CHAPTERI
Ifithadnotrainedon
en
acertainMaymorningValancyStirling’swholeliv
lifewouldhavebeenentirelyanderledes
different.Shewouldhavegone,
med
withtherestofherclan,toAuntWellington’sengagementpicnicog
andDr.TrentwouldhavegonetoMontreal.Men
Butitdidrainandyoushallhøre
hearwhathappenedtoherbecauseofdet
it.Valancywakenedearly,in
den
thelifeless,hopelesshourjustprecedingdawn.She
havde
hadnotsleptverywell.Onedoesnot
sover
sleepwell,sometimes,whenoneistwenty-nineonthemorrow,og
andunmarried,inacommunityog
andconnectionwheretheunmarriedaresimplythoseder
whohavefailedtogetamand
man.DeerwoodandtheStirlings
havde
hadlongsincerelegatedValancytohopelessgammel
oldmaidenhood.ButValancyherself
havde
hadneverquiterelinquishedacertainpitiful,shamed,lille
littlehopethatRomancewouldkomme
comeherwayyet—never,untildenne
thiswet,horriblemorning,whenshewakenedtodet
thefactthatshewastwenty-nineog
andunsoughtbyanyman.Ay,
der
therelaythesting.Valancydidnotmindso
meget
muchbeinganoldmaid.After
alt
all,shethought,beingangammel
oldmaidcouldn’tpossiblybeasdreadfulasbeinggift
marriedtoanUncleWellingtoneller
oranUncleBenjamin,orendda
evenanUncleHerbert.What
sårede
hurtherwasthatshehadaldrig
neverhadachancetobenoget
anythingbutanoldmaid.Ingen
Nomanhadeverdesiredhende
her.Thetearscameintohereyesasshe
lå
laytherealoneinthefaintlygreyingdarkness.Shedarednot
lade
letherselfcryashardassheville
wantedto,fortworeasons.Shewas
bange
afraidthatcryingmightbringonet andet
anotherattackofthatpainomkring
aroundtheheart.Shehadhad
en
aspellofitaftershehadgotintobed—ratherworseend
thananyshehadhadendnu
yet.Andshewasafraidher
mor
motherwouldnoticeherredeyesatbreakfastog
andkeepatherwithminut
minute,persistent,mosquito-likequestionsregardingthecausethereof.“Suppose,”
tænkte
thoughtValancywithaghastlygrin,“Isvarede
answeredwiththeplaintruth,‘Iamcryingfordi
becauseIcannotgetmarried.’Hvor
HowhorrifiedMotherwouldbe—thoughsheisashamedhver
everydayofherlifeofhergamle
oldmaiddaughter.”Butof
selvfølgelig
courseappearancesshouldbekeptoppe
up.“Itisnot,”Valancy
kunne
couldhearhermother’sprim,dictatorialvoiceasserting,“itisnotmaidenlytotænke
thinkaboutmen.”Thethoughtofhermother’sexpressionmadeValancylaugh—forshehad
en
asenseofhumournobodyinherclansuspected.Forthatmatter,therewereagood
mange
manythingsaboutValancythatingen
nobodysuspected.Butherlaughterwas
meget
verysuperficialandpresentlyshelå
laythere,ahuddled,futilelille
littlefigure,listeningtotherainpouringned
downoutsideandwatching,withen
asickdistaste,thechill,mercilesslys
lightcreepingintoherugly,sordidværelse
room.Sheknewtheuglinessofthatroombyheart—knewit
og
andhatedit.Theyellow-paintedfloor,
med
withonehideous,“hooked”rugbythesengen
bed,withagrotesque,“hooked”hund
dogonit,alwaysgrinningathernår
whensheawoke;thefaded,dark-redpaper;
theceilingdiscolouredby
gamle
oldleaksandcrossedbycracks;den
thenarrow,pinchedlittlewashstand;thebrown-paperlambrequin
med
withpurplerosesonit;thespotted
gamle
oldlooking-glasswiththecrackacrossit,proppedop
upontheinadequatedressing-table;thejarofancientpotpourri
lavet
madebyhermotherinhermythicalhoneymoon;den
theshell-coveredbox,withoneburstcorner,som
whichCousinStickleshadmadeinherequallymythicalgirlhood;den
thebeadedpincushionwithhalfitsbeadfringegone;den
theonestiff,yellowchair;det
thefadedoldmotto,“Gonemen
butnotforgotten,”workedincolouredyarnsom
