CHAPTERI
Ifithadnotrainedona
معين
certainMaymorningValancyStirling’swholeحياة
lifewouldhavebeenentirelyمختلفة
different.Shewouldhavegone,
مع
withtherestofherclan,toالعمة
AuntWellington’sengagementpicnicandDr.TrentwouldhavegonetoMontreal.لكنها
Butitdidrainandyoushallتسمع
hearwhathappenedtoherbecauseofذلك
it.Valancywakenedearly,inthelifeless,hopeless
الساعة
hourjustprecedingdawn.Shehadnotsleptvery
جيد
well.Onedoesnotsleepwell,
بعض الأحيان
sometimes,whenoneistwenty-nineonthemorrow,andunmarried,inaمجتمع
communityandconnectionwheretheunmarriedaresimplyأولئك
thosewhohavefailedtoالحصول
getaman.DeerwoodandtheStirlingshad
طويلة
longsincerelegatedValancytohopelessالعجوز
oldmaidenhood.ButValancyherselfhad
لم
neverquiterelinquishedacertainpitiful,shamed,littlehopethatRomancewouldcomeherwayyet—never,حتى
untilthiswet,horriblemorning,عندما
whenshewakenedtotheحقيقة
factthatshewastwenty-nineandunsoughtbyأي
anyman.Ay,therelaythesting.
Valancydidnotmindsomuchbeinganoldmaid.
بعد
Afterall,shethought,beinganoldmaidcouldn’tpossiblybeasdreadfulasbeingmarriedtoanالعم
UncleWellingtonoranUncleBenjamin,أو
orevenanUncleHerbert.Whathurtherwasthatshehad
لم
neverhadachancetobeأي شيء
anythingbutanoldmaid.أي
Nomanhadeverdesiredher.Thetearscameintohereyesasshelay
هناك
therealoneinthefaintlygreyingالظلام
darkness.Shedarednotletherselfcryashardasshewantedto,fortworeasons.
Shewas
خائفة
afraidthatcryingmightbringonأخرى
anotherattackofthatpainحول
aroundtheheart.Shehadhad
على
aspellofitaftershehadgotintobed—ratherأسوأ
worsethananyshehadhadyet.Andshewas
خائفة
afraidhermotherwouldnoticeherالحمراء
redeyesatbreakfastandkeepatherwithminute,persistent,mosquito-likequestionsregardingthecausethereof.“Suppose,”thoughtValancywith
على
aghastlygrin,“Iansweredwiththeplaintruth,‘IamcryingbecauseIcannotgetmarried.’كم
HowhorrifiedMotherwouldbe—thoughsheisتخجل
ashamedeverydayofherlifeofheroldmaiddaughter.”Butofcourseappearances
يجب
shouldbekeptup.“Itisnot,”Valancycould
تسمع
hearhermother’sprim,dictatorialصوت
voiceasserting,“itisnotmaidenlytothinkaboutmen.”Thethoughtofhermother’s
تعبير
expressionmadeValancylaugh—forshehadasenseofhumourأحد
nobodyinherclansuspected.For
التي
thatmatter,therewereagoodmanythingsحول
aboutValancythatnobodysuspected.لكن
Butherlaughterwasverysuperficialandpresentlyshelaythere,ahuddled,futilelittlefigure,listeningtoفي
therainpouringdownoutsideandwatching,مع
withasickdistaste,thechill,mercilessالضوء
lightcreepingintoherugly,sordidroom.Sheknewtheuglinessofthat
الغرفة
roombyheart—knewitandhatedit.Theyellow-paintedfloor,
مع
withonehideous,“hooked”rugbythebed,مع
withagrotesque,“hooked”dogonit,alwaysgrinningatherعندما
whensheawoke;thefaded,dark-red
الورق
paper;theceilingdiscolouredby
القديمة
oldleaksandcrossedbycracks;thenarrow,pinched
الصغير
littlewashstand;thebrown-paperlambrequin
مع
withpurplerosesonit;thespotted
القديمة
oldlooking-glasswiththecrackacrossit,proppedupontheinadequatedressing-table;thejarofancientpotpourrimadebyhermotherinhermythical
شهر العسل
honeymoon;theshell-coveredbox,with
واحدة
oneburstcorner,whichCousinStickleshadmadeinherequallymythicalgirlhood;thebeadedpincushion
مع
withhalfitsbeadfringegone;theonestiff,
الأصفر
yellowchair;thefadedoldmotto,“Gonebutnotforgotten,”workedincolouredyarns
حول
aboutGreat-grand-motherStirling’sgrimoldوجه
face;theoldphotographsofancientrelatives
طويلة
longbanishedfromtheroomsأدناه
below.Therewereonlytwopicturesthatwerenotofrelatives.
