CHAPTERI
Ifithadnotrainedonacertain
مايو
MaymorningValancyStirling’swholeحياة
lifewouldhavebeenentirelyمختلفة
different.Shewouldhavegone,
مع
withtherestofherclan,toAuntWellington’sengagementpicnicandDr.TrentwouldhavegonetoMontreal.لكنها
Butitdidrainandyoushallتسمع
hearwhathappenedtoherbecauseofذلك
it.Valancywakenedearly,inthelifeless,hopeless
الساعة
hourjustprecedingdawn.Shehadnotsleptvery
جيد
well.Onedoesnotsleepwell,
بعض الأحيان
sometimes,whenoneistwenty-nineonthemorrow,andunmarried,inacommunityandconnectionحيث
wheretheunmarriedaresimplyأولئك
thosewhohavefailedtoالحصول
getaman.DeerwoodandtheStirlingshad
طويلة
longsincerelegatedValancytohopelessالعجوز
oldmaidenhood.ButValancyherselfhad
لم
neverquiterelinquishedacertainpitiful,shamed,littlehopethatRomancewouldcomeherwayyet—never,حتى
untilthiswet,horriblemorning,عندما
whenshewakenedtotheحقيقة
factthatshewastwenty-nineandunsoughtbyأي
anyman.Ay,therelaythesting.
Valancydidnotmindsomuchbeinganoldmaid.
بعد
Afterall,shethought,beinganoldmaidcouldn’tpossiblybeasdreadfulasbeingmarriedtoanالعم
UncleWellingtonoranUncleBenjamin,أو
orevenanUncleHerbert.Whathurtherwasthatshehad
لم
neverhadachancetobeأي شيء
anythingbutanoldmaid.أي
Nomanhadeverdesiredher.Thetearscameintohereyesasshelay
هناك
therealoneinthefaintlygreyingdarkness.Shedarednot
السماح
letherselfcryashardasshewantedto,fortworeasons.Shewas
خائفة
afraidthatcryingmightbringonأخرى
anotherattackofthatpainحول
aroundtheheart.Shehadhad
على
aspellofitaftershehadgotintobed—ratherworsethanأي
anyshehadhadyet.Andshewas
خائفة
afraidhermotherwouldnoticeherالحمراء
redeyesatbreakfastandkeepatherwithminute,persistent,mosquito-likequestionsregardingthecausethereof.“Suppose,”thoughtValancywith
على
aghastlygrin,“Iansweredwiththeplaintruth,‘IamcryingbecauseIcannotgetmarried.’كم
HowhorrifiedMotherwouldbe—thoughsheisashamedكل
everydayofherlifeofheroldmaiddaughter.”Butofcourseappearances
يجب
shouldbekeptup.“Itisnot,”Valancycould
تسمع
hearhermother’sprim,dictatorialvoiceasserting,“itisnotmaidenlytothinkaboutmen.”Thethoughtofhermother’sexpressionmadeValancylaugh—forshehadasenseofhumour
أحد
nobodyinherclansuspected.For
التي
thatmatter,therewereagoodmanythingsحول
aboutValancythatnobodysuspected.لكن
Butherlaughterwasverysuperficialandpresentlyshelaythere,ahuddled,futilelittlefigure,listeningtoفي
therainpouringdownoutsideandwatching,مع
withasickdistaste,thechill,mercilessالضوء
lightcreepingintoherugly,sordidroom.Sheknewtheuglinessofthat
الغرفة
roombyheart—knewitandhatedit.Theyellow-paintedfloor,
مع
withonehideous,“hooked”rugbythebed,مع
withagrotesque,“hooked”dogonit,alwaysgrinningatherعندما
whensheawoke;thefaded,dark-redpaper;
theceilingdiscolouredby
القديمة
oldleaksandcrossedbycracks;thenarrow,pinched
الصغير
littlewashstand;thebrown-paperlambrequin
مع
withpurplerosesonit;thespotted
القديمة
oldlooking-glasswiththecrackacrossit,proppedupontheinadequatedressing-table;thejarofancientpotpourrimadebyhermotherinhermythicalhoneymoon;
theshell-coveredbox,
مع
withoneburstcorner,whichCousinStickleshadmadeinherequallymythicalgirlhood;thebeadedpincushion
مع
withhalfitsbeadfringegone;theonestiff,yellowchair;
thefadedoldmotto,“Gonebutnotforgotten,”workedincolouredyarns
حول
aboutGreat-grand-motherStirling’sgrimoldوجه
face;theoldphotographsofancientrelatives
طويلة
longbanishedfromtheroomsbelow.هناك
Therewereonlytwopicturesthatwerenotofrelatives.One,an
قديم
oldchromoofapuppysittingonarainydoorstep.ThatpicturealwaysmadeValancyunhappy.