aboutGreat-grand-motherStirling’sgrimoldansigt
face;theoldphotographsofancientrelativeslongbanishedfrom
de
theroomsbelow.Therewere
kun
onlytwopicturesthatwerenotofrelatives.One,an
gammel
oldchromoofapuppysidder
sittingonarainydoorstep.Thatpicture
altid
alwaysmadeValancyunhappy.Thatforlorn
lille
littledogcrouchedonthedoorstepinthedrivingrain!Hvorfor
Whydidn’tsomeoneopenthedøren
doorandlethimin?Det
Theotherpicturewasafaded,passe-partoutedengravingofQueenLouisekommer
comingdownastairway,whichAuntWellingtonhavde
hadlavishlygivenheronhertenthbirthday.Fornineteenyearsshe
havde
hadlookedatitandhadet
hatedit,beautiful,smug,self-satisfiedQueenLouise.Men
Butsheneverdareddestroyiteller
orremoveit.MotherandCousinStickles
ville
wouldhavebeenaghast,or,asValancyirreverentlyexpresseditinherthoughts,ville
wouldhavehadafit.Alle
Everyroominthehousewasugly,ofselvfølgelig
course.Butdownstairsappearanceswere
holdt
keptupsomewhat.Therewasno
penge
moneyforroomsnobodyeverså
saw.Valancysometimesfeltthatshe
kunne
couldhavedonesomethingforherværelse
roomherself,evenwithoutmoney,hvis
ifshewerepermitted.Buther
mor
motherhadnegativedeverytimidsuggestionog
andValancydidnotpersist.Valancy
aldrig
neverpersisted.Shewasafraidto.
Her
mor
mothercouldnotbrookopposition.Mrs.Stirling
ville
wouldsulkfordaysifoffended,med
withtheairsofaninsultedduchess.Det
TheonlythingValancylikedom
aboutherroomwasthatshekunne
couldbealonethereatnatten
nighttocryifsheville
wantedto.But,afterall,whatdiditmatterif
et
aroom,whichyouusedfornothingexceptsove
sleepinganddressingin,wereugly?Valancywas
aldrig
neverpermittedtostayaloneinherværelse
roomforanyotherpurpose.Folk
Peoplewhowantedtobealene
alone,soMrs.FrederickStirlingog
andCousinSticklesbelieved,couldkun
onlywanttobealonefornogle
somesinisterpurpose.Buther
værelse
roomintheBlueCastlewasalt
everythingaroomshouldbe.Valancy,socowed
og
andsubduedandoverriddenandsnubbedinvirkelige
reallife,waswonttolade
letherselfgorathersplendidlyinherday-dreams.Ingen
NobodyintheStirlingclan,eller
oritsramifications,suspectedthis,mindst
leastofallhermotherog
andCousinStickles.Theynever
vidste
knewthatValancyhadtwohomes—theuglyrøde
redbrickboxofahjem
home,onElmStreet,andtheBlueCastleinSpain.Valancy
havde
hadlivedspirituallyintheBlueCastleeversiden
sinceshecouldremember.She
havde
hadbeenaverytinybarn
childwhenshefoundherselfpossessedofdet
it.Always,whensheshuthereyes,she
kunne
couldseeitplainly,withitsturretsog
andbannersonthepine-cladmountainheight,wrappedinitsfaint,blueloveliness,mod
againstthesunsetskiesofet
afairandunknownland.Alt
Everythingwonderfulandbeautifulwasinthatcastle.Jewelsthatqueens
kunne
mighthaveworn;robesofmoonlight
og
andfire;couchesofroses
og
andgold;longflightsofshallowmarblesteps,
med
withgreat,whiteurns,andmed
withslender,mist-cladmaidensgoingop
upanddownthem;courts,marble-pillared,
hvor
whereshimmeringfountainsfellandnightingalessang
sangamongthemyrtles;hallsofmirrors
der
thatreflectedonlyhandsomeknightsog
andlovelywomen—herselftheloveliestofalle
all,forwhoseglancemendøde
died.Allthatsupportedher
gennem
throughtheboredomofherdayswasdet
thehopeofgoingonen
adreamspreeatnight.De fleste
Most,ifnotall,oftheStirlingsville
wouldhavediedofhorrorhvis
iftheyhadknownhalfthethingsValancygjorde
didinherBlueCastle.Foronethingshe
havde
hadquiteafewloversindet
it.Oh,onlyoneatatime.
