokrijgen
getaman.Deerwoodand
de
theStirlingshadlongsincerelegatedValancytohopelessoude
oldmaidenhood.ButValancyherself
had
hadneverquiterelinquishedacertainpitiful,shamed,kleine
littlehopethatRomancewouldcomeherwayyet—never,untildeze
thiswet,horriblemorning,whenshewakenedtohet
thefactthatshewastwenty-nineen
andunsoughtbyanyman.Ay,
daar
therelaythesting.Valancydidnotmindsomuchbeing
een
anoldmaid.Afterall,she
dacht
thought,beinganoldmaidcouldn’tpossiblybeasdreadfulasbeinggetrouwd
marriedtoanUncleWellingtonof
oranUncleBenjamin,orzelfs
evenanUncleHerbert.What
pijn
hurtherwasthatshehadnooit
neverhadachancetobeiets
anythingbutanoldmaid.Geen
Nomanhadeverdesiredhaar
her.Thetearscameintohereyesasshe
lag
laytherealoneinthefaintlygreyingdarkness.Shedarednot
laten
letherselfcryashardasshewilde
wantedto,fortworeasons.Shewas
bang
afraidthatcryingmightbringonanotherattackofthatpainrond
aroundtheheart.Shehadhadaspellofit
nadat
aftershehadgotintobed—ratherworsedan
thananyshehadhadyet.En
Andshewasafraidhermoeder
motherwouldnoticeherredeyesatbreakfasten
andkeepatherwithminute,persistent,mosquito-likequestionsregardingtheoorzaak
causethereof.“Suppose,”thoughtValancy
met
withaghastlygrin,“Iansweredmet
withtheplaintruth,‘Iamcryingomdat
becauseIcannotgetmarried.’Hoe
HowhorrifiedMotherwouldbe—thoughsheisashamedelke
everydayofherlifeofheroude
oldmaiddaughter.”Butof
natuurlijk
courseappearancesshouldbekeptup.“Itisnot,”Valancy
kon
couldhearhermother’sprim,dictatorialvoiceasserting,“itisnotmaidenlytothinkaboutmen.”De
Thethoughtofhermother’sexpressionmaakte
madeValancylaugh—forshehadeen
asenseofhumournobodyinherclansuspected.For
die
thatmatter,therewereagoodveel
manythingsaboutValancythatniemand
nobodysuspected.Butherlaughterwas
heel
verysuperficialandpresentlyshelag
laythere,ahuddled,futilelittlefigure,luisteren
listeningtotherainpouringdownbuiten
outsideandwatching,withasickdistaste,thechill,mercilesslicht
lightcreepingintoherugly,sordidkamer
room.Sheknewtheuglinessof
die
thatroombyheart—knewiten
andhatedit.Theyellow-paintedfloor,
met
withonehideous,“hooked”rugbythebed
bed,withagrotesque,“hooked”hond
dogonit,alwaysgrinningatherals
whensheawoke;thefaded,dark-redpaper;
het
theceilingdiscolouredbyoldleaksen
andcrossedbycracks;thenarrow,pinched
kleine
littlewashstand;thebrown-paperlambrequin
met
withpurplerosesonit;de
thespottedoldlooking-glasswithde
thecrackacrossit,proppeduponde
theinadequatedressing-table;thejarofancientpotpourri
gemaakt
madebyhermotherinhermythicalhoneymoon;de
theshell-coveredbox,withoneburstcorner,die
whichCousinStickleshadmadeinherequallymythicalgirlhood;thebeadedpincushion
met
withhalfitsbeadfringegone;de
theonestiff,yellowchair;het
thefadedoldmotto,“Gonebutnotforgotten,”werkte
workedincolouredyarnsaboutGreat-grand-motherStirling’sgrimoude
oldface;theoldphotographsofancientrelatives
lang
longbanishedfromtheroomsbelow.Er
Therewereonlytwopicturesdie
thatwerenotofrelatives.One,an
oude
oldchromoofapuppyzit
sittingonarainydoorstep.Die
ThatpicturealwaysmadeValancyunhappy.Die
Thatforlornlittledogcrouchedonde
thedoorstepinthedrivingrain!Waarom
Whydidn’tsomeoneopende
thedoorandlethimin?De
Theotherpicturewasafaded,passe-partoutedengravingofQueenLouisecomingdowneen
astairway,whichAuntWellingtonhad
hadlavishlygivenheronhertenthbirthday.Fornineteenyearsshe
had
hadlookedatitandgehaat
hatedit,beautiful,smug,self-satisfiedQueenLouise.Maar
Butsheneverdareddestroyitof
orremoveit.MotherandCousinStickles
zouden
wouldhavebeenaghast,or,asValancyirreverentlyexpresseditinherthoughts,zouden
wouldhavehadafit.Elke
Everyroominthehousewasugly,ofnatuurlijk
course.Butdownstairsappearanceswerekeptupsomewhat.