ذلك
Thatforlornlittledogcrouchedonthedoorstepinthedrivingrain!لم
Whydidn’tsomeoneopentheالباب
doorandlethimin?The
الأخرى
otherpicturewasafaded,passe-partoutedengravingofQueenLouisecomingdownastairway,whichAuntWellingtonhadlavishlygivenheronhertenthbirthday.Fornineteenyearsshehadlookedatitandhatedit,beautiful,smug,self-satisfiedQueenLouise.
لكنها
Butsheneverdareddestroyitأو
orremoveit.MotherandCousinStickleswould
قد
havebeenaghast,or,asValancyirreverentlyexpresseditinherthoughts,wouldقد
havehadafit.Every
غرفة
roominthehousewasugly,ofcourse.لكن
Butdownstairsappearanceswerekeptupsomewhat.هناك
Therewasnomoneyforroomsأحد
nobodyeversaw.Valancysometimesfelt
أن
thatshecouldhavedonesomethingforherroomherself,حتى
evenwithoutmoney,ifshewerepermitted.لكن
Buthermotherhadnegativedكل
everytimidsuggestionandValancydidnotpersist.Valancy
لم
neverpersisted.Shewasafraidto.
Hermothercouldnotbrookopposition.
Mrs.Stirlingwouldsulkfordays
إذا
ifoffended,withtheairsofaninsultedduchess.The
الوحيد
onlythingValancylikedaboutherroomwasthatshecouldbeوحدها
alonethereatnighttocryإذا
ifshewantedto.But,
بعد
afterall,whatdiditيهم
matterifaroom,whichyouتستخدم
usedfornothingexceptsleepinganddressingin,wereugly?Valancywas
لم
neverpermittedtostayaloneinherroomforanyotherpurpose.الناس
Peoplewhowantedtobealone,soMrs.FrederickStirlingandCousinSticklesbelieved,couldفقط
onlywanttobealoneforsomesinisterpurpose.لكن
ButherroomintheBlueCastlewaseverythingaالغرفة
roomshouldbe.Valancy,socowedandsubduedandoverriddenandsnubbedinreal
الحياة
life,waswonttoletherselfتذهب
gorathersplendidlyinherday-dreams.أحد
NobodyintheStirlingclan,أو
oritsramifications,suspectedthis,leastofكل
allhermotherandCousinStickles.They
لم
neverknewthatValancyhadtwohomes—theuglyالأحمر
redbrickboxofahome,onElmشارع
Street,andtheBlueCastleinSpain.ValancyhadlivedspirituallyintheBlueCastleever
منذ
sinceshecouldremember.Shehadbeenaverytinychild
عندما
whenshefoundherselfpossessedofit.Always,
عندما
whensheshuthereyes,shecouldseeitplainly,مع
withitsturretsandbannersonthepine-cladmountainheight,wrappedinitsfaint,blueloveliness,ضد
againstthesunsetskiesofafairandunknownland.كل شيء
Everythingwonderfulandbeautifulwasinthatcastle.Jewels
التي
thatqueensmighthaveworn;robesofmoonlightandfire;
couchesofrosesandgold;
طويلة
longflightsofshallowmarblesteps,مع
withgreat,whiteurns,andمع
withslender,mist-cladmaidensgoingupanddownthem;courts,marble-pillared,
حيث
whereshimmeringfountainsfellandnightingalessangamongthemyrtles;hallsofmirrorsthatreflected
فقط
onlyhandsomeknightsandlovelywomen—herselftheloveliestofall,forwhoseglancemendied.كل
Allthatsupportedherthroughtheboredomofherdayswasthehopeofgoingonaحلم
dreamspreeatnight.Most,
لو
ifnotall,oftheStirlingswouldhavediedofhorrorلو
iftheyhadknownhalfthethingsValancydidinherBlueCastle.Foronethingshehadquite
على
afewloversinit.Oh,
فقط
onlyoneatatime.Onewhowooedherwithalltheromanticardouroftheageofchivalryandwonher
بعد
afterlongdevotionandmanydeedsofderring-do,andwasweddedtoherwithpompandcircumstanceinthegreat,banner-hungchapeloftheBlueCastle.Attwelve,
هذا
thisloverwasafairladمع
withgoldencurlsandheavenlyblueeyes.Atfifteen,hewastall
و
anddarkandpale,butلا يزال
stillnecessarilyhandsome.Attwenty,hewasascetic,dreamy,spiritual.