En
Onewhowooedherwithal
alltheromanticardourofden
theageofchivalryandvandt
wonherafterlongdevotionog
andmanydeedsofderring-do,og
andwasweddedtohermed
withpompandcircumstanceinden
thegreat,banner-hungchapelofden
theBlueCastle.Attwelve,
denne
thisloverwasafairladmed
withgoldencurlsandheavenlyblueeyes.Atfifteen,hewastall
og
anddarkandpale,butstadig
stillnecessarilyhandsome.Attwenty,hewasascetic,dreamy,spiritual.
Attwenty-five,he
havde
hadaclean-cutjaw,slightlygrim,og
andafacestrongandruggedratherend
thanhandsome.Valancynevergrewolder
end
thantwenty-fiveinherBlueCastle,men
butrecently—veryrecently—herherohadhavde
hadreddish,tawnyhair,atwistedsmileog
andamysteriouspast.Idon’t
siger
sayValancydeliberatelymurderedtheseloversassheoutgrewdem
them.Onesimplyfadedawayas
anden
anothercame.Thingsareveryconvenientin
denne
thisrespectinBlueCastles.Men
But,onthismorningofherdag
dayoffate,Valancycouldnotfinde
findthekeyofherBlueCastle.Realitypressedonher
for
toohardly,barkingatherheelssom
likeamaddeninglittledog.Shewastwenty-nine,lonely,undesired,ill-favoured—the
eneste
onlyhomelygirlinahandsomeclan,withnopastog
andnofuture.Asfarasshe
kunne
couldlookback,lifewasdrabog
andcolourless,withnotonesinglecrimsoneller
orpurplespotanywhere.As
vidt
farasshecouldlookforwarditseemedcertaintobelige
justthesameuntilshewasintet
nothingbutasolitary,littlewitheredleafclingingtoen
awintrybough.Themomentwhen
en
awomanrealisesthatshehar
hasnothingtolivefor—neitherkærlighed
love,duty,purposenorhope—holdsforherdet
thebitternessofdeath.“AndIjust
nødt
havetogoonlivingbecauseIcan’tstoppe
stop.Imayhaveto
leve
liveeightyyears,”thoughtValancy,inen
akindofpanic.“We’re
alle
allhorriblylong-lived.Itsickensmeto
tænke
thinkofit.”Shewasgladitwasraining—orrather,shewasdrearilysatisfied
at
thatitwasraining.There
ville
wouldbenopicnicthatdag
day.Thisannualpicnic,wherebyAunt
og
andUncleWellington—onealwaysthoughtoftheminthatsuccession—inevitablycelebratedtheirengagementatapicnicthirtyyearsfør
before,hadbeen,oflateyears,averitablenightmaretoValancy.By
en
animpishcoincidenceitwasthesamme
samedayasherbirthdayog
and,aftershehadpassedtwenty-five,ingen
nobodyletherforgetit.Meget
Muchasshehatedgoingtothepicnic,itville
wouldneverhaveoccurredtohertorebelmod
againstit.Thereseemedtobe
noget
nothingoftherevolutionaryinhernature.Og
Andsheknewexactlywhatalle
everyonewouldsaytoheratthepicnic.Onkel
UncleWellington,whomshedislikedog
anddespisedeventhoughhehavde
hadfulfilledthehighestStirlingaspiration,“marryingmoney,”ville
wouldsaytoherinen
apig’swhisper,“Notthinkingofgettingmarriedyet,mydear?”og
andthengooffintothebellowoflaughterwithsom
whichheinvariablyconcludedhisdullremarks.AuntWellington,ofwhomValancy
stod
stoodinabjectawe,wouldfortælle
tellheraboutOlive’snewchiffondressog
andCecil’slastdevotedletter.Valancy
ville
wouldhavetolookaspleasedog
andinterestedasifthedressog
andletterhadbeenhersorelseAuntWellingtonville
wouldbeoffended.AndValancy
havde
hadlongagodecidedthatsheville
wouldratheroffendGodthanAuntWellington,fordi