One,an
قديم
oldchromoofapuppysittingonarainydoorstep.That
الصورة
picturealwaysmadeValancyunhappy.ذلك
Thatforlornlittledogcrouchedonthedoorstepinthedrivingالمطر
rain!Whydidn’tsomeoneopenthe
الباب
doorandlethimin?The
الأخرى
otherpicturewasafaded,passe-partoutedengravingofالملكة
QueenLouisecomingdownastairway,whichالعمة
AuntWellingtonhadlavishlygivenheronhertenthbirthday.Fornineteenyearsshehadlookedatitandhatedit,beautiful,smug,self-satisfied
الملكة
QueenLouise.Butsheneverdareddestroyit
أو
orremoveit.MotherandCousinStickleswould
قد
havebeenaghast,or,asValancyirreverentlyexpresseditinherthoughts,wouldقد
havehadafit.Every
غرفة
roominthehousewasقبيحة
ugly,ofcourse.Butdownstairsappearanceswerekeptupsomewhat.
هناك
Therewasnomoneyforroomsأحد
nobodyeversaw.Valancysometimesfelt
أن
thatshecouldhavedonesomethingforherroomherself,حتى
evenwithoutmoney,ifshewerepermitted.لكن
Buthermotherhadnegativedكل
everytimidsuggestionandValancydidnotpersist.Valancy
لم
neverpersisted.Shewasafraidto.
Hermothercouldnotbrook
المعارضة
opposition.Mrs.Stirlingwouldsulkfordays
إذا
ifoffended,withtheairsofaninsultedduchess.The
الوحيد
onlythingValancylikedaboutherroomwasthatshecouldbeوحدها
alonethereatnighttocryإذا
ifshewantedto.But,
بعد
afterall,whatdiditيهم
matterifaroom,whichyouتستخدم
usedfornothingexceptsleepinganddressingin,wereugly?Valancywas
لم
neverpermittedtostayaloneinherroomforanyotherغرض
purpose.Peoplewhowantedtobealone,soMrs.FrederickStirlingandCousinSticklesbelieved,could
فقط
onlywanttobealoneforsomesinisterpurpose.لكن
Butherroomintheالزرقاء
BlueCastlewaseverythingaالغرفة
roomshouldbe.Valancy,socowedandsubduedandoverriddenandsnubbedinreal
الحياة
life,waswonttoletherselfتذهب
gorathersplendidlyinherday-dreams.أحد
NobodyintheStirlingclan,أو
oritsramifications,suspectedthis,leastofكل
allhermotherandCousinStickles.They
لم
neverknewthatValancyhadtwohomes—theالقبيح
uglyredbrickboxofahome,onElmشارع
Street,andtheBlueCastleinSpain.Valancyhadlivedspirituallyinthe
الزرقاء
BlueCastleeversinceshecouldتتذكر
remember.Shehadbeenavery
صغيرة
tinychildwhenshefoundherselfpossessedofit.Always,
عندما
whensheshuthereyes,shecouldseeitplainly,مع
withitsturretsandbannersonthepine-cladالجبل
mountainheight,wrappedinitsfaint,الأزرق
blueloveliness,againstthesunsetskiesofafairandunknownأرض
land.Everythingwonderfulandbeautifulwasinthat
القلعة
castle.Jewelsthatqueensmighthaveworn;
robesofmoonlightandfire;
couchesofrosesandgold;
طويلة
longflightsofshallowmarblesteps,مع
withgreat,whiteurns,andمع
withslender,mist-cladmaidensgoingupanddownthem;courts,marble-pillared,
حيث
whereshimmeringfountainsfellandnightingalessangبين
amongthemyrtles;hallsofmirrorsthatreflected
فقط
onlyhandsomeknightsandlovelywomen—herselftheloveliestofall,forwhoseglancemendied.كل
Allthatsupportedherthroughtheboredomofherdayswasthehopeofgoingonaحلم
dreamspreeatnight.Most,
لو
ifnotall,oftheStirlingswouldhavediedofالرعب
horroriftheyhadknownنصف
halfthethingsValancydidinherالزرقاء
BlueCastle.Foronethingshehadquite
على
afewloversinit.Oh,
فقط
onlyoneatatime.Onewhowooedherwithallthe
الرومانسي
romanticardouroftheageofchivalryandwonherبعد
afterlongdevotionandmanydeedsofderring-do,andwasweddedtoherwithpompandcircumstanceinthegreat,banner-hungchapeloftheالزرقاء
BlueCastle.Attwelve,thisloverwasafairlad
مع
withgoldencurlsandheavenlyزرقاء
blueeyes.Atfifteen,hewastall
و
anddarkandpale,butلا يزال
stillnecessarilyhandsome.Attwenty,hewasascetic,dreamy,spiritual.