Er
Therewasnomoneyforroomsniemand
nobodyeversaw.Valancysometimes
gevoel
feltthatshecouldhavedoen
donesomethingforherroomherself,zelfs
evenwithoutmoney,ifshewerepermitted.Maar
Buthermotherhadnegativedelke
everytimidsuggestionandValancydidnotpersist.Valancy
nooit
neverpersisted.Shewasafraid
te
to.Hermothercouldnotbrookopposition.
Mrs.Stirling
zou
wouldsulkfordaysifoffended,met
withtheairsofaninsultedduchess.Het
TheonlythingValancylikedaboutherkamer
roomwasthatshecouldbealonethereatnighttocryals
ifshewantedto.But,afterall,what
deed
diditmatterifakamer
room,whichyouusedfornothingexceptslapen
sleepinganddressingin,wereugly?Valancywas
nooit
neverpermittedtostayaloneinherkamer
roomforanyotherpurpose.Mensen
Peoplewhowantedtobealone,soMrs.FrederickStirlingen
andCousinSticklesbelieved,couldonlywillen
wanttobealoneforsomesinisterpurpose.Maar
ButherroomintheBlueCastlewasalles
everythingaroomshouldbe.Valancy,socowed
en
andsubduedandoverriddenandsnubbedinechte
reallife,waswonttolaten
letherselfgorathersplendidlyinherday-dreams.Niemand
NobodyintheStirlingclan,of
oritsramifications,suspectedthis,leastofallhermoeder
motherandCousinStickles.They
nooit
neverknewthatValancyhadtwee
twohomes—theuglyredbrickboxofeen
ahome,onElmStreet,en
andtheBlueCastleinSpain.Valancyhad
leefde
livedspirituallyintheBlueCastleeversinds
sinceshecouldremember.Shehadbeen
een
averytinychildwhenshefoundherselfpossessedofit.Altijd
Always,whensheshuthereyes,shekon
couldseeitplainly,withitsturretsen
andbannersonthepine-cladmountainheight,wrappedinitsfaint,blueloveliness,tegen
againstthesunsetskiesofeen
afairandunknownland.Alles
Everythingwonderfulandbeautifulwasindat
thatcastle.Jewelsthatqueensmight
hebben
haveworn;robesofmoonlight
en
andfire;couchesofroses
en
andgold;longflightsofshallowmarblesteps,
met
withgreat,whiteurns,andmet
withslender,mist-cladmaidensgoingupen
anddownthem;courts,marble-pillared,
waar
whereshimmeringfountainsfellandnightingaleszongen
sangamongthemyrtles;hallsofmirrors
die
thatreflectedonlyhandsomeknightsen
andlovelywomen—herselftheloveliestofall,forwhoseglancemenstierven
died.Allthatsupportedher
door
throughtheboredomofherdayswasthehoop
hopeofgoingonadreamspreeatnight.Meeste
Most,ifnotall,ofde
theStirlingswouldhavediedofhorrorals
iftheyhadknownhalfde
thethingsValancydidinherBlueCastle.Foronethingshe
had
hadquiteafewloversinit.Oh,onlyoneata
keer
time.Onewhowooedher
met
withalltheromanticardouroftheageofchivalryen
andwonherafterlongdevotionen
andmanydeedsofderring-do,en
andwasweddedtohermet
withpompandcircumstanceinthegrote
great,banner-hungchapeloftheBlueCastle.Attwelve,
deze
thisloverwasafairladmet
withgoldencurlsandheavenlyblueeyes.Atfifteen,hewastall
en
anddarkandpale,butnog steeds
stillnecessarilyhandsome.Attwenty,hewasascetic,dreamy,spiritual.