becauseGodmightforgivehermen
butAuntWellingtonneverwould.AuntAlberta,enormouslyfat,
med
withanamiablehabitofaltid
alwaysreferringtoherhusbandas“he,”asifhewereden
theonlymalecreatureinden
theworld,whocouldneverglemme
forgetthatshehadbeenastor
greatbeautyinheryouth,ville
wouldcondolewithValancyonhersallowskin—.“Idon’t
ved
knowwhyallthegirlsoftodayaresosunburned.Da
WhenIwasagirlmyskinwasrosesog
andcream.Iwascounted
den
theprettiestgirlinCanada,mydear.”Måske
PerhapsUncleHerbertwouldn’tsayanything—ormåske
perhapshewouldremarkjocularly,“Howfatyou’rebliver
getting,Doss!”Andtheneverybody
ville
wouldlaughovertheexcessivelyhumorousidé
ideaofpoor,scrawnylittleDossblev
gettingfat.Handsome,solemnUncleJames,whomValancydisliked
men
butrespectedbecausehewasreputedtobemeget
verycleverandwasthereforeden
theclanoracle—brainsbeingnonefor
tooplentifulintheStirlingconnection—wouldsandsynligvis
probablyremarkwiththeowl-likesarcasmthathavde
hadwonhimhisreputation,“Isupposeyou’rebusymed
withyourhope-chestthesedays?”Og
AndUncleBenjaminwouldasknogle
someofhisabominableconundrums,mellem
betweenwheezychuckles,andanswerthemhimself.“WhatisthedifferencebetweenDoss
og
andamouse?“Themousewishestoharmthecheese
og
andDosswishestocharmthehe’s.”Valancy
havde
hadheardhimaskthatriddlefiftytimesog
andeverytimeshewantedtothrownoget
somethingathim.Butshe
aldrig
neverdid.Inthefirstplace,
det
theStirlingssimplydidnotthrowthings;in
det
thesecondplace,UncleBenjaminwasen
awealthyandchildlessoldwidowerog
andValancyhadbeenbroughtupindet
thefearandadmonitionofhispenge
money.Ifsheoffendedhimhe
ville
wouldcutheroutofhiswill—supposingshewereindet
it.Valancydidnotwanttobe
skåret
cutoutofUncleBenjamin’swill.She
havde
hadbeenpoorallherliv
lifeandknewthegallingbitternessofit.Sosheenduredhisriddles
og
andevensmiledtorturedlittlesmilesover
overthem.AuntIsabel,downright
og
anddisagreeableasaneastwind,ville
wouldcriticiseherinsomeway—Valancykunne
couldnotpredictjusthow,forAuntIsabelaldrig
neverrepeatedacriticism—shefoundnoget
somethingnewwithwhichtojabyouhver
everytime.AuntIsabelpridedherselfonsayingwhatshethought,
men
butdidn’tlikeitsowellnår
whenotherpeoplesaidwhattheythoughttohende
her.Valancyneversaidwhatshe
tænkte
thought.CousinGeorgiana—namedafterhergreat-great-grand-mother,whohadbeennamed
efter
afterGeorgetheFourth—wouldrecountdolorouslythenamesofalle
allrelativesandfriendswhohaddøde
diedsincethelastpicnicog
andwonder“whichofusvil
willbethefirsttogå
gonext.”Oppressivelycompetent,AuntMildred
ville
wouldtalkendlesslyofhermand
husbandandherodiousprodigiesofbabiestoValancy,fordi
becauseValancywouldbetheeneste
onlyoneshecouldfindtoputupmed
withit.Forthesame
grund
reason,CousinGladys—reallyFirstCousinGladysonceremoved,accordingtoden
thestrictwayinwhichden
theStirlingstabulatedrelationship—atall,thindame
ladywhoadmittedshehaden
asensitivedisposition,woulddescribeminutelyden
thetorturesofherneuritis.Og
AndOlive,thewondergirlofden
thewholeStirlingclan,whohavde
hadeverythingValancyhadnot—beauty,popularity,love,—wouldvise