Attwenty-five,hehadaclean-cutjaw,slightlygrim,andaface
قوي
strongandruggedratherthanhandsome.Valancy
لم
nevergrewolderthantwenty-fiveinherBlueCastle,لكن
butrecently—veryrecently—herherohadhadreddish,tawnyشعر
hair,atwistedsmileandamysteriouspast.Idon’t
أقول
sayValancydeliberatelymurderedtheseloversassheoutgrewthem.واحد
Onesimplyfadedawayasآخر
anothercame.Thingsarevery
مريحة
convenientinthisrespectinالزرقاء
BlueCastles.But,onthis
الصباح
morningofherdayoffate,Valancycouldnotالعثور
findthekeyofherالزرقاء
BlueCastle.Realitypressedonhertoohardly,barkingatherheels
مثل
likeamaddeninglittledog.Shewastwenty-nine,lonely,undesired,ill-favoured—theonlyhomely
الفتاة
girlinahandsomeclan,withnopastandnoمستقبل
future.Asfarasshecouldlookback,
الحياة
lifewasdrabandcolourless,مع
withnotonesinglecrimsonأو
orpurplespotanywhere.Asfarasshecouldlook
إلى الأمام
forwarditseemedcertaintobejustthesameحتى
untilshewasnothingbutasolitary,صغيرة
littlewitheredleafclingingtoawintrybough.في
Themomentwhenawomanrealisesالتي
thatshehasnothingtolivefor—neitherlove,duty,purposenorhope—holdsforherفي
thebitternessofdeath.“AndI
فقط
justhavetogoonlivingbecauseIcan’tstop.Imayhaveto
أعيش
liveeightyyears,”thoughtValancy,inaنوع
kindofpanic.“We’reallhorriblylong-lived.
Itsickensmetothinkofit.”
Shewas
سعيدة
gladitwasraining—orrather,shewasdrearilyراضية
satisfiedthatitwasraining.هناك
Therewouldbenopicnicذلك
thatday.Thisannualpicnic,whereby
العمة
AuntandUncleWellington—onealwaysthoughtoftheminthatsuccession—inevitablycelebratedtheirengagementatapicnicthirtyyearsقبل
before,hadbeen,oflateyears,averitablenightmaretoValancy.Byanimpishcoincidenceitwasthe
نفس
samedayasherbirthdayand,aftershehadpassedtwenty-five,أحد
nobodyletherforgetit.Muchasshehatedgoingto
في
thepicnic,itwouldneverhaveoccurredtohertorebelagainstit.Thereseemedtobe
شيء
nothingoftherevolutionaryinherطبيعتها
nature.Andsheknewexactlywhateveryonewouldsaytoheratthepicnic.