Attwenty-five,he
had
hadaclean-cutjaw,slightlygrim,en
andafacestrongandruggedratherthanhandsome.Valancy
nooit
nevergrewolderthantwenty-fiveinherBlueCastle,maar
butrecently—veryrecently—herherohadhad
hadreddish,tawnyhair,atwistedsmileen
andamysteriouspast.Idon’t
zeg
sayValancydeliberatelymurderedtheseloversassheoutgrewthem.Ene
Onesimplyfadedawayasandere
anothercame.Thingsareveryconvenientin
dit
thisrespectinBlueCastles.Maar
But,onthismorningofherdag
dayoffate,Valancycouldnotvinden
findthekeyofherBlueCastle.Realitypressedonher
te
toohardly,barkingatherheelsals
likeamaddeninglittledog.Shewastwenty-nine,lonely,undesired,ill-favoured—the
enige
onlyhomelygirlinahandsomeclan,withnoverleden
pastandnofuture.As
ver
farasshecouldlookterug
back,lifewasdrabandcolourless,met
withnotonesinglecrimsonof
orpurplespotanywhere.Asfarasshe
kon
couldlookforwarditseemedcertaintobejustthehetzelfde
sameuntilshewasnothingbuteen
asolitary,littlewitheredleafclingingtoeen
awintrybough.Themomentwhen
een
awomanrealisesthatsheheeft
hasnothingtolivefor—neitherliefde
love,duty,purposenorhope—holdsforherthebitternessofdood
death.“AndIjusthavetogoonliving
omdat
becauseIcan’tstop.Imayhaveto
leven
liveeightyyears,”thoughtValancy,ineen
akindofpanic.“We’reallhorriblylong-lived.
Itsickensmeto
denken
thinkofit.”Shewasgladitwasraining—orrather,shewasdrearilysatisfied
dat
thatitwasraining.There
zou
wouldbenopicnicthatdag
day.Thisannualpicnic,wherebyAunt
en
andUncleWellington—onealwaysthoughtofthemindie
thatsuccession—inevitablycelebratedtheirengagementateen
apicnicthirtyyearsbefore,hadbeen,oflateyears,een
averitablenightmaretoValancy.By
een
animpishcoincidenceitwasthedezelfde
samedayasherbirthdayen
and,aftershehadpassedtwenty-five,niemand
nobodyletherforgetit.Muchasshe
haatte
hatedgoingtothepicnic,itzou
wouldneverhaveoccurredtohertorebelagainstit.Er
Thereseemedtobenothingofhet
therevolutionaryinhernature.En
Andsheknewexactlywhateveryonezou
wouldsaytoheratde
thepicnic.UncleWellington,whomshedisliked
en
anddespisedeventhoughhehad
hadfulfilledthehighestStirlingaspiration,“marryingmoney,”zou
wouldsaytoherineen
apig’swhisper,“Notthinkingofgettingtrouwen
marriedyet,mydear?”andthen
gaan
gooffintothebellowoflaughterwithwhichheinvariablyconcludedhisdullremarks.AuntWellington,ofwhomValancy
stond
stoodinabjectawe,wouldvertellen
tellheraboutOlive’snewchiffondressen
andCecil’slastdevotedletter.Valancy
zou
wouldhavetolookaspleaseden
andinterestedasifthedressen
andletterhadbeenhersorelseAuntWellingtonzou
wouldbeoffended.AndValancy
had
hadlongagodecidedthatshezou
wouldratheroffendGodthanAuntWellington,want
becauseGodmightforgivehermaar
butAuntWellingtonneverwould.AuntAlberta,enormouslyfat,
met
withanamiablehabitofaltijd
alwaysreferringtoherhusbandas“he,”asifheweretheenige
onlymalecreatureinthewereld
world,whocouldneverforgetthatshehadbeenagrote
greatbeautyinheryouth,zou
wouldcondolewithValancyonhersallowskin—.“Idon’t
weet