Attwenty-five,hehadaclean-cutjaw,slightlygrim,andafacestrongandruggedrather
من
thanhandsome.Valancynevergrewolder
من
thantwenty-fiveinherBlueCastle,لكن
butrecently—veryrecently—herherohadhadreddish,tawnyشعر
hair,atwistedsmileandamysteriouspast.Idon’t
أقول
sayValancydeliberatelymurderedtheseloversassheoutgrewthem.واحد
Onesimplyfadedawayasآخر
anothercame.Thingsareveryconvenientin
هذا
thisrespectinBlueCastles.لكن
But,onthismorningofherيوم
dayoffate,Valancycouldnotالعثور
findthekeyofherBlueCastle.Realitypressedonhertoohardly,barkingatherheels
مثل
likeamaddeninglittledog.Shewastwenty-nine,lonely,undesired,ill-favoured—theonlyhomely
الفتاة
girlinahandsomeclan,withnopastandnofuture.Asfarasshecouldlookback,
الحياة
lifewasdrabandcolourless,مع
withnotonesinglecrimsonأو
orpurplespotanywhere.Asfarasshecouldlookforwarditseemedcertaintobejustthesame
حتى
untilshewasnothingbutasolitary,صغيرة
littlewitheredleafclingingtoawintrybough.في
Themomentwhenawomanrealisesالتي
thatshehasnothingtolivefor—neitherlove,duty,purposenorhope—holdsforherفي
thebitternessofdeath.“AndI
فقط
justhavetogoonlivingbecauseIcan’tstop.Imayhaveto
أعيش
liveeightyyears,”thoughtValancy,inaنوع
kindofpanic.“We’reallhorriblylong-lived.
Itsickensmetothinkofit.”
Shewasgladitwasraining—orrather,shewasdrearilysatisfiedthatitwasraining.
هناك
Therewouldbenopicnicذلك
thatday.Thisannualpicnic,wherebyAuntandUncleWellington—onealwaysthoughtoftheminthatsuccession—inevitablycelebratedtheirengagementatapicnicthirtyyears
قبل
before,hadbeen,oflateyears,averitablenightmaretoValancy.Byanimpishcoincidenceitwasthe
نفس
samedayasherbirthdayand,aftershehadpassedtwenty-five,أحد
nobodyletherforgetit.Muchasshehatedgoingto
في
thepicnic,itwouldneverhaveoccurredtohertorebelagainstit.Thereseemedtobe
شيء
nothingoftherevolutionaryinhernature.Andsheknewexactlywhateveryonewouldsaytoheratthepicnic.