العم
UncleWellington,whomshedislikedanddespisedeventhoughhehadfulfilledthehighestStirlingaspiration,“marryingmoney,”wouldيقول
saytoherinapig’swhisper,“Notthinkingofgettingmarriedyet,mydear?”andthen
يذهب
gooffintothebellowoflaughterwithالتي
whichheinvariablyconcludedhisdullremarks.العمة
AuntWellington,ofwhomValancystoodinabjectawe,wouldtellherعن
aboutOlive’snewchiffondressandCecil’slastdevotedرسالة
letter.Valancywouldhaveto
تبدو
lookaspleasedandinterestedasلو
ifthedressandletterhadbeenhersorelseالعمة
AuntWellingtonwouldbeoffended.AndValancyhad
طويلة
longagodecidedthatshewouldratheroffendالله
GodthanAuntWellington,becauseالله
Godmightforgiveherbutالعمة
AuntWellingtonneverwould.AuntAlberta,enormously
سمينة
fat,withanamiablehabitofalwaysreferringtoherزوجها
husbandas“he,”asifheweretheالوحيد
onlymalecreatureintheالعالم
world,whocouldneverforgetالتي
thatshehadbeenagreatbeautyinheryouth,wouldcondoleمع
withValancyonhersallowskin—.“Idon’t
أعرف
knowwhyallthegirlsofاليوم
todayaresosunburned.WhenIwasa
فتاة
girlmyskinwasrosesandcream.Iwascountedtheprettiest
فتاة
girlinCanada,mydear.”ربما
PerhapsUncleHerbertwouldn’tsayanything—orربما
perhapshewouldremarkjocularly,“Howfatyou’regetting,Doss!”Andthen
الجميع
everybodywouldlaughovertheexcessivelyhumorousالفكرة
ideaofpoor,scrawnylittleDossgettingfat.الوسيم
Handsome,solemnUncleJames,whomValancydislikedbutrespectedbecausehewasreputedtobeveryذكي
cleverandwasthereforetheclanoracle—brainsbeingnonetooplentifulintheStirlingconnection—wouldربما
probablyremarkwiththeowl-likesarcasmالتي
thathadwonhimhisسمعته
reputation,“Isupposeyou’rebusyمع
withyourhope-chestthesedays?”And
العم
UncleBenjaminwouldasksomeofhisabominableconundrums,بين
betweenwheezychuckles,andanswerthemhimself.“Whatisthe
الفرق
differencebetweenDossandamouse?“Themousewishestoharm
في
thecheeseandDosswishestocharmفي
thehe’s.”Valancyhadheardhimaskthatriddlefiftytimesand
كل
everytimeshewantedtothrowsomethingathim.لكنها
Butsheneverdid.Inthefirstplace,theStirlingssimplydidnotthrowthings;
inthesecondplace,
العم
UncleBenjaminwasawealthyandchildlessoldwidowerandValancyhadbeenbroughtupintheالخوف
fearandadmonitionofhismoney.إذا
Ifsheoffendedhimhewouldcutheroutofhiswill—supposingshewereinit.Valancydidnotwanttobecutoutof
العم
UncleBenjamin’swill.Shehadbeenpoorallherlifeandknewthegallingbitternessofit.
Sosheenduredhisriddlesandevensmiledtortured
صغيرة
littlesmilesoverthem.AuntIsabel,downrightanddisagreeableasaneast
الرياح
wind,wouldcriticiseherinsomeway—Valancycouldnotالتنبؤ
predictjusthow,forAuntIsabelلم
neverrepeatedacriticism—shefoundsomethingnewwithwhichtojabyouكل
everytime.AuntIsabelpridedherselfonsayingwhatshethought,
لكنها
butdidn’tlikeitsowellعندما
whenotherpeoplesaidwhattheythoughttoلها
her.Valancyneversaidwhatshethought.
CousinGeorgiana—namedafterhergreat-great-grand-mother,whohadbeennamedafterGeorgetheFourth—wouldrecountdolorouslythenamesof
جميع
allrelativesandfriendswhohaddiedمنذ
sincethelastpicnicandwonder“whichofuswillbetheأول
firsttogonext.”Oppressivelycompetent,
العمة
AuntMildredwouldtalkendlesslyofherزوجها
husbandandherodiousprodigiesofbabiestoValancy,becauseValancywouldbetheالوحيد
onlyoneshecouldfindtoputupwithذلك
it.Forthesamereason,CousinGladys—really
الأولى
FirstCousinGladysonceremoved,accordingtothestrictwayinالتي
whichtheStirlingstabulatedrelationship—atall,thinسيدة
ladywhoadmittedshehadasensitivedisposition,woulddescribeminutelythetorturesofherneuritis.AndOlive,thewonder
الفتاة
girlofthewholeStirlingclan,whohadeverythingValancyhadnot—beauty,popularity,love,—wouldshowoffherالجمال
beautyandpresumeonherpopularityandflauntherdiamondinsigniaofالحب
loveinValancy’sdazzled,enviouseyes.هناك
Therewouldbenoneofallهذا
thistoday.Andtherewouldbenopackingupofteaspoons.