knowwhyallthegirlsofvandaag
todayaresosunburned.WhenIwas
een
agirlmyskinwasrosesen
andcream.Iwascounted
het
theprettiestgirlinCanada,mydear.”Misschien
PerhapsUncleHerbertwouldn’tsayanything—ormisschien
perhapshewouldremarkjocularly,“Howfatyou’regetting,Doss!”En
Andtheneverybodywouldlaughoverhet
theexcessivelyhumorousideaofarme
poor,scrawnylittleDossgettingfat.Handsome,solemn
Oom
UncleJames,whomValancydislikedmaar
butrespectedbecausehewasreputedtobeerg
verycleverandwasthereforetheclanoracle—brainsbeingnonetooplentifulintheStirlingconnection—wouldwaarschijnlijk
probablyremarkwiththeowl-likesarcasmthathad
hadwonhimhisreputation,“Isupposeyou’rebusymet
withyourhope-chestthesedays?”En
AndUncleBenjaminwouldasksomeofhisabominableconundrums,tussen
betweenwheezychuckles,andanswerthemhimself.“Whatis
het
thedifferencebetweenDossandeen
amouse?“Themousewishestoharm
de
thecheeseandDosswishestocharmde
thehe’s.”Valancyhadheardhim
vragen
askthatriddlefiftytimesen
andeverytimeshewantedtothrowiets
somethingathim.Butshe
nooit
neverdid.Inthefirst
plaats
place,theStirlingssimplydidnotthrowthings;in
de
thesecondplace,UncleBenjaminwaseen
awealthyandchildlessoldwidoweren
andValancyhadbeenbroughtupinde
thefearandadmonitionofhisgeld
money.Ifsheoffendedhimhe
zou
wouldcutheroutofhiswill—supposingshewereinit.Valancydidnot
wilde
wanttobecutoutofOom
UncleBenjamin’swill.Shehadbeenpoorallher
leven
lifeandknewthegallingbitternessofit.Sosheenduredhisriddles
en
andevensmiledtorturedlittlesmilesover
overthem.AuntIsabel,downright
en
anddisagreeableasaneastwind,zou
wouldcriticiseherinsomeway—Valancykon
couldnotpredictjusthow,forAuntIsabelnooit
neverrepeatedacriticism—shefoundiets
somethingnewwithwhichtojabyouelke
everytime.AuntIsabelpridedherselfon
zei
sayingwhatshethought,butdidn’tlikeitsowellwhenandere
otherpeoplesaidwhattheythoughttohaar
her.Valancyneversaidwhatshe
dacht
thought.CousinGeorgiana—namedafterhergreat-great-grand-mother,whohadbeennamedafterGeorge
de
theFourth—wouldrecountdolorouslythenamesofalle
allrelativesandfriendswhohadgestorven
diedsincethelastpicnicen
andwonder“whichofuszal
willbethefirsttogonext.”Oppressivelycompetent,AuntMildred
zou
wouldtalkendlesslyofherman
husbandandherodiousprodigiesofbabiestoValancy,omdat
becauseValancywouldbetheenige
onlyoneshecouldfindtoputupwithit.For
de
thesamereason,CousinGladys—reallyFirstCousinGladyseens
onceremoved,accordingtothestrictmanier
wayinwhichtheStirlingstabulatedrelationship—atall,thindame
ladywhoadmittedshehadeen
asensitivedisposition,woulddescribeminutelyde
thetorturesofherneuritis.En
AndOlive,thewondergirlofthehele
wholeStirlingclan,whohadalles
everythingValancyhadnot—beauty,popularity,love,—wouldlaten zien
showoffherbeautyandpresumeonherpopularityen
andflauntherdiamondinsigniaofliefde
loveinValancy’sdazzled,enviouseyes.Er
Therewouldbenoneofalldit
thistoday.Andtherewouldbe
geen
nopackingupofteaspoons.Het
ThepackingupwasalwaysleftforValancyen