العم
UncleWellington,whomshedislikedanddespisedeventhoughhehadfulfilledthehighestStirlingaspiration,“marryingmoney,”wouldيقول
saytoherinapig’swhisper,“Notthinkingofgettingmarriedyet,mydear?”andthen
يذهب
gooffintothebellowoflaughterwithالتي
whichheinvariablyconcludedhisdullremarks.AuntWellington,ofwhomValancystoodinabjectawe,wouldtellher
عن
aboutOlive’snewchiffondressandCecil’slastdevotedletter.Valancywouldhaveto
تبدو
lookaspleasedandinterestedasلو
ifthedressandletterhadbeenhersorelseAuntWellingtonwouldbeoffended.AndValancyhad
طويلة
longagodecidedthatshewouldratheroffendالله
GodthanAuntWellington,becauseالله
GodmightforgiveherbutAuntWellingtonneverwould.AuntAlberta,enormouslyfat,
مع
withanamiablehabitofalwaysreferringtoherزوجها
husbandas“he,”asifheweretheالوحيد
onlymalecreatureintheالعالم
world,whocouldneverforgetالتي
thatshehadbeenagreatbeautyinheryouth,wouldcondoleمع
withValancyonhersallowskin—.“Idon’t
أعرف
knowwhyallthegirlsofاليوم
todayaresosunburned.WhenIwasa
فتاة
girlmyskinwasrosesandcream.Iwascountedtheprettiest
فتاة
girlinCanada,mydear.”ربما
PerhapsUncleHerbertwouldn’tsayanything—orربما
perhapshewouldremarkjocularly,“Howfatyou’regetting,Doss!”Andthen
الجميع
everybodywouldlaughovertheexcessivelyhumorousالفكرة
ideaofpoor,scrawnylittleDossgettingfat.Handsome,solemnUncleJames,whomValancydislikedbutrespectedbecausehewasreputedtobeverycleverandwasthereforetheclanoracle—brainsbeingnonetooplentifulintheStirlingconnection—would
ربما
probablyremarkwiththeowl-likesarcasmالتي
thathadwonhimhisreputation,“Isupposeyou’rebusyمع
withyourhope-chestthesedays?”And
العم
UncleBenjaminwouldasksomeofhisabominableconundrums,بين
betweenwheezychuckles,andanswerthemhimself.“Whatisthedifference
بين
betweenDossandamouse?“Themousewishestoharm
في
thecheeseandDosswishestocharmفي
thehe’s.”Valancyhadheardhimaskthatriddlefiftytimesand
كل
everytimeshewantedtothrowsomethingathim.لكنها
Butsheneverdid.Inthefirstplace,theStirlingssimplydidnotthrowthings;
inthesecondplace,
العم
UncleBenjaminwasawealthyandchildlessoldwidowerandValancyhadbeenbroughtupinthefearandadmonitionofhismoney.إذا
Ifsheoffendedhimhewouldcutheroutofhiswill—supposingshewereinit.Valancydidnotwanttobecutoutof
العم
UncleBenjamin’swill.Shehadbeenpoorallherlifeandknewthegallingbitternessofit.
Sosheenduredhisriddlesandevensmiledtortured
صغيرة
littlesmilesoverthem.AuntIsabel,downrightanddisagreeableasaneastwind,wouldcriticiseherinsomeway—Valancycouldnotpredictjusthow,forAuntIsabel
لم
neverrepeatedacriticism—shefoundsomethingnewwithwhichtojabyouكل
everytime.AuntIsabelpridedherselfonsayingwhatshethought,
لكنها
butdidn’tlikeitsowellعندما
whenotherpeoplesaidwhattheythoughttoلها
her.Valancyneversaidwhatshethought.
CousinGeorgiana—namedafterhergreat-great-grand-mother,whohadbeennamedafterGeorgetheFourth—wouldrecountdolorouslythenamesof
جميع
allrelativesandfriendswhohaddiedمنذ
sincethelastpicnicandwonder“whichofuswillbetheأول
firsttogonext.”Oppressivelycompetent,AuntMildredwould
تتحدث
talkendlesslyofherhusbandandherodiousprodigiesofbabiestoValancy,becauseValancywouldbetheالوحيد
onlyoneshecouldfindtoputupwithذلك
it.Forthesamereason,CousinGladys—really
الأولى
FirstCousinGladysonceremoved,accordingtothestrictwayinالتي
whichtheStirlingstabulatedrelationship—atall,thinسيدة
ladywhoadmittedshehadasensitivedisposition,woulddescribeminutelythetorturesofherneuritis.AndOlive,thewonder
الفتاة
girlofthewholeStirlingclan,whohadeverythingValancyhadnot—beauty,popularity,love,—wouldshowoffherbeautyandpresumeonherpopularityandflauntherdiamondinsigniaofالحب
loveinValancy’sdazzled,enviouseyes.هناك
Therewouldbenoneofallهذا
thistoday.Andtherewouldbenopackingupofteaspoons.