ThepackingupwasalwaysleftforValancy
و
andCousinStickles.Andonce,
ست
sixyearsago,asilverteaspoonfromالعمة
AuntWellington’sweddingsethadbeenفقدت
lost.Valancyneverheardthe
آخر
lastofthatsilverteaspoon.ItsghostappearedBanquo-likeat
كل
everysubsequentfamilyfeast.Oh,
نعم
yes,Valancyknewexactlywhatthepicnicwouldbelikeandsheblessedtheالمطر
rainthathadsavedherfromit.هناك
Therewouldbenopicnicهذا
thisyear.IfAuntWellingtoncouldnotcelebrateonthesacred
اليوم
dayitselfshewouldhaveأي
nocelebrationatall.Thankwhatevergods
هناك
therewereforthat.Since
هناك
therewouldbenopicnic,Valancymadeuphermindthat,إذا
iftherainheldupintheالظهيرة
afternoon,shewouldgouptotheالمكتبة
libraryandgetanotherofJohnFoster’sbooks.Valancywas
لم
neverallowedtoreadnovels,لكن
butJohnFoster’sbookswerenotnovels.Theywere“naturebooks”—sothelibrariantoldMrs.FrederickStirling—“all
عن
aboutthewoodsandbirdsandbugsandthingslikeهذا
that,youknow.”SoValancywasallowedtoreadthem—underprotest,foritwasonlytooevidentthatsheenjoyedthemtoomuch.
Itwaspermissible,evenlaudable,to
القراءة
readtoimproveyourmindandyourreligion,لكن
butabookthatwasenjoyablewasdangerous.Valancydidnot
تعرف
knowwhetherhermindwasbeingimprovedornot;لكنها
butshefeltvaguelythatلو
ifshehadcomeacrossJohnFoster’sbooksyearsقبل
agolifemighthavebeenadifferentthingforلها
her.Theyseemedtohertoyieldglimpsesof
على
aworldintowhichshemightمرة
oncehaveentered,thoughtheالباب
doorwasforeverbarredtohernow.Itwas
فقط
onlywithinthelastyearأن
thatJohnFoster’sbookshadbeenintheDeerwoodlibrary,thoughthelibrariantoldValancyأن
thathehadbeenawell-knownwriterforseveralyears.“Wheredoeshelive?”
Valancyhadasked.
“Nobodyknows.
Fromhisbookshe
يجب
mustbeaCanadian,butلا
nomoreinformationcanbehad.Hispublisherswon’t
يقول
sayaword.QuitelikelyJohnFosterisanomdeplume.
Hisbooksaresopopularwecan’t
الاحتفاظ
keeptheminatall,thoughIحقا
reallycan’tseewhatpeoplefindinthemtoraveover.”“Ithinkthey’rewonderful,”saidValancy,timidly.
“Oh—well—”
الآنسة
MissClarksonsmiledinapatronisingfashionthatrelegatedValancy’sopinionstolimbo,“Ican’tأقول
sayIcaremuchforbugsmyself.لكن
ButcertainlyFosterseemstoknowكل
allthereistoknowaboutthem.”Valancydidn’t
تعرف
knowwhethershecaredmuchforbugseither.ItwasnotJohnFoster’suncanny
معرفة
knowledgeofwildcreaturesandالحشرات
insectlifethatenthralledher.Shecouldhardly
تقول
saywhatitwas—sometantalisinglureofamysteryلم
neverrevealed—somehintofaعظيم
greatsecretjustalittlefurtheron—somefaint,elusiveechoofالجميلة
lovely,forgottenthings—JohnFoster’smagicwasindefinable.Yes,shewouldget
على
anewFosterbook.Itwas
على
amonthsinceshehadThistleHarvest,sosurelyالأم
Mothercouldnotobject.Valancyhadreadit
أربع
fourtimes—sheknewwholepassagesoffbyقلب
heart.And—shealmostthoughtshewould
الذهاب
goandseeDr.Trentaboutthatqueerالألم
painaroundtheheart.Ithad
تأتي
comeratheroftenlately,andفي
thepalpitationswerebecomingannoying,nottospeakofanoccasionaldizzyلحظة
momentandaqueershortnessofالتنفس
breath.Butcouldshegotoseehim
دون
withouttellinganyone?Itwasamostdaringthought.