showoffherbeautyandpresumeonherpopularityog
andflauntherdiamondinsigniaofkærlighed
loveinValancy’sdazzled,enviouseyes.Der
Therewouldbenoneofallthistoday.Og
Andtherewouldbenopackingop
upofteaspoons.Thepackingupwas
altid
alwaysleftforValancyandCousinStickles.Og
Andonce,sixyearsago,en
asilverteaspoonfromAuntWellington’sweddingsethadbeentabt
lost.Valancyneverheardthe
sidste
lastofthatsilverteaspoon.ItsghostappearedBanquo-likeat
hver
everysubsequentfamilyfeast.Oh,
ja
yes,Valancyknewexactlywhatthepicnicville
wouldbelikeandsheblessedtherainder
thathadsavedherfromit.Der
Therewouldbenopicnicthisår
year.IfAuntWellingtoncouldnotcelebrateon
den
thesacreddayitselfsheville
wouldhavenocelebrationatall.Tak
Thankwhatevergodstherewereforthat.Da
Sincetherewouldbenopicnic,Valancymadeop
uphermindthat,iftherainholdt
heldupintheafternoon,sheville
wouldgouptothelibraryog
andgetanotherofJohnFoster’sbooks.Valancywas
aldrig
neverallowedtoreadnovels,men
butJohnFoster’sbookswerenotnovels.Theywere“naturebooks”—sothelibrarian
fortalte
toldMrs.FrederickStirling—“allaboutthewoodsog
andbirdsandbugsandthingslikethat,youknow.”SoValancywasallowedto
læse
readthem—underprotest,foritwaskun
onlytooevidentthatsheenjoyedthemtoomeget
much.Itwaspermissible,evenlaudable,to
læse
readtoimproveyourmindog
andyourreligion,butabog
bookthatwasenjoyablewasdangerous.Valancydidnot
vidste
knowwhetherhermindwasbeingimprovedeller
ornot;butshefeltvaguely
at
thatifshehadcomeacrossJohnFoster’sbooksyearssiden
agolifemighthavebeenaanderledes
differentthingforher.Theyseemedtohertoyieldglimpsesof
en
aworldintowhichshekunne
mightoncehaveentered,thoughthedøren
doorwasforeverbarredtohernu
now.Itwasonlywithinthe
sidste
lastyearthatJohnFoster’sbookshavde
hadbeenintheDeerwoodlibrary,selv
thoughthelibrariantoldValancyat
thathehadbeenawell-knownwriterforseveralyears.“Wheredoeshelive?”
Valancy
havde
hadasked.“Nobodyknows.
Fromhisbookshe
må
mustbeaCanadian,butikke
nomoreinformationcanbehad.Hispublisherswon’t
sige
sayaword.QuitelikelyJohnFosteris
et
anomdeplume.Hisbooksaresopopularwecan’t
holde
keeptheminatall,selv
thoughIreallycan’tseewhatfolk
peoplefindinthemtoraveover.”“I
synes
thinkthey’rewonderful,”saidValancy,timidly.“Oh—well—”
Miss
MissClarksonsmiledinapatronisingfashionthatrelegatedValancy’sopinionstolimbo,“Ican’tsige
sayIcaremuchforbugsmyself.Men
ButcertainlyFosterseemstovide
knowallthereistovide
knowaboutthem.”Valancydidn’t
vidste
knowwhethershecaredmuchforbugseither.ItwasnotJohnFoster’suncannyknowledgeofwildcreatures
og
andinsectlifethatenthralledhende
her.Shecouldhardlysaywhatitwas—sometantalisinglureofamystery
aldrig
neverrevealed—somehintofastor
greatsecretjustalittlefurtheron—somefaint,elusiveechooflovely,glemte
forgottenthings—JohnFoster’smagicwasindefinable.Ja
Yes,shewouldgetany
newFosterbook.Itwas
en
amonthsinceshehadThistleHarvest,sosurelyMor
Mothercouldnotobject.Valancy
havde
hadreaditfourtimes—shekendte
knewwholepassagesoffbyheart.And—she
næsten
almostthoughtshewouldgoog
andseeDr.Trentaboutat
thatqueerpainaroundthehjertet