andCousinStickles.Andonce,
zes
sixyearsago,asilverteaspoonfromAuntWellington’sweddingsethadbeenverloren
lost.Valancyneverheardthe
laatste
lastofthatsilverteaspoon.ItsghostappearedBanquo-likeat
elk
everysubsequentfamilyfeast.Oh,
ja
yes,Valancyknewexactlywhatde
thepicnicwouldbelikeen
andsheblessedtheraindie
thathadsavedherfromit.Er
Therewouldbenopicnicdit
thisyear.IfAuntWellington
kon
couldnotcelebrateonthesacreddag
dayitselfshewouldhavegeen
nocelebrationatall.Thankwhatevergods
er
therewereforthat.Since
er
therewouldbenopicnic,Valancymadeupherminddat
that,iftherainheldupinde
theafternoon,shewouldgouptode
thelibraryandgetanotherofJohnFoster’sboek
books.Valancywasneverallowedto
lezen
readnovels,butJohnFoster’sboeken
bookswerenotnovels.Theywere“naturebooks”—sothelibrarian
vertelde
toldMrs.FrederickStirling—“allaboutthewoodsen
andbirdsandbugsandthingslikethat,youknow.”SoValancywasallowedto
lezen
readthem—underprotest,foritwasonlytooevidentdat
thatsheenjoyedthemtooveel
much.Itwaspermissible,evenlaudable,to
lezen
readtoimproveyourminden
andyourreligion,butaboek
bookthatwasenjoyablewasdangerous.Valancydidnot
wist
knowwhetherhermindwasbeingimprovedornot;maar
butshefeltvaguelythatals
ifshehadcomeacrossJohnFoster’sboeken
booksyearsagolifemighthad
havebeenadifferentthingforhaar
her.Theyseemedtohertoyieldglimpsesof
een
aworldintowhichshemightoncehaveentered,thoughde
thedoorwasforeverbarredtohernu
now.Itwasonlywithinthe
laatste
lastyearthatJohnFoster’sboeken
bookshadbeenintheDeerwoodlibrary,thoughthelibrarianvertelde
toldValancythathehadbeeneen
awell-knownwriterforseveralyears.“Wheredoeshelive?”
Valancy
had
hadasked.“Nobodyknows.
Fromhis
boeken
bookshemustbeaCanadian,maar
butnomoreinformationcanbehad.Hispublisherswon’t
zeggen
sayaword.QuitelikelyJohnFosteris
een
anomdeplume.His
boeken
booksaresopopularwecan’thouden
keeptheminatall,thoughIecht
reallycan’tseewhatpeoplevinden
findinthemtoraveover.”“Ithinkthey’rewonderful,”
zei
saidValancy,timidly.“Oh—well—”
MissClarksonsmiledin
een
apatronisingfashionthatrelegatedValancy’sopinionstolimbo,“Ican’tzeggen
sayIcaremuchforbugsmyself.Maar
ButcertainlyFosterseemstoweten
knowallthereistoweten
knowaboutthem.”Valancydidn’t
wist
knowwhethershecaredmuchforbugseither.ItwasnotJohnFoster’suncannyknowledgeofwildcreatures
en
andinsectlifethatenthralledhaar
her.Shecouldhardlysaywhatitwas—sometantalisinglureof
een
amysteryneverrevealed—somehintofeen
agreatsecretjustabeetje
littlefurtheron—somefaint,elusiveechooflovely,vergeten
forgottenthings—JohnFoster’smagicwasindefinable.Ja
Yes,shewouldgetanieuw
newFosterbook.Itwas
een
amonthsinceshehadThistleHarvest,sosurelyMoeder
Mothercouldnotobject.Valancy
had
hadreaditfourtimes—shekende
knewwholepassagesoffbyheart.And—she
bijna
almostthoughtshewouldgoen
andseeDr.Trentaboutthatqueerpainrond
aroundtheheart.Ithad
gekomen
comeratheroftenlately,andthepalpitationswerewerden
becomingannoying,nottospeakofanoccasionaldizzymoment