أي
NoneoftheStirlingseverconsultedعلى
adoctorwithoutholdingaعائلة
familycouncilandgettingUncleJames’موافقة
approval.Then,theywenttoDr.AmbroseMarshofPortLawrence,whohad
تزوج
marriedSecondCousinAdelaideStirling.لكن
ButValancydislikedDr.AmbroseMarsh.And,besides,shecouldnotgettoPortLawrence,fifteenmilesaway,
دون
withoutbeingtakenthere.Shedidnot
تريد
wantanyonetoknowعن
aboutherheart.Therewouldbesuchafussmadeand
كل
everymemberofthefamilywouldcomedownandtalkitoverandadviseherandcautionherandwarnherandtellherhorribletalesofgreat-auntsandcousinsfortytimesremovedwhohadbeen“justlikethat”and“droppeddeadدون
withoutamoment’swarning,mydear.”العمة
AuntIsabelwouldrememberthatshehadalwayssaidDosslookedlikeaفتاة
girlwhowouldhavehearttrouble—“sopinchedandpeakedalways”;andUncleWellingtonwouldtakeitasapersonalinsult,
عندما
when“noStirlingeverhadheartمرض
diseasebefore”;andGeorgianawouldforebodeinperfectlyaudibleasidesthat“poor,
العزيز
dearlittleDossisn’tlongforthisworld,I’mafraid”;andCousinGladyswould
تقول
say,“Why,myhearthasbeenlikethatforyears,”inaنغمة
tonethatimpliednooneelsehadanybusinessحتى
eventohaveaheart;andOlive—Olivewouldmerelylook
جميلة
beautifulandsuperioranddisgustinglyhealthy,asلو
iftosay,“Whyallهذا
thisfussoverafadedsuperfluityمثل
likeDosswhenyouhaveme?”Valancyfeltthatshecouldn’ttell
أحد
anybodyunlessshehadto.Shefeltquitesure
هناك
therewasnothingatallخطير
seriouslywrongwithherheartandأي
noneedofallthepotherthatwouldensueإذا
ifshementionedit.Shewouldjust
تنزلق
slipupquietlyandseeDr.Trentذلك
thatveryday.Asforhisbill,shehadthetwohundreddollarsthatherfatherhadputinthe
البنك
bankforherthedayshewasborn.Shewas
لم
neverallowedtouseeventheالفائدة
interestofthis,butshewouldsecretlyتأخذ
takeoutenoughtopayDr.Trent.Dr.
Trentwasagruff,outspoken,absent-mindedoldfellow,
لكنه
buthewasarecognisedسلطة
authorityonheartdisease,evenلو
ifhewereonlyageneralpractitionerinout-of-the-worldDeerwood.Dr.Trentwas
أكثر
overseventyandtherehadbeenrumoursthathemeanttoالتقاعد
retiresoon.NoneoftheStirlingclanhadevergonetohim
منذ
sincehehadtoldCousinGladys,عشر
tenyearsbefore,thatherneuritiswasallimaginaryandthatsheenjoyedit.Youcouldn’tpatronisea
طبيب
doctorwhoinsultedyourfirst-cousin-once-removedlikethat—nottomentionthathewasaPresbyterianعندما
whenalltheStirlingswenttotheAnglicanالكنيسة
church.CHAPTERII
WhenCousinSticklesknockedatherdoor,Valancyknewitwashalf-pastsevenandshemustgetup.
Aslongasshecould
تتذكر
remember,CousinStickleshadknockedatherdoorathalf-pastseven.CousinSticklesandMrs.FrederickStirlinghadbeenup
منذ
sinceseven,butValancywasallowedtolieabedنصف
halfanhourlongerbecauseofafamilyتقليد
traditionthatshewasdelicate.Valancygotup,thoughshehatedgettingup
أكثر
morethismorningthanevershehadbefore.