ThepackingupwasalwaysleftforValancy
و
andCousinStickles.Andonce,
ست
sixyearsago,asilverteaspoonfromAuntWellington’sweddingمجموعة
sethadbeenlost.Valancy
لم
neverheardthelastofthatsilverteaspoon.ItsghostappearedBanquo-likeat
كل
everysubsequentfamilyfeast.Oh,
نعم
yes,Valancyknewexactlywhatthepicnicwouldbelikeandsheblessedtherainthathadsavedherfromit.هناك
Therewouldbenopicnicهذا
thisyear.IfAuntWellingtoncouldnotcelebrateonthesacred
اليوم
dayitselfshewouldhaveأي
nocelebrationatall.Thankwhatevergods
هناك
therewereforthat.Since
هناك
therewouldbenopicnic,Valancymadeuphermindthat,إذا
iftherainheldupintheafternoon,shewouldتذهب
gouptothelibraryandgetآخر
anotherofJohnFoster’sbooks.Valancywas
لم
neverallowedtoreadnovels,لكن
butJohnFoster’sbookswerenotnovels.Theywere“naturebooks”—sothelibrariantoldMrs.FrederickStirling—“all
عن
aboutthewoodsandbirdsandbugsandthingslikeهذا
that,youknow.”SoValancywasallowedtoreadthem—underprotest,foritwasonlytooevidentthatsheenjoyedthemtoomuch.
Itwaspermissible,evenlaudable,to
القراءة
readtoimproveyourmindandyourreligion,لكن
butabookthatwasenjoyablewasdangerous.Valancydidnot
تعرف
knowwhetherhermindwasbeingimprovedornot;لكنها
butshefeltvaguelythatلو
ifshehadcomeacrossJohnFoster’sbooksyearsقبل
agolifemighthavebeenadifferentthingforلها
her.Theyseemedtohertoyieldglimpsesof
على
aworldintowhichshemightمرة
oncehaveentered,thoughtheالباب
doorwasforeverbarredtohernow.Itwas
فقط
onlywithinthelastyearأن
thatJohnFoster’sbookshadbeenintheDeerwoodlibrary,thoughthelibrariantoldValancyأن
thathehadbeenawell-knownwriterforseveralyears.“Wheredoeshelive?”
Valancyhadasked.
“Nobodyknows.
Fromhisbookshe
يجب
mustbeaCanadian,butلا
nomoreinformationcanbehad.Hispublisherswon’t
يقول
sayaword.QuitelikelyJohnFosterisanomdeplume.
Hisbooksaresopopularwecan’t
الاحتفاظ
keeptheminatall,thoughIحقا
reallycan’tseewhatpeoplefindinthemtoraveover.”“Ithinkthey’rewonderful,”saidValancy,timidly.
“Oh—well—”
الآنسة
MissClarksonsmiledinapatronisingfashionthatrelegatedValancy’sopinionstolimbo,“Ican’tأقول
sayIcaremuchforbugsmyself.لكن
ButcertainlyFosterseemstoknowكل
allthereistoknowaboutthem.”Valancydidn’t
تعرف
knowwhethershecaredmuchforbugseither.ItwasnotJohnFoster’suncannyknowledgeofwildcreaturesandinsectlifethatenthralledher.
Shecouldhardly
تقول
saywhatitwas—sometantalisinglureofamysteryلم
neverrevealed—somehintofaعظيم
greatsecretjustalittlefurtheron—somefaint,elusiveechooflovely,forgottenthings—JohnFoster’smagicwasindefinable.Yes,shewouldget
على
anewFosterbook.Itwas
على
amonthsinceshehadThistleHarvest,sosurelyالأم
Mothercouldnotobject.Valancyhadreadit
أربع
fourtimes—sheknewwholepassagesoffbyقلب
heart.And—shealmostthoughtshewould
الذهاب
goandseeDr.Trentaboutthatqueerpainaroundفي
theheart.Ithadcomeratheroftenlately,and
في
thepalpitationswerebecomingannoying,nottospeakofanoccasionaldizzyلحظة
momentandaqueershortnessofbreath.لكن
Butcouldshegotoseehimدون
withouttellinganyone?Itwasamostdaringthought.