heart.Ithadcomeratheroftenlately,
og
andthepalpitationswerebecomingannoying,nottotale
speakofanoccasionaldizzyøjeblik
momentandaqueershortnessofbreath.Men
Butcouldshegotoseehimuden
withouttellinganyone?Itwas
en
amostdaringthought.NoneoftheStirlingseverconsulteda
læge
doctorwithoutholdingafamilycouncilog
andgettingUncleJames’approval.Then,they
gik
wenttoDr.AmbroseMarshofPortLawrence,som
whohadmarriedSecondCousinAdelaideStirling.Men
ButValancydislikedDr.AmbroseMarsh.Og
And,besides,shecouldnotgettoPortLawrence,fifteenmilesvæk
away,withoutbeingtakenthere.Shedidnot
ville
wantanyonetoknowaboutherhjerte
heart.Therewouldbesuch
et
afussmadeandeverymemberofthefamilyville
wouldcomedownandtalkitover
overandadviseherandcautionherog
andwarnherandtellherhorribletalesofgreat-auntsog
andcousinsfortytimesremovedwhohavde
hadbeen“justlikethat”og
and“droppeddeadwithoutamoment’swarning,mydear.”AuntIsabel
ville
wouldrememberthatshehadaltid
alwayssaidDosslookedlikeen
agirlwhowouldhavehearttrouble—“sopinchedog
andpeakedalways”;andUncleWellington
ville
wouldtakeitasapersonalinsult,da
when“noStirlingeverhadheartdiseasebefore”;og
andGeorgianawouldforebodeinperfectlyaudibleasidesat
that“poor,dearlittleDossisn’tlænge
longforthisworld,I’mafraid”;og
andCousinGladyswouldsay,“Why,myhjerte
hearthasbeenlikethatforyears,”inatonethatimpliedingen
nooneelsehadanybusinesseventohaveahjerte
heart;andOlive—Olivewouldmerely
se
lookbeautifulandsuperioranddisgustinglyhealthy,asiftosige
say,“Whyallthisfussoveren
afadedsuperfluitylikeDossnår
whenyouhaveme?”Valancy
følte
feltthatshecouldn’ttellnogen
anybodyunlessshehadto.She
følte
feltquitesuretherewasnoget
nothingatallseriouslywrongmed
withherheartandnoneedofalle
allthepotherthatwouldensuehvis
ifshementionedit.She
ville
wouldjustslipupquietlyog
andseeDr.Trentthatverydag
day.Asforhisbill,she
havde
hadthetwohundreddollarsthatherfar
fatherhadputinthebankforherthedag
dayshewasborn.Shewas
aldrig
neverallowedtouseeventheinterestofthis,men
butshewouldsecretlytakeud
outenoughtopayDr.Trent.Dr.
Trentwas
en
agruff,outspoken,absent-mindedoldfellow,men
buthewasarecognisedauthorityonheartdisease,selv
evenifhewereonlyen
ageneralpractitionerinout-of-the-worldDeerwood.Dr.Trentwas
over
overseventyandtherehadbeenrumoursthathemeanttoretiresnart
soon.NoneoftheStirlingclanhadever
gået
gonetohimsincehehadtoldCousinGladys,ti
tenyearsbefore,thatherneuritiswasalt
allimaginaryandthatsheenjoyedit.Youcouldn’tpatronise
en
adoctorwhoinsultedyourfirst-cousin-once-removedlikethat—nottomentionthathewasen
aPresbyterianwhenalltheStirlingsgik
wenttotheAnglicanchurch.CHAPTERII
Da
WhenCousinSticklesknockedatherdør
door,Valancyknewitwashalf-pastsevenog
andshemustgetup.As
længe
longasshecouldremember,CousinStickleshavde
hadknockedatherdoorathalf-pastseven.CousinStickles
og
andMrs.FrederickStirlinghadbeenoppe
upsinceseven,butValancywasallowedtoligge
lieabedhalfanhourlongerbecauseofafamilytraditionthatshewasdelicate.Valancygot
op
up,thoughshehatedgettingop
upmorethismorningthanevershehadfør
before.