momentandaqueershortnessofbreath.Maar
Butcouldshegotoseehimzonder
withouttellinganyone?Itwas
een
amostdaringthought.Noneof
de
theStirlingseverconsultedadokter
doctorwithoutholdingafamilycouncilen
andgettingUncleJames’approval.Then,they
gingen
wenttoDr.AmbroseMarshofPortLawrence,die
whohadmarriedSecondCousinAdelaideStirling.Maar
ButValancydislikedDr.AmbroseMarsh.En
And,besides,shecouldnotgettoPortLawrence,fifteenmilesaway,zonder
withoutbeingtakenthere.Shedidnot
wilde
wantanyonetoknowaboutherhart
heart.Therewouldbesuch
een
afussmadeandeverymemberofde
thefamilywouldcomedownen
andtalkitoverandadviseheren
andcautionherandwarnheren
andtellherhorribletalesofgreat-auntsen
andcousinsfortytimesremovedwhohadbeen“justlikethat”en
and“droppeddeadwithoutamoment’swarning,mydear.”AuntIsabel
zou
wouldrememberthatshehadaltijd
alwayssaidDosslookedlikeeen
agirlwhowouldhavehearttrouble—“sopincheden
andpeakedalways”;andUncleWellington
zou
wouldtakeitasapersonalinsult,when“noStirlingeverhadheartdiseasebefore”;en
andGeorgianawouldforebodeinperfectlyaudibleasidesdat
that“poor,dearlittleDossisn’tlang
longforthisworld,I’mafraid”;en
andCousinGladyswouldsay,“Why,myhart
hearthasbeenlikethatforyears,”inatonethatimpliednooneelsehad
hadanybusinesseventohad
haveaheart;andOlive—Olive
zou
wouldmerelylookbeautifulandsuperioren
anddisgustinglyhealthy,asiftozeggen
say,“Whyallthisfussover
overafadedsuperfluitylikeDosswhenyouhaveme?”Valancyfelt
dat
thatshecouldn’ttellanybodyunlessshehadto.She
voelde
feltquitesuretherewasnothingatal
allseriouslywrongwithherhart
heartandnoneedofal
allthepotherthatwouldensueals
ifshementionedit.She
zou
wouldjustslipupquietlyandseeDr.Trentdie
thatveryday.Asforhisbill,she
had
hadthetwohundreddollarsthathervader
fatherhadputinthebankforherde
thedayshewasborn.Shewasneverallowedto
gebruiken
useeventheinterestofthis,maar
butshewouldsecretlytakeuit
outenoughtopayDr.Trent.Dr.
Trentwas
een
agruff,outspoken,absent-mindedoldfellow,maar
buthewasarecognisedauthorityonhart
heartdisease,evenifhewereonlyeen
ageneralpractitionerinout-of-the-worldDeerwood.Dr.Trentwasoverseventy
en
andtherehadbeenrumoursdat
thathemeanttoretirebinnenkort
soon.NoneoftheStirlingclan
had
hadevergonetohimsinds
sincehehadtoldCousinGladys,tien
tenyearsbefore,thatherneuritiswasallimaginaryen
andthatsheenjoyedit.Youcouldn’tpatronisea
dokter
doctorwhoinsultedyourfirst-cousin-once-removedlikethat—nottomentionthathewasaPresbyteriantoen
whenalltheStirlingswenttode
theAnglicanchurch.CHAPTERII
Toen
WhenCousinSticklesknockedatherdeur
door,Valancyknewitwashalf-pastsevenen
andshemustgetup.Aslongasshe
kon
couldremember,CousinStickleshadknockedatherdeur
doorathalf-pastseven.CousinStickles
en
andMrs.FrederickStirlinghadbeenupsinds
sinceseven,butValancywasallowedtoliggen
lieabedhalfanhourlongerbecauseofafamilytraditiondat
thatshewasdelicate.Valancygotup,thoughshehatedgettingupmorethismorning
dan
thanevershehadbefore.