NoneoftheStirlingseverconsulted
على
adoctorwithoutholdingaعائلة
familycouncilandgettingUncleJames’approval.Then,theywenttoDr.AmbroseMarshofPortLawrence,whohad
تزوج
marriedSecondCousinAdelaideStirling.لكن
ButValancydislikedDr.AmbroseMarsh.And,besides,shecouldnotgettoPortLawrence,fifteenmilesaway,
دون
withoutbeingtakenthere.Shedidnot
تريد
wantanyonetoknowعن
aboutherheart.Therewouldbesuchafussmadeand
كل
everymemberofthefamilywouldcomedownandtalkitoverandadviseherandcautionherandwarnherandtellherhorribletalesofgreat-auntsandcousinsfortytimesremovedwhohadbeen“justlikethat”and“droppeddeadدون
withoutamoment’swarning,mydear.”AuntIsabelwouldremember
أن
thatshehadalwayssaidDosslookedlikeaفتاة
girlwhowouldhavehearttrouble—“sopinchedandpeakedalways”;andUncleWellingtonwouldtakeitasapersonalinsult,
عندما
when“noStirlingeverhadheartdiseasebefore”;و
andGeorgianawouldforebodeinperfectlyaudibleasidesthat“poor,العزيز
dearlittleDossisn’tlongforthisworld,I’mafraid”;andCousinGladyswould
تقول
say,“Why,myhearthasbeenlikethatforyears,”inatonethatimpliednoأحد
oneelsehadanybusinessحتى
eventohaveaheart;andOlive—Olivewouldmerelylook
جميلة
beautifulandsuperioranddisgustinglyhealthy,asلو
iftosay,“Whyallهذا
thisfussoverafadedsuperfluityمثل
likeDosswhenyouhaveme?”Valancyfeltthatshecouldn’ttell
أحد
anybodyunlessshehadto.Shefeltquitesure
هناك
therewasnothingatallseriouslywrongwithherheartandأي
noneedofallthepotherthatwouldensueإذا
ifshementionedit.ShewouldjustslipupquietlyandseeDr.Trent
ذلك
thatveryday.Asforhisbill,shehadthetwohundreddollarsthatherfatherhadputinthebankforherthe
اليوم
dayshewasborn.Shewas
لم
neverallowedtouseeventheinterestofthis,لكنها
butshewouldsecretlytakeoutenoughtopayDr.Trent.Dr.
Trentwasagruff,outspoken,absent-mindedoldfellow,
لكنه
buthewasarecognisedauthorityonالقلب
heartdisease,evenifhewereonlyageneralpractitionerinout-of-the-worldDeerwood.Dr.Trentwas
أكثر
overseventyandtherehadbeenrumoursthathemeanttoretiresoon.NoneoftheStirlingclanhadevergonetohim
منذ
sincehehadtoldCousinGladys,عشر
tenyearsbefore,thatherneuritiswasallimaginaryandthatsheenjoyedit.Youcouldn’tpatronisea
طبيب
doctorwhoinsultedyourfirst-cousin-once-removedlikethat—nottomentionthathewasaPresbyterianعندما
whenalltheStirlingswenttotheAnglicanchurch.CHAPTERII
WhenCousinSticklesknockedatherdoor,Valancyknewitwashalf-pastsevenandshemustgetup.
Aslongasshecould
تتذكر
remember,CousinStickleshadknockedatherdoorathalf-pastseven.CousinSticklesandMrs.FrederickStirlinghadbeenup
منذ
sinceseven,butValancywasallowedtolieabedنصف
halfanhourlongerbecauseofafamilytraditionthatshewasdelicate.Valancygotup,thoughshehatedgettingup
أكثر
morethismorningthanevershehadbefore.